Job Interview

Helios Canicco flipped through a magazine printed years ago, occasionally stealing a glance at the clock. He sighed - his shift should have ended by now, but he'd had to stick around and wait for someone who was trying to get into the hospital. Apparently, the King of Beasts was the only one willing to hire them in the area.

It made sense. There had once been a full team of capable doctors at the King of Beasts' medical ward to care for injured kobbers and citizens alike, but they'd lost several doctors recently. Grendel and Glass had been elsewhere... Keiran had lost his life fighting Yagren... and Doc Gerbil had turned on them with an evil scheme of his own. Of course, Dr. Nerique was always on hand, but he and Helios alone wouldn't be enough to carry the bulk of the work, even with the few others around. The hospital wasn't bustling now, but Helios knew that, come late spring, it would be. They needed to add someone to the staff, but doctors weren't always easy to find... and so it had come to this.

"It smells like desperation to me..." Helios sighed under his breath. "Now why would they have such a hard time finding new doctors?"

He put the magazine down and looked at the nearby table. This wasn't the waiting room - it was one of the rooms where doctors saw their patients. But this time, he was the one waiting. He'd probably make a Dad Joke about it and chuckle if he wasn't bored and tired and wanted to go home. His eyes fell upon a newspaper dated a week ago, with a story about Sarah and Tridenland on the front page (under the fold, but front page nonetheless). And that was when it hit him.

"...Maybe that's why we have trouble finding doctors... white mages are serious competition."

"That's a challenge I'm prepared to take, sir!"

Helios yelped, jumping in his seat a bit. Across the room, the girl standing in the doorway also yelped.

"Uh... Sorry about that... I, um, didn't see you there, miss." Helios said sheepishly.

"That's okay! Sorry I'm late, had a few problems finding the place. There weren't any giant monsters or laser beams or anything!"

"Well, the kobbers aren't really at the hotel right now... most of them go back home when it's not summer."

"Oh, right! Anyway, I'm here for the job opening."

"So that means you're..."

"Karin Jenson! That's me!" The young nurse nodded enthusiastically.

"Right, so, let me ask you a few questions to see if you're qualified..."

"Lay it on me!"

"...I can't fault your enthusiasm. Okay... How long have you been a trained doctor?"

"Never, I'm a nurse."

"Okay... how long have you been a nurse?"

"Well, actually, I'm more of a... well, a nurse assistant. Yes. I've got lots of experience working with coroners, though!"

"A coroner? So you have experience with the deceased..."

"Yes! But I'm willing to learn about live patients!"

"Uh-huh. So tell me, what would you say are your strongest qualities?"

"I'm really good at giving injections!"

"...I see."

"If you have a problem, the solution is usually as simple as an injection, right? Get that medicine flowing in the bloodstream and return to health!

...

I like injections."

Helios suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"So, how much do you know about non-injection patient care?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh... What was it... 'The rib bone's connected to the back bone'! Or something!"

"..."

"Did you know people sometimes fart after they die?"

Helios let out a long sigh. "Karin..."

"Did I mess up? Darn it! My first job away from Granny and I blow it..."

"Well, um... I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't think you have what we're looking for at this facility..."

"Could you tell me what you are looking for? So I can improve!"

Helios, for the first time, looked down at the guidelines he was meant to review to decide whether to hire the applicant. "Let's see what the people upstairs were thinking..." he murmured aloud. "1: Is the applicant a mass murderer?"

"Nope!"

..."2: Hire them".

Helios stared down at the notes with a mixture of confusion and mild disgust.

"D-does that mean?!"

"3: If they are especially incompetent, train them yourself."

"I'M HIRED I'M HIRED!" Karin squealed, dancing a bizarre jig in the middle of the room. "Thank you, Mr... um..."

"It's Helios. Helios Canicco. And you'd best remember it..." Helios said, sighing and putting a hand to his head. "...because it looks like we're going to be partners for a long time."

"When's my first injection?!"

"Later."