"ME NEITHER! WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? Ugh... Folks, if you're just joining us, this is the Barbon's Fite Club and Tavern Royal Rumble. We've seen twenty-four of the thirty contestants enter, and just barely two of them escalated their battle to the next level and tried to blow up the whole ring. The pure white is finally starting to fade and I think my retinas are nearly done oozing down my face so let's see what all's left in the ring!"
The ring is filled with unconscious people. Electra has been blown backwards and is hopelessly tangled up in the ropes. Celestia is in a similar position. Gust is face-down in one part of the arena, while The Necronomitron lies in one corner, its tentacles quivering uncontrollably. Widow Maker is still unable to see, and is clinging for dear life to the body of Marlin the Magnificent, who is flying in large, lazy circles thirty feet above the ring.
"Is that everyone?"
"Where's that blue-assed piece of shit that wandered in as the 24th entry?"
"Oh yeah, Hella Jeff.
...Where IS he?"
BZZZZZZZ
"Okay, I'm gonna show everyone what I can-
...What happened here?"
Entry 25 is Ariel! She walks slowly, confused at how everyone seems to be out of it. When she sees her mom caught in the ropes, she picks up the pace and hops into the ring to help her. After a moment's struggle, a woozy Celestia is freed from the ropes.
"Mom, are you okay?"
"Maybe that was an interesting idea, but I guess it wasn't a very good one..." Celestia coughs.
Electra was still out of it, and the biker and book didn't look interested in rising yet either. Celestia approached Electra to try and get her out of the ring, but the dominatrix groggily looked up at her and glared.
"No... Not like this."
Electra pressed her prosthetic against the ropes, electrifying them and giving Celestia a jolt. She stepped back and decided to let Electra be while she struggled to free herself. Ariel seemed content to alternate between keeping an eye on the other two and watching New Marlinnium and Widow Maker in the air. For their part, the former Zoofighters were still trying to regain their bearings.
BZZZZZZZ
"I can't see the new entrant? Where are they?"
"Well, that little bug that wandered in seems to be doing an awful good job of walking straight towards the ring."
"...Seriously? That 4-inch beetle?"
"Imagine if Tiamat was alone in the ring when this guy showed up! HOHOHOHOHO!"
Representing The Swarm, Stag Beetle advances towards the ring. When it gets close, it spreads its' rarely-seen wings to flutter inside. Ariel refuses to attack what is, for all intents and purposes, an ordinary animal, and so she stays away. However, Stag Beetle seems intent on challenging the archer, especially since Electra has finally freed herself and is once again engaging Celestia.
Meanwhile, in the air, Widow Maker can finally see clearly again. She shifts her grip on the marlin from a desperate one to a more offensive pin, trying to drive him down. Marlin roars and thrashes, trying to hit or dislodge Widow Maker. Finally his fishy brain hits upon the one strategy of his that worked so long ago, and starts executing barrel rolls. Again, Widow Maker's grip starts to slip...
"OW!"
Ariel jerks back from the Stag Beetle. She hadn't been paying attention, and the little firebrand had climbed up her boot and nipped at her thigh. Letting out an exasperated sigh, the archer environmentalist picks up the beetle carefully, keeping a firm grip on his body. She goes to the edge of the ring and drops Stag Beetle over the side, but he flies into the air before he can hit the ground. Ariel stares as the beetle begins to ascend towards the ongoing Zoofight reenactment above the ring...
And then she's grabbed from behind.
Gust has finally gotten up, and he's breathing heavily. As the third-longest-lasting entrant still in the match, he's taken his share of abuse and then some already, but Ariel looked weak and easy to knock out, so he was going for it.
Ariel had the poorest white magic of the sisters, and her archery was of little use in such close quarters, but she was by far the most physically fit of the family. She lashed out with a quick kick, knocking Gust back, and spun around on one foot to deliver a powerful high kick that made Gust land on his rear. Glaring at her, Gust got back up and morphed his arm into an air cannon, firing a powerful blast of wind at Ariel. The lightweight girl staggered, gripping onto the ropes. Thinking quickly, she pulls out a Mythril Arrow from the quiver on her back and thrusts it forward, jamming it into the cannon. Gust's arm sparks and twitches as he clutches his wounded appendage in surprise, giving Ariel a breather.
Celestia and Electra were grappling now, near the arena center. Their prosthetics pushed against each other, but neither was willing to expend much more of their energy to cast more magic or generate more electricity.
"You're pretty good for an old fatty. So that butt's actually all muscle, eh?" Electra panted.
"You're not bad yourself... I guess slum clubbing is good fight experience." Celestia huffed.
"What a catfight!"
"They really do seem to have it out for each other, don't they?"
"Yeah. Beats me why, but I don't care! Go for it, ladies! HOHOHO-"
BZZZZZZZ
"私は準備ができています。"
"What the HELL is that?!"
"No idea."
As Missingno herky-jerks towards the ring, Widow Maker is thrown off of Marlin the Magnificent. She spreads her wings and activates her cloaking device.
"Woah! Hold on! Is that legal?!"
"The ref looks agitated. He's signaling for Widow Maker."
Widow Maker reappears in the ring and looks at Refbot.
"There a problem, ref?"
"You can't use that cloaking ability here. If you cloak, who's to know if you wind up touching the floor?"
"...Good point. Damn. I'll just hold off on that then."
"If I see you using it again, you're disqualified!"
"Got it."
As Refbot rolls backwards to take in the arena, a bolt of lightning signals the return of The Necronomitron. It is staring down Missingno. Meanwhile, Ariel shoulder-barges into Electra, sending the two toppling to the ground. Celestia, now bereft of an opponent, turns to stare down Gust, who interrupts his chase of Ariel to try and fight her mother instead. He looks at her arm, lets out a short laugh, and transforms his own arm to mimic her.
In one corner of the arena, a pile of jpg artifacts begins to materialize. With a staticy hiss, Hella Jeff builds himself back into existence, his noodly arms waggling at his sides as his misshapen eyes scan the arena.
"DUDE, dude that was totoally grearf! AGAIN"
In the air, Stag Beetle lunges at Marlin the Magnificent, its' jaws open wide, but the marlin doesn't even see the puny beetle, barreling past it to pursue Widow Maker and sending it flying with an accidental tail slap. Hella Jeff sees the beetle fall, and advances towards it, his bro's skateboard at the ready.
Gust and Celestia's maces clang against each other. Celestia steps back and fires off a spell, then dashes to Gust's side much faster than you'd think possible. The Haste spell has given Celestia a speed boost, and she immediately puts her newfound agility to good use by surprising Gust with the side-on assault. She immediately follows up her ramming shove with an Aero spell, sending Gust flying over the top rope. He clings to it desperately, swinging his mace at Celestia as she approaches, but her boosted reflexes make trying to actually hit her far more difficult than it should be. She swings low with her mace, knocking Gust back and forcing him to let go of the rope. He falls.
KO
The Necronomitron has a problem. His lightning bolts are striking Missingno, and seem to be doing damage, but the glitch is giving as good as he's getting, and the relatively frail Martian book is having trouble absorbing so many glitchy lightning attacks. Still, he's doing well enough that he may be able to finish off his fellow abomination. He whips forward with one tentacle for a strong slap, and the hit sends Missingno reeling as it spins in the air from the force - but now The Necronomitron's tentacle has a large, stiff patch of corruption on it where it had made contact, making it unwieldy and inflexible.
"You'll pay for corrupting our form, Unknowable One. The Necronomitron shall-"
BZZZZZZZ
"...What."
Simon showboats and struts as he shuffles towards the arena, tossing dead fish into the crowd as he goes. One lucky audience member even got a bluefin tuna!
While he's doing... that... Widow Maker braces herself, standing in the ring as Marlin the Magnificent hurls himself at her.
It's a familiar situation. And Widow Maker believes it shall be solved in a familiar fashion.
Widow Maker prepares herself. As the fish closes in, she rapidly ducks down, leaving her claws up and allowing them to dig into the Marlin, using his momentum against him just like two-and-a-half years ago.
But this time the marlin has other plans. As soon as he feels the familiar tug of the claws in his flesh, something in his primitive mind clicks, and he executes another barrel roll. The attack sends Widow Maker hurling into the ropes, struggling to get back on her feet.
In another part of the ring, Electra is facing off with Ariel, but it's hardly a fight at all. Electra has been in the arena for an extremely long time, and she doesn't have Widow Maker's stamina. Already worn out from the extended fight with Celestia, she's unable to offer much in response to Ariel's kicks and acrobatics. After stunning Electra with a weak-but-fast uppercut to the jaw, Ariel makes some space between the two and readies an arrow. The arrow, specially prepared for use in the Rumble, had a soft-tip head to reduce lethality. She lets fly, and the impact knocks Electra head-over-heels, but she lands inside the arena. Running over, Ariel lifts Electra with a grunt and hauls her over the edge.
KO
If you're wondering what Hella Jeff and Stag Beetle are up to, they're really high right now.
"Where did they get marijuana?"
"Is that legal?"
"Manhattan."
"God damn, I keep forgetting."
"AHAHAHAHA chech out this fuckin beetlet! I'm givin him my momey."
Stag Beetle finds itself awash in poorly-drawn money. It was time for a bigger terrarium anyway, seeing as Tarantula #2 was pregnant.
As Simon finally climbs into the ring, he goes straight for Celestia, tossing sockeye salmon at her. The bewildered black mage takes too long to do something besides stare, and gets a ball-n-chain to the gut knocking her down. Ariel turns around after having dumped Electra and sees not only her mother in trouble, but a guy who fought using dead animals as his weapons.
This would not stand.
A genuine, non-safety arrow going straight through his head is the first Simon knows of Ariel's presence. As Celestia tries to get her bearings, her youngest daughter is already reloading. Simon, apparently unaffected, feels at the arrow in his head and pulls it out, lobbing it at Ariel like a javelin. Ariel yelps and dodges her own arrow. Simon seems to like this response, as he conjures a pile of needlefish and begins tossing them in handfuls at Ariel.
Widow Maker's claws are snagged on the ropes, and she can't get free. Marlin the Magnificent seems to sense this, and he flies away from Widow Maker, then lurches back around to start a long charge. The great fish roars in triumph as he screams through the air directly towards Widow Maker. At last he would have the revenge he so desperately-
Widow Maker kicks off the ground, hanging in the air. Her wings emerge to help her stay off the ground. Marlin the Magnificent is now where Widow Maker was, rather than where she was going. His gaping mouth snags on a rope, and his momentum plus his jetpack force the rope to stretch.
"Is he gonna break the ring?"
"It'd make it easier to eliminate the others."
The distortion of the ropes allows Widow Maker to free herself. She drops back into the ring. Try as he might, Marlin can neither break the shockingly strong ropes nor can he turn around in his current position. His roar of frustration is strangled by the rope around his mouth. Widow Maker takes careful aim and sends both of her claws lashing out in a vicious double chop, slamming into Marlin's jetpack...
...And deactivating it.
The laws of physics give Marlin a quick lesson, and the rope snaps back into position, catapulting the really-not-that-magnificent dullard of the seas clear across the ring and to the floor on the other side.
KO
"WOW! What an elimination!"
"Pretty good, yeah. How many left, anyway?"
"Looks like we're just about to see Contestant 29!"
BZZZZZZZ
The song plays... but nobody comes out.
"...What's going on? They chicken?"
"Wouldn't be surprised."
After a few moments, the arena speakers go silent.
And then a new theme begins to play.
"Surprise, kids!"
Mr. X takes aim with his tommy gun and begins firing at random. Audience members and combatants alike dive for cover, except for Stag Beetle and Hella Jeff who are so high right now you guys.
"Wh- Isn't that Mr. X, the crime boss?! What's he doing here - his sentence is decades long!"
"Don't Barbon and X have a history?"
"There's rumors, but nothing concrete. Closest connection was Barbon getting roughed up by the same ex-cops that almost nabbed X."
"I don't like this. I don't like this at all..."
Mr. X's reverie is interrupted by a blast of fire. He turns, startled, to see a worn-down but determined Celestia glaring at him. The deranged crime lord grins and climbs into the ring... so he can smash the butt of his gun across Celestia's face. She falls again. Now Widow Maker dashes at the intruder, only to get a similar treatment. Gun to the face, down and out. Simon hurls a barracuda at X, but the gun lancing forward and smashing into his face puts him down as well.
Missingno and The Necronomitron are still locked in combat. The two of them have taken the fight to the air, completely ignoring the chaos below as they throw fire, lightning, and water at each other. Ariel springs to her feet after having dove down to avoid the gunfire to take aim with an arrow. She aims not at X, but at his gun, hoping to dislodge it - but Mr. X guesses her game and swings his arm around as the arrow whiffs him by inches.
"Nice to see you again, Ariel." he chuckles as he advances on the much smaller girl. "I've thought of you often during my time in prison, you know."
Ariel lashes out with a kick, but X catches her foot in his free hand and wrenches the tiny activist off her feet. He looms above her, his eyes glinting, and aims his gun to point at her skull.
"It's time you joined the grass and dirt you're so fond of, granola girl."
"Okay, the dragon I can understand why nobody'd interfere, but COME ON! SOMEONE GET IN THERE AND STOP THAT LUNATIC! Seriously! Don't you agree?
...Why am I alone in the commentator's booth?"
[TO BE CONTINUED]
THE GB ENSEMBLE ROYAL RUMBLE SO FAR:
#1 Garland enters
#2 Gamble Man enters
#3 Sakura Atari enters
#4 Little Brother enters
Gamble Man eliminated by Garland
#5 Big Brother enters
Big Brother and Little Brother combine into Constructor X
#6 Skeiron enters
#7 Gloria enters
#8 Cleptopod enters
Garland summons Antlion, Ultros, and Omega
Antlion eliminated by Gloria
Ultros eliminated by Cleptopod
Garland eliminated by Cleptopod
#9 Dr. Rabbit enters
Constructor X separates
Big Brother eliminated by Little Brother
Omega eliminated by Little Brother
#10 Clippy enters
Gloria eliminated by Cleptopod
#11 Mecha-Sarah enters
Little Brother eliminated by Mecha-Sarah
Dr. Rabbit eliminated by Sakura Atari
#12 Browny enters
#13 Dr. Bulgrave enters
#14 Widow Maker enters
#15 Tiamat enters
Browny eliminated by Tiamat
Cleptopod eliminated by Tiamat
Sakura Atari eliminated by Tiamat
Clippy eliminated by Tiamat
#16 Sarah enters
Tiamat eliminated by Sarah
#17 Electra enters
#18 Gust enters
#19 Josephine enters
Mecha-Sarah eliminated by Widow Maker
Skeiron eliminated by Widow Maker
#20 Blade enters
Dr. Bulgrave eliminated by Sarah and Josephine
#21 Celestia enters
Sarah eliminated by Electra
#22 The Necronomitron enters
Josephine eliminated by The Necronomitron
#23 Marlin the Magnificent enters
Blade eliminated by The Necronomitron
#24 Hella Jeff enters
#25 Ariel enters
#26 Stag Beetle enters
#27 Missingno enters
Gust eliminated by Celestia
#28 Simon 1994rd enters
Electra eliminated by Ariel
Marlin the Magnificent eliminated by Widow Maker
#29 Mr. X enters
THE FINAL TEN:
#14 Widow Maker
#21 Celestia
#22 The Necronomitron
#24 Hella Jeff
#25 Ariel
#26 Stag Beetle
#27 Missingno
#28 Simon 1994rd
#29 Mr. X
#30 ?????
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