Kauket

They called me Kauket. It was a nice name, so I kept it.

It means darkness, chaos, the unknown. I suppose I was a fairly frightening sight, even if I did... ugh, I can't believe I'm really going back to this old saw, but yes, I came in peace. *sigh*

They depicted me in their heiroglyphs as a woman with the head of a cobra. It's an odd interpretation, but I'll take it. Snakes are one of the more interesting creatures on this planet.

I noticed they were having difficulties in their construction of large stone monuments. I was young and eager to forge good tidings between worlds, so I offered my services. It took some convincing to get them to trust me, but when they saw what I could do, they were all too happy to accept my aid.

They made models of my ship. It's actually fairly accurate, albeit with a few artists' embellishments and alterations. They presented me with one as I was leaving, and I have to admit I was impressed.

The next time I visited didn't turn out quite so well. I wasn't prepared to introduce myself properly, and was stumbled upon by a group of locals. One of them shined a light in my eyes, and I panicked for a moment, like a fool, and wound up driving them off. The chance at another vacation here was pretty much shot after that, what with all the talk of a monster in the town. It went national.

It's been over sixty years since then, and I've kept tabs on things by intercepting transmissions and listening in. The humans have advanced a tremendous amount. Interpretations of what those people saw of me in my second visit have appeared in all types of media. And even after thousands of years, some of the old models of my ship still exist, and men with weird hair make odd poses while insisting that they weren't saying it was aliens, but it was aliens.

I mean, he's right, but who's going to believe that bozo?

I wanted to visit the place again, even if it was getting a bit dangerous, but I hesitated. I'm not interested in being a celebrity - or worse, an exhibit. But lately I've seen just how weird it's getting down there... in one city in particular.

Multiple sentient beings not related to humans. Living technology. Magic, summoning, the undead, dragons, teleportation... It's gone nuts, frankly. And so I decided to have another go at a vacation. Nobody was the same here - so I would fit in perfectly.

It just really, really sucks that I had to bring along this idiot.

"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"BALTAN, WE WILL GET TO EARTH WHEN WE GET TO EARTH. SHUT THE HELL UP."
"..."
"..."
"Kauket. Hey Kauket. Kauket. Kauket. Kauuuuuuuukeeeeeeeet. Kau-"
"WHAT?! WHAT IS IT, BALTAN?!"
"Are we there yet?"
"It's times like this I really wish I'd invested in a passenger-side eject button."