Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Spider Patrol

It's another day in the South American jungle, and as usual a very large arachnid was investigating their territory in search of anything out of the ordinary. 

Of course, to some, this creature itself was out of the ordinary. A gigantic tarantula with a body the size of a twin bed, it strode through the jungle without a care for it supposedly being impossible for such a large arthropod to exist. It stomped forward with steady and sure strides as it made the rounds on its' practiced route, a route it had taken every day for years. Nearby villagers could set their timepieces to the march of the spider, which was known as a "Moulder" for the fungi that grew upon its' body. Scientists who had observed the creature as it performed its' daily constitutional surmised that the mold, moss, and mushrooms sprouting from the spider's back played a key role in its' biology, but as the species was considered extremely rare, no one had yet gotten approval to capture it and study it more closely. It didn't help that until recently it was very uncommon to find any outsiders researching Agama's surrounding flora and fauna. This region of South America had been an isolated lost world of sorts, harboring mysterious creatures and long-lost civilizations no one had been able to dig into until now. Maybe this year, with Kobber attention focused on the region, the secrets of the jungle would finally start to be unlocked.

While the Moulder's meanderings were far from the most important mystery, at least as far as scholars were concerned, it too seemed ripe for answers. Those who studied the Moulder's path noted that it was very rigid, but when outside circumstances forced the spider to act, it proved surprisingly intelligent. This odd mix of brainpower and static routine caused no end of headscratching. The Moulder would make small diversions to catch nearby prey or avoid possible predators, and unexpected obstacles that weren't there the day before, such as a fallen tree blocking the path, were easily navigated over or around. But whenever the Moulder's pace was interrupted, it would resume its' patrol at a faster speed until it caught back up to its' proper schedule, arriving at each point of interest at the same time every day like the public transportation of people's dreams.

Today's first unexpected obstacle was a large log lying horizontally across the path. The Moulder came to a cautious stop a dozen feet from it, letting out a chirp as its' pedipalps, the small leglike limbs near its' mouth, rubbed together. This was no ordinary toppled tree. The spider could tell that something was wrong. Its' suspicions were confirmed when the trunk suddenly sprouted legs and rose up off the ground, and a huge insect head emerged from one end of the fallen tree.

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 382: Fungus Never Disappoints

Draco pounces on the new Chatzy Madness like Meiling seeing a new cute girl to fall in love with.

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Draco: We're making this the new forum banner.

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Marbles Sheep: "N Goat: These pretzel sticks are awful"
Marbles Sheep: They really were though.
Marbles Sheep: They really were.
Marbles Sheep gazes silently out the window

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Jumpropeman: "Mega Drive's #1 fan."
Jumpropeman: this guy
Jumpropeman: he don't know
Jumpropeman: this tumblr does make me aware of a Lost Episode of Sega Hard Girls though
Jumpropeman: one with Master System in it!
Jumpropeman: sadly it's only in Japanese
Jumpropeman: its also full of rehashed animations from the other episodes :V
Gooper Blooper: pictured: mega drive's actual number one fan
Draco: That guy is obviously lying to himself because I saw this.
Jumpropeman: that's how I found him! But also, I am now following because like, how else will we get the hottest new hard girl fanart besides this dude?
Draco: Good question!
Draco: Draw it yourself, then you'll always know when new art is available.

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(Harpy and myself leave Chatzy at the same time)

Draco: Bye Harpy's Friend Goops.
Draco: Bye Goops' Friend Harpy.
Gooper Blooper left the chat
Draco: I'm all alone. ;-;
Jumpropeman: yup
Jumpropeman: Draco's friend Draco
Draco: My ONLY friend.
RubyChao: draco is friends with draco???
Draco: Correct.
Draco: He even follows me on MySpace.

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Working from Del: wario's pants remain terrifying

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Jumpropeman joined the chat
Jumpropeman congeals

Friday, March 12, 2021

Casting Call

They came from the dark corners of Agama. The criminal elements of this South American region did not seem like much compared to the toxic heights of Olympia in 2019, when The Curse had an iron grip on every aspect of the city's existence, but it has long been a sad truth that no matter where one goes, if enough people gather together, a few bad eggs inevitably try to take advantage of the rest. Agama was no different, and it was here that Mr. Hippo would plant his flag and rebuild The Curse into a group worth defending again.

The fact that he was holding official tryouts with papers tacked up on local stores' bulletin boards and a big 'VILLAINS WELCOME' sign outside the office building he'd rented for interviews meant that he was attracting only a certain type of evil, though.

Not that Mr. Hippo minded. These were his people.

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 381: The Empire Of Michigan

RubyChao: which ZFRP plot is this
Jumpropeman: Forearms Gang
Jumpropeman: aka the junction point that formed MALP :V
RubyChao: are you ready for me to bring in MALP kotohime as a tragic woman who lost sight of her way and became as bad as the MALP themselves
Jumpropeman: Grand Moff Kotohime of Admiral James's galactic navy
Draco: You found me out. The real reason I've been doing all this X-Wing stuff is to set up pictures of MALP Empress Sasami leading a fleet of organic Star Destroyers to invade Appalachia.
Jumpropeman: APPALACHIA?! You've gone too far!
Draco: That's right. She even used an app to decipher the nuclear launch codes instead of hunting down ten random zombies like Todd Howard intended!
RubyChao: look, we even have colors for her
Draco: It's like Dragon Balls except there's ten, you can only wish to launch a nuclear missile, and you can decipher Porunga's passcode from a website instead of needing to speak Namekian.
RubyChao: SHE'S GOT A GUN
Jumpropeman: those aint cuffs!
Draco: Yeah, but she's waving it around like a dork. Even Sumi takes her 3D printed gun seriously.
RubyChao: you got me, jrm
RubyChao: that's the Negahime
RubyChao: she's just disguised as Kotohime

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Jumpropeman: dog toy or furry bait?
Harpyathome: vore bait.
Harpyathome: *cursed words*
Harpyathome: seriously though, i have 0 idea.
pizza o’ clock: Whut
Harpyathome: chat's cursed.
MobileDraco joined the chat
Jumpropeman: hi seX
Jumpropeman: ...
Jumpropeman: well
Jumpropeman: "drac" with your fingers one key to the left is interesting
RubyChao: is this a proposition for him?
snowvel: oh my
MobileDraco: Sorry, JRM. No seX for me.

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Gooper Blooper: got some new stuff today, so here's some pics
Harpyathome: oooo
Gooper Blooper: The battle intensifies
Harpyathome: charmander's fucking dead
Gooper Blooper: Who will win the legendary showdown? WHO WILL BE LEFT STANDING?! WHO WILL-
Gooper Blooper: wait a minute
Jumpropeman: A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES
Gooper Blooper: link
Jumpropeman: that's how you know she's truly ruined
MobileDraco: She's made it big. 😉
Gooper Blooper: coven blogpost reminded me of my witchy plans and here we are

Friday, February 12, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 380: Elf Bowling The Movie

RubyChao: "But, she is really fun to RP, although I still don't get the intense interest with her. Like, she's super fun, but, I mean, what's so special about her? The design? The attitude?"
RubyChao: so jrm
RubyChao: six years later
RubyChao: have you gotten it yet?
Jumpropeman: free me from this shimmer curse- I mean, no, yeah, she's pretty cool

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Jumpropeman: gooper's blog got revamped for the setting I see!
RubyChao: yep!
Gooper Blooper: Yes, I always revamp the blog when we move to a new setting!
Gooper Blooper: It has previously changed appearances for Vegas, Kuwahawi, and Olympia
RubyChao: i look forward to you finding a good appearance for our next setting after agama:
RubyChao: Generic Featureless Plain
RubyChao: empty, textureless expanse for miles and miles
RubyChao: except for the bar counter that's sitting in the middle
RubyChao: not a bar building. just the counter.
Gooper Blooper: oh hell yeah, finally, a place where we can be all................ A L O N E
Jumpropeman: alternatively, everyone is shrunk down on the next setting and everything takes place on top of Waluigi's nose
Draco: I admittedly had to threaten Goops with possible violence or pouting if he removed Gloria.
Jumpropeman: so gooper's background is just an extremely zoomed in image of waluigi
Gooper Blooper: I remember the Gloria Riot
Gooper Blooper: she was placed back on her prominent sidebar spot after much outcry
Jumpropeman petitions for a Rachel sidebar
RubyChao: oh sure
RubyChao: rachel sidebar, dolby sidebar, gloria sidebar
RubyChao: but no sumi sidebar...
Draco: Nobody likes Sumi. BI

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Draco: When Season 12 ends and we leave Agama, please visit Silvania's new venture in the underwater city, the Bigger Shirt Store, specializing in shirts that are bigger than the one you're currently wearing.
Jumpropeman: I don't think Silvania has seen how big my shirt is 😏
Draco: Please don't leave her a 2-star Yelp review, Mr. T-Shirt Wearing Man. D:
Jumpropeman: my t-shirts are used as parachutes for the space shuttle, they're that big
Draco: Oh! Well, she's got a Craig Stadler t-shirt in that size, but it's pre-Saturn Craig.
Jumpropeman: when I wear them I just kinda pile them atop me
Draco: Smart. The layers will protect you when IRL Shimmer finds you and tries to zap you.
Jumpropeman: I'm safe from irl Shimmer. She still hasn't figured out how to use a map
Draco: Clever.

Monday, February 8, 2021

Every Witch Way

The mansion was located some distance away from the main city of Agama. One of the canals had a natural branch connected to it formed by nature's wear rather than the hands of the populace, and if you followed that little branch along a winding dirt path, stooping under low-hanging tree branches and tromping across a weathered old wooden walkway that stretched across the river, you would eventually come across the mansion in a clearing in the jungle. Surrounded by tall trees and difficult to see from any distance outside of the clearing, the old building was nonetheless full of life if the lights in the windows and shadows flickering across them were any indication.

"This mansion was built 220 or so years ago, at the end of the 18th century. It's been renovated a few times, but when The Coven got to it, it hadn't been touched in years. We didn't even have electricity until we got some crystal generators hooked up!"

Momopie had been babbling a mile a minute since the three witches had started on their walk. Behind her trailed Megumin, half paying attention to her friend's words in favor of taking in her surroundings. Bringing up the rear was Missy, who was munching on a granola bar she'd pulled from her overstuffed "Midnight Store" branded backpack.

"So according to our research, the original owner of this mansion was the last of a bloodline that had once been in high standing in Europe. They'd hobnobbed with royalty and acquired many riches! But over time, the kings and queens and other well-to-do folks retired or died and the next generation came into power, and the influence of the family declined as the new rulers were less interested in what they had to say. Eventually the line was whittled down to one eccentric old man, and so he became a recluse."

"Really. And what was this guy's name?" Megumin asked.

"Ehhh, I think it was Don Huxtable or something? I didn't pay much attention to that part."

"You seem to know the rest well enough."

"People are more interesting than their names." Momopie chirped as the three girls reached the entrance to the mansion. "So anyway, this Yon Yonson guy had no kids or descendants or living relatives at all, so he had this mansion built and then spent the rest of his life using what he had left on him to collect stuff. He gathered together things from all over the world and made what people back then liked to call a 'cabinet of curiosities'. Rich adventurer types liked to make them to show off their worldliness."

"Wait a second, wait a second." Megumin waved a hand, Momopie turning curiously. "I thought Agama was only recently re-discovered and hasn't invited tourists in ages. How'd this guy know where Agama was?"

"That's the strangest part!" Momopie grinned. "He didn't! This mansion was built in Europe."

"..........Wha?"

"Two decades after it was finished, the mansion vanished from where it was built. Only a large hole in the ground remained. Nobody outside of Agama knew it had shown up here until The Coven researched it and worked out the place's history."

"But how could that have possibly happened?!" Megumin exclaimed, scratching under her hat while Missy, enraptured, inhaled another granola bar.

Momopie just shrugged. "We don't know! But it was probably some kind of lost magic spell. It just made the mansion even better for us as a meeting place, no?"

Megumin looked up at the mansion, towering over her and the other girls. Suddenly the building seemed to take on an ever-more ominous tone. She could have sworn she heard an owl hooting, even though it was a cloudy afternoon and she was PRETTY sure owls didn't live in Agama.

"Anyway, let's head on in! I can't wait to introduce you to everyone!" Momopie knocked on the door, which then opened a crack. An echoing, metallic voice solemnly called out.

"Who goes there."

Momopie leaned in and smirked as she answered with "Momopie! I got the two new recruits I picked up at Olympia with me!"

"Entry accepted. Welcome back, Momopie. Welcome, new members." The door swung open, and as light spilled into the mansion, the girls could see that the speaker was what appeared to be a tall suit of armor... and it didn't seem as if anyone was inside.

"Thanks, Armory." Momopie giggled as the witches slipped inside.

Saturday, January 30, 2021

Chatzy Madness Volume 379: Stadler Ni Chousen

Jumpropeman: saw this cereal box on top of the fridge today
Jumpropeman: I don't like how it looks like Toucan Sam is one of those photoshopped birds with arms
Jumpropeman: they're usually wings that have feather form fingers
Jumpropeman: but here they're human arms turned blue
Jumpropeman: to compare
Jumpropeman: admittedly other images of mr. sam show the wings-to-arms better but I figure at least show something closer to what they're going for
Mid Sheep: What have they done to Toucan Sam
Mid Sheep: a play in two acts

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The Deleter: Finally picked Pokémon sword back up
The Deleter: Spikemuth looks like how I remember Nottingham :U

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Hooded Pitohui: Ma
Hooded Pitohui: yu
Hooded Pitohui: mi
RubyChao: it begins
Hooded Pitohui: (that's all for now, picture wise)
RubyChao: folks i have been hearing about this girl for a month
RubyChao: now
RubyChao: it is your turn.
Gooper Blooper: I enjoyed how at the end of his blogpost he just started overflowing with hype
Hooded Pitohui: This girl! I can't even tell you! Chao linked me one (1) remix of her theme for completely unrelated reasons to her specifically - this one specifically (warning, it's kind of loud)
Gooper Blooper: My first exposure to her was earlier last year, when Harpy linked HANIPAGANDA- there it is
OOPS ALL CATS: HA HA HA
Gooper Blooper: it definitely made a strong first impression
Mid Sheep sees Random Cute Girl shattered
Mid Sheep: Okay, NOW I'm interested
Hooded Pitohui: And then after a few weeks, months, I forget, he links this one
Hooded Pitohui: And from there my mind goes off as I research this girl and ideas for her start clicking rapid-fire, everything new I learn about her incorporating seamlessly
Gooper Blooper: She's made of clay, Sheep
Gooper Blooper: Just like Carla's new bod, since they're from the same lady
Mid Sheep: I don't hate what I'm seeing of this character
Mid Sheep: As Some Hat Girl Sans Hat, she's setting a high bar
Gooper Blooper: she leads her army of gyroids and needle-less cactaurs into battle
Hooded Pitohui: Into giving her a new spin, building an idea for a character rooted in what we know about her but also on its own two feet
Hooded Pitohui: Sheep! Finding out she's made of clay, seeing all the art of her shattering in part, it was all a grand trip, let me tell you
RubyChao: reminder
Gooper Blooper: Sheep definitely likes it when the cute girls aren't just cute girls
RubyChao: pitohui took the touhou sorter like what
Gooper Blooper: he's a fan of Dolby
RubyChao: two weeks after i linked the second theme to him?
RubyChao: and she was second
OOPS ALL CATS: keiki be like :o
Hooded Pitohui: She has some wonderful potential in the strange ways, this Haniwa Lance Corporal as they call her
RubyChao: out of all touhous
RubyChao: this has been building ridiculously fast and high
Gooper Blooper: The sorter was our first time seeing the love
Draco: What if...the cute girl...was also...A FIRE FIGHTER?
RubyChao: sanae making ends meet
Gooper Blooper: I expected "lel first place is a birb" but this was the big surprise
Mid Sheep: I have high hopes, Mr, Pitohui
RubyChao: i'm honestly surprised he managed to wait this long to finally do this
Mid Sheep: High hopes.
Gooper Blooper: on it, draco
Hooded Pitohui: On one hand, I don't want to go into all the specifics when it comes to the plans for her, but, goodness, she's so cute, such a dork in the best way but also this serious girl who ascribes importance to history and what's been discarded and forgotten
Gooper Blooper: oh hey, well if that ain't just PERFECT for Agama
OOPS ALL CATS: i mean
OOPS ALL CATS: gotta wait til things are confirmed right?
OOPS ALL CATS: *cries in tanuki*
Gooper Blooper: considering almost everyone seems to converging on "ARCHAEOLOGY ARCHAEOLOGY" for Agama plans
Draco: Thank you, Goops. You're a hero.
Draco: Wait, we're doing ARCHAEOLOGY? I thought we were all doing ARACHNOLOGY!!! *cancels The Spiders*
RubyChao: i sure am!
Mid Sheep: I'm torn between Dmitri and Marlow Briggs for Agama...
Gooper Blooper: don't cancel the spiders
Gooper Blooper: I have A Lot Of Spiders planned for Agama
Gooper Blooper: potentially an entire event filled with them
Gooper Blooper: spiders everywhere
OOPS ALL CATS: oh boy, tori can bring her electric spider?!?!?
Mid Sheep: Return of the Visorak
Mid Sheep: Prep your h and k keys!
Gooper Blooper flings Cordie into the jungle
Draco: Very well. I shall bring back...The Spiders.
Draco: *reveals that the entire hotel staff is Spiders, even the ones RP'd by other users*