"I'm applying for a travel grant."
"Ah! What's the story?"
"Well, I'm very interested in making a trip, but I'm no longer eligible for student assistance since I've gone twice already. I was told there's a new program that assists older and more frequent travelers."
"That's right. We recently worked out a solution that cuts fuel costs in half. We look through the applications and pair an experienced traveler with a newcomer. You will provide transportation and guidance for a young one who's never traveled to another planet."
"That sounds acceptable."
"Remember, of course, that it's not all fun and games. You can of course engage in recreational activities, but you'll be expected to provide a report about the planet and its people to help build up our knowledge of the universe."
"Absolutely, sir. Where do I sign?"
"Here, let me get the papers ready..."
-----
"Kauket, this is Baltan. He'll be your travel partner."
"Hello there."
"Hi, Crockit!"
"...It's Kauket."
"Hey, hey... hey. Hey.
Heyyy."
"What? What is it?!"
"Does your ship have a vending machine? I get hungry on long trips."
"Um, no."
"Okay, then you gotta excuse me for a sec while I stock up! Be right back! HOHOHOHOHO"
"...
Can I-"
"No, you cannot switch partners for being annoying. Please file any serious complaints to our email address. And be patient with Baltan, he's only 47."
"Does he have to do a report, too?"
"Yes, but it's separate from yours."
"Thank freaking god."
-----
"WE'RE WHALERS ON THE MOON, WE CARRY A HARPOON-"
"BALTAN SO HELP ME I WILL TURN THIS SHIP AROUND-"
I expected Baltan to start singing "Insurgents, not a bit nervous..."
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