Sunday, January 23, 2022

Recollection

He remembered. Of course he remembered. Remembering was what kept him going. It reminded him what he was fighting for, what he was trying to do. It made the voices grow weak and distant. It gave brief, fleeting moments of clarity to his mind. It was all he had, and getting it back was his life's mission.

He remembered 1994. The beginning. A clean storefront, a bright future, big plans. A row of finely polished automobiles, gleaming under the lights of the showroom. Walls of auto parts and car care products. Tires, windshield wipers, car batteries, fuses, gas caps, rear-view-mirrors, snow brushes, squeegees. Air fresheners shaped like pine trees. The stench of fresh rubber and plastic. It was all very American, which seemed odd on the surface, as the mall they were set up in was located in Mongolia, but the area was under heavy development from an international crowd. One day, the executives in charge of the project had said, this city would fly. And a flying city would be a worldwide envy, a mecca for tourism and spectacle. They'd been smart to come here, he knew. This was where the money would be made, by far-thinking businessfolk with a keen eye for the future and the promise of the technology in development.

He'd worked hard to get the business off the ground. It hadn't been easy, but he knew that hard work equaled great rewards. If you just put in the effort, you would earn yourself a return on investment that was worth the elbow grease you contributed to the cause. So he worked hard. He was in every advertisement, on every poster, all over the show floor. His gleaming smile and clever quips caught the eye of the locals, and slowly but surely Big Shot Autos began to build up steam.

He remembered 1997. The big time. His favorite year. Business was booming, and what was once a small outlet in the mall was now turning to grander plans. In the works was the impending launch of a new website. Big Shot Autos would harness the power of the information superhighway, and he was there every step of the way once again. He adorned pop-ups and banner ads, letting his personality and charm do the work for him. Promotional items with his grinning face were produced by the thousand. Investors were eager to dump money on this humble little mall tenant as they promised incredible things with the power of technology. He was on top of the world, and the view was dizzying.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

Chatzy Madness Volume 396: LOVELY

Bree: hi jrm
Jumpropeman: hi bree!
Bree: ooh, I get an exclamation point
RubyChao: treasure it
Jumpropeman: I'm in a good mood today
Jumpropeman: I know I'm usually a dour grump so savor it
Jumpropeman: I won't be rapping anyone's knuckles with my ruler tonight
Harpy: oh nooo
Jumpropeman: I know you were looking forward to it Harpy
Jumpropeman: you'll need someone else to rap with Knuckles

--- 

Harpy:

Gooper Blooper: thiiiiiis yeeeeear, to save me from
Harpy: i made the most disgusting laugh
Gooper Blooper: i'll give it to someone
Gooper Blooper: [[specil]]
Harpy: oh fuk
Harpy: god damn it

---

Bree: bree status: pizza guy knocked like three times in the span of ten seconds so I hurried getting up, put my slippers on the wrong feet, and fell on the way to the door
Harpy: noooooooooooooooOOOOO
Jumpropeman: dang
Bree: 👍

---

Harpy: so this is businessplot next year right-
Jumpropeman: evil Kogasa makes BrEAd
RubyChao: that image would kill Honoka
Harpy: this is how we take down EA
Harpy: right in the bread store
Moss Sheep: It'd kill her with a gluten-free baguette.
Harpy: i don't think the fact that its gluten free would kill her
Harpy: this loaf is blocked behind DLC

Sunday, December 12, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 395: Is That Enough Shrek, Though?

Cornwind Evil: Playing Lunar Dragon Song and playing Final Fantasy 7 is the difference between eating a box of cookies that expired two years ago that you plucked from the back of a convenience store's shelves and eating a piece of wedding cake frozen after the wedding
Jumpropeman: playing one jrpg so close to another really puts into perspective how deep the failures were in lunar dragon song

--- 

Jumpropeman: link
Draco: How did you know what Par Seas is working on?

---

Draco: Sumireko is in the mobile game as an enemy.
Jumpropeman: cute- I mean... uh, terrifying?
Draco: I'm scared.

---

Jumpropeman: i didn't notice the Wiki Trawls chatzy madness tag before
Jumpropeman: but I'm glad it exists in case I ever get nostalgic about that sexy as hell Ms. Fieldmouse
Harpy: that's how you're going to get a fieldmouse dream
Gooper Blooper: I came up with it a year or two ago and retroactively added it to Chatzy Madnesses with notable wiki quoting segments
Gooper Blooper: We've gotten some incredible riffing material from those things so I wanted a tag
Gooper Blooper: g e n t l e _ b e a r
Jumpropeman: "Ms. Fieldmouse is ostensibly kind, unbearably beautiful, very attractive, insanely sexy and caring"
Jumpropeman: i love that build up to end with "caring"
Harpy: insanely sexy
Gooper Blooper: insanely caring
RubyChao: fieldmouse for rp
Harpy: pretty sure that's most of my cast described
Jumpropeman: too hot for rp, I say
Harpy: we have stella
Jumpropeman: you're right, cats eat mice...
Harpy: damn rite
Gooper Blooper: "Stella Hoshii is ostensibly kind, unbearably beautiful, very attractive, insanely sexy and caring" - last edit made by Sapphire Drachen
Harpy: sammy can't compete with that

---

RubyChao: "I never remember what my actual objective is in Metroid games. I just wander around until I find something new.
Adam will be like "You need to activate the generator in Sector 7 and clear the foliage from the turbines to proceed." and I'm like "Walk around using my latest upgrade on every inch of the map. Gotcha.""

RubyChao: me
Jumpropeman: "Metroid Fusion is too linear" "not if you don't pay attention to anything" *taps forehead*

Tuesday, November 9, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 394: Meet The Mets (AKA Lunar Dragon Song Edition, AKA "Swack")

Harpy: i am tempted by an owl mask
Meow Sheep: Sounds like a
Meow Sheep: real
Meow Sheep: HOOT
RubyChao: more like a real
RubyChao: HOOPLA
Meow Sheep: It's a swingthing!

--- 

Jumpropeman: next year I will be introducing
Jumpropeman: MULTIPLE
Jumpropeman: male characters
Bree: WHAT
Jumpropeman: bold, I know
Bree: wao!!
Gooper Blooper: Oh boy, more moles!
RubyChao: gasp!!!
Bree: lel goops XD
Harpy: can i date them
Harpy: no wait that's phrasing
Bree: mole dating simulator
Harpy: may i ship them with one of these LUCKY LADIES
Jumpropeman: they will all be eligible bachelors
Harpy: garsp

---

Draco: Relevant to RP:
Jumpropeman: Mega Drive sitting on her porch in a rocking chair eating werther's originals
Gooper Blooper: link
Bree: sumi no
Bree: how could you hurt dolby like this
Bree: top ten anime betrayals

---

(Re: My 2021 Touhou Sorter results)

RubyChao: someday goops will be unable to leave out the pc-98 games
RubyChao: because we will have ruined too many hus from them
Harpy: do you really think we can bring back orange
Harpy: read: bootleg meiling
RubyChao: NOTHING WILL STOP US
Gooper Blooper: I do like that the two most important PC-98 hus are from the same game so I only need to include one for now
RubyChao: luize DESTROYED
Gooper Blooper: man, I forgot all about her...
Jumpropeman: luize is louise in the sorter right?
RubyChao: yep
Jumpropeman: I've been treating her as such
Harpy: you won't forget in season 13 :)
RubyChao: i'm just used to the old translation
Harpy: geez, luize
Gooper Blooper: Holy crap Luize, remember the time you were in RP?
Harpy: blasphemous
RubyChao: `ban Gooper Blooper

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 393: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

Gooper Blooper: as I continue to read thirty-year-old magazines, here is 80s Badger
Jumpropeman: oh snap
Jumpropeman: too strong
Jumpropeman: I hope our cultural shorthand for "cool" is never updated
Jumpropeman: I want to continue seeing ridiculous characters with shades and gold chains riding skateboards and all that

--- 

Gooper Blooper: I almost said that the "large boulder the size of a small boulder" that struck Kumonga during his final battle with Pillbox gave him Bonkus Of The Konkus but I decided I'd already made that moment stupid enough for what was supposed to be a fairly intense fite finale

---

Gooper Blooper: link link
Jumpropeman: the extended family!
Jumpropeman: registeel just LOSING it over there
Gooper Blooper: just a dad and his growing family of ridiculous meme golems
Gooper Blooper: THE IRON WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Gooper Blooper: *registeel flailing*

---

MobileDraco: This is roughly fifty feet away from me:
Jumpropeman: holy moly!
Jumpropeman: that's a mother lode of bigfoot merch
Gooper Blooper: A treasure trove!
Munster Sheep: We found him, guys
Jumpropeman: I actually have that plush bigfoot on the left
Gooper Blooper: I like the christmas ornaments
RubyChao: buy that entire store
RubyChao: and give it to JRM
Jumpropeman: im concerned about the lower left bigfoot mugs, but I appreciate a mug with a MUGSHOT on it
Gooper Blooper: the lower left ones appear to be the same as the lower right ones, so you can look at both to see the full design
MobileDraco: Chao, I am in an AIRPORT. I might be crazy enough to buy real Fumos, but I'm not depraved enough to buy things in an airport. D;
Jumpropeman: some things money can't buy. Those things are at an airport gift shop
Gooper Blooper: what if an airport sold fumos
Jumpropeman: even Jeff Bezos would balk at the price
MobileDraco sweats nervously.
MobileDraco: Heck, if the airport sold actual Fumos, I'd give 'em my kidney, sure.

Monday, September 20, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 392: Don't Spank Em

Jumpropeman: without covid context
Jumpropeman: these would be wild

--- 

brolivel: "Gamemaster — Today at 6:53 PM
So i finally got AV cables for my Sega Saturn. I never owned one as a kid and I'm still convinced it isn't real. This thing is an elaborate ploy by everyone else to make me believe this system existed"

Jumpropeman: that's how I used to feel about Turbografx
MobileDraco: lol
MobileDraco: My cousin used to have a TurboGrafx 16.
The Deleter: But father
The Deleter: I AM a TurboGrafx 16
Draco: "Sega Genesis never told you what happened to your father." "He told me enough. He told me you got him discontinued!" "No, I am your TurboGrafx 16!"
The Deleter: Lmao

---

Modus Sheep: I have no idea, energy, or motivation, but would anyone talk to a stinky ratman in a bar?
Modus Sheep: I know
Modus Sheep: I make it sound so appealing

---

Bree: did I miss the plot about tsubasa's jerkass grandpa
Bree: did we deal with him
Harpy: we did deal with him with a way, but there's still a bit more to go
Gooper Blooper: Yesterday we exposed his awfulness and Tsubasa officially broke off from him
Harpy: gaslit her so much you woulda thought he was about to set her on fire
Gooper Blooper: we actually fight him later this month
Modus Sheep: they're penciling him in
Modus Sheep: brutally
Gooper Blooper: I mean, that's basically the RP Schedule in a nutshell
Gooper Blooper: "I can pencil you in on the 23rd for an ass-whuppin, have your people call my people"

---

Jumpropeman: "Game Developer reported the game "was criticized for featuring too much pink in its graphics.""
Cornwind Evil hears sad Poyos in the distance.
Harpy: as the local expert in pink
Harpy: i feel like someone is exaggerating
Jumpropeman: the horse isn't even pink!
Harpy: an orange brown, maybe rust
Harpy: maybe the stone tiles are bugging him and maybe it needs the hue toned down a bit
Jumpropeman: there are pink horses in the game, but I'd hardly say it's an overdose
Bree: those bricks are super pink but that's not "too much pink" in the game
Bree: and the fact it's the color pink they're complaining about makes me think it's them being sexist
Harpy: yeah, i profess this game to be
Harpy: NOT PINK ENOUGH
Bree: this cute game about a horse is not manly enough
Harpy: brohamsicle you have red dead redemption 2 right there
Modus Sheep: Pony Island?!
Jumpropeman: somehow I have not got around to pony island yet
Modus Sheep cracks the game whip
Modus Sheep gets hung up on the motion controls

Jumpropeman: ohhh, the pony is customizable
Jumpropeman: so you CAN make a pink pony
Modus Sheep: A pretty pony!
Jumpropeman: I, however, will be making a hulk pony
Modus Sheep: It's deeply conflicted and filled equally with self-loathing and rage?
Jumpropeman: that and it's got black hair, green skin, and a purple tail
Modus Sheep: What luxury!
Bree: name it bulk biceps
Jumpropeman: finally, I saved one of my pony friends! What does she have to say in gratitude? *image of a circus wagon* glad to have you back friend ; w ;
Jumpropeman walk a few feet forward, see a circus wagon with another pony friend in it
Jumpropeman: IT'S ALL CONNECTED
Gooper Blooper: this is some intense horse gaming action
Jumpropeman: i didn't have the right jewel to save circus wagon horse though
Jumpropeman finds horse fused into a stone mountainside
Jumpropeman: the witch has stepped up her game from circus wagons...
Draco: D:
Jumpropeman: i have saved all the ponies
Modus Sheep: Woah, that was fast!
Jumpropeman: it's a short game! I'm gonna look at HARD MODE
Draco: That WASN'T hard mode?! Being a gamer who has played a game, I need all of my games so easy I can get through the tutorial!
Jumpropeman: in hard mode, the animals give NO HINTS
Gooper Blooper: GASP

Friday, September 3, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 391: Frog-Like Aura

RubyChao: "so anyway, i started blasting"
Jumpropeman: were there any non-targets you DIDN'T kill
Harpy: chaaao, did you blow up corpse piles agaaaain?
RubyChao: only the ones i knocked unconscious earlier before things all went to hell
No Scope! Power Bomb!: Why the heck did you kill 124 non targets!?
MobileDraco: Chao is an overachiever. :3
Gooper Blooper: He hit a LOT of men! And some women too apparently
RubyChao: i was trying to do a challenge that involved "get seen doing a kill and thus have witnesses, then remove all witnesses via KO or kill"
RubyChao: but in this case it started spiraling out of control because i got witnesses to my witnesses and so on and so forth and finally i went "fuck it" and decided to just massacre everyone on the map
RubyChao: there can be no witnesses if no one is alive
Harpy: well i guess that technically completes the challenge
RubyChao: it does!
RubyChao: it counted!
Harpy: astounding

--- 

Modus Sheep: There's another space lady from Gooseworx to be turned into a hardened criminal:
Jumpropeman: well, time to make another Blastoplot
RubyChao: it worked for nova
Jumpropeman: i think I'd like this supernova design more if she didn't have her tongue sticking out
Modus Sheep: What if she was sweating constantly, JRM?
Jumpropeman: give her a little fang and eyebrows through the hair while you're at it
Harpy: aww jrm but she's just the ;P
Jumpropeman: I think the sharp points implies a character who's more excitable rather than the dopiness implied by a hanging out tongue
Gooper Blooper: she probably would be sweaty after six minutes of constant gyrating
Jumpropeman: if I use her I'd probably airbrush the tongue out :V
Gooper Blooper: I bet she'll get fanart, but I also bet every single piece of fanart will include the tongue
Modus Sheep: Make the tongue
Modus Sheep: BIGGER

---

Jumpropeman mistypes Curse of the Dead Gods as Curse of the Dad Gods
Jumpropeman: Curse of the Dad Bods

---

Modus Sheep: I miss writing Camilla.
Modus Sheep stares into the middle-distance
Gooper Blooper: I'm a fan of Yakuza Plot! It's nice to cut loose and just bash stuff
Gooper Blooper: guess you'll have to make her a regular again, sheep
Modus Sheep: :I
Modus Sheep: She had little arcs against Neelsen and COLONEL BOGEY himself
Modus Sheep: I'm running out golfers to pit her against!
Gooper Blooper: Quick, Chao, bring back Lara
Modus Sheep: Clearly, we need another golfing-based plot
RubyChao: i am happy to bring back lara
RubyChao: she cute
Jumpropeman: no
Jumpropeman: we need the ultimate golf challenge
Jumpropeman: Camilla, do you think you can get it within HIS?
Gooper Blooper: oh man
Gooper Blooper: let's settle it in pebble beach
Modus Sheep: oh no
Gooper Blooper: televised world championships
Gooper Blooper: the world is watching
Jumpropeman: https://all-worlds-alliance.fandom.com/wiki/Craig_Stadler
Jumpropeman: "Personality
Craig is known for giving guidance to others."

Jumpropeman: "In Chapter 14, Craig appears at the end of the chapter telling the readers that 'Time for hell to break loose'."
Gooper Blooper: I was going to quote both of those XD
Gooper Blooper: I love how all of his appearances aside from TIME FOR HELL TO BREAK LOOSE are him just popping up and surprising other characters
Jumpropeman: Craig Stadler Pop Scare
Gooper Blooper: https://all-worlds-alliance.fandom.com/wiki/Category:Golfer
Gooper Blooper: From this wiki's homepage, in the rules: "Please do not write any unimportant statements such as 'This guy is my husband' or 'The best boy' on any pages."
Harpy: but it is an important statement
Jumpropeman: Craig Stadler is the only golfer in all the universes
Jumpropeman edits Stadler's page to say The Best Boy