Two Meetings Of Convenience

"Whew..."

Drawing a hand across her brow and grimacing, Byakuren Hijiri squinted into the sunlight and let out a little sigh. "It's March, but it's sweltering. Maybe the Kobbers should go somewhere temperate for a change." She looked over her shoulder. "Are you holding up alright, little one?"

A simple, quiet nod was the only response from Byakuren's companion.

"Good! Now, she told us to meet her at The Midnight Store, but I don't think it's open yet, so let's go grab some food at the bar. Sound good, sweetie?" 

Another nod.

"Wonderful!"

---

A few hours later, The Midnight Store was opening for business. Megumin was arranging things on the shelves while Missy settled in behind the counter and flipped through a newspaper she'd taken from the store's magazine stand. Print news was in decline all over the world, and Agama was no exception, but the city still managed to hang onto some printed news. There had been two major papers serving the city - The Blue Tongue and The Moonlight Gazette - but with The Blue Tongue having shut down last year, a new challenger had popped onto the scene: Agama Outpost. Formerly a smaller, less popular indie paper that had focused on niche news and thinkpieces, it had ballooned in popularity after suddenly finding itself the number two paper in the city by default, and it was doing its' best to fill the void left by the Brume publication's collapse by including a broader spectrum of stories while also trying to not alienate the existing base. It was a tricky balancing act. As Missy examined the paper, she came across a large advertisement reminding people of the grand opening of Omega Mart. She frowned slightly thanks to being reminded of her upcoming competitor. Omega Mart had a host of advantages thanks to the fact that it wasn't technically located in Agama, keeping it from paying a lot of taxes and fees and avoiding various other regulations that The Midnight Store and other businesses in the area had to deal with. And thanks to the warp points installed by Meiling and Lord Var, it was easier than ever for Agama to get visitors, and that was a rich well of potential profit for every business in the city. Where those possible shoppers spent their money could make all the difference for not just The Midnight Store, but the Grand Market and every other shop and restaurant around as well.

Missy was shaken out of her thoughts by the sound of a hand slapping onto her counter, and a voice that jolted at her memory.

"Heyyyy!"

Chatzy Madness Volume 397: Extreme Clown Jury

Jumpropeman: link
Gooper Blooper: It's not online any more, but my first experience with the meme-ness of Shrek is from before it was a meme to make fun of Shrek
Jumpropeman: link
Gooper Blooper: the guy who runs Dinosaur Dracula did a series of articles when Shrek 2 was new, looking at the absolute cavalcade of merchandise it spawned and how ungodly omnipresent the franchise was at its' peak
Gooper Blooper: it was called Shrek Crap
Jumpropeman: shrek green ketchup defined a generation
Gooper Blooper: twinkies with green filling, Shrek-themed Operation, Shrek-themed play-doh dentist
Gooper Blooper: you name it, the ogre was on it, it almost reached the mad heights of Pokemania
Jumpropeman: all it takes is one Shrek the Third
Gooper Blooper: I saw Shrek The Third in theaters and I remember thinking it was okay if not as good as the first two
Gooper Blooper: amazing how devastating it was
Jumpropeman: I saw it in theaters too, I don't remember the full context but I think I went with a church group my friend was part of
RubyChao: Saint Shrek
Gooper Blooper: I've never seen the fourth film and maybe I should remedy that sometime
Jumpropeman: I do recommend it. Not as good as the first two still but if Shrek the Third never existed I bet people would be like "yeah that was a good trilogy"
Mosey Sheep: I didn't like the fourth film at all :V
Jumpropeman: garsp!
Mosey Sheep: I hardly even remember 3, it was so mediocre
Mosey Sheep: 2, though...
Mosey Sheep: I rather enjoyed the second film
Jumpropeman: its been quite a while since I saw Shrek Forever After admittedly
Mosey Sheep makes a video ranking the Shrek films
Gooper Blooper: It's been ages since I've seen any of them, though I remember Shrek 1's plot well thanks to the "Shrek but" videos
Jumpropeman: make sure to watch Scared Shrekless
Jumpropeman: and Shrek the Halls
Jumpropeman: and the Shrek Thriller Night video that is separate from Scared Shrekless
Jumpropeman: NO, I'm supposed to be done with Shrek!
Mosey Sheep: I didn't know they did another Halloween one
Gooper Blooper: CKR revives her movie blog to review every Shrek film
Jumpropeman: I must lock this forbidden knowledge away
Gooper Blooper: Yeah I thought you'd be sick of him by now so I didn't bring him up again, but then you started it and so
Gooper Blooper: here we are
Gooper Blooper: talking about shrek
Mosey Sheep: Somebody once told me
Mosey Sheep: AND IT WAS YOU, JRM
Mosey Sheep: YOU TOLD ME!
Jumpropeman: ive been indoctrinated
Jumpropeman: it's not my fault ; w ;

--- 

Jumpropeman sees an old video titled "Every Time Batman Killed Someone" has been renamed to "Every Time Batman Ended Someone"
RubyChao: ahahahaaaaaaa
RubyChao: c'mon, at least make it intentionally ridiculous
Gooper Blooper: Every Time Batman Demonetized Someone
Mosey Sheep: Every time Batman sent someone into the long dark night

---

Jumpropeman: "Boorp's Balls is a skill game. You help Boorp to defend against Meck, who throws colored balls at him."
Jumpropeman: this is like an AI generated game

---

Jumpropeman: No pressure but what's your favorite sega console
RubyChao: Genesis
Jumpropeman: you will be spared

---

Recollection

He remembered. Of course he remembered. Remembering was what kept him going. It reminded him what he was fighting for, what he was trying to do. It made the voices grow weak and distant. It gave brief, fleeting moments of clarity to his mind. It was all he had, and getting it back was his life's mission.

He remembered 1994. The beginning. A clean storefront, a bright future, big plans. A row of finely polished automobiles, gleaming under the lights of the showroom. Walls of auto parts and car care products. Tires, windshield wipers, car batteries, fuses, gas caps, rear-view-mirrors, snow brushes, squeegees. Air fresheners shaped like pine trees. The stench of fresh rubber and plastic. It was all very American, which seemed odd on the surface, as the mall they were set up in was located in Mongolia, but the area was under heavy development from an international crowd. One day, the executives in charge of the project had said, this city would fly. And a flying city would be a worldwide envy, a mecca for tourism and spectacle. They'd been smart to come here, he knew. This was where the money would be made, by far-thinking businessfolk with a keen eye for the future and the promise of the technology in development.

He'd worked hard to get the business off the ground. It hadn't been easy, but he knew that hard work equaled great rewards. If you just put in the effort, you would earn yourself a return on investment that was worth the elbow grease you contributed to the cause. So he worked hard. He was in every advertisement, on every poster, all over the show floor. His gleaming smile and clever quips caught the eye of the locals, and slowly but surely Big Shot Autos began to build up steam.

He remembered 1997. The big time. His favorite year. Business was booming, and what was once a small outlet in the mall was now turning to grander plans. In the works was the impending launch of a new website. Big Shot Autos would harness the power of the information superhighway, and he was there every step of the way once again. He adorned pop-ups and banner ads, letting his personality and charm do the work for him. Promotional items with his grinning face were produced by the thousand. Investors were eager to dump money on this humble little mall tenant as they promised incredible things with the power of technology. He was on top of the world, and the view was dizzying.

Chatzy Madness Volume 396: LOVELY

Bree: hi jrm
Jumpropeman: hi bree!
Bree: ooh, I get an exclamation point
RubyChao: treasure it
Jumpropeman: I'm in a good mood today
Jumpropeman: I know I'm usually a dour grump so savor it
Jumpropeman: I won't be rapping anyone's knuckles with my ruler tonight
Harpy: oh nooo
Jumpropeman: I know you were looking forward to it Harpy
Jumpropeman: you'll need someone else to rap with Knuckles

--- 

Harpy:

Gooper Blooper: thiiiiiis yeeeeear, to save me from
Harpy: i made the most disgusting laugh
Gooper Blooper: i'll give it to someone
Gooper Blooper: [[specil]]
Harpy: oh fuk
Harpy: god damn it

---

Bree: bree status: pizza guy knocked like three times in the span of ten seconds so I hurried getting up, put my slippers on the wrong feet, and fell on the way to the door
Harpy: noooooooooooooooOOOOO
Jumpropeman: dang
Bree: 👍

---

Harpy: so this is businessplot next year right-
Jumpropeman: evil Kogasa makes BrEAd
RubyChao: that image would kill Honoka
Harpy: this is how we take down EA
Harpy: right in the bread store
Moss Sheep: It'd kill her with a gluten-free baguette.
Harpy: i don't think the fact that its gluten free would kill her
Harpy: this loaf is blocked behind DLC

Chatzy Madness Volume 395: Is That Enough Shrek, Though?

Cornwind Evil: Playing Lunar Dragon Song and playing Final Fantasy 7 is the difference between eating a box of cookies that expired two years ago that you plucked from the back of a convenience store's shelves and eating a piece of wedding cake frozen after the wedding
Jumpropeman: playing one jrpg so close to another really puts into perspective how deep the failures were in lunar dragon song

--- 

Jumpropeman: link
Draco: How did you know what Par Seas is working on?

---

Draco: Sumireko is in the mobile game as an enemy.
Jumpropeman: cute- I mean... uh, terrifying?
Draco: I'm scared.

---

Jumpropeman: i didn't notice the Wiki Trawls chatzy madness tag before
Jumpropeman: but I'm glad it exists in case I ever get nostalgic about that sexy as hell Ms. Fieldmouse
Harpy: that's how you're going to get a fieldmouse dream
Gooper Blooper: I came up with it a year or two ago and retroactively added it to Chatzy Madnesses with notable wiki quoting segments
Gooper Blooper: We've gotten some incredible riffing material from those things so I wanted a tag
Gooper Blooper: g e n t l e _ b e a r
Jumpropeman: "Ms. Fieldmouse is ostensibly kind, unbearably beautiful, very attractive, insanely sexy and caring"
Jumpropeman: i love that build up to end with "caring"
Harpy: insanely sexy
Gooper Blooper: insanely caring
RubyChao: fieldmouse for rp
Harpy: pretty sure that's most of my cast described
Jumpropeman: too hot for rp, I say
Harpy: we have stella
Jumpropeman: you're right, cats eat mice...
Harpy: damn rite
Gooper Blooper: "Stella Hoshii is ostensibly kind, unbearably beautiful, very attractive, insanely sexy and caring" - last edit made by Sapphire Drachen
Harpy: sammy can't compete with that

---

RubyChao: "I never remember what my actual objective is in Metroid games. I just wander around until I find something new.
Adam will be like "You need to activate the generator in Sector 7 and clear the foliage from the turbines to proceed." and I'm like "Walk around using my latest upgrade on every inch of the map. Gotcha.""
RubyChao: me
Jumpropeman: "Metroid Fusion is too linear" "not if you don't pay attention to anything" *taps forehead*

Chatzy Madness Volume 394: Meet The Mets (AKA Lunar Dragon Song Edition, AKA "Swack")

Harpy: i am tempted by an owl mask
Meow Sheep: Sounds like a
Meow Sheep: real
Meow Sheep: HOOT
RubyChao: more like a real
RubyChao: HOOPLA
Meow Sheep: It's a swingthing!

--- 

Jumpropeman: next year I will be introducing
Jumpropeman: MULTIPLE
Jumpropeman: male characters
Bree: WHAT
Jumpropeman: bold, I know
Bree: wao!!
Gooper Blooper: Oh boy, more moles!
RubyChao: gasp!!!
Bree: lel goops XD
Harpy: can i date them
Harpy: no wait that's phrasing
Bree: mole dating simulator
Harpy: may i ship them with one of these LUCKY LADIES
Jumpropeman: they will all be eligible bachelors
Harpy: garsp

---

Draco: Relevant to RP:
Jumpropeman: Mega Drive sitting on her porch in a rocking chair eating werther's originals
Gooper Blooper: link
Bree: sumi no
Bree: how could you hurt dolby like this
Bree: top ten anime betrayals

---

(Re: My 2021 Touhou Sorter results)

RubyChao: someday goops will be unable to leave out the pc-98 games
RubyChao: because we will have ruined too many hus from them
Harpy: do you really think we can bring back orange
Harpy: read: bootleg meiling
RubyChao: NOTHING WILL STOP US
Gooper Blooper: I do like that the two most important PC-98 hus are from the same game so I only need to include one for now
RubyChao: luize DESTROYED
Gooper Blooper: man, I forgot all about her...
Jumpropeman: luize is louise in the sorter right?
RubyChao: yep
Jumpropeman: I've been treating her as such
Harpy: you won't forget in season 13 :)
RubyChao: i'm just used to the old translation
Harpy: geez, luize
Gooper Blooper: Holy crap Luize, remember the time you were in RP?
Harpy: blasphemous
RubyChao: `ban Gooper Blooper

Chatzy Madness Volume 393: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

Gooper Blooper: as I continue to read thirty-year-old magazines, here is 80s Badger
Jumpropeman: oh snap
Jumpropeman: too strong
Jumpropeman: I hope our cultural shorthand for "cool" is never updated
Jumpropeman: I want to continue seeing ridiculous characters with shades and gold chains riding skateboards and all that

--- 

Gooper Blooper: I almost said that the "large boulder the size of a small boulder" that struck Kumonga during his final battle with Pillbox gave him Bonkus Of The Konkus but I decided I'd already made that moment stupid enough for what was supposed to be a fairly intense fite finale

---

Gooper Blooper: link link
Jumpropeman: the extended family!
Jumpropeman: registeel just LOSING it over there
Gooper Blooper: just a dad and his growing family of ridiculous meme golems
Gooper Blooper: THE IRON WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Gooper Blooper: *registeel flailing*

---

MobileDraco: This is roughly fifty feet away from me:
Jumpropeman: holy moly!
Jumpropeman: that's a mother lode of bigfoot merch
Gooper Blooper: A treasure trove!
Munster Sheep: We found him, guys
Jumpropeman: I actually have that plush bigfoot on the left
Gooper Blooper: I like the christmas ornaments
RubyChao: buy that entire store
RubyChao: and give it to JRM
Jumpropeman: im concerned about the lower left bigfoot mugs, but I appreciate a mug with a MUGSHOT on it
Gooper Blooper: the lower left ones appear to be the same as the lower right ones, so you can look at both to see the full design
MobileDraco: Chao, I am in an AIRPORT. I might be crazy enough to buy real Fumos, but I'm not depraved enough to buy things in an airport. D;
Jumpropeman: some things money can't buy. Those things are at an airport gift shop
Gooper Blooper: what if an airport sold fumos
Jumpropeman: even Jeff Bezos would balk at the price
MobileDraco sweats nervously.
MobileDraco: Heck, if the airport sold actual Fumos, I'd give 'em my kidney, sure.