The Changing of the Gang - Part Two

Excite Red had been lucky. He'd managed to reach the old garage he and his lackeys liked to hang out in, and had been able to escape with his life. There was safety in numbers.

Now, as he and what few of his compatriots remained roared off into the distance, Blade and his red-wearing top two associates Tornado and Hurricane stood over the crumpled bodies of several of Excite Red's men. Blade took out a dirty rag and wiped his trusty lead pipe clean of blood.

"Well, boys? Looks like the city's ours."

Tornado looked confused. "What about that 'guardian', boss?"

"Oh yeah. Heard a few things about that guy. Got any details?"

A biker in yellow walked over. "I do, boss."

"Spill it, Gale."

"They say the Guardian used to be a kobber-"

"I know that already! What about his powers, his abilities?"

"I hear talk some people say he's got a fine machine gun. And if you hurt him, he heals himself right before your eyes!"

Blade crossed his arms. "Normally I'd say you're exaggeratin'. But I know how fucked up those kobbers are. Listen, those freaks are tough, but get one alone and sheer numbers will take 'em out, believe-"

Blade was interrupted by a whoosh of jet engines.

"HE'S HERE!" Gale yelled as he scrambled for his bike.

Blade smacked his free palm with his lead pipe. "C'mon out then, 'Guardian'."

Whirring mechanical footsteps betrayed the guardian's appearance. Skeiron the WarMech turned a corner and stared at Blade and his gang.

"THIS UNIT DETECTED A DISTURBANCE."

Skeiron stomped forward, moving not towards Blade but to one of the downed Excite bikers. the WarMech leaned over the corpse, studying it carefully in Scan Mode. Gale edged over to Blade and leaned in.

"Whatta we do, boss?"

Blade's eyes smiled as he readied his lead pipe. "I thought you'd never ask."

Tornado leaned in on Blade's other side. "You sure about that? This thing looks like trouble."

"Do I ever turn tail from trouble? Bring the sucker on. Time to put it in its place. This is no city for heroes. Not anymore."

As Skeiron obliviously scanned the bodies, Blade crept up behind him and raised his pipe...






(1)

...And with the sound of a small-time blog villain once again proving to be more than meets the eye, Blade FLOORED Skeiron with a single swing from the pipe. The WarMech landed in a crumpled heap atop the body of a green Excite biker, leaking mechanical fluid.

"Hah!" Blade swung his pipe around in his hand like a parade baton. "Some guardian."

Gale raised one finger. "Uh, boss?"

"What?"

"Remember that thing I said about him healing right before yer eyes?"

"Yeah, it was bullshit after all. Look at him, he's-"

Standing up.

"Uh..."

Skeiron ran a scan on his internals. All seemed basically functional, but that blow would take a while to fully recover from - his stance was unsteady, and his walk limping, but all weapons were online, as well as his flight boosters and - most importantly - the humor module. Skeiron straightened up as best as he could and belted out the awesome 90s action hero line he'd been practicing in private for weeks.

"THIS UNIT BELIEVES IT IS TIME TO TOAST SOME BREAD."

"I told ya, boss."

"SHUT UP AND KILL IT!"