Chatzy Madness Volume 191: Go Away, Letty

RubyChao: i had a horrible dream last night
RubyChao: where it was STILL SNOWING
SteelKomodo: ey rc- D:
RubyChao: (it wasn't that bad but oh god if i woke up and it was snowing all over again)
Kogasa: fak u snow

(later)

RubyChao: ...i opened the window
RubyChao: aaaand it seems to be snowing
SteelKomodo: D:
SteelKomodo: DDDD:
RubyChao: well apparently my dream wasn't too far off the mark

---

Gooper Blooper: Yesterday afternoon I was using my tablet, and it's a Kindle Fire so Amazon puts ads on the wakeup screen
Gooper Blooper: Yesterday the Amazon Store's ~Free App of the Day~ was none other than Five Nights At Freddy's 2. Despite not downloading the game, looking up anything about the game, or doing anything else Freddy-related at all, I wound up having a FNAF-themed nightmare. Apparently his ugly mug on the ad was all it took, which is bizarre
Gooper Blooper: And the dream wasn't exactly accurate, either
RubyChao: well, it is a horror game! :V
Gooper Blooper: Instead, I was with Goopsbro in a house similar to the one I used to live in before I moved in 2006 (this house was the one I grew up in and is permanently burned into my mental images of house interiors)
SteelKomodo: D:
Gooper Blooper: So it was the two of us in a familiar yet unfamiliar house, and we were in a room that was like his room in said house but not really
SteelKomodo: oh god not freddy
SteelKomodo: Goops was not Ready for Freddy
Gooper Blooper: And we had to watch out for freddyesque toys and the like that were hiding around the house
RubyChao: sk pls
Gooper Blooper: Like they weren't Freddy, but they were like something you'd see in a spinoff, they had a similar "art style"
RubyChao: my original character Bleddy
Gooper Blooper: freddy whiterock
SteelKomodo: oh god
Gooper Blooper: So we're on a bed in the room, and it's well-lit in the room but nighttime if you looked out the window, and a Not-Freddy Toy falls from a shelf above the bed into my lap
SteelKomodo: Not Freddy pls
Gooper Blooper: And at first it doesn't do anything but being out in the open makes it start to "wake up". I shove it into a bucket and clap a lid over it, but the toy starts vibrating violently and is about to break out, and me and goopsbro just kind of take it in stride as if it's an actual video game
Gooper Blooper: So we're just like "fuck, we have to start over" and Goopsbro gets up off the bed and hits the light switch, which works as a reset button and ends the "scene"
RubyChao: well that's one way to solve the problem, lel
SteelKomodo: lel
Gooper Blooper: Next thing I remember I'm in the same building, but alone this time, fumbling through a darkened room towards a lamp
Gooper Blooper: I have a very strong feeling I'm being watched, but I get to the lamp, turn it on, and fumble around a bit more without incident, though it feels like there's more Not Freddies hanging around the corners (btw, I think the initial Not Freddy was rabbitlike, like a cartoon easter bunny or Buster from Tiny Toons but with the freddy eyes))
SteelKomodo: oh god
SteelKomodo: not-bonnie pls
RubyChao: 2spooky
Gooper Blooper: >​go to amazon front page
Gooper Blooper: "new for you: five nights at freddy's 3"
Gooper Blooper: amazon, now is not the time
RubyChao: get ready for freddy
SteelKomodo: AMAZON STAHP

The City of Lights

Las Vegas. A metropolis of light, sound, and color, located in a seemingly bizarre location - the deserts and badlands of Nevada. Yet here life has flourished. Amongst this artificial paradise, ordinary people and extraordinary people intermingle. Casinos, hotels, malls and resorts light the city up at night, making it into a glitzy neon world different from anywhere else on the planet. And if it wasn't a crazy enough life here already, things are soon to get even wilder.

The kobbers are coming.

Are the people already here prepared?

Chatzy Madness Volume 190: HE

SteelKomodo: it's St. Patrick's day, which means I drank more alcohol than usual :U
Draco: One of my coworkers greeted me with an awful Irish accent this morning.
SteelKomodo: oh god D:
Draco: He dropped it pretty quickly though so I survived.
SteelKomodo: phew
Draco: So do the Pitbros ever know where they are the morning of March 18?
SteelKomodo: Pit might. Dirk? Not so much :U
Bree: does Dirk have a "kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt?
SteelKomodo: ey bree
SteelKomodo: I dunno, he might :U
Draco: "Sorry, Pit, not even my all-seeing Goddess Eye knows how you got in the penguin exhibit."
Bree: and then one of the penguins says "dood" and Pit resolves to never drink ever again
SteelKomodo: XD
Harpy: "dood it's rude to join in the prinny-only hot spring without asking!"
Bree: dood, it's rood
Bree: Dirk seems like he'd have that shirt but only wear it around sephine
Bree: like, he bought it just to wear in front of sephine
Draco: He'd get that on a speedo for Jo.
SteelKomodo: hahaha
Bree: or for himself, because as I recall Dirk's quite proud of his own arse :U
SteelKomodo: trufax

---

Gooper Blooper: You know what's even weirder than Chatzy updating to feature location flags?
Gooper Blooper: Chatzy suddenly deciding it doesn't need to show location flags after all
RubyChao: yeah that was fast

---

Gooper Blooper: from the back of my one-pound chocolate rabbit:
Gooper Blooper: "Servings Per Container: 10"
Gooper Blooper: you're funny
RubyChao: it's like my favorite candy-related joke
RubyChao: "share size"
Gooper Blooper: Yeah I noticed those popping up a few years back when there was a backlash against king size and the like
Gooper Blooper: thank you for separating this chocolate bar into two convenient halves, it makes it easier to hold
SteelKomodo: King Harkinian Size
SteelKomodo: "HAO YES"
Gooper Blooper: Sarah Size
SteelKomodo: Josephine's butt is share size, but Dirk ain't sharin

---

Gooper Blooper: Josephine is totally getting drunk with Dirk btw
Gooper Blooper: she also may or may not have intentionally appeared in front of him wearing no green on purpose
RubyChao: by the way, did i ever share one of the biggest - JO PLS

Chatzy Madness Volume 189: Tenshi Edition

Deleter: wulf i may be coming to the usa in the near future
Saberwulf: Gesp
Deleter: gusp
Saberwulf: Which area of this wonderful land of highways and starbucks would you be visiting?
Deleter: it depends on which part of the training course i take
Saberwulf: Do the one that sends you to the east coast, the west is garbage
Deleter: i could be in ohio, massachusetts, california, washington, colorado
Deleter: wulf i fear your eastcoastness may bias you :P
Deleter: also i have never been to the us ever so
Deleter: i want to experience the long highways, shitty commercials, terrible food and insane worldview fresh and wide-eyed
Saberwulf: Ohio's boring, Mass is okay but HORRENDOUSLY WHITE, Cali's poppin' but the cities are giant slums and everything outside of them is racist and homophobic, Washington if you mean the state is really chill but a burger is 15 dollars and everyone shoots heroin, colorado has legal weed and is a lot cheaper than washington
Deleter: yeah but dross is in ohio so i can go surprise him
Saberwulf: Pff
Deleter: REMEMBER ME CARL
Deleter: WHEN I PLAYED THE ROLES, I TALKED JUST LIKE THIIIIIIS

---

Saberwulf: I apparently rendered a woman a complete sobbing mess with my poetry so I guess I have talent

---

Gooper Blooper: I am going to make a boyga
Gooper Blooper: I also have donuts
Gooper Blooper: good times
Saberwulf: Make the burger from the boondocks
Saberwulf: Bacon cheeseburger between two krispy kreme donuts
Saberwulf: You'll die but damn will it be worth it
Deleter: scorp's famous flaming boygas
Deleter: literally on fire
Gooper Blooper: Can't be done, my donuts are minis
Saberwulf: That's exactly the kind of thing Scorp would make
Saberwulf: Also damn
Draco: That sounds glorious, Wulf.
Gooper Blooper: *sarah eats one in ZFRP*
SteelKomodo: lel

---

Deleter: im
Deleter: im gonna post
Deleter: like right now aaaaaa
Breetannia: STAND BACK EVERYONE, HE'S GONNA DO IT
Breetannia: HE'S GONNA MAKE THE POSTE

---

RubyChao: rip satori
Gooper Blooper: but it's so soft
RubyChao: notice that okuu's boobs smashed her into the wall, though
Gooper Blooper: oh okay
Gooper Blooper: 2booby

Character Musings: Reading Rainbow

Today we're going to be looking at Gloria Encarta, everyone's favorite summoner librarian.

Like Josephine, Gloria was initially designed to kind of just be there in the background to show that Sarah's sisters were "making it" with their own identities. While Josephine was built around being "average", Gloria was built around being "boring". Quiet, studious, uninterested in pairings, and considers sitting all day while looking at books to be an ideal way to spend an afternoon. It even extended to her physical appearance - I wound up designing Gloria as such that almost any question about her looks could be answered with vagueness, like so:

Is she short? Nah, not really. So she's tall? Ehh, guess so. Is she chubby? Mmnh, not particularly. So she's skinny, then? Wellll, I wouldn't use those exact words. And so on. Gloria was just kind of... there.

Gloria wasn't completely dull as dirt, though. She actually managed to acquire a bit of characterization early on - very early on, when she was still "White Mage 1" - that she has held onto ever since, that being that she is the "leader" of the four sisters. Individually, Sarah, Josephine, and Ariel are competent but flawed. Add in the eldest sister, and they become a cohesive unit that is much more difficult to break down than any of the girls alone. Gloria was the closest thing to a parental figure the other girls had when they lost both parents as teens. Even today, the others seek out Gloria for advice on occasion.

Then, as so often happens with my secondary characters, something happened to make Gloria more important than planned. In this case, it was The Tractor. Gloria went on a hot streak in her first few battles in Season 2, and her reputation as a tractor goddess was cemented in a fight against some of Cornwind's Mavericks, where she rolled multiple 20s and 21s in a single fight, including her finisher, in which she teleported using Exit and reappeared next to a Maverick (Earthrock Trilobyte), calculated so that her staff would materialize inside the Maverick's head. Later, in Season 3, Gloria went on another streak during my Castle Crashers-themed plot and utterly wrecked a bunch of mooks in a cave with rolls ranging from the high teens to 21, including a moment where she rolled a 1 and a 21 back-to-back, just to fake them out. Since then, Gloria's luck has not been as good, but her early runs left a lasting impression.

Gloria has something of a following, now (though all of the sisters seem to nowadays with the possible exception of Ariel) and when I asked Chao one day why he likes Gloria so much, he gave a pretty sensible answer: Gloria is down-to-earth, grounded, and multifaceted. She quietly became one of my most well-rounded characters, with unique aspects to her rarely seen elsewhere. Her and Chao's shared love of books doesn't hurt.

I put a bit of myself into each of the four sisters. Gloria reflects my childhood obsession with books. Although I certainly have nothing against books today, when I was a child they were incredibly important to me. I had and still have a seriously big library of books, and I had dozens of favorites as a kid that I read over and over. In a broader sense, Gloria also embodies my love of nostalgia. I'm a nostalgic sort of person who often reflects fondly on days gone by, and Gloria's loves of tradition, old books, and museums and distaste of any new technology that replaces an old standby is part of that (Widow Maker's love of retro video games and Sarah enjoying old Garfield comics is another aspect of said nostalgia).

Like virtually everyone else covered in these Character Musings posts, Gloria is going to return once again in Season 5. How much she'll do remains to be seen, and I actually have no real plan for her right now, but she's already shown up in Vegas thanks to my "The Very Best" blog story, so she'll be doing SOMETHING... I just don't know what, yet.

Chatzy Madness Volume 188: This Way To Right Asscheek

(Draco is opening packs of Phantom Forces Pokemon cards)

Draco: Helioptile, Finneon, Poochyena, Sewaddle, Chansey, shiny Escavalier, Crobat, Mystery Energon, Gengar Spirit Link, and Kingler.
Gooper Blooper: >​mystery energon
Gooper Blooper: *sarah blechs in the distance*
Draco: =I

---

(Harpy is traveling by plane)

Kogasa: Landed in DC
Draco: Cool.
Gooper Blooper: harpy 4 prez
Kogasa: saw an outline of a dick when I was looking outside my window
Kogasa: up in the air
Draco: That's the Washington Monument.
Gooper Blooper: lel
Kogasa: I didn't know they let teenagers design the monument now

---

Draco: Next Pogeymon gen will have Mega Goodra. It just turns back into Goomy. BV

---

RubyChao: http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1688199
Gooper Blooper: imagining yuugi just casually strolling down the street holding a rock the size of a house with one arm
Gooper Blooper: "hey how ya doin" "..."
Breetannia: forget the rock, those are some huge stonkin tits
Tipsyleter: great big tonking stits

---

Gooper Blooper: reminder that old dinosaur books loved talking about how fuckin dumb dinosaurs were
Gooper Blooper: "The Diplodocus was nearly 90 feet long. It had a very small brain and was clumsy and stupid."
Draco: Old dinosaur experts had low self esteem and few outlets.
SteelKomodo: hahaha

---

Gooper Blooper: profiles updating, outdoor temperatures on the uptick, ZFRP is rumbling
Breetannia: that's just sarah's stomach
Gooper Blooper: that gave me a really stupid mental image
Gooper Blooper: Saralex in bed, sleeping, Alex awoken suddenly
Gooper Blooper: "Alex?" "What is it, Sarah?" "...I'm hungry, Alex."

Character Musings: Dangerously Genre Savvy

The Sarahkin weren't always my "signature" characters. In the first two seasons of RP, they shared this distinction with another character - the one responsible for this blog's name and logo, Widow Maker the giant praying mantis.

Wids was born in 2010. Major Failure was taking time off from the final battles of Zoofights in order to get married and go on a honeymoon. To help fill the gap, people began holding mini-Zoofights with underpowered Zoofights rejects. I recall "Vuvuzebra" in particular, a zebra with a vuvuzela for a mouth. Just beautiful. Anyway, I wanted to join in, so I submitted some crude sketches and character profiles for two quasi-Zoofighters that would go at it while the Major was away.

When trying to think of monsters, I considered animals Major Failure had never used. The first one to come to mind was a marlin. From this, Marlin the Magnificent was created. Marlin had drills in place of his front fins, a jetpack on his back, and a reinforced snout to make for a devastating battering ram.

For Marlin's opponent, I went with one of my favorite animals, which had never been used in Zoofights - a praying mantis. I made the mantis female, as female mantids are known for being bigger and stronger than males. She received nails on her claws, an invisibility cloak, and a rear-mounted gun that shot black widow spiders. The resulting creature was named Widow Maker and given high intelligence but low defense.

Voting was a landslide in favor of Widow Maker, but Marlin kept it reasonably close when someone drew fanart of him. I ran the tractor upon voting's end and Widow Maker was the winner. The resulting fight was crudely illustrated but pretty good in terms of action, I felt, and ended with Widow Maker decapitating Marlin and piloting his corpse into Ourobouros, the tournament's villain, in order to make her escape.

The following April, Widow Maker resurfaced for the final Zoofights tournament. Initially wearing a cloak to hide her identity for a big reveal right before the tournament began, Widow Maker was a rare sight in the bar early on. I wasn't too comfortable with roleplaying yet, so she spent her time on the sidelines and was very heavily focused on discussing the tournament and the fighters, hanging around The Betting Corner and lamenting her luck as one monster after another lost after she bet on them.

Then ONE VOTE happened (see Sarah's Character Musings for details), and Widow Maker began making more frequent appearances after her release from the hospital. After the Big Bar Brawl, when roleplaying began to truly take off on the forum, Widow Maker became a fixture of the place and one of the most common sights. She was also a baby.

You see, for the first Big Bar Brawl, Widow Maker entered with a weapon given to her by Sine, who felt that Widow Maker could channel her frustration over never winning a bet into an arena win for herself. The weapon, a swordlike thing from the Devil May Cry series, seemed "off", and I decided this meant it contained dark energies. Jumpropeman, in the BBB1 preshow, expanded even further on this and made the weapon outright hostile. After Widow Maker began attacking with it during the Brawl, it began possessing her, and halfway through the fight Widow Maker went on a killing spree and allowed the darkness to consume her completely, becoming a towering nightmare I named "Widow Colossus". Widow Colossus became the first ever Big Bar Brawl godbeast, adapting a long-standing tradition from Zoofights. Fortunately for the Brawl, Alex was able to put Widow Colossus down.

Now for the weirdest part. When Widow Colossus was destroyed, emerging from the remains was a little baby Widow Maker. I adapted this into Widow Maker's abilities - when she is killed, she respawns, but she doesn't come back as her usual self - she comes back as a baby. To return to normal, she had to "gain experience" - either through winning Zoofights bets or winning RP fights. After enough victories, she was restored to an adult body, this time without any nails in her claws or guns stuck to her butt, leaving her a mostly-natural giant mantis.

Baby Widow Maker has all of Widow Maker's intelligence but very little combat ability, and she also cannot fly. In later seasons Babby Wids was something of an inconvenience, but in the very dialogue-heavy Season 1 she had lots to do no matter her current size, and she wound up returning to baby form a second time later in the season.

Wids' most famous trait is her genre-savviness. She seems to be aware she is in a roleplaying forum, or at least is really good at recognizing cliches, tropes, and stereotypes. Any antagonist that acts too stereotypical around Widow Maker is sure to get interrupted and shut down. Wids sometimes seems utterly fearless, and very little fazes her. But that wouldn't be true all of the time...

Widow Maker, despite being a very important character in the first season, never had a proper plot of her own. She almost got one when Marlin the Magnificent returned, given a new head and new weapons by World Creature Wars, but that plotline was scuttled when Cornwind started a new, significantly bigger-in-scope plot on the same night. Widow Maker managed to get "New Marlinnium", as he was now called, on her side to help fight the greater menace, who wound up permakilling New Marlinnium by disintegrating him. Marlinnium later made a handful of cameos in the underworld.

So anyway, since Wids never got a plot, my plan for Season 2 was to craft a large one for her. I decided I wanted the normally stoic Wids to feel fear, and the best way to get her to fear an enemy was by making it personal. I introduced Dr. Bulgrave, a mad scientist who was one of the people responsible for creating Widow Maker in the first place and subjecting her to the horrors of a Zoofights tournament. I'll go into detail on Bulgrave more another time, hopefully, but suffice it to say that merely seeing him triggered traumatic flashbacks in Widow Maker, forcing her to lean on others for help.

After Season 2, Widow Maker mostly vanished from view, but she made returns in seasons 3 and 4. In Season 3, she reappeared for one more crack at the Big Bar Brawl, and in Season 4, she returned as Gloria's "secret weapon" after an overwhelming influx of plots forced Gloria to take a break and return to Manhattan for a week or two.

Widow Maker began life as one of the Zoofights "talking head"-type characters, used pretty much as an avatar to let me discuss Zoofights in-universe. But with the help of the RP Explosion, she became her own character, making friends, going on adventures, and developing a following - and becoming quite fun to RP, especially when there's a logical misstep or cocksure villain for her to tear into. Her returns are always met with positivity, and as Harpy once said, "Nobody keeps it real like Widow Maker". I'm always very happy when a character is a success!

Widow Maker is set to return in a limited role once again in Season 5, this time because of one of the Neo Kobbers - Spitfire, another giant mantis. Widow Maker and Spitfire have been planned to meet since 2013, and at long last the two of them will go head to head in Las Vegas.

The Neo Kobbers At Work

"GET DOWN!" screeched a giant praying mantis.

The young woman obeyed, flinging herself to the grass as the massive tail swung where her head had been moments ago. The beast the tail belonged to roared.

"Son of a bitch." A deep male voice growled. Its' owner nudged the hat atop his head to ensure it was in position, and drew his katana in a single smooth motion. "Rex needs to pick his creatures better."

The city had been quiet recently, but Rex had accidentally shook things up when one of the monsters he was grooming for this summer's tournament had gotten loose. But the Neo Kobbers were on the job - no sooner did Rex squawk out "Look for the giant eel with the huge mouth near Diamond Alley" then a group of them took off to rescue the city.

It was a fine specimen, to be sure - a gulper eel, taken from the black depths of the ocean and pumped full of Titanoboa genes along with a lungfish air sac. The resulting abomination of science was over 60 feet in length and had the jaw muscles to back up the gaping maw's size, unlike the days it spent in the abyss letting water pressure move its' mouth for it. The creature was "sponsored" by a convenience store that actually belonged to Rex himself, and made use of a certain drink-related brand name he'd acquired from one of his trademark buying sprees.

Yes, he'd named the damn thing Big Gulp.

Chatzy Madness Volume 187: Roll for Chuckling

(Regarding an enormous bowl of cereal)

SteelKomodo: ...why D:
Harpy: world records
Harpy: also to appease sarah
Harpy: WE MAKE THIS BIG BOWL OF CEREAL TO HONOR OUR GODDESS, SARAH
SteelKomodo: hahaha
Harpy: I HEARD SHE WAS GETTING MARRIED
Draco: It's Corn Flakes though. She won't eat what ain't sweet.
SteelKomodo: just add a bit of sugar
SteelKomodo: it's what I always did with my corn flakes when I was a kid
Harpy: i just dump sugar on cheerios
Harpy: like a heathen
Draco: I always just bought Frosted Flakes.

---

ivel: "Ice Mario, Tanooki Luigi, and Fire Luigi turn on Boomerang Luigi, killing him."
ivel: IMMEDIATELY
Harpy: die, non-official art char
Harpy: all the non-official art dudes gun die
ivel: :I
ivel: watch Frog Luigi win
Harpy: GAY LUIGI

---

Dark News Del: i wrote the knuckles rpg
SteelKomodo: he has and all
SteelKomodo: seems p. awesome so far
Dark News Del: im writing the gm rules right now
SteelKomodo: woot
RubyChao: oh my god del
RubyChao: that's beautiful
SteelKomodo: hahaha
Dark News Del: gm rules
RubyChao: i like how laughing evilly is a required part
Dark News Del: its v important

Chatzy Madness Volume 186: Hunger Games Simulator Edition

Crinwnd Evil joined the chat
Crinwnd Evil: This is me rtrying to type without my glasses on
Harpy: you did pretty well typing that out without your glasses
Tableter: You're close
SteelKomodo: not bad!
Crinwnd Evil: I have to virtually presses my head to the screen to see
Harpy: nearsighted, farsighted, or astigma- okay so it sounds like severe nearsightedness
Harpy: disclaimer: I am not an eye doctor
Crinwnd Evil: Bearsifghted U Belecve
Harpy: I SUFFER FROM BEARSIGHTEDNESS
Harpy: ALL I CAN SEE ARE BEARS
SteelKomodo: oh lawd

---

Gooper Blooper: meanwhile, checked twitch to see what, if anything, was on Bazza's channel
Gooper Blooper: Someone is playing a Scribblenauts game
Gooper Blooper: He attempted to solve a puzzle by creating Hulk Hogan (who is in fact in the game) and gave him a saxophone
Harpy: lel
Gooper Blooper: Unfortunately, when he tried to place an american flag behind Hogan he took the flag and killed an NPC with it, causing a game over
Harpy: welp
Gooper Blooper: chat explodes into "NEW WORLD ORDER" and "HULK TURNED HEEL"
Breetannia: lel
SteelKomodo: XD
Gooper Blooper: god dammit scribblenauts
Gooper Blooper: he had to give a scientist a "fellow member of the scientific community" to talk with, so he typed in "smart CM Punk" and a little CM Punk wearing a grad cap appeared
Gooper Blooper: it worked
SteelKomodo: XD
Harpy: amazing

---

SteelKomodo: so um
SteelKomodo: remember in an old blog post years ago
SteelKomodo: where I came up with the title "Sky Sharks"?
Gooper Blooper: literally zoofights 1

---

Breetannia: Dirk, the day after Pitsuho wedding: "...hey bro, do you think she'll lay eggs, or do it the conventional way?"
Breetannia: Pit: DIRK PLS
SteelKomodo: XD
RubyChao: goddammit dirk
Gooper Blooper: All signs indicate okuu is doing the latter, but then it turns out the big dramatic PUSH PUUUUSSSHH scene is just to lay a really big egg
RubyChao: "...So do we have to wait an extra month, now?"
Cornwind Evil: Well that was a great thing to come back to
Gooper Blooper: Cornwind, master of timing
Breetannia: #timing
SteelKomodo: #Timing

Chatzy Madness Volume 185: Feedback Poop

RubyChao: "The future is unknown. And lewd. The future is lewd." this is dirksephine. this line right here is the embodiment of dirksephine
SteelKomodo: hahahahaha
Gooper Blooper: I imagined Josephine saying that in hushed tones while looking out at the stars with Dirk
Gooper Blooper: like it's all really romantic except what she's actually saying
SteelKomodo: XD

---

Tableter: BREAKING NEWS
Tableter: A VIDEOGAME MADE A NOT SHIT FEMALE CHARACTER DESIGN
Tableter: Bellonna, roman godess of war, from Smite
Tableter: Witness - reasonable armor, no huge boobs, no high heels, sword as big as her leg
Tableter: Good/10
iKomodo: Hahaha
Kogasa: I approve
Kogasa: Not that anybody needs my approval
Kogasa: *twirls umbrella*

---

Del: i got bad news
Del: the major failure estate has suffered its first deaths
Del: rest in peace santos and pech
Del: died because ulrika went crazy and refused to retreat from a bunch of murderous spiders
Del: although pech also went mad
Del: there was a jester called eddie but he went mad too and i fired him
Del: and ulrika is in the insane asylum being treated for her fascination for blood and murder
Del: david has returned from his drunk bender and i have hired a bounty hunter with a pull so i called him Scorpion
Del: conrad is praying to... anime, i guess
RubyChao: anime jesus
SteelKomodo: D:
Del: darkest dungeon, everyone

---

Gooper Blooper: shots fired
RubyChao: yeah that's pretty much it

I Open Up My Wallet, And It Is Full Of Blood

-LAS VEGAS, NEVADA-

"You do realize that defeating them head-on is impossible. At least, you'd better." said a hissing, insistent voice.

"Hmph. Do you really think so little of me?" Rex Maximilan replied as a hulking shadow quietly extended out of the darkness of the bar to hand him a fresh drink. "That's not how - thank you - this is going to work. I never operate that way, anyway. That's the domain of all of you, most of the time. But I'm going to ask that you all show some restraint."

"Restraint? I don't have time for any fuckin' restraint." said a voice corrupted with anger. "I'm here to fuck shit up, and you don't have any shit worth fuckin', I'll find my own!"

"Then you do so at your own peril." Rex said cooly. "This will not be a conventional war. This war will be fought my way. Subterfuge. Stealth. Suppression. We will not break their bodies. We will break their minds and spirits." He glanced at the angry-voiced one. "Surely even you could appreciate that kind of destruction."

"Heh. I get you, Rex." drawled a voice from the corner. "Much as I love a good pummeling... there's more than one kinda power. And us, we have all kinds here. That's what it's all about, y'know. Power. Someone's gotta lead these sheep. And we're the ones to do it."

We hold power.

The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, and nobody batted an eye at its' hollow echo or foreboding tone.

We shall find them and drive them out. They will fear us.

"My sister and I have a request." a haughty female voice spoke up. "We'd like to focus on those two succubi. They bring dishonor to the demon name, and have broken all of the-"

"You can have 'em, long as we get a hold of Silence. What got into her? I can't wait to wring an answer out of her." said the rough-edged voice of a young, strong man.

"How do you propose to do that?" the haughty woman shot back. "A lively game of charades? Ohohohoho-"

"What, we're calling dibs now?" said the man in the corner. "Can we at least wait and see which of those bozos actually shows up?"

"Hmmmmmph." a muffled voice concurred.

"Oh yes, we all have our favorites." a woman cooed. "If that ratty recluse comes back for a second round, my darlings will beat up more than just her Pokemon."

"Everyone, settle down." Rex said patiently. "You'll all get your turn at glory. For now, we wait, and we plan. If we all work together, just as they got famous for doing, and just as we have these last two years... we can win."

Rex looked around the bar. Not just any bar, either - this was none other than The Monster's Lair, a very special bar. One maybe not so different from the one that had been in Manhattan three short years ago.

He looked at the faces. Masked men - and a masked woman. The unholy sisters. The monstrous, looming, silent bartender. The two men with hate in their hearts, one wrapped in shadows and the other lost under bulky armor. The insect. The dragon tamer. He looked for a moment for someone else who had spoken earlier, but did not see them. One never could be sure where THAT one would be, even if they were speaking directly to you. And there were a few others not present right now.

"...After all," he smirked, "There's only one thing proven to defeat a kobber...

More kobbers."