Saturday, February 16, 2013

Chatzy Madness Volume 40: Cursed With Jonesy Forever

TheDeleter: so on the evil DW thread
TheDeleter: i have asked your character a question
TheDeleter: it's to flesh his character out some
SteelKomodo: w=ah
SteelKomodo: *ah
TheDeleter: answer it - use as many words as you want to do it
SteelKomodo: kk.
TheDeleter: but do answer it because it will be cool
SteelKomodo is secretly Waluigi.
TheDeleter: also waaaaaaaaaaaaaah
TheDeleter: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAA
SteelKomodo: Expecting a normal Chatzy day?
TheDeleter: pretty much

---

Saberwulf: The storage card that came with animal crossing is still sitting in my gamecube, and it's gonna sit there until the sun explodes

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Gooper Blooper: I remember once I talked to a villager while I had a gyroid in my inventory
Gooper Blooper: She told me it was nice and then stole it
Gooper Blooper: In retaliation I set up signposts around her house so she could never go to bed again
SteelKomodo: ...D:
SteelKomodo: my god, villagers can be dicks sometimes
Saberwulf: Messing with villagers was hilarious in AC
Gooper Blooper: PITFALLS
Saberwulf: And then you fuck up and fall in your own pitfall
SteelKomodo: ouch :<
Saberwulf: ...Shit. City Folk is 14 bucks on Amazon
Saberwulf: Must resisssttt

---

Gooper Blooper: So you guys wanna hear about how my grandfather won the shittiest contest prize ever?
Saberwulf: Yes
TheDeleter: yes
TheDeleter: yes
Gooper Blooper: So our local car dealership likes to run contests
Gooper Blooper: They send out these flyers in the mail with these silly plastic keys and you scratch off the shiny stuff to reveal your lottery number, then bring it to the dealership
Gooper Blooper: And on the flyer they advertise all these prizes, and you're guaranteed to win one
Gooper Blooper: But the one 99.9% of people win is three one-dollar gold coins
Gooper Blooper: Not the car or the 10,000 bucks
TheDeleter: let me guess
TheDeleter: he won the gold coins
Gooper Blooper: So my granddad's won the gold coins like three dozen times over the last few years
Gooper Blooper: And hey, free money
TheDeleter: or is it a trick and he won something worse
Gooper Blooper: But that's not the shitty prize
Gooper Blooper: No, they'll give you the money
Gooper Blooper: I've seen em, he gave me some, I bought stuff with them, they're legit
TheDeleter: okay
Gooper Blooper: This time he struck "big"
Saberwulf: I bet he got FOUR gold coins
Gooper Blooper: He won a 300 dollar "gift card"
Gooper Blooper: Allow me to explain this monstrosity
Gooper Blooper: This """gift card""" can only be used at Shopping Card Store
Gooper Blooper: A website
Gooper Blooper: He doesn't have a computer, so he gave my mom the card this morning
Gooper Blooper: I went to the site to see what was up
Gooper Blooper: Shopping Card Store looks like it was made on Geocities in 1998. Typos everywhere
TheDeleter: oh god
Gooper Blooper: The selection of items is so small I'm not even sure they have 300 dollars worth of merchandise
Saberwulf: Hahaha
Gooper Blooper: It's the sort of stuff you'd find in a dollar store
TheDeleter: what items do they have on offer
Gooper Blooper: Some generic low-budget DVDs, a Nascar cap, bootleg GI Joe figures
Gooper Blooper: coupla shirts
Gooper Blooper: But hey, it's free right?
Gooper Blooper: It's not free
Gooper Blooper: Not only does it cost five dollars to purchase an order, you also gotta pay shipping
TheDeleter: wha
SteelKomodo: D:
SteelKomodo: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa​aaaaaaaa
Gooper Blooper: Shipping is separate for each item
Gooper Blooper: And it looks an awful lot like it costs more to ship these things then it would cost you to buy it in a store
TheDeleter: jesus h christ
Gooper Blooper: Like eleven dollars to ship a pair of headphones
SteelKomodo: holky fuck what is this
Gooper Blooper: This has got to be the most hideous scam I have ever encountered
Gooper Blooper: And they tried to nail my poor old tech-dumb grandpa with this shit
Gooper Blooper: If he'd had a computer he coulda gotten wiped out
Saberwulf: That is a hilariously awful scam, who would think of that
SteelKomodo: that's terrible, I quit
SteelKomodo quits.
Gooper Blooper: I'm gonna log into their site again and see what they have again
Gooper Blooper: You can't see their glorious merchandise unless you've already bought a card
Gooper Blooper: Because they need a gift card number to be your login
SteelKomodo: that is kinda screwed up
Gooper Blooper: Here's a mini tool kit for your car, ten bucks shipping
Gooper Blooper: A handbag, 15 bucks shipping
SteelKomodo: D:
SteelKomodo: just D: and no more
Gooper Blooper: American flag pin, the kind they give away for free, 2 bucks shipping
Saberwulf: Murrica
Gooper Blooper: They also list the "market price" for everything, to show you what a great bargain it is that you only pay shipping
Gooper Blooper: This has gotta be the best one
Gooper Blooper: Did you know the market price for a USB drive with a whopping 256 MB on it is 19.95?
Gooper Blooper: I didn't
Saberwulf: Ahahahaha
TheDeleter: wow
TheDeleter: it is the 90's
Gooper Blooper: Well you're in luck today mister because with Shopping Card Store you only pay 6 bucks
SteelKomodo: http://youtu.be/HIQp2Bhi9Q0?t=4m17s
Gooper Blooper: I paid less than that for one with fucking 8 gigs in December
Gooper Blooper: Less than 6 bucks, I mean
SteelKomodo: i figured :P
Gooper Blooper: hahahaha this "GOD BLESS AMERICA" bumper sticker looks like it was made in two minutes with flag clipart and some text in Paint
Gooper Blooper: two bucks
SteelKomodo: good lord, I could get stickers like that for much less
Gooper Blooper: IT DOES NOT COST EIGHT DOLLARS TO SHIP A HAIR RIBBON AND PIN SET
Gooper Blooper: AND THEY DO NOT HAVE A "MARKET PRICE" OF 29.95
SteelKomodo: ...D:<
Gooper Blooper: this is amazing and terrible
SteelKomodo: terrimazing
Gooper Blooper: 13 dollars to ship earrings
Gooper Blooper: golly gee earrings sure are heavy
SteelKomodo: what batshit mind created this?
Gooper Blooper: I don't think they were batshit so much as they were evil
Gooper Blooper: I mean come on, a gift card that doesn't cover shipping? That has "intentional scam" all over it
SteelKomodo changed name to Gwonam
Gwonam: THESE ARE THE SHOPPING VOUCHERS OF EVIL
Gooper Blooper: WOW, WHAT ARE ALL THESE SCAMS
Gwonam: YOU MUST NOT BUY FROM ANY OF THEM
Gwonam changed name to SteelKomodo
SteelKomodo: ugh, that was weird

---

Gooper Blooper: so yeah
Gooper Blooper: that's how my grandfather won the worst prize ever
SteelKomodo: that sucks
SteelKomodo: in exchange, I shall tell you about the worst prize I ever won
Gooper Blooper: do tell
SteelKomodo: it was way back when I was a little kid, before 9/11 happened and the world was a happy place
Gooper Blooper: glorious nineties
SteelKomodo: I entered a phone-in competition on C.I.T.V to try and win a shitload of pokemon stuff
SteelKomodo: I eventually got a call back saying I'd won and they'd tell me what I won via the post
SteelKomodo: and what did I win
Gooper Blooper: oh god
SteelKomodo: a micropet
Gooper Blooper: In a Pokemon contest
SteelKomodo: it arrived, like, a few days later after I got the announcement
SteelKomodo: and it wasn't even a good one - it was one of those shitty small ones
Gooper Blooper: man, why would they drag it out like that
SteelKomodo: because it was CITV
Gooper Blooper: Why not just tell you what you won
SteelKomodo: that apparently responded to noise, but all it did for me was make retarded barking noises and move around wlist flapping it's ears
SteelKomodo: oh, wait, I think I should clarify
Gooper Blooper: My brother actually got a micropet years ago
Gooper Blooper: it was a zebra
SteelKomodo: ah
SteelKomodo: they called saying I'd won and asking for my address, number and postcode
SteelKomodo: then some time later I got a latter telling me I'd won the micropet
SteelKomodo: imagine the disappointment I had to bottle up
Gooper Blooper: Very lame
Gooper Blooper: Although at least they didn't charge you 14.95 to ship the pet
SteelKomodo: that day, I learned something - you can win, but only if you call at a certain time of day under extremely specific conditions
SteelKomodo: because fuck your dreams and aspirations, this is children's tv!

---

Saberwulf: Goddammit Google, stop being creepy at me. I looked up the Beatles song Helter Skelter, and then goggled youtube to go and listen to it
Saberwulf: Second result is goddamn Beatles Helter Skelter
Saberwulf: Oh jesus fuck
Saberwulf: I click on one of the videos
Saberwulf: Highest comment is by DarkSabrewulf123602
Saberwulf: My mind is breaking
SteelKomodo: XD

---

SteelKomodo: Glover ruled, imo >:|
Gooper Blooper: It was okay
SteelKomodo: all those crazy cheats and whacked-out levels
Gooper Blooper: I never managed to beat it though so I couldn't place it on the list
SteelKomodo: :<
SteelKomodo: I beat it, I remember
Gooper Blooper: I sort of did, but only because I messed around with cheats
SteelKomodo: ah, those cheats
SteelKomodo: "URP" "PRRRP" "CLICK" "BUH-KAW!"
Gooper Blooper: BELCH HICCUP BUCKAW BUCKAW FART

---

Gooper Blooper: Just imagine it
Gooper Blooper: A Mortal Kombat guy - let's say Shao Khan - comes in and demands to fight Scorpion
Gooper Blooper: Sub-Zero shows up
Gooper Blooper: Every week Shao Khan tries to fight Scorpion, and every week he gets a different-colored ninja
RedSpy: pffffft
SteelKomodo: ...XD
Gooper Blooper: Whether it's actually them or just Scorpion trolling him by using a closet full of costumes I'm not sure of
SteelKomodo: Who cares, it's still glorious

---

RedSpy: Want to know what'd be hilarious?
RedSpy: If we all got one of the versions and made ZFRPCW
Gooper Blooper: I've considered that
Gooper Blooper: Dr. Bulgrave coming out to Steampunk Revolution for a HIAC match with Widow Maker, who would be a horrifying monstrosity

---

Cornwind Evil: They gave Wario the old HHH bow....
Gooper Blooper: that swag
Cornwind Evil: And Dr. Wily gets Del Rio's entrance because their first names are nearly alike
RedSpy: ALBERTO DEL WILY
Gooper Blooper: He's just so happy to be there
RedSpy: I remember I saw dad watching wrestling
RedSpy: There was a car
RedSpy: And my first thought was "Next up is the #Masterplan"
Gooper Blooper: #MASTERPLAN TRENDING WORLDWIDE
Gooper Blooper: I saw someone comment in one of the forum threads about VGCW and he said something along the lines of "People are gonna be bringing "#MASTERPLAN" signs to live shows and the poor normal fans will have no idea what's going on"
RedSpy: . . . I would
RedSpy: I so would

---

Gooper Blooper: And there's a Rumble
Cornwind Evil: Okay...not going to watch ALL of this Rumble
Cornwind Evil: Just some

(80 minutes later)

Cornwind Evil: That dirty cheater
M_Sheep: Can't believe I just watched all that.
Gooper Blooper: Cornwind Evil: Okay...not going to watch ALL of this Rumble Cornwind Evil: Just some
Cornwind Evil: Shaddup
Gooper Blooper: knew it
M_Sheep: What's the next vid after this one, Gooper?
M_Sheep: Not like I'm hooked on this or anything
M_Sheep: not at all
M_Sheep: I can quit any time I want to
M_Sheep: What am I doing with my life?

---

Saberwulf: So my house phone says the name of who's calling, but it's kind of crappy so whoever just called came out as "Call from RAIN"
Saberwulf: First thought I had was KING RAIIIINNN
RedSpy: STEL-STEL
SteelKomodo: "David, I need to find a Valentine's gift for Stella..."
TheDeleter: nuuuuuuuuuu
Cornwind Evil: "David, I have a gift for all the mocking of my colors." *a squad of Barakas attack*
RedSpy: *Tarkatan
SteelKomodo: D:
Gooper Blooper: The names Sarah, Stella, Alex, and Josephine are forever tainted for me
Gooper Blooper: Some others as well, but those are the worst
Erebus: -5 videogame points
Gooper Blooper: *buzzer noise*
Saberwulf: "Oh, h-hey Baraka! Sorry about ditching you in the blood sea all those centuries ago—Aghhh bloody hell noo why did I vote for you to be president"
Gooper Blooper: A car in every garage and a blade through every midsection
SteelKomodo: XD

---

Cornwind Evil: Right. How patient is Lea, Del?
TheDeleter: somewhat
Cornwind Evil: Okay. CS is VERY patient, and if there's no urgent clock, he will prefer to take weeks what could technically be done in days
Cornwind Evil: To try and assess all the variables
TheDeleter: that may be a little too much for Lea, but i'm sure she'll cope
TheDeleter: >​_>​
TheDeleter: <_<
Saberwulf: She could always street race in the mean time to earn cred
Saberwulf: I mean shit, it's Tokyo
Gooper Blooper: gotta go fast
TheDeleter: sure, why not
TheDeleter: speed racer gooooo
Saberwulf: Aw yiss
Saberwulf: 'Course, getting a job is step one
Gooper Blooper: SHE CAN BE A LIFEGUARD
Saberwulf: Hahahaha
TheDeleter: noooooooooooooooooooooo
TheDeleter: you've found out my secret
TheDeleter: every character i make is jonesy
Cornwind Evil: Expys are expys
Gooper Blooper: you will never escape jonesy
Saberwulf: Jonesyception
TheDeleter: noooooooo
TheDeleter: cursed with jonesy forever
SteelKomodo: XD
Saberwulf: I do the same thing, though
Saberwulf: All my characters are David
Gooper Blooper: except in your case they are literally David
Saberwulf: Seriously, go look at most dialogue I write and think of it in the color tan
Saberwulf: That too, Goops
Gooper Blooper: like it's him going "oh hey guys, fancy seeing you here"
Gooper Blooper: "Hey Jonesy! New haircut?"
Gooper Blooper: GB Warning: The characters you plan to write about before RP starts are not necessarily the characters you will actually end up RPing
Gooper Blooper: brought to you by Sarah

---

Cornwind Evil: We're still going to get that Flashback thread, right?
SteelKomodo: perhaps
Gooper Blooper: You want to finish the ~ABANDONED PLOTS OF MYSTERY~ I take it
SteelKomodo: you'd have to ask Del about that, he's the big board mod somehow
Gooper Blooper: Because he created it
SteelKomodo: yep
RedSpy: If RPing is sure to result in fun than you must PLOT!
RedSpy: Del said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about RP than you do, pal
RedSpy: That's because he INVENTED IT
RedSpy: Then he perfected it so no living man could best him in the Fite Yer Mates Arena
RedSpy: Then he used his fite bets to lure in two of every Kobber on Earth. Then he herded them onto a space fleet! And he beat the crap outta every single one!
RedSpy: And then I recovered from my Meet the Soldier flashback
SteelKomodo: XD
Saberwulf: Kim Jong-Del

---

Saberwulf: Aha! Finally found what Ulrika calls video games
Saberwulf: "a mechanical lighty-brighty blinky boop kerpow box"
RedSpy: . . . pffffft what
Saberwulf: The magic of learning second-hand English from working with David

---

Gooper Blooper: http://www.snacklish.com/
Gooper Blooper: Sarah = Snackrah
Gooper Blooper: in the Snickers font
Gooper Blooper: it's beautiful
Gooper Blooper: "Final Fanuttasy"
Gooper Blooper: "Paper Bario"
SteelKomodo: "Treat Fighter"
Gooper Blooper: delicious hostess fruit pies
Gooper Blooper: oh my god Stel-Stelectable
SteelKomodo: XD
Gooper Blooper: "Dirkolate"
Gooper Blooper: "Dr Chewlgrave" my sides
SteelKomodo: Raincake in reverse- D:
TheDeleter: I got "Jonesweet" you low effort bastards
SteelKomodo: XD
Gooper Blooper: "Widow Snackmaker" they're reaching
Gooper Blooper: "Josefeast"
Gooper Blooper: Josephine: D:
SteelKomodo: ...Hungrain?
Gooper Blooper: HUNGRAIN? GRAB A STEL-STELECTABLE.
SteelKomodo reaches for the PG-13 sign
TheDeleter: none of del's are any good, the thing tries to work "caramel" in and it doesn't work
TheDeleter: Snacktos
SteelKomodo: "Pitisfaction", which I read as "Pit's Faction"
SteelKomodo: and immediately thought "Command and Conquer ZFRP Style"
Gooper Blooper: "Arfeastel"? No, Snickers, it worked better with Josephine
Gooper Blooper: "Gloreata"
SteelKomodo: "Feddie"? Are you guys even trying?
TheDeleter: Satisnooping as chewsual I see
Gooper Blooper: "Caramelestia" PREDICTABLE
SteelKomodo: Dirkolate and Caramelestia
SteelKomodo: my mind is full of fuck
Gooper Blooper: "It's a match made in heaven!" "oh my"
SteelKomodo: XD
SteelKomodo: Snackazyua - don't try to eat it or it'll lazer your head off
Gooper Blooper: "Satizephyrus"? ehh
Gooper Blooper: "Chococeanus", the dessert that punches back
SteelKomodo: ...oh lawd
SteelKomodo: you ready for this?
SteelKomodo: Heihachilicious
SteelKomodo shoots self.
Gooper Blooper: aw yeah
SteelKomodo changed name to Dead Komodo
Gooper Blooper: "Satispy" fuck that's perfect
Dead Komodo: Wukong = Chewkong
Dead Komodo: it... works out, I guess
Dead Komodo: Shuma-Chocorath
Dead Komodo: "I approve of this humble confection!"
Gooper Blooper: "Steel Snackomodo", "Chocooper Blooper", and the tortured "Saberwuflavor"
Dead Komodo: Carameleter
Saberwulf: It's a very refined taste
TheDeleter: it is
Saberwulf: "Chewlrika"
Saberwulf: May cause dyslexia
TheDeleter: hahaha
Dead Komodo: pfffft
Gooper Blooper: "TONUT IS THE BITE"

---

TheDeleter: have fun
Saberwulf: I saw that before! Looks really useful for making pulpy tabletops
Gooper Blooper: ./predictable
Saberwulf: Pff
SteelKomodo: of course
RedSpy: OF COURSE!

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