Monday, December 23, 2013

The Children Were Nestled All Snug in Their Beds

"Ahhhhh... Bliss. Pure bliss." Gloria announced happily to no one in particular.

She was alone in a large library.Rain gently pattered against the windows. Surrounding her were tall shelves of books. All in all, it was much like her library back home in Manhattan, complete with solitude. Except...

Except that the books were from all around the world, many of them hundreds of years old. Their quality was amazing given their age, but they still had that wonderful musty old-book smell. Best of all, even though they weren't all written in English, Gloria held in her pocket a shining gem called the Rosetta Stone, which allowed her to read any language. French, German, Japanese, Chinese, Latin, Lufenian... no book could escape her now.

She sank back into a large, comfortable recliner, put up her feet, popped a small chocolate in her mouth to suck on, and cracked open a bestiary of monsters written over five hundred years ago.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Chatzy Madness 97: Royal Rumble Edition

iDel: I just watched a movie about evil santas being exported to work in malls
iDel: Rare Products
SteelKomodo: what
iDel: It's Finnish
iDel: Look it up
SteelKomodo: actually it's called Rare Exports
iDel: Thanks for correcting me
SteelKomodo: no probs :U

---

Triple S: The Spacetime Beam, also known as the Reset Beam, is a beam used in Super Metroid to cause a glitch that will reset the game. This doesn't reset the game as a normal reset; instead it causes all bosses to respawn and all upgrades to be reset, as well as all doors that were a different color than blue
Triple S: This is canon, Samus can change time
RubyChao: 2014 plot: Samus tries to go back in time to make herself not a jobber
RubyChao: It results in her creating the jobbing in the first place
SteelKomodo: XD
Triple S: Samus uses Spacetime Beam. Lord, Sentinels, Fiends, and every other threat respawns
Triple S: BOSS RUSH

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RubyChao: hmmm
RubyChao: so what i'm getting from this
RubyChao: is that scorpion is a lost soul, bent on... vengeance?
Triple S: Yes
Triple S: Also his singer was kicked in the balls a bit too hard

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Goops McMahon: sarah.jpg
Harpy: don't eat alex sarah
Harpy: unless that is a cookie pretending to be alex

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Chatzy Madness 96: Crapfully Yours

RubyChao: "The official forum search system is offline at the moment. This is a temporary search until the official system returns." fun fact: invisionfree has said this for well
RubyChao: about seven years now
RubyChao: good job guys

---

RubyChao: don't go looking for sites you haven't seen in years
RubyChao: you'll feel old

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Gooper Blooper: fakeangelbr: RIP WWE 13, YOU LIVED AS YOU DIED, LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT
Gooper Blooper: e_tap: YEAH, RIP
SteelKomodo: it died as it lived - glitching through table-san
Gooper Blooper: Here lies WWE 13. It loaded slow and died a virgin.

---

EscapeeSpy: Gloria for WVGCW
EscapeeSpy: Give her Brodus Clay's entrance, Osh and Garland replacing the Funkadactyls
EscapeeSpy: (Don't do this that's an awful idea)
SteelKomodo: XD
Gooper Blooper: Gloria for ZFRP 2014
EscapeeSpy: Gloria for Triple B 2014?
Gooper Blooper: that is a possibility spy
Gooper Blooper: If only because I know she'd get plenty of votes
Gooper Blooper: >​.>​
EscapeeSpy: *OSH INTENSIFIES*
EscapeeSpy: *ZEPH sorta gets dragged into the fight I guess*

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(Cornwind enters Sine into Drown Yer Mates III)

Cornwind Evil: it's Christmas
Cornwind Evil: Why not give Del a Christmas gift
Gooper Blooper: I assure you, CW, Del is already enjoying your gift
Del: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH​A

Monday, December 9, 2013

Chatzy Madness 95: Roll D20 to Not Explode

The Deleter: yo bro
The Deleter: do you remember what the russian on this says
SteelKomodo: squish
SteelKomodo: basically :U
The Deleter: i see
The Deleter: :U

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SteelKomodo: you know what ticks me off?
SteelKomodo: ...sorry, that should have been
SteelKomodo changed name to Peter Griffin
Peter Griffin: YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS

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Gooper Blooper: Last week I put up something on the GTS and asked for a Petilil. Some Japanese dude gave me a shiny one
Gooper Blooper: I didn't even notice

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Saberwulf: I'm pissed that making a webcomic requires the ability to draw

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RubyChao: you know what sucks
RubyChao: forgetting to heal and getting KOed by tubba blubba after beating his heart :V
The Deleter: that sucks

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Gooper Blooper: I have found what shall help pass the time as I await christmas
Gooper Blooper: IT'S
Gooper Blooper: HAPPENING

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Chatzy Madness 94: Soylent Pink Is Hippo

The Deleter: i wish there was a game where you went around rustling jimmies
The Deleter: peturbing people on the street
The Deleter: gaining jimmie dollars to spend on new ways of rustling jimmies

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M Sheep: quick(?) and dirty post
M Sheep: the dirtiest post
M Sheep: Also, may be very confusing at a certain point
Saberwulf: I'm the king of confusing so that sounds rad
Gooper Blooper: Sheep vs Wulf, Confuse Yer Mates
The Deleter: haha
Gooper Blooper: Nobody understands the fite but everyone agrees it was somehow enjoyable anyway

---

M Sheep joined the chat
M Sheep: Nobody times M Sheep out!
M Sheep: NOBODY!
M Sheep: And give back the Cyclop's eye, already!
Gooper Blooper: M Sheep timed out M Sheep
SteelKomodo: M SHEEP SCREWJOB
M Sheep: NO ONE CAN EVER KNOW!
M Sheep uses chaos emerald to go back to the past
M Sheep: M Sheep left me there
M Sheep: for FIVE MONTHS

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RubyChao: damn you len

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Gooper Blooper: Spy, thought you should know
Gooper Blooper: Today I caught Pansage, Panpour, and Pansear and nicknamed them Funky Kong, Diddy Kong, and Leo Luster, respectively
SteelKomodo: XD
M Sheep: Leo Luster had better know Attract

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Chatzy Madness Volume 93: Call of Duty: Doge

Gooper Blooper joined the chat
Harpy: HEY GOOPS
Harpy: IS IT COLD OUT THERE
Harpy: ARE YOUR TENTACLES FREEZING OFF
Harpy: IS WIDOW MAKER OKAY

---

Gooper Blooper: I named my huntail Achilles
Gooper Blooper: never forget
No: . . .
No: ACHILLES ;-;
SteelKomodo: ;_;
Harpy: .n.
No: ;_;7

---

iDel asked Chatzy to choose between Emeny Within and Dota 2 spirit update. Chatzy chose: Dota 2 spirit update
iDel: >​asking chatzy
Saberwulf: Putting brick dust across your door is more useful than asking Chatzy
iDel: Hahaha
DerpKomodo: XD
Triple S asked Chatzy to choose between brick dust to the door and asking Chatzy. Chatzy chose: asking Chatzy
Triple S: Well yeah, of course YOU'D say that, Chatzy

Why I'm Not A Regular PC Gamer

So, once again, I'm unable to play Beat Hazard. I tried to start the game and was rewarded with an eternal black screen.

Now, where I come from, when you want to play a video game you put the game in the system, turn it on, and begin playing. There's no updates, there's no surveys, there's much less waiting and loading, and there's NO CRASHES. I don't have to cross my fingers and pray every time I turn on my 3DS in hopes that Pokemon Y will boot - it boots 100 percent of the time, in seconds, and in less than sixty seconds after turning the system on I'm playing my game. Even my Atari and Genesis are more reliable, and they aren't 100% - I might have to wiggle the cartridge or blow on it, but at least it doesn't take five minutes to reboot. Console games that crash are usually either extremely old/dirty/corrupted or terribly coded shit-piles, but when I play PC it's just par for the course.

This is the biggest problem I have always had with PC gaming. There are four PC games I have spent great amounts of time with - Robot Wars: Arenas of Destruction, RPG Maker XP, Streets of Rage Remake, and Beat Hazard. I love these games and three of them are great at taking advantage of the fact they're on PC by using customization features that are hard or impossible to use on normal consoles, like importing your computer's graphics or music. But three of these four games are unreliable, with problems I have to wrestle with every time I play them, sometimes keeping me from playing altogether. Beat Hazard often fails to boot. Robot Wars has the same issue, and also has sound problems. Nothing about my system setup changed between these games working perfectly and them turning into gambles. RPG Maker XP, meanwhile, will crash 100% of the time when playtesting a project unless I use an annoying workaround that shouldn't be needed involving constantly editing and re-saving a Notepad file.

These problems are not acceptable. I understand things like not having a powerful enough system to run such-and-such, but here I am unable to run games I could run fine a few months or years ago on the same system. I KNOW my system can run these games, because it's run them dozens of times. So why don't they work now? It's worse when they fail to work, then work again, and then fail again. That's even MORE unacceptable! Now it's just randomly crashing for no reason! My GameCube doesn't just decide it can't play Skies of Arcadia today, that's nonsense!

I can't rely on it at all. Every time I play a PC game I have to treat it like I may never get to play it again. Until PC gaming lets me play my games 100 percent of the time guaranteed like a console would, I can only see it as a novelty and occasional source for games I can't otherwise play, not a "real" gaming system I get new games from regularly, and certainly not something I spend more than pocket change on for new games.  It's far too risky to pay for a full-price game if I don't even know if it will boot.

PC Land seems nice and all, but it won't let me appreciate it properly. I might get a new computer in a year or two. It might make Steam more reliable, but it might lock me out of Robot Wars or RPG Maker. Who knows for sure? I don't.