Chatzy Madness Volume 417: Kick Squirrel, Try Not To Kick Chainsaw

(Re: the previous Chatzy Madness)

Presentgate: I am very glad goops provided a link to the harkness test
Gooper Blooper: It seemed like important context, I'd never heard of it myself
Presentgate: That actually makes you really vanilla compared to some discords I'm in
Gooper Blooper: You have NO IDEA how absolutely TWISTED I can get!!!
Gooper Blooper has two cute girls hold hands
Jumpropeman: BANNED
Presentgate: 🤔

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Cornwind Evil) joined the chat
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: So
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: In Serious Sam
Presentgate: Hello CW
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: There's an enemy called the Beheaded Kamikaze
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: All it can do is run at you carrying bombs
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: While screaming
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: Fragile, but they always come in numbers, and the game's selling point is often fighting in very large open areas where they can appear all around you
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: So when you start hearing AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA you know you're not in for a fun time
Draco: Hi Cornwind.
Presentgate: unlike all funtimes you normally have hearing someone scream in all caps
Gooper Blooper: I remember seeing a video of this guy many years ago
Gooper Blooper: it's basically all I know about Serious Sam, that there's an enemy who runs at you going AAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: Yes, and that guy was in a semi good spot in that they all came from the semi same direction and he had lots of room to back up
Jumpropeman: oh wow, its been a while since I've seen a serious sam game. Did not expect the generic fps small city
Draco: Dang. That IS kinda disconcerting. Even worse than a Super Mutant Suicider.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: Barpost to make Ginny's life harder

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Gooper Blooper: so today, goopsbro was browsing the nintendo eshop and saw Garfield Kart on sale for two dollars, and he had exactly two dollars in Gold Points
Gooper Blooper: so we played Garfield Kart today.
Jumpropeman: family fun time!
Gooper Blooper: The way Goopsbro put it was pretty logical
Gooper Blooper: "if we have fun with this together for one afternoon that's worth two dollars"
Gooper Blooper: he found it actually enjoyable because he just likes kart racers and Garfield Kart is not a broken game, just aggressively by-the-numbers
Jumpropeman: but did he feel shame for using no boosts
Gooper Blooper: The one on Switch is the Furious Racing version, which removes the coin and boost system
Gooper Blooper: so we were spared that!
RubyChao: No Boost System? Shame!
Gooper Blooper: My Garfield calendar gave me this strip today, so if we don't see him again for the rest of the season, this is why

(later)

Gooper Blooper: Best quote from Goopsbro after we went back to Garfield Kart to play the second half of it: "We've done three races and it feels like we've been playing for an hour."

Chatzy Madness Volume 416: Thirty Illiterate Colonists (AKA The One With Gollum)

Draco: Coming in, like, a month:
Jumpropeman: =o
Jumpropeman: she's hit the big times
Gooper Blooper: >single fang
Gooper Blooper: a pained kek
Jumpropeman: like in Islamic art, there must be an imperfection in the art, for only Allah is perfect
Draco: lol
Draco: I will find a way to remove the fang when I get it. XD
Gooper Blooper: Give her a ninja mask
Draco: I'll give her Miyoi a spork.
Jumpropeman: she'll always hold her spork at a diagonal angle
Gooper Blooper: Wilson from Home Improvement but it's a fumo

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Jumpropeman: playing some game and watch games
Jumpropeman: some are fun, others are "you learn quickly one way to survive infinitely and the challenge is to not space out" V:
Gooper Blooper: How'd you get access to Game and Watch?
Jumpropeman: nintendo's rereleased them! Game and Watch Gallery, the DSiware downloads
Gooper Blooper: Ah! Game and Watch Gallery did immediately come to mind but I wondered if you'd found some other way
Jumpropeman: I know there's even some website out there that you can play them in your browser
Jumpropeman: not legally of course but it exists
Gooper Blooper: I remembered Archive.org has tiger handhelds on it
Jumpropeman: oh, i wonder if they might have some
Jumpropeman: there you are
Jumpropeman: although that seems to be more a reproduction
Jumpropeman: don't see to be any over in the Console Living Room, which uses genuine ROMs
Jumpropeman: which is the name for the section of archive.org with legit old games I should clarify
Jumpropeman: i think some games like Donkey Kong Hockey have sadly never been part of Nintendo's official rereleases sadly
Jumpropeman: which is one I really want to play
Jumpropeman: just for the name mostly :V
Gooper Blooper: https://www.mariowiki.com/Donkey_Kong_Hockey
Gooper Blooper: imagine you and CKR huddling around this thing to play some god-awful hockey
Jumpropeman: the family that Donkey Kong Hockeys together, stays together

GB's Game Reviews, 2023-2024 Edition

What a year for gaming it's been for me! I'm used to playing games only in limited fits and starts during the warmer months of the year, as ZFRP ends up consuming a lot of the time I'd otherwise be using to play. However, things were different this time. For the first time in a long time, I found the energy and motivation to keep playing new games continuously throughout Season 13 of RP, and as a result of that (plus other factors like continued trips to Funspot and playing several compilations full of quick new additions to the blog) I played dozens of games this year. In fact, this might be an all-time record for me!

It felt good to get my bad experience with Mechstermination Force out of my system in last year's post, so I will be including a few more reviews in this post of games I played but didn't finish if I have something to say about the experience, positive or otherwise. (Xenoblade fans, I am sorry.) This time the reviews are in roughly the order I played the games, so things kind of hop around at times, but at other times you'll see a bunch of Mario, Sonic, or TMNT games clustered together as I stuck with a franchise for a bit.

With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the largest GB game review blogpost ever!

No Confidence

Why was the afterlife different from one person to the next? Why did people have so many different possible fates? There were many reasons why, but one of the most basic was that there were many afterlives, many hells and heavens. Which one you were sent to depending on numerous things, chief among them being your personal religion and culture. But you didn't always get to 'choose' your fate this way. The afterlives sometimes mingled with each other, the different godly and demonic beings in charge not always isolated. And especially sinful people could get in real trouble down here.

So it was that Hell, Incorporated came to be. Once just another offshoot of your standard fire-and-brimstone underworld, Lucifer had come up with grandiose plans long ago to make it all run just the way she liked it. A less chaotic hell. A less rambunctious hell. An organized realm with everything in its' proper place... and herself at the top, naturally. And as no one really subscribed to a land like this as part of their belief system, over time Hell, Inc became a sort of dumping ground for souls that other realms couldn't deal with or had no room for. Lucifer took pride in dealing with these especially troublesome beings, but not all the demons under her felt the same way.

Verosika Mayday was the perfect demon for Hell, Inc, because she was ambitious. Always a desirable quality for a high-ranking demon to have, it meant she worked hard and got results. The paradox was, though, that it was also an undesirable quality. Get too ambitious and you might start thinking you ought to be the one in charge. Lucifer had known to keep a close watch on Verosika. The woman was a little too ambitious for her own good. Over time, she had used her charms to win over other demons throughout Hell, Inc. Lucifer wasn't intimidated. Hell, Inc had a seven-member Board of Directors, herself and six others, and while Verosika was among their number and had been actively wooing the other five, Lucifer had plenty of pull herself and was working to keep her own subordinates pleased.

Too late, Lucifer realized her mistake. By the time Verosika's little movement had begun to pick up speed, the chance to be rid of her had passed. In the Hell, Inc rulebook, it was deemed possible for the Board to vote out any of its' own members, but this required a two-thirds or more supermajority - with the current roster of seven, that meant five demons voting in agreement. The rule was designed to cast out bad actors without making it too easy, but Lucifer hadn't wanted to pull the trigger the moment Verosika started showing signs of discontent, because she was a popular demon and voting her out at the first sign of ambition might have just made things worse. But now, things were a little more serious. Verosika had picked up two allies on the Board: Black Doom and the Vanterviper. With their help, she had a bulwark against being kicked off. Now it couldn't happen, and Lucifer was stuck with her, forced into a battle of personalities as her Board began to devolve into a standoff between two opposing parties.

It was a pain, but what Lucifer didn't know was that things were about to get far worse.

Chatzy Madness Volume 415: Powerful Daddy Energy

Gooper Blooper: link
Draco: Cute bugs
Draco: I bet one of them would smooch a Sega Dreamcast.
Gooper Blooper: Even if it smells like Taco Bell?
Draco: What kind of Taco Bell? Baja Blast or a Mexican Pizza?
Gooper Blooper: I forget exactly how JRM reported his new old system smelled
Draco: Fair.
Draco asked Chatzy to choose between Yes, No and BAJA BLAST. Chatzy chose: Yes
Draco: Yes, it would.
Jumpropeman: Jumpropeman: my dreamcast smells like taco bell
Jumpropeman: found it, goop was right

(later)

Mitochondria Powers the Del: "my Dreamcast smells like taco bell" might be the most 90s sentence I've ever read

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Jumpropeman: "Aaha!"
―Scrat when he sees an acorn
Jumpropeman: thank you ice age wiki

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Jumpropeman: https://i.redd.it/knm9r3ozs2091.jpg
Gooper Blooper: Shadow is pretty much the ultimate embodiment of early 2000s edge and it's great
Jumpropeman: im glad that we're mostly past the age of condemning edge, or at least like, normal edge
RubyChao: his theme remains ridiculously cheesy edge nonsense and it's still great
Jumpropeman: there's still definitely like "shock" edge that I doubt people will ever come around on
RubyChao: i unironically enjoy this song
RubyChao: oh yeah shock edge is way different than "shadow is so EDGY he uses GUNS and says DAMN"
Gooper Blooper: where's that
Gooper Blooper: D A M N
Gooper Blooper: fourth chaos emerald
Jumpropeman: =o
Jumpropeman: too far! too far!
Jumpropeman: im going back to my safe palworld server-
Draco: Diadem, Goops said a swear word. Punish him. ;-;
Jumpropeman: i imagine one reason we've cooled, beyond people just embracing cringe now more, is that we're past all those edgy early 2000s ads
Jumpropeman: game rated E for Everyone
Gooper Blooper: Also, the 2000s were long enough ago to fall into the Nostalgia Range
RubyChao: you know
RubyChao: you don't need full stalls for urinals but i have never understood the lack of like. those boards in a lot of bathrooms
RubyChao: it just feels weird
Jumpropeman: it probably costs 50 whole dollars to put up those boards!
Draco: The 2000s were almost 20 years ago.
Jumpropeman: it's also probably how like, I was amused by Bomberman Act Zero but back then, it seemed like the future was all edge and grit

A Helping Hand

Of all the times for something like this to happen...

Helios moved through the snow with urgency despite the bags under his eyes. He had been caught flatfooted at the worst possible moment. The hospital had been in a period of quiet, as was common during the winter months, and almost all of his fellow doctors were unavailable. Dr. Nerique was in the middle of a well-earned vacation abroad, and Dr. Blooper had taken the day off to go deep-sea diving and couldn't be contacted. With only a skeleton crew at the hospital, disaster had struck - an avalanche had rumbled its' way down one of Glasetera's most popular mountains for skiing, and over a dozen people had gotten caught in its' path. Fortunately, it seemed no one had died, but injuries were widespread and Helios was being run ragged trying to deal with it all despite being the only doctor on call. He had requested emergency aid from the ZFPD and they had been able to send Burnin, Justice, and Patty Wagon to at least help with finding the injured and getting them into ambulances, but things were still frantic and the lack of other healers was proving a dire issue.

"H-help... help me..." 

Helios stopped in his tracks as he heard the muffled voice, looking with alarm at a fallen tree. He could just barely see a glove shakily reaching out, the arm connected to it vanishing into the snow and under the tree. "I need some assistance over here!" Helios shouted, and Burnin and Justice hurried over to examine the situation.

"Hang on, we got this!" the two cops said, Burnin and Justice grasping the tree... and failing to lift it. Helios watched them struggle, then followed the length of the tree to its' base and saw the problem - while it had toppled, it was still rooted to the uneven and frozen ground, presenting a nearly immovable obstacle. Even the strength of BURNIN' JUSTICE was proving inadequate, as Justice's hands slipped and sent her tumbling back into the snow while a sweat broke out on the brow of Burnin as she stepped back and shook her own hands to recover from the strain.

"The hell's with this tree?!"

"It's stuck. We can't just roll it off." Helios pointed out.

"I know one thing we can do!" Burnin said, her hair flaring up as she shoved a hand inside the flames to ready a weapon-

"NO! What about the person trapped underneath?!"

"...Oh. Right." Burnin sheepishly lowered her hand.

"What to do, what to do..." Helios grimaced, trying to consider his options. His "Exit" white magic spell carried risks when trying to transport the injured. The safest route would be to chop the tree, but no one here had any means of doing that, and the time spent finding a good enough axe could-

Helios was snapped out of his thinking by the sound of wood being split. Steady, rhythmic chops filled the air as a large axe was repeatedly slammed into the tree, carefully chopping directly through it and finally separating the body from the roots, allowing Burnin and Justice to at last haul off the fallen tree and get it away from the victim underneath. As they moved the tree, Helios looked in surprise at the woman standing there, axe in hand, who had shown up at the perfect time.

Chatzy Madness Volume 414: King K Rool Country Returns

Gooper Blooper: So I've had my yearly game review blog in progress since summer, so I could write reviews when the vidya I beat were still fresh in my mind, and this has also helped to make the workload of reviewing dozens of games in one post a lot more manageable
RubyChao: nice nice, goops!
Gooper Blooper: but despite the fact that I didn't need this padding, unless JRM posts a review of it before April, I will beat him to the punch and put up a review of the vidya JRM has said is his "I need a review up and I have ten minutes" ace in the hole
RubyChao: G A S P
Gooper Blooper: Slot Machine for Atari 2600
Diadem: oh shit
Gooper Blooper: it's happening
Jumpropeman: hahaha
Jumpropeman: i expect an in depth explanation of every symbol on the machine
Gooper Blooper: JRM reaching as far as he can for a Disaster Report

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Jumpropeman: if you were trapped on a dessert island, how long until you eat the whole island and drown
LadySeychelles: depends on what the island is made of I guess
Jumpropeman: i watched that pizza video I mentioned the other day
Jumpropeman: the best part was the guy figuring out if the fire emblem characters have eaten it
LadySeychelles: I expect a lot of digging into medivel history
Jumpropeman: because all Smash Bros. Fire Emblem character appears in Engage, but they're spirits so they can't eat the game's pizza. You can however eat the pizza independently, then save it as leftovers, then during a battle you can merge with that character's spirit and eat the leftovers
LadySeychelles: ...
LadySeychelles: Honestly wasn't expecting that
Red Birb Del: this is a lot of work to get marth to experience pizza
LadySeychelles: Does marth LIKE pizza?
Jumpropeman: i don't feel like he would.
Jumpropeman: he likes hard bread and a glass of room temperature water
LadySeychelles: ouch
LadySeychelles: low opinon of Marth I c
Jumpropeman: he seems pretty basic hero type
MobileDraco: Marth is Basic
Jumpropeman: smash bros is adding more spirits in an update next year, which means its gonna be time for me to 100% it again soon

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Gooper Blooper: I reread some RP from early this season today and Lanterby's angry rant against Wanze hits different now that Chao's avatar makes me imagine Padoru Lanterby doing it
RubyChao: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
RubyChao: utterly undermined.
Gooper Blooper: instead of punching him, she did the padoru spin and smacked him with the sack
Diadem: he got
Diadem: sacked
LadySeychelles makes a sad wa-wa noise

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RubyChao: reminder
RubyChao: Purple Francis is dead...
Josey Joestar: Don’t remind me
Josey Joestar: My life is so much less purple without him
Josey Joestar: Although I have to ask
Josey Joestar: Is there a Non-Purple Francis
Jumpropeman: once you've gone purple, you never go back