"Why do you keep repeating the full name every five entrances?"
"We earn a commission for promoting the club. I'm doing MY part! OHOHOHO!"
"...Right, yes. Well, Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern has certainly paid host to a fight tonight the patrons of Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern will never forget, especially as they continue to visit Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern and are reminded of the Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern Royal Rumble each time they look at the hallowed walls of Barbon's-"
"I... don't think it works that way."
"Fuck."
"And remember, our sponsors tonight include Silph! Yes, Silph Company, for all your Pokemon-catching needs!"
"Not to be confused with the daemonette in Accounting."
It was a game of chicken between the three groups of two fighters still in the ring. Dr. Bulgrave gave the bikers a good-luck wave as he walked to the exit following his elimination by the mage sisters. Widow Maker shifted and swayed, trying to psyche out her opponents. Sarah and Josephine had their weapons poised to strike, the two girls standing close to each other to prevent being ambushed.
It was Electra who made the first move.
Suddenly stepping forward, the dominatrix lashed out with her whip at Sarah, wrapping the whip around her hammer.
"Heheh... Deja vu. But no magic to save you this time, sweetie."
Electra tugged, jerking the hammer out of Sarah's grip. The White Hammer was the smallest and lightest of Sarah's three hammers, allowing Electra to wield it without too much trouble. Grasping it in her not-a-whip hand, she jumped back to avoid Josephine's retaliatory strike and clobbered the chemist in the side with her sister's weapon.
Widow Maker was having a much rougher time. The Storm Bikers had been battling partners for years, and their teamwork was impressive even without Gale, Tornado, Hurricane, and The Blizzard backing them up. Gust turned his arm into a cue for an impressively long-range clothesline, while Blade actually hopped onto Widow Maker's back when she got up and began punching her in the back of the head. The mantis hissed and staggered under the hailstorm of blows before managing to rear up and fall backwards, slamming Blade on the ring floor. She leaped back up and darted at Gust, who sprayed a flurry of ice chips in her face as his hand morphed into a snowcone maker. Then two large claws grabbed Widow Maker's own claws.
"Okay, did that biker just turn into a giant crab? How the fuck does that even-"
"Manhattan."
"Right."
Lest we forget, Dr. Bulgrave had gifted Blade with the ability to transform into famous former Zoofighters, albeit ones wearing biker helmets. So it was that a biker version of Steamcrab was now grappling with Widow Maker. The mantis was strong, but by Zoofighter standards she wasn't really that great. Bikercrab easily manhandled the puny-by-comparison mantis, tossing her into the ropes.
BZZZZZZZ
"We're entering the final ten, ladies and gents. And kicking things off is Celestia Canicco!"
And Celestia was just what was needed in the arena right now - Electra was doing very well against Celestia's daughters, with only Josephine's Protect spell keeping them safe from harm. Then a hammer swing shattered the shield, leaving the girls vulnerable. Celestia climbed into the ring, and her daughters scrambled to hide behind her. Electra stepped forward.
"Running to Mommy? Come on, Sarah! Can't handle me?" She snickered.
"Now, now. You need to learn to play nice, Electra."
Celestia hiked up her left sleeve, and her prosthetic arm transformed into battle mode.
"I've never been a big fan of roughhousing indoors, but if you insist...!"
Electra jerked back in surprise at Celestia's transformation. The black magic woman's mythril mace hand rose and pointed at Electra's midsection, then fired off on a cable and smashed her back before retracting. Electra grit her teeth and jinked to the side, then leapt into the air and kicked, letting out a "HEY!" as a battle cry and knocking Celestia off her feet. Again the whip shot forward, now wrapping around Sarah's arm. Electra reeled in the little white mage, pivoted, and threw her clear over the ropes. Sarah let out a little squeak as she hit the ground.
KO
Electra turned back to see Josephine and Celestia staring at her.
"...Come on, let's do it!" Electra called, apparently not afraid.
"GOD DAMMIT ELECTRA I COULD USE SOME HELP HERE"
Electra turned to see Widow Maker riding Blade the Bikercrab, dueling with Gust. The yellow biker's hand was now a frying pan. Electra was about to say something when her feet were knocked out from under her by Josephine performing a low sweeping kick.
"SORRY, WIDS, BUSY"
"FUCK"
BZZZZZZZ
"I... WHAT?!"
Floating towards the arena in a cloud of psychic gas, the twenty-second entrant is not Biollante, nor a UFO created from junkyard scrap. It is The Necronomitron, pinkish-grey tentacles undulating and cyclopic eye focusing on the melee in front of it.
"We have arrived. We have come to take our rightful place as champions. All of Manhattan shall know the glory... of The Necronomitron."
Oh, wonderful.
The eldritch book sends a tentacle whipping around Josephine's waist, but the panicked chemist swings down with her rubber-encased Tribalman's Shiv, driving it off. She backs away, looking for help, but Celestia and Electra are still locked in combat.
Then another tentacle. And another. Another.
Josephine is soon trapped in all four of the Martian's tentacles, her arms pinned at her sides. The single green eye flashes once before spinning into the air and hurling Josephine out of the arena.
KO
The book then turns to BikerCrab, which is pursuing Widow Maker, Gust not far behind.
It stares.
"...Steamcrab."
The forbidden tome lowers itself in front of Blade, making him stop and stare in confusion.
"Uh, dude? You're in the way."
"..."
Necronomitron threw its body back and bellowed laughter as its tentacles whipped around psychic lightning.
"WE HAVE WAITED
ONE HUNDRED YEARS
TO FIGHT YOU!"
Green bolts of plasma struck at and around Bikercrab as he tried desperately to figure out what the hell was going on.
"I have no idea what's happening in there anymore. You?"
"Not really, but it's fun to watch!"
Widow Maker, seeing that one of her pursuers was now preoccupied, took advantage by turning the tables on Gust. She spun around, smashing him to the ground, then grabbing his non-mutated arm and Irish whipping him to the ropes. She approached Gust, but the wily biker suddenly raised his now-a-spotlight hand, blinding the mantis. She shrieked and staggered backwards, rubbing at her large compound eyes with the flats of her claws. Gust's hand now shifted into the large claw he'd attacked Electra with, and he grasped Widow Maker firmly by the thorax, attempting to haul her over and out...
BZZZZZZZ
"WHAT?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON"
Inexplicable revivals of Garland and Tiamat didn't seem to faze Widow Maker... but the return of earlier forms of previous characters was another matter entirely.
But whether it was possible or not, Marlin the Magnificent is entrant 23. Widow Maker is just going to have to deal with it.
He spots Widow Maker instantly, bellowing a challenge and barreling towards her, his drills spinning up in anticipation. Widow Maker abandoned Gust (who was distracted by the sudden marlin-with-a-jetpack) and took to the air, spreading her claws and preparing for a rematch two-and-a-half years in the making. The marlin and the mantis began an aerial dogfight, Widow Maker jinking and slashing while Marlin thrashed his tail and whipped his bladed snout around. Neither was yet making much of an impact...
Now free to do as he wishes, Gust decides to rejoin Blade, only to find the crab biker getting overwhelmed by a hurricane of psychic lightning as The Necronomitron spirals around him, driving psychic bolts and mind pulses into the hapless thug. Desperate to fight back, Blade fires steam from the grille on his front and swipes the air madly with his augmented claws, but the small and nimble Necro easily avoids the slow, clumsy attacks. The frenzied book ducks down, thrusts its' arms underneath Blade, and heaves the crab biker onto his back. The Martian creates a shimmering ball of energy, hurling it at the exposed underside of the crab and sending him sliding across the arena.
"FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!"
"Christ, is that joke really six and a half years old? Time flies."
Gust charges the book, his arm turning into a BB gun as he tries to shoot the eldritch monster out of the sky. Necronomitron pulls a Delegation and stops the bullets in midair with a glance, swiping them aside and turning back to the struggling Blade. Snapping his tentacles around the crab's legs, Necronomitron pulls Blade up and over the ropes, sending him crashing to the ground.
KO
"VICTORYYYYYYY-"
BZZZZZZZ
"Hey dufes."
"WHY. SO. EARLY RP?!" Widow Maker cries to the heavens, just before getting sideswiped by Marlin the Magnificent.
Hella Jeff is... walking? Or sliding. He is somehow moving across the floor towards the ring. The air glitches slightly as he passes by, and a few jpeg fragments dust the places where he's been. Jeff gets up to the side of the ring, jumps about two inches off the ground, and is suddenly inside. He reaches behind himself and pulls out his weapon for this match - Sweet Bro's skateboard. He promptly clocks Gust with it.
Not too far away, Celestia and Electra are still at it. The younger blonde launches powerful kicks and fast but irritating whips. The older purple-haired mage mixes blasts of Blizzard spells with mace thrusts. Suddenly the black mage takes a step back and casts a spell on herself. She then closes the gap, picks up Electra, and bodyslams her as if she was as light as a feather. Electra's shocked expression amused the mother of four.
"A good Temper spell is a great substitute for muscles, dear!"
"Rrrrgh! Magic again, huh? I'll show you!"
Electra raised her hands over her head again. This time she would not be interrupted.
A large ball of electricity began to form between Electra's hand and prosthesis. Celestia stared, then smiled.
"Interesting idea! I might have to try it myself!"
The black mage brought her own hand near her own prosthetic and began to make her own orb of lightning. The two women stood several feet apart, each charging their lightning ball of death. The air began to fizzle and pop. A few lightbulbs close to the arena burst, while others began alternately growing and fading in intensity. Everyone - even Jeff and Marlin - stopped fighting for a moment, looking for the source of disturbance and shrinking away from the arena center when they found it.
"Uh-oh."
"Are these two going to give us a power outage?"
"We have backup generators! Barbon's ready for anything tonight, HOHOHOHO!"
"Uh..."
"Fuck, man."
"DUBE, just how MAD do you even HAVE TO B-"
Electra and Celestia hurled their plasma lightning balls simultaneously.
Everything went white.
[TO BE CONTINUED]
THE GB ENSEMBLE ROYAL RUMBLE SO FAR:
#1 Garland enters
#2 Gamble Man enters
#3 Sakura Atari enters
#4 Little Brother enters
Gamble Man eliminated by Garland
#5 Big Brother enters
Big Brother and Little Brother combine into Constructor X
#6 Skeiron enters
#7 Gloria enters
#8 Cleptopod enters
Garland summons Antlion, Ultros, and Omega
Antlion eliminated by Gloria
Ultros eliminated by Cleptopod
Garland eliminated by Cleptopod
#9 Dr. Rabbit enters
Constructor X separates
Big Brother eliminated by Little Brother
Omega eliminated by Little Brother
#10 Clippy enters
Gloria eliminated by Cleptopod
#11 Mecha-Sarah enters
Little Brother eliminated by Mecha-Sarah
Dr. Rabbit eliminated by Sakura Atari
#12 Browny enters
#13 Dr. Bulgrave enters
#14 Widow Maker enters
#15 Tiamat enters
Browny eliminated by Tiamat
Cleptopod eliminated by Tiamat
Sakura Atari eliminated by Tiamat
Clippy eliminated by Tiamat
#16 Sarah enters
Tiamat eliminated by Sarah
#17 Electra enters
#18 Gust enters
#19 Josephine enters
Mecha-Sarah eliminated by Widow Maker
Skeiron eliminated by Widow Maker
#20 Blade enters
Dr. Bulgrave eliminated by Sarah and Josephine
#21 Celestia enters
Sarah eliminated by Electra
#22 The Necronomitron enters
Josephine eliminated by The Necronomitron
#23 Marlin the Magnificent enters
Blade eliminated by The Necronomitron
#24 Hella Jeff enters
Surprise fish, man. They'll get ya every time.
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