"It's also brought to you by McMechos, home of the Double Triple Bossy Deluxe, a burger that would probably win this rumble if it forced the participants to eat it."
"For those just joining us, we have seen nine of the thirty entrants in the rumble, and two have been eliminated - and don't look now, but I think a third is about to follow!"
Skeiron and Gloria each grasped one of Constructor X's feet.
"READY?"
"Yeah!"
"HEAVE!"
The construction mecha was still propping himself up by his hands after having been nearly eliminated by Garland, and now the summoner and WarMech aimed to shove his feet to the floor to finish the job. Wisps of steam began to leak from his soles, and Gloria realized what was happening just in time.
"NULFIRE!"
A protective red shield blipped into existence around the two partners, allowing the fire bursting suddenly from Constructor X's jet feet to wash over them harmlessly. Both the mage and her robot ally pushed and struggled, Skeiron making more headway for obvious reasons. Constructor X felt himself starting to slip, and dug in with his claw, trying to prevent being shoved off.
Cleptopod, still perched on a top rope, saw the struggle and decided to help eliminate a troublesome-looking contestant. Carefully, he aimed and threw his drill missile, which whirled through the air and slammed into the claw arm of Constructor X, knocking it out from under him. With less of a grip on the ground, the mecha was shifted more easily by Skeiron and Gloria...
"I'm sorry Big Brother, but you're holding me back!"
Constructor X splits in two as, in a final desperate effort to get back in the ring, Little Brother attempts to reassume forklift form, disengaging from the cumbersome top half that is Big Brother. Without that vital support, Big Brother's entire body lands on the floor.
KO
"Dammit, Little Brother!" the upper half of Constructor X yelled as he reassumed his truck form... only to let out a good-natured chuckle. "Now THAT'S determination! Go get 'em!"
The legs of Constructor X shift back into Little Brother, and he hits reverse, driving Skeiron and Gloria backwards across the ring. Skeiron digs in, trying to force him back, while Gloria abandons the attack and flees to another part of the ring.
"Coward!"
"Um, she can't attack a forklift straight-on."
"Still a coward."
Gloria is now face-to-face with Omega, having gotten in between it and the fleeing Sakura Atari. Before Gloria even realizes what's going on Omega decks her in the face, sending her collapsing to the ring's floor facedown and apparently out cold.
"Pathetic. Especially considering all the hype I've heard about that girl."
"She's a summoner - most of her power comes from that, and summoning's banned here!"
Omega trundles towards Sakura again, who repeats her earlier tactic of running like a scared forest elf. She dashes past Skeiron and Little Brother's shoving match in the center of the ring, and Omega is distracted by seeing fellow robots. Eager to join in, Omega lumbers towards the conflict.
At that exact instant, Skeiron suddenly loses its' grip on the arena floor. Little Brother triumphantly shoves the tired WarMech across the floor, plowing into Omega on the way. Caught off guard, the summon is knocked up and over onto its' back, and Little Brother shoves both robots to the edge of the ring, then activates its' forklift, sending both of them up into the air. Omega tumbles off the forks and over the ropes, and is quickly neutralized by Refbot's taser.
ASSIST KO
Skeiron, meanwhile, activates its' jets to try and keep its' balance. Little Brother twists and waves its' forks around, trying to swat Skeiron out of the air.
BZZZZZZZ
"HEY! IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A ROYAL RUMBLE! WOULD YOU LIKE HELP?!"
"Uuuuuuggggghhhh, not that goddamn paper clip. Isn't he out of a job?"
"Maybe that's why he's here tonight!"
"SOMEONE ELIMINATE THE PAPER CLIP!"
Clippy floats above the ring on his notebook paper, looking for an opportunity, and he eventually sees one in Skeiron and Little Brother's clash. He flies past Dr. Rabbit (who has yet to actually enter the ring) and begins jabbing with the tip of his body at Skeiron, who now has to deal with both Clippy and Little Brother.
Skeiron tries to put more power into his boosters, but he can barely maintain altitude - his extended shoving match with Little Brother took a good deal of energy out of him, and he's had no time to recover. The WarMech is in serious trouble, and Gloria can't help him now...
Cleptopod scans the arena and notices the passed-out Gloria. Smelling another easy ring-out, the octopus cyborg slithers over, easily picking her up.
"Oh, no. I know how this shit ends. Quick, camera guy, cut to the robots again."
"I think that's banned! Ohohohohohoho!"
But rather than anything like what the announcers seem to predict, Cleptopod simply carries Glora to the edge of the ring, lifts her up, and dumps her over the side. The oft-invincible Gloria is eliminated without even knowing about it. A sad exit for a talented woman.
KO
"...Is that rabbit dentist thing STILL wandering around outside the arena? Someone get that fucker in there!"
Sakura Atari turns to look at Dr. Rabbit. She has avoided combat for a while now, and seems ready to get back into the thick of things now that the arena is beginning to empty. She pounds her left fist into her right palm and slides onto the arena floor by going under the bottom rope.
"She went under the bottom, not over the top! Sakura is not eliminated, folks!"
The retro-gaming reporter with a diploma in self-defense grabs Dr. Rabbit by the shoulders and hauls him into the ring.
"Ni Hao, Sakura! Have you been taking good care of your mouth?"
The doctor pulls out a toothbrush and rubber gloves.
"Open wiiiiide~"
But Sakura doesn't open wide. Instead she goes for a strong right cross to the jaw. There's a loud crack, but Dr. Rabbit seems unharmed. He reaches forward and yanks open Sakura's mouth.
"Let's have a look at those teeth!"
BZZZZZZZ
Skeiron, the cavalry has arrived.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM."
Mecha-Sarah dashes forward and upward, rising into the air on her Float-enchanted mythril robe. Her plasma staff powers on and she smacks the irritating Clippy right out of the sky. Fortunately for him, he lands in the ring. The robo-mage next targets Little Brother, charging at him and forcing him back. Skeiron takes the opening and comes in for a landing in the ring, immediately hunkering down to recharge energy.
"BUZZ LIGHTYEAR TO THE RESCUE!" Mecha-Sarah bellows, smashing her staff into the front and sides of Little Brother. The forklift mech hits reverse, then goes full steam ahead-
"TORO! TORO!"
Mecha-Sarah nimbly pirouettes out of the way and gives Little Brother a hard spank on the back end with her plasma staff, making him jerk upward. With a spray of missiles from her fingers to provide a bit of extra boost, Little Brother winds up sailing right over the ropes and out of contention.
KO
"I like the cut of her jib!"
"She seems insane."
"Like I said!"
Meanwhile-
"Brush in the morning, and brush at night! Brush every surface, and brush it right!"
"Mmmmmph!"
Sakura struggled to get Dr. Rabbit's invasive toothbrush out of her mouth, but the purple bastard wouldn't stop brushing. She reared her head back, but his arms seemed to follow. Desperate to free herself, Sakura kicked forward, her powerful leg slamming into Dr. Rabbit's midsection and sending him flying. That did the trick - not only was her mouth released from Dr. Rabbit's dental hell, but the accursed lagomorph was now hanging on the ropes, still singing that goddamn song.
Sakura takes careful aim and makes sure her next kick hits the bunny right in the teeth. Over he goes.
KO
BZZZZZZZ
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is robot central in here!"
"Oh goody. No injuries and no blood. That's sure fun to watch."
"Oh don't be such a wet blanket! I can tell you're enjoying this!"
"Enjoying it when these dunderheads get their clocks cleaned, yeah."
It's the battle of the cyclopean mechas as Browny and Skeiron face off. Mecha-Sarah seems intent on making it a handicap match, but she's suddenly tugged away from the conflict by an invisible force!
"It looks like it's PAYBACK TIME!"
Clippy's twister attack packs a far stronger punch than it has any right to. Even a fairly heavy competitor like Mecha-Sarah is getting dragged, although Skeiron weighs enough to avoid it and Browny is too far away. Rather than fight the pull (which would probably not be difficult) Mecha-Sarah opts to charge Clippy with her staff ready to smack him again. What she doesn't expect is Clippy suddenly calling off the twister to wrap around her staff like a snake made of stainless steel. Now the robot white mage is caught in a tug-of-war with Clippy over her weapon.
Skeiron headbutts and kicks the smaller Browny, who swings his gun like a club, smashing his foe around the front and sides. Browny is proving more agile, and is running circles around the cumbersome, chicken-legged WarMech unit.
"Looks like Browny's just too fast! I'd say he's got this elimination all wrapped-"
"ACTIVATING NUCLEAR."
"Oh dear."
"...Damn."
Mild explosions surround Skeiron, knocking Browny down and allowing his opponent to finally get to grips with him. Skeiron lifts one foot and stomps on Browny, pinning him down.
"A good pin, but pinfalls don't count here! Guess he's just trying to rest."
"Or he's an imbecile."
BZZZZZZZ
Accompanied by a torrent of steam from the arena's flamethrowers, Dr. Bulgrave strides towards the ring. He's carrying a large bronze-colored wrench that ominously rises and falls as he smacks it against his free palm. He climbs into the ring, looking for an opponent, and sees Cleptopod struggling with Sakura Atari. He smiles under his mask and approaches.
"This looks bad for Sakura. She's been in for ages now, and I think she's about to get double-teamed by Dr. Bulgrave and his creation Cleptopod!"
"Cleptopod! I trust you've softened her up for me? Wonderful. *psssh* Pardon me, miss."
Dr. Bulgrave forgoes the wrench and tries to just shove Sakura over the top rope. She goes over, but she's still clinging to the ropes, and so avoids elimination. Cleptopod and Bulgrave start to push her, trying to dislodge the reporter and knock her out of the fight for good.
They're interrupted when Browny collides with them, knocking both of the steampunk entrants over and giving Sakura a chance to slip into the ring.
"She just won't go down! She must really want this!"
"I'll admit the kid's got guts."
Skeiron was responsible for that one - after pinning Browny and realizing he wouldn't win that way, he kicked the tiny policebot across the arena, and wound up saving Sakura Atari by accident. He approaches the pile of fighters, and Cleptopod rises up to challenge him.
Meanwhile, Clippy refuses to let go of Mecha-Sarah's staff. The robotic mage flails her arm wildly, trying to force him off of it, but his grip is too solid. In her frantic waving she actually loses her own grip on her staff, and the weapon is accidentally thrown.
Out of the ring.
Just before hitting the ground, Clippy's notebook paper shoots out and catches him, and he rises above the arena again, now wielding the plasma staff with a look of triumph in his cartoony eyes.
"CURSES."
BZZZZZZZ
"Entry 14... is invisible?!"
"What the-"
Something is flying towards the arena center, but nobody knows for sure what it is until it decloaks...
Entry 14 is Widow Maker, and she means business, immediately assuming a fighting stance and letting out a threatening hiss to try and intimidate her opponents. The eight-foot mantis, understandably, finds no takers yet - Dr. Bulgrave, Cleptopod, Skeiron, and Browny are occupied with each other, Mecha-Sarah and Clippy are still having their little rivalry, and Sakura Atari most emphatically does not want a piece of that - she may have beaten Widow Maker in a fite club match before, but they were not on even ground in terms of energy anymore, and the mantis' larger size and physical strength made Sakura wary of trying to ring her out.
Widow Maker slowly crawls in a circle at the center of the ring, looking at her opponents. She spots Sakura, but Widow Maker has watched the Rumble up to this point on a monitor in the locker rooms, and she knows that when people think Sakura is an "easy out", they quickly get screwed over.
So both of them avoid each other, each considering the other too dangerous to tackle. Widow Maker settles for looking intimidating while Sakura remains alert for danger.
Cleptopod and Skeiron grapple at the ring's edge. The octopus winds its' tentacles around the robot, trying to trip him up. Skeiron bangs its' own body against the ground, trying to dislodge its' foe. When that fails, Skeiron resorts to another Nuclear, blowing Cleptopod off of him. Cleptopod sags against the ring ropes, and Skeiron moves in to try and hoist him over...
Browny and Dr. Bulgrave's weapons clanged off of each other as cyberpunk met steampunk in the world's punkiest swordfight. Browny's gun was longer, but Bulgrave had better control over his wrench, and the two seemed evenly matched.
Clippy swooped down at Mecha-Sarah, smacking her with her own staff. The magebot reeled, and Clippy banked hard in midair and swooped down again for another smack. And a third. Mecha-Sarah was staggering from the power of her own weapon, and Clippy began attacking from the same side over and over, driving her towards the ropes. Suddenly Mecha-Sarah's eyes lit up and she fired bright red lasers at Clippy. His notepaper caught fire and quickly burnt up into nothing, forcing the paper clip to land bereft of his flight ability. He raised the staff regardless, prepared to fight to the end.
"Some amazing battles tonight!"
"They're doing pretty well."
"We're almost at the halfway point, folks. Any second now Number 15 is going to enter!"
The countdown begins. The audience excitedly counts down the numbers. And Entrant 15 walks towards the door.
THUD.
THUD. THUD. THUD.
BZZZZZZZ
Entry 15 is Tiamat.
All 100 feet of her.
"BAH GAWD IT'S TIAMAT! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!"
"WHAT?! WHAT?! OKAY, THIS IS OVER! IT'S FUCKING OVER!"
Six grins light up the arena as Tiamat slowly rises into the air, her command of the element of wind allowing her to float. She positions herself just above the arena, slowly lowering until her feet brush against the ring's floor. The other eight entrants back up until they're trapped in the half of the arena not taken up by Tiamat. She has to hunch over to fit in the building, her necks looming over the combatants.
"I cannot tell you how long I've waited for this."
Six heads reach down, each aiming to grasp a combatant. Widow Maker takes to the air and cloaks herself, ascending to the ceiling. Skeiron flies into the air too, but he's interested in fighting Tiamat directly. Mecha-Sarah follows after taking advantage of Clippy being distracted to snatch her staff back.
One set of jaws catches Browny, and another scoops up Cleptopod. Both of them are tossed over the ropes with a jerk of Tiamat's necks.
DOUBLE KO
Sakura Atari dodges one head's attempt to nab her, while Dr. Bulgrave engages with the head that targeted him, smashing it between the eyes with his wrench. But the head attacking Sakura blows a powerful gust of wind, and the lightweight fighter is caught off guard, stumbling - and allowing the head to ram her up and over the ropes.
KO
The other head belches a cloud of poisonous gas, but Dr. Bulgrave continues to attack - his life support system filtered out the gas effortlessly. Clippy shoots forward, winding across the ground, snakelike, but one of the heads sees him, and snorts a burst of wind power from its' nostrils. It's enough to send Clippy flying into the air, and Tiamat bats him out of the sky in a follow-up slap that winds up with Clippy getting embedded in the floor.
KO
"BAH GAWD IT'S A SLOBBERKNOCKER! Can ANYONE stop Tiamat?!"
"Of course not! She's a hundred feet tall! How do you stop that?"
"WHERE'S THE REF?!"
"Cowering in terror over in the corner there."
Skeiron and Mecha-Sarah are putting up a valiant effort, as is Dr. Bulgrave, who is proving surprisingly hard to pin down. The two robots perform aerial acrobatics and assault Tiamat with laser fire. The hydra growls, most of her heads now focusing on trying to grab the pesky mechs out of the air.
The countdown begins.
"Ohhhh boy, do I ever feel sorry for Entrant 16."
"17 through 30, too."
BZZZZZZZ
[TO BE CONTINUED]
THE GB ENSEMBLE ROYAL RUMBLE SO FAR:
#1 Garland enters
#2 Gamble Man enters
#3 Sakura Atari enters
#4 Little Brother enters
Gamble Man eliminated by Garland
#5 Big Brother enters
Big Brother and Little Brother combine into Constructor X
#6 Skeiron enters
#7 Gloria enters
#8 Cleptopod enters
Garland summons Antlion, Ultros, and Omega
Antlion eliminated by Gloria
Ultros eliminated by Cleptopod
Garland eliminated by Cleptopod
#9 Dr. Rabbit enters
Constructor X separates
Big Brother eliminated by Little Brother
Omega eliminated by Little Brother
#10 Clippy enters
Gloria eliminated by Cleptopod
#11 Mecha-Sarah enters
Little Brother eliminated by Mecha-Sarah
Dr. Rabbit eliminated by Sakura Atari
#12 Browny enters
#13 Dr. Bulgrave enters
#14 Widow Maker enters
#15 Tiamat enters
Browny eliminated by Tiamat
Cleptopod eliminated by Tiamat
Sakura Atari eliminated by Tiamat
Clippy eliminated by Tiamat
Boooo! Hisssss! Sakura was totally safe! The ref's blind!
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