Cutting Room Floor 7: Garland Edition

ColorChange: Question for Goops: is there a cutting room floor for the Garland fight?
GB: There is quite a bit of stuff that got left out
GB: Partly because of general circumstances not coming up
GB: And partly because so much insane shit was happening at once I just had no time
ColorChange: Ah
ColorChange: Show us D:
GB: Well
GB: The biggest thing that didn't happen is based off this foreshadowing from the bar
GB: 2 months ago - Mystery Knight slays the Great Ahriman of Earthgift Shrine
7 months ago - Scrap Metal Dug Up by Dr. Unne - Believed to be a Piece of the Legendary Omega
14 months ago - Infamous Scarmiglione Found Dead Outside Hellfire Chasm
3 years ago - Mysterious Purple Tentacle Washes up on Beach
5 years ago - Phantom Train Off the Rails - Mystery Challenger Derails the Fearsome Ghost
8 Years Ago - Graveyard Desecration - Corpses Litter Corneria Cemetery, Sword Marks on Local Grave
SteelKomodo: CORNERIA NO D:
SteelKomodo: WHERE'S STAR FOX WHEN YOU NEED THEM
SteelKomodo: (i may have made this joke before)
GB: See, Garland didn't kill Sarahdad
ColorChange: Wait, didn't we fight a few of those summons?
GB: We did
GB: But look at the last line
GB: This is from after we fought the summons, when Zeph and Gloria were doing research in the bar
ColorChange: . . . I don't like where this is going ;A;
GB: Garland didn't kill Sarahdad
GB: But he might have killed a necromancer along the way
SteelKomodo: ;^;
ColorChange: . . . Oh god what
ColorChange: No no no no no that's too sad
TheDeleter: well
GB: The idea was that he would go to the gravesite, summon the necromancer, and kill Zombie Sarahdad so he could summon Sarahdad
TheDeleter: that's terrible
GB: (It would probably have been the necromancer from Castle Crashers)
SteelKomodo: in the words of Orson Wells, "Why, that's terrible!"
GB: But due to having literally no time to write anything long like that during the fight Garland just beat the shit out of the girls instead
ColorChange: Ouch
GB: Next, here's a few unused summons Garland did not bring into any fights
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/Golem.png
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/Odin.png
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/Rubicante.png
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/SteelGiant.png
ColorChange: Oh fuck the All-Father
SteelKomodo: aw shit, I could have had Saxton Hale deck Odin in the face
SteelKomodo: "Don't you know you've been replaced by the globe-encompassing power of AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM?!"
GB: At some point, Electra was going to do this: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/ElectraCharge1.png
SteelKomodo: she still needs to do that
SteelKomodo: swear to god
GB: There's also this guy: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/GreenNinjaFFTMugshot.png
SteelKomodo: NINJAS =D
GB: This ninja was going to be working for Garland as an assistant
GB: maybe
ColorChange: RAIN YOU FIEND
GB: In truth I was confused about what his alliance would be
GB: I think at one point he was actually a concerned Mysidian coming to warn people about Garland, but he's one of those weird Japanese types who only gives up information if you prove yourself worthy
GB: So yeah, didn't know what to do with him and I had more than enough characters running around anyway, so he got dropped
ColorChange: I was going to have this be Zephyrus' swan song, but with Antoinette already dying I figured it'd end up just feeling like a repeat. So I axed it.
ColorChange: Oceanus would've lived to see the fight's end if he didn't deal with the fearsome foot of the tractor.
GB: Also, there is a major villain possibility for Browny if he ever does anything prominent again
ColorChange: So I had to emergency-draft Wheatley for a slow speed boat chase
ColorChange: . . . I read that as Browny being a major villain
SteelKomodo: ^
SteelKomodo: D:
GB: I saw that wording too. No, he doesn't have it in him
ColorChange: So now instead of Zephyrus becoming a corpse, he becomes a mechanic
ColorChange: Lets hope he can figure out how to fix a deadbro!
GB: He dropped off later in the year because people kept joining the police force and I wanted to do things with all of them together
ColorChange: D: Browny
GB: Browny was also very difficult to make a strong character out of, it seemed like
GB: He's so formal

Chatzy Madness Volume 21: The Air-Sea Battle Button Masher

GB: So I got my package
GB: 6 more thirty-year-old games, whoo
SteelKomodo: woot!
GB: And as a special bonus
GB: One of them has what must be the worst AI of all time
SteelKomodo: ooh, do tell
GB: Air-Sea Battle was made in 1977
GB: and it shows
GB: It was a launch title for the Atari
SteelKomodo: D:
SteelKomodo: oh boy
GB: It was intended to be played two-player
GB: There's 27 minigames total, with like 7 different themes and the rest are variations
SteelKomodo: ah
GB: Most of these minigames are two-player only, like the default one where the players control two anti-air cannons and try to shoot down more planes than their opponent
GB: However, there's an option to play the anti-air game with the AI
GB: The AI is the exact equivalent of a guy hammering on the fire button as fast as he can without moving the joystick
SteelKomodo: D:<
GB: It doesn't aim, it just fires constantly
GB: But since the default cannon position is diagonally upward
GB: it can still hit planes
GB: Final score was 20-14
GB: (I was the 20)
SteelKomodo: welp
SteelKomodo: that is literally worse than Rise of the Robots A.I.
SteelKomodo: (never played Rise of the Robots, thank god)
GB: The only AI I can think of that might be worse is Big Rigs
SteelKomodo: oh lawd Big Rigs
GB: At least you can still actually lose to the Air-Sea Battle Button Masher
GB: But in Big Rigs, you're always winner

The Coming of the Chaotic One

Perhaps it was a mistake.

Perhaps he shouldn't have struck out towards the city.

However, not only was sending summons not working, but getting word that halfway across the world his enemies had fallen simply wasn't the same as slaying them firsthand.

He craved more.

He wanted the archer to see the city decay as Dagahra's toxic starfish poisoned the oceans, to see fish floating to the surface, birds falling out of the sky gagging on smoke.

The summoner? Her abilities were beyond pitiful compared to his own. She would watch her library and all its' precious books go up in flames.

The chemist had a few toys. He had a few monsters. Her rockets would falter, and everything she cared about would burn around her.

The black mage... the mother. He'd save her for last. Not because of the emotional aspect of her children dying first - that was just a bonus - but in practical terms, she was the only one who couldn't bring her family back to life. And speaking of bringing people back to life, that white mage - the accursed, upstart white mage that defeated him...

If at all possible, the white mage would go first.

Let them come. Let the defenders come. All of them. Make a party of it. He was prepared.

Some had opted for quality over quantity. Others had believed sheer force of numbers would win the day.

But it seemed nobody could muster both at once.

His mighty airship crackled with electric power. Blue flames danced around him, awaiting their moment.

And behind him...

A dragon flew behind the airship, fourteen feet long, standing taller than a man, with large, majestic wings and a monstrous, tyrannosaurian head filled with serrated teeth. Small spurts of flame crept over each jagged tooth, the monster's three-inch-thick scales preventing any harm.

Impressive enough by itself, but it was only one dragon.

Of hundreds.

They blotted out the sun, casting a shadow over the ocean. Their claws scratched at the open air, eager for flesh to rip. They were completely subservient to Garland - his defeat of the mighty dragon Shinryu assured their loyalty.

Garland looked out at the dragons. He looked at the dancing flames of his summons, Dagahra and Shinryu's flames among them.

He looked at the enormous, tarp-covered bundle strapped to the back of his airship.

And he allowed himself a smile.

Chatzy Madness Volume 20: They Fight Crime

TheDeleter: so an incredibly long chain of panic has caused all of my xcom soldiers to murder every alien on screen
TheDeleter: meanwhile my sniper at the back just facepalms
Saberwulf: Hahaha
SteelKomodo: XD
SteelKomodo: Team K.o.B. - they kick ass even when panicking
SteelKomodo: and Santos is the only sane guy
TheDeleter: that's XCOM!

---

GB: Let the record show that I will always suck at Donkey Kong no matter what system it is on

---

GB: You know what's wonderful? Atari game manuals.
GB: "How many of you out there have always longed to be a pinball wizard? It's a good bet that some of the places you had to go to play a game of pinball weren't the most comfortable for you. Well, relax. Since you were wise enough to invest in this ATARI (r) VIDEO PINBALL TM Game Program TM, you'll never have to worry about being at places with that kind of unsavoury atmosphere again."
GB: "VIDEO PINBALL has the challenge and the excitement of standard pinball games, and it doesn't have any idea what a quarter is. So not only are you spared the unpleasant task of stuffing quarters into hungry machines, you have the comfort and the well-being of your home. What more could a pinball enthusiast ask for? And as for you pinball wizards, don't think you can master this one lickety-split. It'll be a while before your wiz rating is restored and in full swing."
SteelKomodo: pfffffft wat
GB: "Just in case you're a pinball rookie, there's only one thing you need to know. You're going to love it. You may have stayed away from the more traditional places of pinball habitation in the past, but now you're going to see why so many other people have gone goofy with "pinball madness". As a matter of fact, you'll probably catch the fever yourself within about 20 minutes."
GB: "So take a deep breath, turn up the stereo, and jump right into VIDEO PINBALL. One more thing. Better get yourself a piggy bank for all those quarters you're going to save."
RedSpy: Game manuals today
RedSpy: "THANK YOU FOR BUYING HAVE SOME ADS"
RedSpy: "ALSO THE CONTROL STICK MOVES, YA GOBSHITE"
GB: And then you actually turn on VIDEO PINBALL
GB: And you get this
GB: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEuNpdB_3E0
SteelKomodo: to be fair
SteelKomodo: that is how most of my pinball games go
GB: Oh yeah, I understand the limitations of the time, I just love how they talk it up
TheDeleter: that's hilarious
TheDeleter: like
TheDeleter: the ball touches the flippers maybe once or twice
GB: If you toggle the difficulty switch on the console two more holes open up!
GB: BETTER WATCH OUT
TheDeleter: oh god!
TheDeleter: that's too many nooooo
TheDeleter: how will i ever cope?

Chatzy Madness Volume 19: Sparkle Sparkle Neigh

Cornwind Evil: THE DOCTOR
Cornwind Evil: HIS NAME IS THE DOCTOR
Cornwind Evil: DOCTOR WHO IS THE NAME OF THE SHOW
Erebus: Who?
Cornwind Evil: JUST THE SHOW
Saberwulf: DOCTOR WHO?
Cornwind Evil: RARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH​HHH
Erebus: Doctor what?
Saberwulf: They totally made that joke again in the season finale
Saberwulf: it was fantastic

---

RedSpy: TANGWHAUP
Cornwind Evil: ...Tangwhaup?
RedSpy: Its a whimbrel. A type of bird
RedSpy: Goops searched the entire english language
Saberwulf: Holy shit TANGWHAUP is a word

Final Fantasy Tactics Custom Case

The spine needed to be a tad bigger, unfortunately, but I think this still turned out pretty good for a first try.

See the label in detail here (not 100% complete).

Next time: A Four Heroes of Light custom case!

An Actual Review of Four Heroes of Light

:smugsephine:

I don't know if people are utterly sick of me talking about this damn game yet - Elohim knows I've said enough about it - but I wanted to give some details and opinions of Final Fantasy: Four Heroes of Light in a format more suited to a proper review, especially because even though I've spent hours relaying the ridiculous storyline, I haven't said much about game mechanics.

Graphics
The Nintendo DS, as you know, is roughly on par with the N64 in terms of graphical prowess, perhaps a bit above that. In general 3D models are a bit crude but recognizable, while sprites are excellent. Four Heroes is a 3D game, with similar graphics to the DS remakes of Final Fantasy 3 and Final Fantasy 4 (in fact, it's handled by the same development team within Square Enix). Monsters vary from the silly to the scary, and the playable characters are adorable super-deformed little things. Absolutely up my alley, but not a style everyone enjoys.

Also, the character designer is the same guy who did FF3's DS version as well as Final Fantasy Tactics, and I love this guy's art style. Easily one of my favorite character designers, right up there with whoever came up with the idea to make Mario a piece of paper.

Music
Some seriously catchy tunes here. Four Heroes' music will stick with me long after I've put it down. I'd single out the boss theme and the "scary" theme used in a couple late-game dungeons as being particularly excellent. One thing I really love is the way the music changes depending on how you're doing in battle. If you're in trouble against normal enemies, the music gets frantic, and when a boss is running out of HP the music switches to a new, energized tune to emphasize that you're near victory. It can fall flat if the boss is killed too quickly after the music change, but when it works, it works.

Gameplay
Four Heroes has a number of interesting twists to the standard RPG formula. The coolest is the job system, which affects what special abilities your characters can use. While I spent basically the entirety of the game on just six or so classes (White Mage, Black Mage, Hero, Merchant, Thief, and Wayfarer), there's tons of different ways to build your characters, and it's pretty easy to change classes if you change your mind. For instance, you don't need to go without a healer if you don't want a White Mage. The Salve-Maker class is this game's version of a Chemist, and can heal the whole party at once with a single item, while the Wayfarer can double the power of a potion and is a great class for the solo sections thanks to its Escape ability. Some of the later classes get downright bizarre, like the secret Seamstress class that attacks with giant sewing needles and can destroy a weapon to temporarily pump up the power of another, or the Shaman who instead of reviving your KOed allies allows them to fight on as invincible ghosts.

Another neat twist is the Ability Points system. Every turn a character gains 1 AP, up to a max of five. Every action uses at least 1 AP except Defend. You don't have to worry about running out of MP here - just Defend for a turn and you'll be able to cast magic again. The mana-restoring Ether now just refills your AP - it's best for going into boss fights with a full bar (or 4 points, which will become 5 on the battle's first turn).

Godsephine

Here's a weird quirk about battles - you can't pick your target. A full set of four enemies (not all encounters have four baddies) forms a square. Physical attackers start with the front-left enemy, while magic strikes the back-right enemy, each going across, then into the next row as the fight progresses. Enemies take advantage of this in some of their formations, most often by having a burly enemy in front and some frailer guys in back. You can't pick your target with your own characters, either - healing spells target whoever needs healing the most in terms of percentage of health remaining. While I was a bit off-put at first by this bizarre design choice, it actually isn't a big deal once you get used to it, and it's not common that I wished Sarah would heal someone different from who she ended up actually healing. It helped that in the first half of the game it's rare to have more than one ally and in the second half you'll likely use the White Mage or Salve-Maker's "heal everyone at once" skills a lot and avoid the problem entirely.

There's also the inventory system, which makes item management a major priority. Every character can only carry 15 items, and that includes their equipment and any duplicate items - but not key items, thankfully. There's a Storage Shop in every town that will hold on to your excess goods until they're needed.

All these quirks and twists made Four Heroes a game that simultaneously defied RPG stereotypes like the infinite bag of holding and the management of mana while embracing other stereotypes like the plucky hero, kidnapped princess, and villains who do bad things because they're bad.

I should also note that this game is very difficult if you aren't using a walkthrough. There is not a lot of direction in terms of where to go and what to do, and there are occasions where you need to talk to an NPC multiple times or wander the world map a bit in order to proceed. The NPCs will often provide hints, though, especially for things like finding the next dungeon or locating a monster with an important item drop. Also, the save system is a bit nasty - you can't save on the overworld and there's no quick-saving, so either find the save point guy and his fox pet or put the DS in sleep mode and plug it into its charger.

Atmosphere
It's strange. I'm a huge Final Fantasy fan, but I only play the older games in the series, and the spinoffs that attempt to channel those old games - like Four Heroes and Final Fantasy Tactics. I have a strong liking of the more lighthearted feelings these old-school games tend to favor inducing over the darker, realistic-looking, non-SD characters that took over the main series in the PlayStation era. Four Heroes absolutely nails the old-school, peppy vibe of FF1 and FF4. Like many of my favorite RPGs, it knows when to be serious, but it also knows to keep things fun and full of fantasy. It's kind of a hard concept to convey, but I guess you could call it the game's "heart" or "soul". Four Heroes is an optimistic game about overcoming challenges and saving the world - sorta like how Zoofights RP tends to go.

Josephine
Mother of god, did this game enhance my appreciation for Josephine. She's been a bit of a chew toy in ZFRP - the diet problems, the poor combat ability (until she got her rocket launcher), and the Monster Blood incident made it clear that Josephine tended to get the short end of the stick, but naming Four Heroes' Yunita after Josephine took it to a new level. Due to a combination of intentional in-game dialogue and plot and some unintentional gameplay misfortunes, Josephine's situation got far, far worse before it got better. I'm still amazed at how much this game enjoyed dumping shit on the poor girl - from being abandoned by her allies multiple times to winding up a bum in the city, Josephine got kicked into the dirt more times than I can count. But now she's a powerful party leader who has risen above her past and become an essential part of the team.

:3

Recommendation
It's kinda hard to recommend Four Heroes to you guys because I kinda gave away the entire plot in my Chatzy reports, but it really was a great game - hence my enthusiasm for it. It's likely to crack my Top 25 of all time and it's one of the three best games I've played this year (the other two are Final Fantasy Tactics and Ghost Trick). This is exactly the sort of game that appeals to me - a fair amount to do, cute and likable characters (eventually - Jusqua AKA Pit is kind of a dick for the first third of the game), fun gameplay, and a storyline that is simultaneously stereotypical as hell and completely bizarre. People who don't care for getting unleashed into a big world without much direction can still enjoy the game with a guide - I used the one on GameFAQs, which proved very useful. Also, warning to people who need to 100 percent their games - it's very, very easy to miss permanently missable items in this game if you aren't closely following a guide.

If you're sick to death of the traditional RPG, Four Heroes probably isn't for you. As for me, I loved (almost) every minute of it, am extremely pleased with my purchase, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the 3DS sequel, Bravely Default: Flying Fairy, which I'm assuming will get a less insane name if it gets an English translation.

Five Rolans out of five.