"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Good evening, sports fans from around the globe!"
"It might be a good evening if I hadn't been roped into this."
"Oh hush now, this is gonna be great!"
"If I wanted to see a bunch of sweaty imbeciles punching each other I could do that from home."
"Come on, where's your spirit of adventure?"
"I think you killed it."
"ANYWAY!-
-We are coming to you LIVE from the newly rebuilt Barbon's Tavern and Fite Club, which has decided to ring in its' return in grand style!"
"Do tell."
"I'd love to, but for details of tonight's entertainment, we must turn to the referee."
"I should have known sarcasm would flit right over your malformed head."
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the first-ever Barbon's Tavern Royal Rumble!"
The assembled crowd lets up a huge cheer. It's a good-size crowd, too, and they're psyched - large foam fingers, handmade signs, and goofy hats dot the crowdscape.
"The rules are as follows. Each of our thirty competitors has drawn a number between 1 and 30. The competitors who drew 1 and 2 will begin the match. A competitor is eliminated when thrown over the top rope of the ring and any part of their lower body touches the floor! Every 90 seconds, another competitor will enter the ring according to the number they drew. The last competitor remaining after all thirty have entered is the Royal Rumble Champion, and receives the Royal Rumble Championship Belt!"
Refbot holds the belt aloft - a glitzy piece of work, to be sure. It's a gold-and-leather belt with a large orange star-shaped crystal in the center. The crowd cheers.
"Wow! What a beaut!"
"Are you kidding? That thing looks like it came from a store that sells one-dollar plastic play swords. The crystal's just cheap plastic.I bet it'd shatter if you touched it wrong."
"And now... Ladies and gentlemen, the time is here. Let's find out... who drew... NUMBER ONE!"
The lights dim.
And then the music begins to play.
Accompanied by a burst of flames, Garland the Chaotic emerges from the arena entrance in a slow walk, his head held high and his armored boots making heavy footfalls as an ominous undercurrent to his blasting rock theme.
"OOOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! We're starting this one with a bang, sports fans!"
"Okay, what? How is he allowed to bring that sword? I'm pretty sure, entertaining as it would be, that killing is banned here."
"I've heard it was blunted. The competitors ARE allowed to bring a weapon if they so choose, and Garland has certainly taken advantage!"
Garland climbs into the ring, his dark gaze slowly taking in the scene around him. Refbot has already gotten out of the arena and is now on the outside, ready to take up his role as watchdog to ensure that when people are eliminated they don't try to cheat.
But Garland reaches over the top rope and grabs Refbot's microphone!
"Attention, people of Barbon's Tavern," he rumbles. "I have been mocked endlessly backstage for having drawn Number 1. But this is not a setback, because being Number 1 means I can and will personally eliminate every single one of the soft-headed imbeciles who seek to stop me. Mark my words, this night belongs to ME."
While a segment of the crowd did hamper the effectiveness of his speech slightly by yelling "WHAT?" whenever he ended a sentence, he does appear to have made an impact on at least some of the audience.
"Well then! Not a bad entrance!"
"Eh."
"And now, the competitor who drew... NUMBER TWO!"
The audience cheers as, appropriately enough, a comical good guy emerges to challenge the dark villain. Gamble Man runs out accompanied by his swingin' entrance theme and a cavalcade of party poppers, stopping on the runway to flex. "Evenin' ladies!" he shouts as he vaults up to the ring and grabs the mic from Garland.
"Hey, how's everybody doing tonight, huh? HUH? I CAN'T HEAR YOU COME ON!"
The crowd roars.
"So I got a bad draw tonight, folks. I can admit it. But hey! Gambling's all about taking a risk, and you gotta take the lows with the highs! And baby... I FEEL LUCKY TONIGHT!"
More party poppers, plus a few sparklers and a Roman Candle.
Garland's smouldering glare speaks volumes.
The bell rings.
Garland immediately swings his blunted sword towards Gamble Man, the broadside pointed at him. A loud clang rings throughout the stadium as Gamble Man staggers from the shot. He quickly aims his cannon and fires a spray of energy shots that ring against Garland's armor, not doing significant damage but keeping the dark knight at bay.
With the shots as a distraction, the roulette Robot Master dashes forward and executes a sweep, making Garland stagger. He then reaches out and grabs onto the sword, but Garland still has a strong grip on it. The two enter a tug of war, slowly moving across the ring in their struggle. At last, Garland pushes forward, using the sword to shove Gamble Man over the top rope. His hands shoot out and the gambling robot clings to the ropes for dear life as Garland punches and shoves him, trying to force him to release his grip. When it becomes clear Gamble Man won't let go, Garland hefts his sword...
BZZZZZZZ
Garland's thoughts are momentarily interrupted by a well-placed jump kick to the side of his head as Sakura Atari, the Number 3 entrant, joins the fight.
"WOAHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! What a kick!"
"Hah, look at him stagger. Guess he can't handle fighting a girl."
Sakura Atari lightly hops in place, shifting stances and looking like a ball of energy. Garland turns to face her as he struggles to regain his senses, while Gamble Man takes advantage of the distraction to quietly slip off the ropes and back into the ring.
Garland's fist meets Sakura's foot as the two warriors brawl in the center of the arena. Garland's blows are slower, allowing Sakura to dodge, but his armor is proving a match for her physical strikes. But just when Garland thinks he can wear her down, Gamble Man grabs him from behind and slams his arm cannon down on the top of Garland's head.
"Now remember, it's every man for themselves out there, but sometimes you gotta make an alliance to handle a foe who's just too strong to handle alone."
"So they team up for a minute, then backstab each other once the threat is gone?"
"Pretty much."
"Not bad."
Garland could handle Gamble Man, and he could handle Sakura Atari, but both of them at once is another story. His slower attacks are costing him dearly now, as whichever combatant he focuses on dodges the assault while the other nails him from behind. Garland dropped his sword when Sakura jumped in, and hasn't had a chance to get it since. Gamble Man dashes over to the fallen weapon and picks it up, straining a little at its weight. "All right! Now we're talking!" He clubs Garland over the head with his own sword, and one of the horns on Garland's helmet snaps off.
"Looks like Garland's in big trouble."
"If he'd eliminated that idiotic casino machine when he had the chance, he wouldn't be in such dire straits."
"Too true. But the timer is ticking down, and we're soon to see a fourth entrant! Who will it be?!"
The crowd counts down with a large screen showing the clock while Garland thrusts his arms out desperately to shove Sakura and Gamble Man away from him.
BZZZZZZZ
The rumble of an engine announces the arrival of Entry Four, Little Brother. The small vehicle rolls down the runway and manages a little hop to get inside the ring.
"A vehicle? Really?"
"Anything goes here. Little Brother is going to be a serious problem in that arena - he's low to the ground and weighs as much as your average car. I think we might see another teamup."
The four entrants face off, one at each side of the ring. Sakura wipes some sweat off her brow and assumes a steady stance. Little Brother slides and pivots, trying to decide his first target. Garland glares at everyone, the hatred rolling off him in waves.
Gamble Man breaks the stalemate by activating his roulette.
"You wanna play 21?!"
Giant thick rubber playing cards begin materializing above the arena, crashing down all over the place. Garland snarls and raises one arm over his head, trying to advance towards Gamble Man through the hail of playing cards. Sakura Atari weaves and dodges, avoiding the onslaught. Little Brother can't dodge the rain of cards, but he scarcely needs to - he simply plows through them, driving towards Sakura Atari. A normal human wouldn't stand a chance against him - she was easy pickings.
Gamble Man seemed a better match for Garland now, having stolen his sword and clobbered him with giant playing cards, but the Chaotic One lashed out with a vicious haymaker to the roulette of Gamble Man, and the satisfying sound of something mechanical snapping gave him a rush of adrenaline. The knight pressed his advantage, punching Gamble Man again and again. Finally, the weakened robot master dropped the sword, and Garland snatched it up, ready to end it...
Little Brother, meanwhile, had discovered a fatal flaw in his attack plan. Sakura Atari had simply dodged his charge and was now sitting on top of him. Little Brother didn't have enough space to work up the speed to dislodge her, and the giant rubber cards all over the arena floor hampered his movement still further. Resigning himself to the fact that he couldn't take out Sakura as easily as he'd wished, Little Brother lowers his forklift spikes to scrape the ground and begins pushing the rubber cards out of the ring.
"What's he doing?"
"Making space to move, I think!"
Sakura is content to ride the forklift bot and catch a breather, giving a cheery wave to the crowd. A couple members of the audience have Sakura Atari signs, and they wave them high, cheering their favorite on.
Just as the ten-second countdown begins, heralding the arrival of another competitor, Garland swings his sword like a club, letting out a bellow of triumph and rage as a severely banged-up Gamble Man tumbles backwards over the ropes and lands in a pile of his own playing cards.
KO
"And Gamble Man is first out!"
"Figures. You won't get far if you aren't serious about fighting, and that clown was anything but."
BZZZZZZZ
"Oh! The buzzer! Who's ne-"
"Ohhhhh boy."
"Another vehicle?"
"Not just any vehicle..."
"BIG BROTHER!"
"Hahahahaha! Little Brother! Need some help?!"
"...Oh, god damn it."
Big Brother rolled down to the ring. Roughly twice the mass of Little Brother, he would be harder still to damage or ring-out. Jumping into the arena with a crash, he reaches out with his extendable claw arm and plucks Sakura Atari off his comrade's body, then lightly tosses her over the top rope. Sakura's arms shoot out and grab the rope, and the agile reporter swings back into the ring. The Sakura fans cheer.
Garland darts forward, his sword low, and wedges it underneath Little Brother. With a grunt of exertion he levers the vehicle up, trying to flip it over. Little Brother struggles, but all of his wheels are off the ground. Garland is just about to push him onto his side when Big Brother smashes him from behind with his plow. Garland whirls around to contend with Big Brother, but this means Little Brother can get back on his wheels and turn around to attack, ramming Garland from behind.
"That guy does not do well with crowds."
Sakura Atari hangs back, nervous. She'd get mauled by any of the others, most likely, so she decides to try and wait out the clock until the sixth contender arrives to mix things up.
Little Brother notices Sakura staying out of danger, and decides to try another assault. The forklift barrels towards the reporter, the startled girl pivoting desperately but still getting caught off guard enough to be grazed. She staggers, dazed and confused.
Little Brother rushes forward-
And is smashed by Garland's sword. With the double team over, Garland had managed to stun Big Brother with a Thunder spell, and then turned his attention to the other vehicle.
"Did Garland just save Sakura?"
"Technically."
"I guess he considers the vehicle brothers the biggest threat in there at the moment."
"He'll do anything to break up those double teams. They murder him, slow and dumb as he is."
As Sakura gets a chance to regain her bearings, Garland presses his attack on Little Brother, sending bolts of electricity sparking across the construction vehicle's body, lightning bolts searching for nooks and crannies to worm into. Little Brother is on the defensive, driving backwards and belching smoke.
The countdown clock begins again...
[TO BE CONTINUED]
THE GB ENSEMBLE ROYAL RUMBLE SO FAR:
#1 Garland enters
#2 Gamble Man enters
#3 Sakura Atari enters
#4 Little Brother enters
Gamble Man eliminated by Garland
#5 Big Brother enters
Whooooo! Go Sakura Atari!
ReplyDelete