Chatzy Madness Volume 33: Ozonic the Freshener

SteelKomodo: I've been pronouncing Dr. Seuss wrong all this time
SteelKomodo: apparently, it's German, so it rhymes with "voice"
SteelKomodo: but that sounds too weird for me, like the noise a character in a YouTube Poop might make
Saberwulf: Soyss
SteelKomodo: yes, like that
Saberwulf: "For tha last time, Scorp—I don't want any a'ya Soyss Boygas!"
Saberwulf: All I can think of is Joe
SteelKomodo: XD
RedSpy: SOYSS SOYSS SOYS
Saberwulf: Soysslent Green

---

TheDeleter: btw me and bus agreed that Del and Eshe started a band and invented Vampire Metal and lived happily ever after
Gooper Blooper: DelEsheious
TheDeleter: you heard it here folks

Spitfire

-?????-

"'They've got the best bars in the tri-county area', you said. 'We'll just be in and out', you said! Why did I ever listen to you?!"
"Goddamn it man, now's not the time!"

Papers fluttered along the street, kicked up by the small gusts of wind created by a housefly the size of a large dog. Clinging to the fly for dear life was a monstrous four-foot leech. The fly's panicked bumbling path swerved away from cars and over trash cans before ducking into an alley.

"We can lay low here." The fly crawled atop a dumpster and began feeding.
"What are you doing?!"
"Refueling, man, is that okay? Jeez."
"We have to be on full alert here, who knows where they are! They have eyes everywhere, you know." the leech hissed.
"No way, man. We lost 'em. Calm the hell down and grab a bite, eh?"

"Well, hellooooooo."

Chatzy Madness Volume 32: A Gorillion Jimmies

RedSpy: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii​iiii
RedSpy: . . . Fucking controller
RedSpy: Stop sitting on my keyboard
SteelKomodo: SPY NO D:
TheDeleter: woah there maurice
RedSpy goes to run ONE errand and look what happens
Saberwulf: Hahahahaha
SteelKomodo: lolz
TheDeleter: pffft

---

TheDeleter: lately I've been seeing which of the trivia questions on my advent calender can be answered with "YOUR MOM"
SteelKomodo: same with my shitty jokes
TheDeleter: about 60% success rate so far
TheDeleter: "What traditionally goes on top of the Christmas tree?" "YOUR MOM"
TheDeleter: "Who helps Santa make the toys?" "YOUR MOM"
SteelKomodo: XD
TheDeleter: "What do people do underneath mistletoe?" "YOUR MO- err..."
SteelKomodo: XD:
TheDeleter: "What transport does Santa use for delivering gifts?" "YOUR MOM"
Saberwulf: pff
TheDeleter: I know, it's childish, but i can't help but try
SteelKomodo: true that

Chatzy Madness Volume 31: Crazy-Ass Jam of Knights

SteelKomodo: You know how Goops can't look at any FF stuff without shoehorning his RP into it?
TheDeleter: yeeeaaaaah?
SteelKomodo: Yeah, turns out i shouldn't be one to talk
SteelKomodo: http://www.bigbadtoystore.com/bbts/product.aspx?product=SYC10011&mode=retail
TheDeleter: pffft
SteelKomodo: Read the description for this and kept thinking "no, this is wrong"
TheDeleter: IT'S NICKYPOO
Gooper Blooper joined the chat
Gooper Blooper: A traitor to Edenia, Rain becomes a servant of Shao Khan, participating in the latter’s invasion of the Earthrealm, however he later defects from Khan’s forces, endeavoring to defeat Taven and Daegon with the longer-term intention of defeating Blaze to gain the latter’s immense power. A master of water and lightning, Rain boasts an arsenal of signature moves including the Shocking Orb and the Water Blast.
Gooper Blooper: hold on, I can fix this
Gooper Blooper: A traitor to Edenia, Rain becomes a servant of Shao Khan, participating in the latter’s invasion of the Earthrealm, however he later defects from Khan’s forces, endeavoring to defeat Taven and Daegon The Lord of the Night with the longer-term intention of defeating Blaze to gain the latter’s immense power marrying Stel-Stel. A master of water and lightning, Rain boasts an arsenal of signature moves including the Shocking Orb and the Water Blast wielding a fragment of Christopher Ravensky's sword and dropping fuckin' lightning bolts on people, yo.

---

RedSpy: Ey guys :​D
Gooper Blooper: There you are
Gooper Blooper: The Spy posts in Chatzy when you least expect it
RedSpy: I was Isaacing
Gooper Blooper: oh god, still? It never ends
RedSpy: I bought the expansion
RedSpy: When the remake comes out I'm buying that
RedSpy: Help I've lost all control of my life
Gooper Blooper: You should have seen me and Pokemon back in the early to mid-2000s
Gooper Blooper: I was fucking married to those damn things
Gooper Blooper: "Spy, what are you doing?" "Playing Binding of Isaac." "It's four o'clock in the morning. Why on earth are you playing Binding of Isaac?" "Because I've lost control of my life."
Saberwulf: Speaking of buying lots of video games, I actually used to own basically every version of the Deus Ex Series
Saberwulf: No reason, I just ended up with like every system version of all three games
Gooper Blooper: That's happened to me before. It's like "why do I have so many games in this series"
Gooper Blooper: For me it's Mario Party, because my brother kept buying the new one every year
Saberwulf: Haha, Mario Party
Gooper Blooper: And so we now have Mario Parties 1 through 8
Gooper Blooper: hootenanny
Saberwulf: I own 2 MPs, the first gamecube one and the original
Gooper Blooper: The fifth one is my favorite
Gooper Blooper: Playable Boo is boss
Saberwulf: Playable boo sounds kickass
Gooper Blooper: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/PimpBoo.jpg
Saberwulf: Hahahahaha yessss
Gooper Blooper: "Where Lady Bow at?"

Baltan Claus

"Where IS that idiot? The food's going to get cold if he doesn't get his ass in gear."

Chatsy Madness Volume 30 - Chatizzle Madnizz

Harpy: I shall leave this here
Gooper Blooper: "Just some shiznit ta look forward ta fo' yo ass guys"
Gooper Blooper: beautiful
Gooper Blooper: [10:12:54 AM] ivelchild: How tha fuck do tha guildmasta bust two typez of magic
[10:13:08 AM] ivelchild: That thought occurred ta mah crazy ass dis morning
Gooper Blooper: oh my god
Gooper Blooper: I must go mess with this on my own stuff
TheDeleter: holy shit
Harpy: ...this is amazing
TheDeleter: this is amazing
Harpy: OH MY GOD I SHOULD DO THIS TO MONSTER MASH
TheDeleter: i'm gonna do this to freaks now
SteelKomodo: ...oh god what?
Harpy: Monster Mash: Narrated by Snoop Dawg
Gooper Blooper: This post be a database of all of mah characters, shit they've collected, locations I've added ta tha Zoofightz RP-verse, n' chicken n' drink I've contributed ta tha bar fo' realz. As tha stylish gif above says, dis page is Under Construction, n' is ghon be edited ta stay up ta date wit freshly smoked up deetz from B-ta-tha-L-O-Gizzay postz and RP. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See tha title of tha post fo' tha date it was last updated.
Gooper Blooper: We're off to a great start
SteelKomodo: it's...
SteelKomodo: GLORIOUS
TheDeleter: capitalizzle
Gooper Blooper: "Sarah is, at first glizzle, a fairly typical white mage."
TheDeleter: holy shit
TheDeleter: CAPITALIZZLE
SteelKomodo: "I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It is no place fo' any sensible sailor."
Gooper Blooper: "Can smoke n' drink far mo' than her size suggestz yo. Has a shockingly high tolerizzle fo' sugar."
Harpy: I AM DYING
Harpy: HELP
Harpy: tolerizzle
SteelKomodo: "It is ghon be a long-ass n' hard as fuck battle yo, but Japanz Top Billin Mascot thinks he can do dat shit."
Inurian: xD

Celestia's Christmas Wish

The snow fell gently but relentlessly, as it had for the last several hours after calming down from the blizzard of last night, slowly floating into and out of view from the window of Celestia's home. After over a year of sharing living space with one or another of her daughters, Celestia had finally gotten her own place to live - a fairly modest home that took up only part of an abandoned building. She'd chosen this building not only for its' low cost, but its' proximity to the bar and - most importantly - her lab.

For whatever reason, people didn't much care for living close to the bar. Odd, that.

She sits, rocking slowly back and forth in an old rocking chair she'd picked up at a yard sale for a steal - no matter how successful Tridenland was, some things never changed.

She was alone in the house, and wasn't working on a project, chatting on the phone with one of her daughters, or doing much of anything except rocking and looking out the window. Her options were limited thanks to the snow taking out some power lines and blocking off roads. For all intents and purposes, she was snowbound for the next several hours until X Demolition could figure out how to dispose of all the snow and restore power.

The rhythmic creaking of the old chair soothes her, as do the floating snowflakes. She takes a deep breath, lets it out, and closes her eyes.

And remembers.

Chatzy Madness Volume 29: Snowmen With Shark Teeth

SteelKomodo: so an arrogant, andro, bisexual, Lawful Evil Merfolk prince and his Pirate Eidolon walk into a bar
SteelKomodo: wat happen
TheDeleter: terrible things
TheDeleter: or great things
TheDeleter: a thousand of each
SteelKomodo: pfffft

---

TheDeleter: http://sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/61658_561491930531505_280393624_n.jpg
SteelKomodo: Snowmen with Shark Teeth
SteelKomodo: It's Official: The BBC have finally run out of ideas.
SteelKomodo: "Fuck it, just give snowmen shark teeth and hope someone has an irrational phobia of it."

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 8: Finale

"Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I'd like to thank everyone who's stuck with us through the ups and the downs and the creamy middles of the Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern Royal Rumble!"
"Brought to you by Waluigi's Taco Stand."
"And Pleasure Motors!"
"And Liberty Medical."
"And Colgate as well!"
"Better burn off all these sponsors now, seeing as there's only four people left in this clusterfuck."
"That's right, and with no more entrants these four are all we'll be seeing from here to the end! Who's going to take home the championship belt and the big cash prize?! BAH GAWD I'm pumped!"
"Just don't sweat on me or anything, geez."

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 7

The arena is silent. The crowd has largely fled. What few remain watch helplessly or cower in fright. It is quite obvious at this point that Mr. X was not supposed to be here, and that he was fully intending on getting his revenge, and silencing Ariel forever.

The petrified archer stares into the madman's gun barrel. Her white magic was not strong enough to stop point-blank bullets, and there was no time to try a distraction with Blink. Her mother and anyone else who could save her were incapacitated. Mr. X grinned cruelly, one finger curled around his gun's trigger.

In a burst of sparks, a burst of laser energy sent Mr. X's gun flying. Once Ariel processed what just happened, she cast Blink and scurried away. Mr. X, meanwhile, growled and turned to face the source of the attack.

"Who-?!"

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 6

"I CAN'T SEE SHIT!"
"ME NEITHER! WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? Ugh... Folks, if you're just joining us, this is the Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern Royal Rumble. We've seen twenty-four of the thirty contestants enter, and just barely two of them escalated their battle to the next level and tried to blow up the whole ring. The pure white is finally starting to fade and I think my retinas are nearly done oozing down my face so let's see what all's left in the ring!"

The ring is filled with unconscious people. Electra has been blown backwards and is hopelessly tangled up in the ropes. Celestia is in a similar position. Gust is face-down in one part of the arena, while The Necronomitron lies in one corner, its tentacles quivering uncontrollably. Widow Maker is still unable to see, and is clinging for dear life to the body of Marlin the Magnificent, who is flying in large, lazy circles thirty feet above the ring.

"Is that everyone?"
"Where's that blue-assed piece of shit that wandered in as the 24th entry?"
"Oh yeah, Hella Jeff.

...Where IS he?"

BZZZZZZZ

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 5

"Well, folks, it has certainly been a night to remember here at Barbon's Fite Club and Taver-"
"Why do you keep repeating the full name every five entrances?"
"We earn a commission for promoting the club. I'm doing MY part! OHOHOHO!"
"...Right, yes. Well, Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern has certainly paid host to a fight tonight the patrons of Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern will never forget, especially as they continue to visit Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern and are reminded of the Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern Royal Rumble each time they look at the hallowed walls of Barbon's-"
"I... don't think it works that way."
"Fuck."
"And remember, our sponsors tonight include Silph! Yes, Silph Company, for all your Pokemon-catching needs!"
"Not to be confused with the daemonette in Accounting."

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 4

"Well, ladies and gentlemen, we are here tonight at Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern, currently scared out of our goddamn minds."
"It's chaos here tonight! Entry 15, Tiamat, has eliminated four competitors with barely any effort!"
"Easy enough to understand - she's a hundred feet tall and has six heads and powerful wind magic. How do you stand up against that? You don't. Not in a Rumble."
"At this time we'd like to thank our many sponsors for tonight's entertainment, including Sharp-Dressed Sturge, home of the new Bouteille Boutique line of clothing for generously proportioned ladies! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
"Anyway, the buzzer has just rung, but nobody is coming out."
"Guess they aren't interested in fighting Tiamat, and I don't blame 'em! OHOH-"
"Wait, hold on, someone's theme just started. Who is that?"

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 3

"And we are BACK. We're coming to you LIVE at Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern, bringing you up-to-the-second coverage of the Royal Rumble, which itself is brought to you by Marrowmunch, crunch into a Marrowmunch now in feed bag size!"
"It's also brought to you by McMechos, home of the Double Triple Bossy Deluxe, a burger that would probably win this rumble if it forced the participants to eat it."
"For those just joining us, we have seen nine of the thirty entrants in the rumble, and two have been eliminated - and don't look now, but I think a third is about to follow!"

Skeiron and Gloria each grasped one of Constructor X's feet.

"READY?"
"Yeah!"
"HEAVE!"

The construction mecha was still propping himself up by his hands after having been nearly eliminated by Garland, and now the summoner and WarMech aimed to shove his feet to the floor to finish the job. Wisps of steam began to leak from his soles, and Gloria realized what was happening just in time.

"NULFIRE!"

A protective red shield blipped into existence around the two partners, allowing the fire bursting suddenly from Constructor X's jet feet to wash over them harmlessly. Both the mage and her robot ally pushed and struggled, Skeiron making more headway for obvious reasons. Constructor X felt himself starting to slip, and dug in with his claw, trying to prevent being shoved off.

Cleptopod, still perched on a top rope, saw the struggle and decided to help eliminate a troublesome-looking contestant. Carefully, he aimed and threw his drill missile, which whirled through the air and slammed into the claw arm of Constructor X, knocking it out from under him. With less of a grip on the ground, the mecha was shifted more easily by Skeiron and Gloria...

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 2

"Welcome back to the Royal Rumble! We are seconds away from the arrival of the sixth entrant!"
"Still haven't seen anyone worthy of winning this."

Garland continues to press forward, attacking Little Brother again and again, a smirk beginning to form underneath his helm.

"BIG BROTHER! HELP!"
"ON MY WAY!"
"What-"
Big Brother, having recovered from the Thunder spell, runs over Garland in his haste to aid his brother. The two damaged machines leap into the air and fuse together.

"MORPH BROTHERRRRS... CONSTRUCTORRRRRRR X!!"

BZZZZZZZ

The GB Ensemble Royal Rumble - Part 1

(IMPORTANT NOTE: The following story is non-canon and includes appearances from characters that are dead, presumed dead, or do not formally exist yet in ZFRP. Thank you.)

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Good evening, sports fans from around the globe!"
"It might be a good evening if I hadn't been roped into this."
"Oh hush now, this is gonna be great!"
"If I wanted to see a bunch of sweaty imbeciles punching each other I could do that from home."
"Come on, where's your spirit of adventure?"
"I think you killed it."
"ANYWAY!-

-We are coming to you LIVE from the newly rebuilt Barbon's Tavern and Fite Club, which has decided to ring in its' return in grand style!"
"Do tell."
"I'd love to, but for details of tonight's entertainment, we must turn to the referee."
"I should have known sarcasm would flit right over your malformed head."

Chatzy Madness Volume 28: The Rolan Jesus

GB: So our FOUR MIGHTY HEROES are now on Floor 90 of the third bonus tower
SteelKomodo: woot!
GB: You may remember that the eightieth floor of every tower has a dragon miniboss
GB: The first tower had Bahamut, the second had Ice Dragon
GB: The third tower's dragon is just called Dragon
SteelKomodo: boo-ring
GB: I'm like "Really?"
GB: He died in three turns
Toothpaste: Its name was actually Draven
SteelKomodo: XD
GB: Taking six meteors to the face is hazardous to your health
Toothpaste: It didn't die. It just let you win
GB: (thanks pit)
SteelKomodo: (woot!)

---

GB: I just realized something
GB: When Paper Mario TTYD first came out I was amazed by the Bowser sidescrolling segments
GB: I thought "they should do a whole game like this"
GB: THEY DID
SteelKomodo: IT WAS CALLED SUPER PAPER MARIO
SteelKomodo: =D
Harpy: ahahah
Harpy: yes

We Serve FOOD Here, Miss

Snow was lightly falling this early December eve, and two young and rather short women were on their way to pick up some fast food.

But this was no ordinary burger run.

"Sarah, this is utterly ridiculous. They aren't even going to know what you're talking about."
"C'mon, Josephine, don't be such a wet blanket! I have to try, at least! I gotta know!"
"Half of that was probably gibberish."
"But we don't KNOW that!"
"Uuuugh. Sarah, sometimes you're just plain crazy."
The two sisters entered McMechos, greeted by its' garish oranges and browns. "Y'know," Josephine mused, "I heard these restaurants use orange because it makes you hungry, so you'll order more. Pretty sinister stuff."
"Well, I'm starved, so it must be working! How about you?"
"This is why I ate before we left. I'm glad I got Morgana to email me those recipes. They're not quite as good as her stuff, but it's close enough."

Chatzy Madness Volume 27: Dirk Nukem

GB: http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc320/PapaGonzales/kjboou.png
SteelKomodo: ...
SteelKomodo: i got nothin
SteelKomodo: literally nothin to say
SteelKomodo: so have some farting noises instead
SteelKomodo: ppppprrrrrrrrrrt

---

Saberwulf: Hrm, I feel like writing a novel
Saberwulf: *eyes Microsoft Office*
SteelKomodo: DO IT
SteelKomodo: FOR GREAT JUSTICE
Toothpaste: YES!
Saberwulf: Oh christ, I already have the opening line:
Saberwulf: My name is Chet Mathis, and this is the story of how I blew up the Multiverse.
TheDeleter: oh god
TheDeleter: here we go
SteelKomodo: ALREADY
SteelKomodo: First line and it's already beautifully insane!

---

Saberwulf: Hahaha, oh god, the Italian version of What The Hell translates literally to What The Dick
Saberwulf: That's fantastic

Gunningshire: Normal

VVVVVVVVRRRRROOOOOOOOOP

"...What the devil?"

He'd done it. Dr. Bulgrave had successfully added the new dimension to his sifter, and transported himself there with a hundred different ideas in his head for what could await him. He'd expected someplace run-down and slummy. A place Gust could blend in.

Which is why he was left dumbfounded when confronted with a green, well-kept suburban block that looked like it fell out of a picture-perfect fifties sitcom. Immediately Dr. Bulgrave was aware of two things: First, he was roughly a five zillion on the Scale of Conspicuousness, and secondly Gust would be just as much of a sore thumb.

"The poor boy's likely gotten himself arrested..." Bulgrave mused, strolling down the sidewalk and trying to keep his steam billowing to a minimum. "I'd better find the police."

-2 HOURS LATER-

"The very nerve of that man! Yes, I know it's not Halloween, you whelp! Hmmmmph!"

You could almost see the mask scowl as Bulgrave grumbled to himself on a bench. He glowered at the world around him. Yes, it looked pretty, and clean, and well-mannered, but something was off here. Something wasn't right. And not just the hundreds of weird stares he'd gotten from the citizens of this world. It almost felt like the whole thing was an act, and if just a few things were tampered with the whole of the society here would collapse.

Identical houses with white picket fences. Hard-working suitcase-toting fathers coming home to greet their kitchen-bound always-smiling housewife and their 2.5 kids and their dog. It was... what was the word? Stifling? Maybe that one, yes.

He was so busy moping he almost didn't hear the motorcycle. Well, it was more like a moped. Whatever you'd call it, it was a no-nonsense, bulky, and decidedly non-extreme motorbike, and the only non-station wagon Bulgrave had seen on the road since he first got here. The man riding it looked unfamiliar, but then again Bulgrave had never seen Gust without his helmet. An attache suitcase was hooked to the front of the scooter, and the nice suit the man was wearing indicated that he, like all the others, had a well-paying office job and was probably going home to a family. The eternally grinning foodmaker and their perfect little tousle-haired kids. And of course a dog, or maybe a dog and a cat.

The man turned his head to look at Bulgrave and his eyes just about popped out of his head. To be fair, this was the reaction the doctor had been getting all day. But when the man made a turn to get off the main road and drove up to near Bulgrave's bench...

"...Bulgrave?" The man murmured. "The heck are you doing here?"
"I could ask the same of you, Gust."
"I'm not Gust. Not anymore. I go by Lawrence now."
"Lawrence? My god... *psssh* You've really integrated yourself into this society. To what end?"
"To what end? Don't you remember what I talked about in the past? I'm sick of the nonsense that revolves around those other worlds. I wanted a normal life. And during that last fight, you know what happened? I ran into the guy who gave me that arm. And he said he could make all that junk go away. I trusted him, and I was right to do so."
"So you're happy here? But it's so sterile and dull-"
"Safe, Doc. It's safe. I've had enough adventure to last a lifetime, and almost got killed twice. I'm done. So please, vrop on outta here before you lure some kind of death virus mantis robot kobber thing into my hometown."
"..."
"Gotta go, Chas is waiting for me."
"Wh-! She's here too?!"
"She's here too, and you can't meet her. Unlike me, she doesn't remember a thing about our little adventure. And I think that's just fine." Gust got onto his bike. "Goodbye, Doc. Don't worry about us. We're happy now."

Gust started up his moped, gave a simple nod to Dr. Bulgrave, and turned back onto the main road, puttering away.

The doctor watched him go, remaining silent for a while before finally moving to a secluded area. When he was certain nobody else was around, he warped away.

Chatzy Madness Volume 26: Original Wids

GB: hey guys
GB: I posted a thing on the forum
SteelKomodo: oh?
TheDeleter: lets see
SteelKomodo: oh shit Celestia
SteelKomodo is slightly terrified now
SteelKomodo: now she and Del can be prosthetic arm buddies
TheDeleter: niiiice
TheDeleter: XD
SteelKomodo: "Mine turns into a mace!" "Yeah, well, mahne turns into guns."
GB: "Arm! Mace! Arm! Mace!" "MOM CUT IT OUT"

---

Toothpaste: that awkwardly hilarious moment where your teacher for AP Bio is on Random.org with a 1-21 tractor up
Toothpaste: Then it turns out he's just rolling based on the 21 people in your class for who gets to ask a question during the test
SteelKomodo: ...XD
Toothpaste: But for a second I BELIEVED IN SANTA CLAUS ZOOFIGHTS

Gunningshire: Rival

"Excuse me... pardon me, ma'am... whoops-"

Dr. Bulgrave weaved his way carefully through the crowd. Curse his lack of foresight - he was so close to accessing the dimension he believed Gust had vanished to, but unfortunately supplies had to be gathered. Vital, important, desperately needed items required to finish the project.

Like, um, confectionary nourishment, oh yes.

As the doctor emerged from a tunnel underneath a cobblestone bridge, checking and double-checking his shopping list, he was stopped in his tracks by an irritatingly familiar voice.

"Wellll! My first day back and already I've run into old Copper-mask! Fancy seeing you again so soon, old boy!"

Dr. Bulgrave's teeth ground together as he turned and raised his head to see the man standing on the bridge.

"Barnaby."

"Sir Barnaby McManus von Buxton the Third, I believe you mean. So, as I was saying, fancy seeing you!"

"Yes. Fancy that."

"I say, I only just got back from an expedition to Africa. Found the most amazing thing!" Barnaby said jovially as he descended the cobblestone steps to talk without yelling, leaving his two associates on the bridge.

"And what would that be?"

"You'll never believe it - a living dinosaur! Had my boys capture the thing with tranquilizers and nets. It's been shipped overseas and they're hard at work studying it."

"...A living dinosaur, you say."

"Indubitably! The scientific discovery of the century! Turns out those African savages were right - the 'Kasai Rex' spoken of in their native legends was in fact a real animal!"

"...Fancy that."

He had gotten there first. HE had, not this smug bastard. But he'd squandered his discovery by weaponizing it. And then Jaxx Tantra had punched it so hard it erupted into a pile of ribcages.

And then he had been too obsessed with Project 28 to go and fetch another.

And then he was in prison.

And then it was too late.

"Hmm, well then! I'd love to hear what you've been up to lately, old Copper-mask! How's the animal-fiddling business?"

"...I've given up on that. I work solely in the fields of medicine and machinery now."

"Ah yes, your little wind-up toys. A most amusing pastime, to be sure!"

Dr. Bulgrave's gloved hands briefly clenched into fists. He was extremely glad his mask covered his current grimace.

"I believe, Sir Barnaby, that my studies in clockwork will lead to great strides in the future."

"Do you? That's not what I've been hearing. I've heard steamworking is on the way out, old chap. Have you seen the wind turbines they're pioneering in Valleyridge? Power from wind! It's astounding!"

A travesty of engineering, that's what it was, thought the doctor.

"Well, I imagine you're very busy gathering watch parts and the like so I'll be on my way - I'd hate to keep you held up from your advancing towards the future of clockwork!" A quick bark of a laugh, like if a walrus was amused. "Do take care - wouldn't want you getting anything stuck in your intake valve from working too hard!"

Barnaby strode off, leaving Dr. Bulgrave to silently turn and stalk away to the shopping center of Gunningshire. The steam venting from his pack came thick and dark.

Chatzy Madness Volume 25: Thinking is Hard

TheDeleter: beat another sam and max chapter
ColorChange: woo!
TheDeleter: now i have to figure out where all these underpants-wearing sams came from

---

TheDeleter: that's weird
TheDeleter: one of my buddies has updated his facbook to say he's in a relationship, but he didn't specify who with
TheDeleter: i'm gonna assume it's his hand

---

SteelKomodo: "Garfield and Jon Arbuckle was sitting at home watching the tv when M. Bison came on tv with announcement to Garfield."
SteelKomodo: ALREADY
SteelKomodo: First sentence and it's already beautifully, batshit insane,
ColorChange: Why is Garfield a paragon of manliness
SteelKomodo: Why wouldn't he be?

Chatzy Madness Volume 24: Ticklecock Bridge

TheDeleter: i bet samus gets that all the time now
TheDeleter: go to a bar
TheDeleter: next smash bros tournament
TheDeleter: nothing but THE BABY
SteelKomodo: THE BOTTLE SHIP
SteelKomodo: SEE WHAT WE DID THERE
Gooper Blooper: She actually managed to make a baby-free cameo earlier this year!
TheDeleter: she did!
SteelKomodo: good for her!
TheDeleter: but in the future
TheDeleter: oh man
SteelKomodo: D:

---

Saberwulf: I like how ZF RP is literally devolving into a saturday morning cartoon
Gooper Blooper: pffff
Gooper Blooper: It was always like that!
Saberwulf: "Oh god we're out of villans! uhhhh oh! Make someone big!"

---

Gooper Blooper: Kayle has triggered Treehugger.exe
TheDeleter: damn hippies
Gooper Blooper: take a shower, ariel
Gooper Blooper: get a job
Gooper Blooper: oh god kayle I thought you were smarter than that
Erebus: "Nuclear power? Golly, Ariel, what's that? Is it good?"
TheDeleter: *godzilla*
Gooper Blooper: "So Ariel, how about those new light bul-" "BUY THEM RIGHT NOW! FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH THEM!"
Erebus: "Excuse me, Ariel, I have to throw away this container filled with rusted razor blades, dish cleaner, and used engine oil. And by "Throw Away" I mean throw into a lake."
Gooper Blooper: *Ariel has a seizure*
Erebus: "Quick, lie her down on these nonbiodegradable trash bags and spray aerosols into the air before we set the whole thing on fire to get rid of it! That is the correct course of action, right?"
Saberwulf: I am so glad Ariel hasn't met David. "I'm a walking nuclear waste dump!" *dumps vats of anti-matter on a puppy farm*
Gooper Blooper: "What do you think about global war-" *Ariel takes a deep breath* "RUNNN"
TheDeleter: unclean! unclean!
Gooper Blooper: FOREIGN CONTAMINANT
Saberwulf: NO DISASSEMBLE

Thanksephine

 "Can you picture it, sis? Just close your eyes and imagine it."
"Sarah, please-"
"A feast for the eyes, nose, AND mouth! Mom's world-famous Thanksgiving dinner!"
"She's not world-famous."
"Not yet!"
"Sarah, can you please calm down, you're going to make me-"
"C'monnnn, sis! It's Thanksgiving! The one day of the year completely and totally devoted to food! Stop being a wet blanket and imagine with me!"
"Fiiiiiine."

Josephine sighed and closed her eyes.

"Can you smell it?"
"Smell what, exactly?"
"The turkey. Smell the turkey, sis."
"Sarah this is stupid-"
"Smell it!"

Josephine scrunched up her face, and old memories of their mom's Thanksgiving dinner began to resurface.

Every year, the whole family looked forward to Celestia's Thanksgiving meal. She always prepared top-quality meals no matter her resources, but on Thanksgiving she truly brought her A game. Celestia loved to cook for her family, and this was where it truly showed. Turkey roasted to perfection. Potatoes whipped into a heaping fluffy cloud. Homegrown vegetables. And, Sarah's favorite part of all, the pies.

Yes, pies. She'd come up with an idea for a family tradition: Every year, they would vote on what kind of pie would follow the meal. However, while Sarah and Josephine voted for chocolate pie, Gloria and their father supported pumpkin pie and Ariel wanted apple.

Most mothers would have them flip a coin or draw straws. Celestia instead made all three. And it had never mattered how much any of them had eaten - when those pies came out, there was no leaving the table until at least one slice from one pie had been conquered. Of course, Sarah's preferred method was nabbing a slice from each of the three pies, and Josephine had pulled off that stunt more than once in her childhood.

It had been so long, it felt like. For obvious reasons, the tradition came to an end when Celestia left to provide for her family under Tiamat. And while Celestia had considered bringing it back last year, she had ultimately felt too much heartbreak at the thought of a Thanksgiving dinner without her husband at the table. But this year would be different. It was Sarah who'd floated the idea to her mother in private during a quiet night at the hospital. Celestia, newly empowered by the fall of Garland, had agreed almost immediately, and the other girls eagerly signed on, ready to experience a down-home holiday tradition they'd been unable to celebrate for a full decade.

And so it would all come back. The turkey, the potatoes, the side dishes, the pies. The hot, sweet, steaming pies. The pies filled with rich, indulgent filling made with love...

"Josephine?"
"...Chocolate fudge with chocolate chip cookie crust..."
"Josephine!"
"GAH!"
"So it worked! You imagined it!"
"Yeah, I sure did, and thanks to you I'm starving! And I just got up an hour ago, too!"
"Don't worry, we can watch the parade to pass the time!"
"But I was gonna shop for- Ugh, I can't go shopping now, I'll wind up buying a bunch of food."
"Oh well! Don't worry, you can shop later!"
Sarah plopped down on her couch, patting the seat next to her. "Hurry, it's gonna be on soon!"
"...Sarah."
"Mmyes?"
"Did you seriously do this just because you wanted someone to watch the parade with you?"
"No! That's ridiculous!"
Sarah hopped back up and gave Josephine a hug.
"I did it because I wanted you to watch it with me."

Josephine blinked.

And returned the hug.

Chatzy Madness Volume 23: A Really Awkward Terrorist

MannVsNature: I have learned a very valuable lesson yesterday
MannVsNature: Mario Strikers Charged is an evil, evil little game
TheDeleter: it is
TheDeleter: it hates you and everything you stand for
SteelKomodo: it truly is
SteelKomodo: but it's loads of fun as well
MannVsNature: My friend and I went from beginning to end, tearing a bloody path through the game
MannVsNature: Donkey Kong, Dry Bones, Monty Mole, and Shy Guy trampled everything in their way
MannVsNature: We even got to the end of the Striker Cup, ready to face down Petey Piranha
MannVsNature: He solidly demolished our asses
SteelKomodo: D:
MannVsNature: Fought so far, all for naught
SteelKomodo: mario sports games tend to do that
SteelKomodo: there will come a time when they will tear you apart, bit by bit
SteelKomodo: especially Mario Kart
MannVsNature: It doesn't help that the AI uses items with perfect precision
MannVsNature: While every time I try to use an item it hits more of our own team than theirs
MannVsNature: Hell, half the time our own Chain Chomp chases us
SteelKomodo: Chain Chomps are jerks

---

Erebus: SHALL WE SCRY?!
SteelKomodo: LET US SCRY!!
TheDeleter: LET'S SCRY PROFUSELY
TheDeleter: SCRY OUT IN TERROR
Erebus: AWWWWWWWW YEAH
MannVsNature: SCRY TIME!
TheDeleter: i'm trying to pun

Dead Sarah

Have you ever noticed the URLs in topics on the Zoofights Forum? It goes up by 1 every time a thread is made, but there are a bunch of numbers that have been skipped over. The reason for this is twofold. The first explanation is that the missing numbers are spambot threads that were deleted. This is true for most of the threads, but there's still one number that isn't accounted for. This is a "lost" thread from 2011.

The lost thread was made in the Bar subforum by the user "Gooper Blooper". It received 11 posts between 2:45 and 3:15 AM Eastern time on August 30, 2011. It's odd enough that Gooper Blooper was roleplaying at 3 in the morning, but that is the least of the things about the thread that seem "off". For starters, the thread is titled "Dead Sarah".

The date of August 30 is significant because that places the thread's creation time at just a few hours after the RP event of Sarah the white mage fighting Draco the dragon in a Fite Yer Mates battle. Although Sarah won, she was grievously wounded, and both her injuries and the subsequent medical care was described in cringeworthy fashion. However, by midnight Sarah had recovered and gone home with her boyfriend Alex. Posts continued into the night, but slowly dropped off. In the wee hours of the morning, posts were few and far between - Erebus is seen posting at 2:37 AM, followed by Gentleman Draco at 3:20. In between that time, the lost thread went up, acquired posts, and vanished.

At 2:45 AM the thread went up. Gooper Blooper's post is a little odd. Instead of using the default black text, a shade of gray is used instead. The post is also completely in italics, contains no pictures, and is written in the first person. The post in its entirety reads "What's going on? Where am I? I feel strange...".

The next user to post is AlextheJanitor. Her post is similar, except there are no italics and the text is shaded in the light green used for the character of Alexander Triden. "Are you all right, Sarah? You look pale... Do you need anything?"

Gooper Blooper replies in less than two minutes with "Everything is okay now, Alex. Everything is okay."

AlextheJanitor again: "O-okay, if you say so. Come on, let's get some sleep and we can celebrate more in the morning."

The next six posts in the thread are Gooper Blooper posting repeatedly. Each successive post uses lighter and smaller text - always in italics and always from Sarah's point of view.

The first post is a retelling from Sarah's perspective of the first time she ever saw Alex. This moment, which was only alluded to in other threads, is written with surprisingly deep detail, down to describing the clothes Alex was wearing and what exactly he was cleaning up at the time (Croaka Cola - the post goes into lurid detail of the fallen frog's organs and guts).

The second and third posts are also memories not covered in detail elsewhere - the second describes how Sarah felt after having used Exit to flee from Alex the first time they had a conversation, while the third post is about Sarah's thoughts while on the verge of death as Alex carried her to the hospital after she had been shot in the chest during their first date.

The fourth post is disjointed and hard to understand, but appears to be a stream-of-consciousness transcript of what Sarah was thinking during her battle with Draco.

The fifth post can be placed at just after the battle. It reads as follows:

"I think I'm dying.

My legs are gone. My arms... one arm gone. My hair, my eyes, my skin... how could white magic bring me back now?

I was so stupid. I shouldn't have done this. Alex and Mom and One and Two and Four must be so upset.

I'll miss them.

I'm so sorry."

The sixth post appears blank, but this is because it uses the smallest possible text and pure white as a text color. However, it only contains a single word.

The seventh post is also made by Gooper Blooper, but this one is an aside note in parentheticals that reads "(Had a chat with Alex and decided to scrap this because it's too upsetting. NEVER MIND, FOLKS, SARAH'S FINE)"

Three minutes later the topic vanished. It is unknown who did this, as none of the regular roleplayers had any moderation powers. Attempting to contact any of the roleplayers about the thread results in assertions that it never happened. And, while the thread was viewable for two weeks on Google Cache, it was then deleted. Attempts to post the thread content on Pastebin result in deletions for "inappropriate content".

Not everything on the Internet is permanent. Sometimes it truly does vanish.












"...Father?"

Chatzy Madness Volume 22: Stella's Zoofights Fanfiction

GB: So last night I played another one of my shiny new old Atari games
Saberwulf: Nice
GB: This one's called Mouse Trap
SteelKomodo: ooh
RedSpy: D:
GB: You have to avoid enemies and eat all the dots in the maze
GB: totally not pac-man guys
RedSpy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ0ko4zess4
SteelKomodo: ...pffffffft
GB: Actually there are a couple huge differences
GB: See, you're a mouse, and the dots are cheese
GB: Or at least they're supposed to be cheese
GB: And you're pursued by three cats instead of four ghosts
GB: If you hold down the fire button the whole maze transforms
GB: The reason I brought up Mouse Trap is because of this http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Decorated%20images/MouseTrapMaxScore1.jpg
GB: I guess that means I won
Saberwulf: Haha
Saberwulf: Nice
GB: it's not a very hard game
SteelKomodo: yesssss
RedSpy: Wait what?
GB: max score bitches
RedSpy: Holy shi-
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Decorated%20images/MouseTrapMaxScore2.jpg
GB: See, I nabbed one more dot and it rolled over
GB: Activating the "power pellets" whenever you want really helps
GB: You don't use them as soon as you touch them
RedSpy: That's OP

Gunningshire: Storm

"Home... sweet home."

Dr. Bulgrave stood in the pouring rain, standing in front of his heavily damaged castle.

"This place has certainly seen better days. *psssh* Well, no sense standing out here in the rain."

The doctor entered slowly, looking around with some trepidation.

Alone.

He was completely alone here. It was such a bizarre feeling. Bulgrave had been a bit of a loner, true - aside from Dr. Welward, few ever visited him. Which had made this previous summer all the more unique.

There was no chance. No way. The kobbers had killed him. He couldn't have fled. The chances were infinitesimal. But to hell with probability, he was alone and had nothing else to do.

"...Gust? Gust, my boy, are you here?"

Silence descended upon the fortress once more, with only the rain and Bulgrave's breathing apparatus to dull the silent roar of emptiness.

He traversed the halls of his castle like a stranger, noting and observing every chipped stone, every smashed glass, every overturned object or fallen keepsake. The blackboard he'd used so many times to communicate with Blackbird was face-down on the floor. Some of his books had tumbled off the bookshelves, with one on insects having busted its spine upon landing. The food in the pantry had gone bad, except for the canned stuff.

Tcccththcccthcccccththc

The doctor stopped walking.

Thththccccccththccccccth

"...What?"

He reached behind him, grasping a handheld device hooked to his life support and sifter.

Tcccchthththcccccthcccthch

"It's picking something up... Someone sifted here?"

Bulgrave stared at the readings for a few moments before it dawned on him.

"...He got away. *Psssh*

He did survive."

He began fiddling with the device, flipping levers and turning dials, energy seeming to return to his movements.

"It might not be too late."

Gunningshire: Plague

Nobody had ever expected a deadly virus from an earlier age was lurking in their hometown. Nobody had even the slightest suspicion. And that is for the best. If they had known, there would have been panic. There would have been pushback. There would have been resistance to science, to the study of knowledge and discovery.

You see, after the Black Plague was finally completing its greatest grim tour of Europe those 600 years ago, someone had the foresight to capture it. Bottled up a bit of the germ in a glass jar and put it on ice in the hope that someday something less indiscriminately genocidal could come of it. Such forward thinking was rare in those days.

Through the centuries, the knowledge was passed down but kept limited to a tiny few. Whoever had managed to capture the plague told a fellow scientist. In his old age, this scientist passed it on to his brightest understudy. And so did the secret follow the best of humankind through the ages. Some of those who knew studied the plague under microscopes, spending weeks, months, or years trying to crack its code. Others knew, and passed it on, but never once decided to mess with it themselves, being too fearful.

It was inevitable that someone would finally get careless. And about five years ago, someone did. And so the secret was secret no longer.

This was where being more advanced as a society came in. We knew what the plague could do. We'd all read about it in school. And we'd changed. Our streets were not dirty and filled with animals. The homeless and deprived were kept clean and safe in group homes. People knew what showers were. And antibiotics were more advanced. The Black Plague wasn't just a musty memory from our history books. It had come back, weaker, in recent centuries. But it never made the same impact - not in more developed nations. And our advances in science were why. It's things like that that make me proud to be a scientist.

The moment the first deaths were reported, a quarantine was placed upon the city. Citizens were allowed to evacuate only if passing a complete and total examination to determine they and all possessions they wished to bring were 100% free of the plague and of carriers like fleas or ticks.

I was lucky. I have no family here, and I never caught the plague. Why would I? I spent most of my time holed up in my fortress, and on the rare occasions I left for errands I was covered in my typical dress quite well. Once I'd heard of the plague spreading I added a hooded coat to my ensemble, but that was all.

But really, I was especially fortunate that I didn't have to see my colleague, Dr. Welward, as anything but a friend.

Bartholomew Welward... is a morbid man. A man who has worked with the dead for his entire career. He has two specialties. The first is studying fatal diseases with no known cure. The other is study of the limits of human life - where life ends and death begins, how long the mind can persist, and whether there is such a thing as a soul. The coming of the plague gave a huge boost to his activity. He seemed to take more pride in his grim work than ever, and for the first time in years he began treating live patients rather than just doing autopsies and funeral services. He quickly rose to prominence as the go-to man in the city for plague-related treatments and discussion.

And he began wearing that damned birdlike plague doctor mask all the time. He was entirely too excited about this.

"Afternoon, Welward."
"Afternoon, Bulgrave! Keeping well?"
"Well enough."
"No symptoms?"
"None at all. *psssh* Seems my choices in fashion are a boon."
"Good to know."
"How many today?"
"Just two. The government's done a fine job keeping everyone orderly about this. We've hardly got more than twenty cases, none outside Gunningshire, and it's been two whole weeks. A few of them even look like they'll survive."
"You sound disappointed."
"Well..."
"Welward, why? Why do you have such a sick fascination for human suffering? *psssh* You and I, our job is to relieve suffering, not revel in the causes."
"I do nothing of the sort, Bulgrave. Seeing these people... men, women, children, all types - seeing them in need moves me to find a cure. I have studied the Plague for-"
"There is no cure for the Black Plague. Immunization, yes - surgery, possibly - but not a cure."
"No KNOWN cure, my comrade. But I'll find it. I'll be the first. I will be the one who saved the people from the Plague."
"You're a few hundred years late on that one."
"This year begs to differ. It could rise again for real, Bulgrave, immune to our antibiotics. What then? Why, that's when the world turns to me."
"Seems rather selfish of you to wish a disease to return from the grave just so you can be the hero."
"You're one to talk about selfishness. How's that research in brain disorders coming along?"
"Pah, I've given up on that for now. It's not possible at this time... *psssh* Instead I'm considering applying to join a Zoofights team, and learn that way."
"Zoofights? That traveling gladiatorial animal show? A fascinating pursuit to be sure, if a tad morbid. I've looked at many animals in my studies of the crossing of life and death, and I'm not certain that-"
"Humbug, they're only animals. Animals don't have souls, or feelings. And they don't feel pain like we do. They are tools for advancing our knowledge, and devices for human entertainment."

Dr. Welward stared, deep in thought, before finally responding.

"Are they?"

For years after our conversation, I thought I knew the answer to that question. And it was "yes".

Today, I am no longer so certain.

Cutting Room Floor 7: Garland Edition

ColorChange: Question for Goops: is there a cutting room floor for the Garland fight?
GB: There is quite a bit of stuff that got left out
GB: Partly because of general circumstances not coming up
GB: And partly because so much insane shit was happening at once I just had no time
ColorChange: Ah
ColorChange: Show us D:
GB: Well
GB: The biggest thing that didn't happen is based off this foreshadowing from the bar
GB: 2 months ago - Mystery Knight slays the Great Ahriman of Earthgift Shrine
7 months ago - Scrap Metal Dug Up by Dr. Unne - Believed to be a Piece of the Legendary Omega
14 months ago - Infamous Scarmiglione Found Dead Outside Hellfire Chasm
3 years ago - Mysterious Purple Tentacle Washes up on Beach
5 years ago - Phantom Train Off the Rails - Mystery Challenger Derails the Fearsome Ghost
8 Years Ago - Graveyard Desecration - Corpses Litter Corneria Cemetery, Sword Marks on Local Grave
SteelKomodo: CORNERIA NO D:
SteelKomodo: WHERE'S STAR FOX WHEN YOU NEED THEM
SteelKomodo: (i may have made this joke before)
GB: See, Garland didn't kill Sarahdad
ColorChange: Wait, didn't we fight a few of those summons?
GB: We did
GB: But look at the last line
GB: This is from after we fought the summons, when Zeph and Gloria were doing research in the bar
ColorChange: . . . I don't like where this is going ;A;
GB: Garland didn't kill Sarahdad
GB: But he might have killed a necromancer along the way
SteelKomodo: ;^;
ColorChange: . . . Oh god what
ColorChange: No no no no no that's too sad
TheDeleter: well
GB: The idea was that he would go to the gravesite, summon the necromancer, and kill Zombie Sarahdad so he could summon Sarahdad
TheDeleter: that's terrible
GB: (It would probably have been the necromancer from Castle Crashers)
SteelKomodo: in the words of Orson Wells, "Why, that's terrible!"
GB: But due to having literally no time to write anything long like that during the fight Garland just beat the shit out of the girls instead
ColorChange: Ouch
GB: Next, here's a few unused summons Garland did not bring into any fights
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/Golem.png
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/Odin.png
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/Rubicante.png
GB: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/SteelGiant.png
ColorChange: Oh fuck the All-Father
SteelKomodo: aw shit, I could have had Saxton Hale deck Odin in the face
SteelKomodo: "Don't you know you've been replaced by the globe-encompassing power of AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM?!"
GB: At some point, Electra was going to do this: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/ElectraCharge1.png
SteelKomodo: she still needs to do that
SteelKomodo: swear to god
GB: There's also this guy: http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a135/Kracko/Zoofights/GreenNinjaFFTMugshot.png
SteelKomodo: NINJAS =D
GB: This ninja was going to be working for Garland as an assistant
GB: maybe
ColorChange: RAIN YOU FIEND
GB: In truth I was confused about what his alliance would be
GB: I think at one point he was actually a concerned Mysidian coming to warn people about Garland, but he's one of those weird Japanese types who only gives up information if you prove yourself worthy
GB: So yeah, didn't know what to do with him and I had more than enough characters running around anyway, so he got dropped
ColorChange: I was going to have this be Zephyrus' swan song, but with Antoinette already dying I figured it'd end up just feeling like a repeat. So I axed it.
ColorChange: Oceanus would've lived to see the fight's end if he didn't deal with the fearsome foot of the tractor.
GB: Also, there is a major villain possibility for Browny if he ever does anything prominent again
ColorChange: So I had to emergency-draft Wheatley for a slow speed boat chase
ColorChange: . . . I read that as Browny being a major villain
SteelKomodo: ^
SteelKomodo: D:
GB: I saw that wording too. No, he doesn't have it in him
ColorChange: So now instead of Zephyrus becoming a corpse, he becomes a mechanic
ColorChange: Lets hope he can figure out how to fix a deadbro!
GB: He dropped off later in the year because people kept joining the police force and I wanted to do things with all of them together
ColorChange: D: Browny
GB: Browny was also very difficult to make a strong character out of, it seemed like
GB: He's so formal

Chatzy Madness Volume 21: The Air-Sea Battle Button Masher

GB: So I got my package
GB: 6 more thirty-year-old games, whoo
SteelKomodo: woot!
GB: And as a special bonus
GB: One of them has what must be the worst AI of all time
SteelKomodo: ooh, do tell
GB: Air-Sea Battle was made in 1977
GB: and it shows
GB: It was a launch title for the Atari
SteelKomodo: D:
SteelKomodo: oh boy
GB: It was intended to be played two-player
GB: There's 27 minigames total, with like 7 different themes and the rest are variations
SteelKomodo: ah
GB: Most of these minigames are two-player only, like the default one where the players control two anti-air cannons and try to shoot down more planes than their opponent
GB: However, there's an option to play the anti-air game with the AI
GB: The AI is the exact equivalent of a guy hammering on the fire button as fast as he can without moving the joystick
SteelKomodo: D:<
GB: It doesn't aim, it just fires constantly
GB: But since the default cannon position is diagonally upward
GB: it can still hit planes
GB: Final score was 20-14
GB: (I was the 20)
SteelKomodo: welp
SteelKomodo: that is literally worse than Rise of the Robots A.I.
SteelKomodo: (never played Rise of the Robots, thank god)
GB: The only AI I can think of that might be worse is Big Rigs
SteelKomodo: oh lawd Big Rigs
GB: At least you can still actually lose to the Air-Sea Battle Button Masher
GB: But in Big Rigs, you're always winner

The Coming of the Chaotic One

Perhaps it was a mistake.

Perhaps he shouldn't have struck out towards the city.

However, not only was sending summons not working, but getting word that halfway across the world his enemies had fallen simply wasn't the same as slaying them firsthand.

He craved more.

He wanted the archer to see the city decay as Dagahra's toxic starfish poisoned the oceans, to see fish floating to the surface, birds falling out of the sky gagging on smoke.

The summoner? Her abilities were beyond pitiful compared to his own. She would watch her library and all its' precious books go up in flames.

The chemist had a few toys. He had a few monsters. Her rockets would falter, and everything she cared about would burn around her.

The black mage... the mother. He'd save her for last. Not because of the emotional aspect of her children dying first - that was just a bonus - but in practical terms, she was the only one who couldn't bring her family back to life. And speaking of bringing people back to life, that white mage - the accursed, upstart white mage that defeated him...

If at all possible, the white mage would go first.

Let them come. Let the defenders come. All of them. Make a party of it. He was prepared.

Some had opted for quality over quantity. Others had believed sheer force of numbers would win the day.

But it seemed nobody could muster both at once.

His mighty airship crackled with electric power. Blue flames danced around him, awaiting their moment.

And behind him...

A dragon flew behind the airship, fourteen feet long, standing taller than a man, with large, majestic wings and a monstrous, tyrannosaurian head filled with serrated teeth. Small spurts of flame crept over each jagged tooth, the monster's three-inch-thick scales preventing any harm.

Impressive enough by itself, but it was only one dragon.

Of hundreds.

They blotted out the sun, casting a shadow over the ocean. Their claws scratched at the open air, eager for flesh to rip. They were completely subservient to Garland - his defeat of the mighty dragon Shinryu assured their loyalty.

Garland looked out at the dragons. He looked at the dancing flames of his summons, Dagahra and Shinryu's flames among them.

He looked at the enormous, tarp-covered bundle strapped to the back of his airship.

And he allowed himself a smile.

Chatzy Madness Volume 20: They Fight Crime

TheDeleter: so an incredibly long chain of panic has caused all of my xcom soldiers to murder every alien on screen
TheDeleter: meanwhile my sniper at the back just facepalms
Saberwulf: Hahaha
SteelKomodo: XD
SteelKomodo: Team K.o.B. - they kick ass even when panicking
SteelKomodo: and Santos is the only sane guy
TheDeleter: that's XCOM!

---

GB: Let the record show that I will always suck at Donkey Kong no matter what system it is on

---

GB: You know what's wonderful? Atari game manuals.
GB: "How many of you out there have always longed to be a pinball wizard? It's a good bet that some of the places you had to go to play a game of pinball weren't the most comfortable for you. Well, relax. Since you were wise enough to invest in this ATARI (r) VIDEO PINBALL TM Game Program TM, you'll never have to worry about being at places with that kind of unsavoury atmosphere again."
GB: "VIDEO PINBALL has the challenge and the excitement of standard pinball games, and it doesn't have any idea what a quarter is. So not only are you spared the unpleasant task of stuffing quarters into hungry machines, you have the comfort and the well-being of your home. What more could a pinball enthusiast ask for? And as for you pinball wizards, don't think you can master this one lickety-split. It'll be a while before your wiz rating is restored and in full swing."
SteelKomodo: pfffffft wat
GB: "Just in case you're a pinball rookie, there's only one thing you need to know. You're going to love it. You may have stayed away from the more traditional places of pinball habitation in the past, but now you're going to see why so many other people have gone goofy with "pinball madness". As a matter of fact, you'll probably catch the fever yourself within about 20 minutes."
GB: "So take a deep breath, turn up the stereo, and jump right into VIDEO PINBALL. One more thing. Better get yourself a piggy bank for all those quarters you're going to save."
RedSpy: Game manuals today
RedSpy: "THANK YOU FOR BUYING HAVE SOME ADS"
RedSpy: "ALSO THE CONTROL STICK MOVES, YA GOBSHITE"
GB: And then you actually turn on VIDEO PINBALL
GB: And you get this
GB: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEuNpdB_3E0
SteelKomodo: to be fair
SteelKomodo: that is how most of my pinball games go
GB: Oh yeah, I understand the limitations of the time, I just love how they talk it up
TheDeleter: that's hilarious
TheDeleter: like
TheDeleter: the ball touches the flippers maybe once or twice
GB: If you toggle the difficulty switch on the console two more holes open up!
GB: BETTER WATCH OUT
TheDeleter: oh god!
TheDeleter: that's too many nooooo
TheDeleter: how will i ever cope?

Chatzy Madness Volume 19: Sparkle Sparkle Neigh

Cornwind Evil: THE DOCTOR
Cornwind Evil: HIS NAME IS THE DOCTOR
Cornwind Evil: DOCTOR WHO IS THE NAME OF THE SHOW
Erebus: Who?
Cornwind Evil: JUST THE SHOW
Saberwulf: DOCTOR WHO?
Cornwind Evil: RARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH​HHH
Erebus: Doctor what?
Saberwulf: They totally made that joke again in the season finale
Saberwulf: it was fantastic

---

RedSpy: TANGWHAUP
Cornwind Evil: ...Tangwhaup?
RedSpy: Its a whimbrel. A type of bird
RedSpy: Goops searched the entire english language
Saberwulf: Holy shit TANGWHAUP is a word

Final Fantasy Tactics Custom Case

The spine needed to be a tad bigger, unfortunately, but I think this still turned out pretty good for a first try.

See the label in detail here (not 100% complete).

Next time: A Four Heroes of Light custom case!

An Actual Review of Four Heroes of Light

:smugsephine:

I don't know if people are utterly sick of me talking about this damn game yet - Elohim knows I've said enough about it - but I wanted to give some details and opinions of Final Fantasy: Four Heroes of Light in a format more suited to a proper review, especially because even though I've spent hours relaying the ridiculous storyline, I haven't said much about game mechanics.

Graphics
The Nintendo DS, as you know, is roughly on par with the N64 in terms of graphical prowess, perhaps a bit above that. In general 3D models are a bit crude but recognizable, while sprites are excellent. Four Heroes is a 3D game, with similar graphics to the DS remakes of Final Fantasy 3 and Final Fantasy 4 (in fact, it's handled by the same development team within Square Enix). Monsters vary from the silly to the scary, and the playable characters are adorable super-deformed little things. Absolutely up my alley, but not a style everyone enjoys.

Also, the character designer is the same guy who did FF3's DS version as well as Final Fantasy Tactics, and I love this guy's art style. Easily one of my favorite character designers, right up there with whoever came up with the idea to make Mario a piece of paper.

Music
Some seriously catchy tunes here. Four Heroes' music will stick with me long after I've put it down. I'd single out the boss theme and the "scary" theme used in a couple late-game dungeons as being particularly excellent. One thing I really love is the way the music changes depending on how you're doing in battle. If you're in trouble against normal enemies, the music gets frantic, and when a boss is running out of HP the music switches to a new, energized tune to emphasize that you're near victory. It can fall flat if the boss is killed too quickly after the music change, but when it works, it works.

Gameplay
Four Heroes has a number of interesting twists to the standard RPG formula. The coolest is the job system, which affects what special abilities your characters can use. While I spent basically the entirety of the game on just six or so classes (White Mage, Black Mage, Hero, Merchant, Thief, and Wayfarer), there's tons of different ways to build your characters, and it's pretty easy to change classes if you change your mind. For instance, you don't need to go without a healer if you don't want a White Mage. The Salve-Maker class is this game's version of a Chemist, and can heal the whole party at once with a single item, while the Wayfarer can double the power of a potion and is a great class for the solo sections thanks to its Escape ability. Some of the later classes get downright bizarre, like the secret Seamstress class that attacks with giant sewing needles and can destroy a weapon to temporarily pump up the power of another, or the Shaman who instead of reviving your KOed allies allows them to fight on as invincible ghosts.

Another neat twist is the Ability Points system. Every turn a character gains 1 AP, up to a max of five. Every action uses at least 1 AP except Defend. You don't have to worry about running out of MP here - just Defend for a turn and you'll be able to cast magic again. The mana-restoring Ether now just refills your AP - it's best for going into boss fights with a full bar (or 4 points, which will become 5 on the battle's first turn).

Godsephine

Here's a weird quirk about battles - you can't pick your target. A full set of four enemies (not all encounters have four baddies) forms a square. Physical attackers start with the front-left enemy, while magic strikes the back-right enemy, each going across, then into the next row as the fight progresses. Enemies take advantage of this in some of their formations, most often by having a burly enemy in front and some frailer guys in back. You can't pick your target with your own characters, either - healing spells target whoever needs healing the most in terms of percentage of health remaining. While I was a bit off-put at first by this bizarre design choice, it actually isn't a big deal once you get used to it, and it's not common that I wished Sarah would heal someone different from who she ended up actually healing. It helped that in the first half of the game it's rare to have more than one ally and in the second half you'll likely use the White Mage or Salve-Maker's "heal everyone at once" skills a lot and avoid the problem entirely.

There's also the inventory system, which makes item management a major priority. Every character can only carry 15 items, and that includes their equipment and any duplicate items - but not key items, thankfully. There's a Storage Shop in every town that will hold on to your excess goods until they're needed.

All these quirks and twists made Four Heroes a game that simultaneously defied RPG stereotypes like the infinite bag of holding and the management of mana while embracing other stereotypes like the plucky hero, kidnapped princess, and villains who do bad things because they're bad.

I should also note that this game is very difficult if you aren't using a walkthrough. There is not a lot of direction in terms of where to go and what to do, and there are occasions where you need to talk to an NPC multiple times or wander the world map a bit in order to proceed. The NPCs will often provide hints, though, especially for things like finding the next dungeon or locating a monster with an important item drop. Also, the save system is a bit nasty - you can't save on the overworld and there's no quick-saving, so either find the save point guy and his fox pet or put the DS in sleep mode and plug it into its charger.

Atmosphere
It's strange. I'm a huge Final Fantasy fan, but I only play the older games in the series, and the spinoffs that attempt to channel those old games - like Four Heroes and Final Fantasy Tactics. I have a strong liking of the more lighthearted feelings these old-school games tend to favor inducing over the darker, realistic-looking, non-SD characters that took over the main series in the PlayStation era. Four Heroes absolutely nails the old-school, peppy vibe of FF1 and FF4. Like many of my favorite RPGs, it knows when to be serious, but it also knows to keep things fun and full of fantasy. It's kind of a hard concept to convey, but I guess you could call it the game's "heart" or "soul". Four Heroes is an optimistic game about overcoming challenges and saving the world - sorta like how Zoofights RP tends to go.

Josephine
Mother of god, did this game enhance my appreciation for Josephine. She's been a bit of a chew toy in ZFRP - the diet problems, the poor combat ability (until she got her rocket launcher), and the Monster Blood incident made it clear that Josephine tended to get the short end of the stick, but naming Four Heroes' Yunita after Josephine took it to a new level. Due to a combination of intentional in-game dialogue and plot and some unintentional gameplay misfortunes, Josephine's situation got far, far worse before it got better. I'm still amazed at how much this game enjoyed dumping shit on the poor girl - from being abandoned by her allies multiple times to winding up a bum in the city, Josephine got kicked into the dirt more times than I can count. But now she's a powerful party leader who has risen above her past and become an essential part of the team.

:3

Recommendation
It's kinda hard to recommend Four Heroes to you guys because I kinda gave away the entire plot in my Chatzy reports, but it really was a great game - hence my enthusiasm for it. It's likely to crack my Top 25 of all time and it's one of the three best games I've played this year (the other two are Final Fantasy Tactics and Ghost Trick). This is exactly the sort of game that appeals to me - a fair amount to do, cute and likable characters (eventually - Jusqua AKA Pit is kind of a dick for the first third of the game), fun gameplay, and a storyline that is simultaneously stereotypical as hell and completely bizarre. People who don't care for getting unleashed into a big world without much direction can still enjoy the game with a guide - I used the one on GameFAQs, which proved very useful. Also, warning to people who need to 100 percent their games - it's very, very easy to miss permanently missable items in this game if you aren't closely following a guide.

If you're sick to death of the traditional RPG, Four Heroes probably isn't for you. As for me, I loved (almost) every minute of it, am extremely pleased with my purchase, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the 3DS sequel, Bravely Default: Flying Fairy, which I'm assuming will get a less insane name if it gets an English translation.

Five Rolans out of five.

Four Heroes of Light - A Chatzy Play-By-Play

GB: One downside to FF: Four Heroes - the names have an eight character limit so Josephine is now Josefine
SteelKomodo: boo :<
GB: I was all set to enter the e and *bzzz* and I was like "awww fuck"
TheDeleter: pretend it's a 90's revamp
TheDeleter: edgy and cool
GB: J0Z3f1n3
TheDeleter: xX*so radical*Xx
SteelKomodo: POINTY ELBOWS AND LOTS OF LIGHTNING!
GB: Josephine on a skateboard
GB: ROCKET CHEMIST
TheDeleter: edgy and angry
RedSpy: Oh god xD
GB: Sarahsisters Unleashed
GB: Ariel is now even more enthusiastic
GB: "Like the ancient Mysidians say - don't drink a potion you found in the dark."
TheDeleter: Or wear any girdles you find in dungeons
TheDeleter: seriously who made those things
GB: Don't forget - the more revealing it is, the better the stat boosts
SteelKomodo: oh dear lord those girdles
RedSpy: D: girdles
GB: Josephine: "GET THAT ULTIMATE THONG AWAY FROM ME"
TheDeleter: clearly erebus' power armor is trash tier
TheDeleter: get him a speedo
TheDeleter: for godlike power

Chatzy Madness Volume 18: Chilly-C Svilnizzle

SteelKomodo: crocodile blood is the cure for HIV, apparently
TheDeleter: it sure is
TheDeleter: one day we will make a world that saxton hale would be proud to live in

---

TheDeleter: Eshe smileys!
TheDeleter: sad :[
TheDeleter: happy :]
TheDeleter: uh
TheDeleter: that's it
Erebus: You forgot the current one!
Erebus: </3
Erebus: ...I'm sorry.
TheDeleter: :C
TheDeleter: hopefully that'll be <3 soon
RedSpy: You're staking Eshe? That's cruel!
Erebus: You know very well Eshe can't eat steak :crossarms:
TheDeleter: she'd be no good on a stakeout
TheDeleter: that's fo sho
Erebus: Oddly, she's at her best in high stakes situations
TheDeleter: she's best under high pressure?
TheDeleter: maybe some biting comments would throw her off
Erebus: Maybe, they'd probably drain her.
TheDeleter: i'm gonna stop now

Chatzy Madness Volume 17: I Bought A Lightbulb Today

TheDeleter: I'd so play Paladin Donkey Kong
TheDeleter: slaying fools for the banana god
SteelKomodo: yessss
GB: "Mmm, bananas"
Erebus: "LAWFUL BANANA"
TheDeleter: Lay on hands? fuck that, eat this banana
TheDeleter: full recovery bitches
Erebus: Lay on Potassium
SteelKomodo: XD
TheDeleter: Smiting would come naturally to DK

Chatzy Madness Volume 16: Grand High Lord Miyamoto

GB: Now let's get them d8's outta the way
GB rolled a die with 8 sides. The die showed: 4
GB rolled a die with 8 sides. The die showed: 1
RedSpy rolled a die with 8 sides. The die showed: 1
RedSpy rolled a die with 8 sides. The die showed: 4
RedSpy: . . .
RedSpy: Ha ha, Chatzy

Chatzy Madness Volume 15: Robot Genitals

RedSpy: pffft Jehovah's Witnesses
GB: HEY MISTER PECH HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS?
Erebus: "GET OFF MY PORCH AND TAKE YOUR PAMPHLETSS WITH YOU"
RedSpy: Could be worse
RedSpy: Could be Kermit's Witnesses
GB: Church of the Arm Flail
SteelKomodo: "I've witnessed Kermit enough, thankss."
TheDeleter: witnessing kermit is not for the faint of heart

Alex X Josephine

The king's daughter has been kidnapped! I know, that never happens, BUT IT DID! Princess Sarah has been spirited away by a nasty witch! Fortunately, Alex is on the case - as you knew he would be. The brave knight ventured out into the wild alone, with only a crappy sword and a bunch of free potions for company. In a dark cave, he thought he'd met his match in the form of a minotaur, but luckily Pit came to his rescue with some timely magic spells, and the minotaur was vanquished!

At the other side of the cave was the witches' lair, where Alex and Pit discovered Josephine trying - and failing - to fend off some monsters that stood between her and her sister. After helping the poor girl, Alex and Pit teamed up with her and the three charged united through the castle, soon reaching Sarah. Unfortunately the witch appeared and transformed into a griffin, forcing the four young adventurers to work together to bring her down after a long, difficult battle.

Returning to town, Alex, Pit, Josephine and Sarah were shocked to find nearly everyone (except, inexplicably, the guy who saved their file) turned to stone, and they weren't far enough into the game to have Gold Needles or Esuna! It was at this time that Dark Pit took over Pit's mind and encouraged him to get the hell out of Dodge before he was petrified too, and Josephine sent Sarah to stay with him in a safe haven, fearing for her younger sister's safety. Now with only Alex for company, Josephine resolved to save the town, feeling that if she'd only protected her sister better none of this would have happened...

...And that's what happened when I renamed the characters in Final Fantasy: Four Heroes of Light, which I began playing today.

Alex fits well as a heroic lead, and since he's the dude you start with I think he's supposed to be the leader. Josephine is a bit more heroic and selfless here than in RP, but looking at her, I can easily see Josephine for some reason, even though she's got different clothes, hairstyle, and weapon. I didn't realize Pit would be such a douche, but I can fudge it by making it pre-Kronosium Pit getting taken over by Dirk Pat, and when he has an inevitable change of heart later in the game and starts being a hero, that can be Light Pit reasserting himself. Sarah is so close to working perfectly, except for one hilarious flaw - although she's kind, cheerful, and pleasant most of the time, she's also very selfish and has a huge ego. It's like normal Sarah with a streak of City of Beasts Sarah running through her veins. All in all it worked out decently, although tragically nobody has an ahoge so Alex, Sarah, and Pit are bereft of their glorious wriggling headpieces.

And now Alex and Josephine are adventuring together.

Alone.

Alex does not seem the type to have a wandering eye (although there was a brief period last year where Sarah feared he had lost interest in her), but I'll be keeping a close eye on these two kids for any romantic tension.

Chatzy Madness Volume 14: Meet the Kobbers

GB: so how about that small town sports team
GB: I hear they're having some trouble with that other rival small town sports team
RedSpy: Indeed
RedSpy: Indeed
RedSpy: Especially that
RedSpy: BIG, RIVAL sports team
GB: There was a game last night
GB: went into overtime
RedSpy: Oh, really?
RedSpy: What did the loveable yet easily distracted ref do?
GB: I was excited to see if Small Town Sports Team had what it took
GB: Well someone bumped into him and he fell like he'd been shot
RedSpy: I hate it when that happens
GB: That allowed Rival Small Town Sports Team to take out a steel chair
GB: he banged it against the ground a few times
RedSpy: Oh god no
GB: presumably to show how the steel chair was indeed a real chair
GB: STEEL CHAIR
GB: RHYMES WITH
GB: REAL CHAIR
RedSpy: PFFFFFFFFT
RedSpy: Perfect timing

Chatzy Madness Volume 13: Roleplayermass

SteelKomodo joined the chat 25 minutes ago
TheDeleter joined the chat 25 minutes ago
TheDeleter: yww2egu3geui3rguewgr
SteelKomodo: Fjjrjdjvfdigherouthcmeri​uhg
TheDeleter: DAGARA
TheDeleter: that is not how that's spelt
SteelKomodo: Sadly no, it is not
TheDeleter: :<

---

Saberwulf: LOOK AT THAT FUCKING SMUG FUCKSACK
GB: the smuggest
TheDeleter: what an ass
TheDeleter: i hope he falls down his stairs at home
SteelKomodo: Smuggest Fucksack I have ever seen

Baa

Alex

Alex why

Chatzy Madness Volume 12: M Sheep Wins the Internet

Cornwind Evil: GB's on Zoofights
Cornwind Evil: He will hopefully join us here soon
SteelKomodo: Yay!
RedSpy: Bigmouth Billy Bass for next year's RP character
Gooper Blooper joined the chat
RedSpy: HA!
SteelKomodo: Hi Goops!
RedSpy: Knew that'd summon Goops

---

M_Sheep: I have but one complaint about FYMBLE, Goops
M_Sheep: Not enough Sakura Atari

Chatzy Madness Volume 11: We're Calling the Bar

Pit joined the chat
Pit: ...darn, missed everyone
TheDeleter joined the chat
TheDeleter: oh god the walls of reality are breaking down
TheDeleter: rp characters in the chat, next thing you know I'll go downstairs and there will be a non-elucidian chocolate fountain
TheDeleter: able to be easily stored, yet big enough to let a space marine and his human wife frolic in it
Pit changed name to SteelKomodo
SteelKomodo: Pffft, sorry man XD
TheDeleter: oh thank god

Chatzy Madness Volume 10: Starly Is My Spirit Animal

TheDeleter: wulf, can we get a vague time for murdering people for babies

---

RedSpy: >​Dweebus
RedSpy: I'm now imagining Erebus dressed as Urkel
SteelKomodo: XD
TheDeleter: oh dear god
Erebus: "...This is the worst halloween imaginable."
RedSpy: *Dweebus looks at an Eldar impaled on his talons* "DID I DO THAT?"
TheDeleter: "YES YOU DID"
RedSpy: If Erebus is, like, 7 or 8 feet tall
Erebus: 8
RedSpy: How big would his pants have to be to be "nerd style" pulled up over the stomach
SteelKomodo: pffft, at least two-thirds of that