The Changing of the Gang - Part Two

Excite Red had been lucky. He'd managed to reach the old garage he and his lackeys liked to hang out in, and had been able to escape with his life. There was safety in numbers.

Now, as he and what few of his compatriots remained roared off into the distance, Blade and his red-wearing top two associates Tornado and Hurricane stood over the crumpled bodies of several of Excite Red's men. Blade took out a dirty rag and wiped his trusty lead pipe clean of blood.

"Well, boys? Looks like the city's ours."

Tornado looked confused. "What about that 'guardian', boss?"

"Oh yeah. Heard a few things about that guy. Got any details?"

A biker in yellow walked over. "I do, boss."

"Spill it, Gale."

"They say the Guardian used to be a kobber-"

"I know that already! What about his powers, his abilities?"

"I hear talk some people say he's got a fine machine gun. And if you hurt him, he heals himself right before your eyes!"

Blade crossed his arms. "Normally I'd say you're exaggeratin'. But I know how fucked up those kobbers are. Listen, those freaks are tough, but get one alone and sheer numbers will take 'em out, believe-"

Blade was interrupted by a whoosh of jet engines.

"HE'S HERE!" Gale yelled as he scrambled for his bike.

Blade smacked his free palm with his lead pipe. "C'mon out then, 'Guardian'."

Whirring mechanical footsteps betrayed the guardian's appearance. Skeiron the WarMech turned a corner and stared at Blade and his gang.

"THIS UNIT DETECTED A DISTURBANCE."

Skeiron stomped forward, moving not towards Blade but to one of the downed Excite bikers. the WarMech leaned over the corpse, studying it carefully in Scan Mode. Gale edged over to Blade and leaned in.

"Whatta we do, boss?"

Blade's eyes smiled as he readied his lead pipe. "I thought you'd never ask."

Tornado leaned in on Blade's other side. "You sure about that? This thing looks like trouble."

"Do I ever turn tail from trouble? Bring the sucker on. Time to put it in its place. This is no city for heroes. Not anymore."

As Skeiron obliviously scanned the bodies, Blade crept up behind him and raised his pipe...






(1)

...And with the sound of a small-time blog villain once again proving to be more than meets the eye, Blade FLOORED Skeiron with a single swing from the pipe. The WarMech landed in a crumpled heap atop the body of a green Excite biker, leaking mechanical fluid.

"Hah!" Blade swung his pipe around in his hand like a parade baton. "Some guardian."

Gale raised one finger. "Uh, boss?"

"What?"

"Remember that thing I said about him healing right before yer eyes?"

"Yeah, it was bullshit after all. Look at him, he's-"

Standing up.

"Uh..."

Skeiron ran a scan on his internals. All seemed basically functional, but that blow would take a while to fully recover from - his stance was unsteady, and his walk limping, but all weapons were online, as well as his flight boosters and - most importantly - the humor module. Skeiron straightened up as best as he could and belted out the awesome 90s action hero line he'd been practicing in private for weeks.

"THIS UNIT BELIEVES IT IS TIME TO TOAST SOME BREAD."

"I told ya, boss."

"SHUT UP AND KILL IT!"

The Changing of the Gang - Part One

For years they had had an agreement. You stay in your district of the city, we stay in ours.

Maybe it was because of the new, grittier atmosphere that seemed to fall over the city on New Years Day. Maybe Blade had grown some ambition.

Maybe it was Maybelline.

But whatever the reason, the Excite biker gang, long the only bikers in Manhattan, were now on the backpedal from an invasion by the Storm Bikers of Brooklyn.

Excite Red chanced a quick look over his shoulder. They were still there. Five of them. These five were the highest-ranked members of Blade's gang. Two wore yellow, two red. Leading them was Blade himself, clad in green. And they all rode matching-color bikes.

Red thanked his lucky stars that his bike was faster. Blade's men were more physically powerful, and their bikes were almost an extension of their body, even in combat. Red had a chance if he could get to where his lackeys were - they'd have a numbers advantage. Alone, however, all he could do was run.

---

Blade's shining eyes glared out from under his helmet. The Excites were always cowards. They only picked a fight when they knew they could win. Blade hated people like that. For a long time now he'd considered the Excite gang beneath him. Not worthy of his time.

But with the new decade came new challenges. Anyone could see that crime had gone up in the city - not to the point of a living hell, for sure, but you used to be relatively safe walking home at night. Generally your biggest worry was running into that idiot who girly-ran while shrieking about how he was a vampire. Nowadays, however, you were less likely to be accosted by 80's references and more likely to just get mugged. Probably they'd learn a hard lesson in reality when the pack of crazy supermen who watched Zoofights came rolling back into the city, but until then it was open season. Blade had heard rumors that a few of the "kobbers" as they were called stayed behind, with one even specifically going after the punks and gangs. Crime may have risen elsewhere in the city, but in Manhattan it was surprisingly low.

Blade loved a challenge.

But if he wanted to face this defender, he's have to sweep out the rabble and set up shop here. That was why he was driving full throttle towards the terrified Excite Red.

Blade reached down at his side with one hand and felt the large lead pipe he kept hooked onto his bike. He couldn't wait to use it.

---

(MINOR CHARACTERS WOOO. Blade didn't even make an appearance last year, but he was referred to by one of his lackeys when Excite Red went too far out of bounds in his attempts to escape Sarah the first time they met. The Excite Bikers, meanwhile, were one of the very, VERY few villains of ZF6 to escape death (they died during the Tiamat fight, but that was only their shadow clones). Here, the two groups are serving as a deep and complicated metaphor. >_>

I'm not certain if this is a one-shot or not. In case it's not obvious, I fucking love Streets of Rage. For me, Streets of Rage 2 in particular is very nostalgic and very 90s, and its urban, violent, and over-the-top settings and characters lend themselves well to Zoofights.

In other news, I FINALLY finished Final Fantasy Tactics after not playing it much in the last several weeks. A very entertaining game, although I had to apply some headcanon to make sense of the ending.)