IN THE RED CORNER
The Ice Spiders' dip in morale after the loss of their queen has been pathetic to watch. These once proud murderers, who used to be among the most feared of the entrants, have completely lost the plot now that they no longer have a leader. We tried to get the Spiders to enter one of their kind for the Loser's League. Just one! It was far more difficult than we'd expected.
Eventually, though, they seemed to get an idea. A runt of the litter, a young specimen that had been mostly shielded from the battle and didn't really remember the war against Gatoroid, was shoved forward and declared their entrant. This was hardly sporting, so we grabbed one of the corpses and overloaded it with growth hormones and weapons, then stuck a helmet on the little one and tossed it into the driver's seat.
The result? Private Spinneret and the Iron Maiden.
+ The Iron Maiden is eleven feet tall. Private Spinneret is two feet long.
+ The Iron Maiden has been given extra-thick skin so the name isn't too inaccurate.
+ Mantis-like claws for grabbing and slashing.
+ Cannon fires small cannonballs (about bowling-ball size), and the rear can spin silk.
+ Still adapted to the cold.
+ Private Spinneret can move very quickly, jump far (she's a jumping spider) and defend herself with reasonably potent venom. In her cockpit inside Iron Maiden, she is protected by top-quality Lexan bulletproof plastic.
- The Iron Maiden can do very little (but not nothing) without Private Spinneret giving orders.
- This is Private Spinneret's first real fight, although she has been given training simulations against various random large animals. You should have seen what Iron Maiden did to that rhino.
- A single strong direct attack on Private Spinneret will likely kill her, unless the helmet can help.
IN THE BLUE CORNER
We don't know.
We don't know where Kosmar the Mothman went.
We don't know if he did anything to the bodies of the Chupacabras he destroyed.
All we know is, now we have this thing, and we're just going to treat it as an entrant and hope for the best.
We call it The Chupacabrain.
+ The Chupacabrain appears to be the grossly engorged brain of one of the Chupacabras. We suspect it's Perez, but we can't say anything for sure with this one.
+ The Chupacabrain is about five-and-a-half feet wide and typically floats four or five feet off the ground.
+ It has an electrical field that allows it to grip objects with gravity lightning. Possibly influenced by the chupacabras that were thrown against the electrical fence?
+ It can manipulate a large number of objects at once with the lightning tendrils, but it is currently devoting most of its' slots to having as many chupacabra arms as possible.
+ One of the arms is holding Perez' axe.
+ Being about 75 percent brain, we're just going to assume this competitor is a genius.
- It's an exposed brain. Those aren't known for durability.
- It's probably quick-thinking, but it's not quick-moving - the tendrils and arms can lash around quickly, but the brain itself is a slow floating thing that won't win any races.
- The "lightning" is not as potent as real lightning, as shown by the fact that the decomposing chupacabra arms haven't burnt to ashes.
THE ARENA
We've been tracking the Chupacabrain. It's been moving north since suddenly blipping into existence in Costa Rica. We plan on sending the Iron Maiden to intercept its' path in roughly a week. By our estimates based on the angle and speed Chupacabrain is traveling, it looks like this battle will be happening on the outskirts of Ludlow, a small town in Maine. Lots of forest out there, but also some clearings - the clearings benefit Iron Maiden, and the forested areas Chupacabrain, although if Private Spinneret is forced to eject she'll no doubt appreciate the cover the forest brings. Not to mention, if the trees get too thick Chupacabrain won't be able to navigate them without clearing a path. Nobody wants a stick poking them in the brain, after all. Multiple layers to the battlefield, this.
VOTING CLOSES TUESDAY, JULY 16. VOTE NOW, OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!
#Iron Maiden.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the giant brain is smart. It's still an EXPOSED BRAIN. Iron Maiden, meanwhile, has a ton of defense. I don't care how much the brain may be supernatural, the Maiden is going to pound it to a pulp with how big of a target it is. Our spider pal has got this one in the bag.
Wasn't gonna vote here until Stella found out about this. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteChupacabrain may be smarter and faster with his weapons, but he lacks severely in armour. It won't take long for concentrated fire to bypass all those grasping arms and hit the vulnerable brain, to the point where it would be crippled and dying in it's own blood. Even if it has to make room for new weapons, I doubt it would make much difference as it leaves itself exposed.
#Private Spinneret has both power and armour. As long as she remains within that tank of hers, there's little that the Chupacabrain can do to hurt her. By dint of this one advantage does the spider have the chance to take this - she'll wear the brain down and then finish it off as it exhausts it's energy in trying to crack open the protective shell.
Also, she's an underdog. We all know how this goes, right?
I'm casting my vote for Private and the Iron Maiden. Study, lots of weaponry to at least hinder the brain. While the brain might be smart, it can be outdone if the Iron Maiden chops down a tree while its focused on something else. Right on top. SQUISH. Flattened brain with probably a lot of pine needles sticking out. If that doesn't finish it off, then at least some of the lobes will be out of commission, giving the Maiden a tactical advantage.
ReplyDeleteThe brain also isn't very fast. What happens when you bind it with silk? It either stops moving or it starts moving even slower. The silk may not last long due to the lightning tendrils, but it could give the Iron Maiden enough time to do some serious damage.
GO IRON MAIDEN! (and teeny ice spider)
Somebody's gotta give #THE CHUCPACABRAIN an even show here. What many of you forget is that the brain is capable of throwing things with gravity lightning, and judging by all of the arms its holding it is capable of redirecting said gravity field in many places at once. It can easily redirect all kinds of cannonballs, fry spider webs, and when in doubt hurl its own freaking arms at Iron Maiden. Due to its massive intellect it probably wouldn't repeat any tactical errors, while the very green Private Spinneret will probably make loads of mistakes.
ReplyDeleteBesides, what if the lightning just rips Spinneret right out of her tank? That could be a disaster.
The ice spiders were my favorite competitors, and Spinneret is easily one of my favorite designs, but I think this one's all for the Chupacabrain.
VORTING CLORSED
ReplyDelete