Vaguely Dinosaurian Plastic Things

Dinosaurs! I've had many major "interests" that figured very heavily into my life for a year, or several, or many, and dinosaurs (and other prehistoric creatures) were among the first. Alongside living animals (particularly bugs, reptiles, and amphibians) and Garfield, dinosaurs were the movers and shakers of my earliest memories. I spent endless hours playing with my ever-growing dinosaur collection, which continued to expand in size regularly until the late nineties, and later experienced a revival period in the early-mid 2000s when my interest in dinosaurs was reinvigorated for a time.

For the most part, my collection has been dormant for a full decade, only very rarely being added to in the form of the occasional old toy I'd find at a yard sale, which became my number-one dinosaur toy hunting ground years ago. This week, though, I've been inspired to excavate the collection and take a look back. What follows are photographs of some - but far from all - of my collection.

My dinosaur collection is very different from my kaiju collection. While I like my Godzilla figures to be fairly true-to-screen, pretty much all of my favorite dinosaur toys are outdated depictions, scientifically inaccurate, or simply wrong. I am fascinated by old-school dinosaur designs. I like tripod tyrannosaurs and inexplicably toothy Triceratops and things that never existed shoved into "REALISTIC DINOSAURS" playsets. It's not to say I don't appreciate the new discoveries made since the eighties... but the old stuff just makes for fun toys! We'll be seeing a lot of that in the following photos.

Let's start with a favorite dinosaur toy trope of mine, the Gaping Mouth (teeth optional but preferred). There's a ton of toys in my collection with the basic design of a big wide mouth with a hollow body, allowing the dinosaur to "eat" and "bite". Many of the toys I designated as favorites had the Gaping Mouth, and were typically either small underdog protagonists or massive all-devouring villains. Dinosaurs latching onto the tails of other dinosaurs was a frequent scene.

One of my later acquisitions from the early 2000s was a hilarious dinosaur playset in which EVERY SINGLE DINOSAUR INCLUDED had a Gaping Mouth, including the herbivores as seen above. Surprisingly, the ceratopsians have no teeth, which is a lot more accurate than a bunch of sharp chompers. Don't despair though, I have a few Triceratops with toothy mouths elsewhere in the collection, so maximum scientific defiance is maintained.

This T Rex type is pretty subdued compared to a lot of his brethren. He comes from a dollar store that used to be around in my area called "Dollar Depot". They were forced out of business when a Dollar Tree rolled into town in the mid-2000s, but in the 90s they were one of my favorite stores. I got a TON of great nature toys there, and the line included dinosaur sets. While most of the sets were polybags with about eight to ten small figures in them, the dinosaurs got special treatment - three or four small figures, and one big one! This Rex is one of those big ones.

This Stegosaurus and Rex duo is from the Playskool line "Definitely Dinosaurs". These figures were produced in the late 80s and early 90s. I have four figures from the line, which I was able to pick out as a kid thanks to the dinosaur logo on their undersides and the fact that they had posable parts - very rare in my collection of largely static figures. In addition to these two, I also have a larger Ankylosaurus and Protoceratops.

Here's another Gaping Mouth. This is one of the larger toys in my collection as well as one of the more beat-up and one of the more recently added. I picked him up for a dime from a yard sale a couple years ago, I think 2012 or 2013. One of his arms is busted, but it is at least still attached to him. Somewhat.

What species is it? Hell if I know!

Not everything in my collection is old and horribly inaccurate. This Dunkleosteus model is a fancy one from figurine maker Schliech. These figurines are of a far higher quality than others, with accurate sculpts and good paint jobs. This, naturally, makes them ridiculously high-priced (twenty dollars for a static six-inch dinosaur figure?) but Dunky here was priced at less than half that and is a species that gets essentially no attention in the toy world despite being a bus-sized killer fish.

Silly cartoony dinosaurs are rare in my collection. While I like fanciful and fictional vintage dinosaur toys, I'm not as fond of ones that look like this. Despite that, I made a run at collecting these for a good reason. As I recall, in elementary school one of my teachers gave out toys for good behavior. These dinosaur toys were the best ones available, and since there were multiple styles, I endeavored to try and collect them all. It appears I somewhat succeeded, because the presence of two pterosaurs implies I had moved on to collecting color variations before they were all gone.

WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS THING

Okay, this monster is an oddity I only just finally researched during the photo session. The beast itself is clearly not any kind of real dinosaur, and it boasts the Jurassic Park official merchandise logo. I picked this weirdo up at a yard sale. It turns out he's from a line of Jurassic Park toys called "Chaos Effect" that depict mutant dinosaurs. This is "Amargospinus", a fusion of Amargasaurus and Spinosaurus into a terrifying sauropod/theropod hybrid with spines and fins on it. If you pull on his back right leg, some of the spines move and his mouth opens. It's a pretty cool figure, and makes a great big bad villain to tear into a herd of lesser dino toys.

Here are two favorites of mine that have been in my collection for about two decades. They are definitely from the same manufacturer - not only do their designs match, but they both have their names printed on their undersides in the exact same font. The toothy sauropod is "Brontosaurus", but due to the extra-long neck I always used it as a Diplodocus instead. Meanwhile, the bumpy, spiny theropod with large arms is... wait for it... Tyrannosaurus Rex. It is quite possibly the single most inaccurate T Rex in my entire collection, and I love it.

Now I'm going to show some of the oldest toys in my collection. I really like these. First up is this Dimetrodon made by Tootsie Toy. Tootsie Toy began making dinosaur figures in the 1970s, meaning this Dimetrodon could be over a decade older than I am. I picked him up at a yard sale in the mid to late 2000s. He has a hollowed out bottom and a great "vintage" look to him.

Here are what are quite possibly the oldest toys in my collection. These figures were produced by MPC in the 60s and 70s. It is not outside the realm of possibility for these toys to be fifty years old, and they're in fantastic shape for that age. We've got a wooly mammoth, a Brontosaurus, and the surprise entrant, a Kronosaurus. The mammoth entered my collection in the early 2000s via a yard sale that had lots of very inexpensive toy dinosaurs (in fact, I think it was free). The other two have been in my collection for as long as I can remember, and I suspect they were garage sale finds or possibly hand-me-downs from a relative.

This is where we transition into one of the most interesting parts of my collection: the extent to which dinosaur toy companies produced bootlegs. While MPC's Brontosaurus figure is an original mold, the mammoth and Kronosaurus are pirated from a rival toy company, Marx. Marx and MPC battled for children's attention throughout the 60s and 70s. Marx was the original and boasted high quality and subdued colors. MPC fought back with stolen molds and lower prices, though the figures often suffered detail as a result. MPC also skimped on plastic, making figures that were smaller than Marx's offerings, and some were hollow (such as their Glyptodon figure, which I used to own two of and may still have two of today).

As it turns out, plastic dinosaur mold theft and reuse is very common in this business...

This lineup of rexes represents one of the most iconic toys in my collection. Marx made a Tyrannosaurus figure, and MPC copied it as usual to create the orange dinosaur on the far left. However, that was far from the end of the story. The MPC figure was itself swiped and reused by unknown companies in China, Hong Kong, and other such places of ill repute, but the theft was far from perfect - the new "Tyrannosaurus" figures had distorted alien heads, grotesquely elongated fingers and toes, and the ability to stand varied from figure to figure, yet they were clearly related to the MPC figure as they have identical poses.

"Patchisaurs" had arrived.

The term "patchisaur" was only coined a few years ago, and is used to refer to a very special family of dinosaur knockoffs. Long after MPC and Marx both stopped producing dinosaur figures, Patchisaurs continued to appear wherever toys were sold for decades afterward, and can still be encountered even today, over four decades after the first patchisaurs were produced. The most well-known marketer of patchisaurs is Ja-Ru, a company that produces small, cheap toys that are similar to the toys of yesteryear - things like Silly Putty, army men, water balloons and other such novelties.

By the way, the term "patchisaur" comes from the Japanese  "patchi", a term used to refer to bootleg or knockoff merchandise that came into use in the 70s, which was right around when patchisaurs came into being. Japanese was chosen because of the long-running theory that some of the "original molds" in the patchisaur family are inspired by or knockoffs of Ultraman monsters. As someone who's watched the entire first series of Ultraman, I can say that none of the non-dinosaur monster things found in the patchisaur line are straight rips from it, and I have seen enough merchandise of other Ultraman series to doubt direct theft from other early seasons of the show, but the aesthetics are definitely similar enough that they could be inspired by them.

The figures are also occasionally referred to as "Chinasaurs" and "Ultrasaurs" but these names are not exclusive to the toys and are less accurate to what they really are, so "Patchisaurs" is the term I'm going with.

Here is one such patchisaur - a creature that anyone with any knowledge of dinosaurs can instantly tell is messed up. The bipedal stance, club tail, mishmash of outer coverings, weird elongated face, and the frills or gills on the sides of the head are all signs of a manmade monster, not a real living thing. It definitely could pass for a 60s kaiju, though.

Patchisaurs were initially sold in polybags, advertised as "dinosaurs". This practice has continued through to the present day, with the major changes being the rotating out of many of the original patchisaurs and the rotating in of knockoff Marx and MPC figures, plus a few other oddballs. The packaging has also changed - one early bag from the 70s depicts Pebbles from The Flintstones in an early example of swiping a copyrighted character to stick on the packaging of an unrelated product.

Clubtail Finface here was one of the original breed of patchisaurs, but vanished from many of the sets over time. Suprisingly, though, in the early 2000s he was brought out of retirement and began appearing in "Realistic Dinosaurs" box sets.

These feathery pterosaurs have been in patchisaur sets since the beginning. The one on the left is from my first-ever bag of patchisaurs, which I received as a gift when I was three or four years old. The orange one came a bit later, in the mid-90s, as part of a set that repainted many of the patchisaurs into radically new color schemes (the neon green Patchisaurus Rex from a few photos ago was in the same set). The big one in the middle is from the same set as the large rex on the far right of the rex photo, and these enlarged dinosaurs were part of a more serious playset that even came with a playmat and some scenery.

Here's a diverse herd of patchisaurs. All four molds depicted here are knockoffs of MPC and Marx. The ankylosaur and stegosaur were amongst my favorites and often were protagonists. The "runt" stegosaur was found at a yard sale. The allosaurs, due to their small size and unimpressive pose, were frequently chosen to be "jobbers" in my big dino-fights, defeating maybe one small plant-eater before going down.

The patchisaur family's favorite way to grow is by stealing molds from other toy lines, even if said toy lines have nothing to do with dinosaurs. While the one on the left might be able to pass for a really weird Dimetrodon or Spinosaurus, the one on the right really can't hide the fact that it's a damn dragon. Both of these figures were originally produced by a company by the name of Fleetwood, and were part of a series of toys based on the 1982 film "The Sword and the Sorcerer"... which was an R-rated film, and did not contain many or all of the monsters that Fleetwood placed in the line, making it an exceptionally bizarre license choice. The original line contained other beasts including a two-headed dragon, but those have not yet joined the patchisaur family to my knowledge. The dragon brothers are found today in the same "Realistic Dinosaurs" box sets as Clubtail Finface.

I can't talk about patchisaurs without including this beauty. I somehow forgot to photograph my own, but this pic shows exactly what mine look like. This monstrosity, which is so clearly not a dinosaur, is an original breed patchisaur that is not known to have been ripped off from anywhere else. It has become famous among the patchisaurs for inspiring the Rust Monster of Dungeons and Dragons fame, and if you look at the earliest incarnations of the Rust Monster you'll find that it looks virtually identical.

As for me, I used these creatures (I have three) to represent very ancient life. I imagined them as being from the Cambrian, monsters that vanished without ever leaving a fossil record. They were typically weak mooks in my big dinosaur battles, but with very tough armor that let them stick around a long time. I'm pretty sure at least once I had one of them win one of my big dinosaur wars purely because it was funny.

More patchisaurs!

The smug grey lizardman, cloudy blue fantasy dragon, green spiny dragon, and red dragon with mandibles are all from the same yard sale and in all likelihood shared the same polybag thirty years ago. The Chinese dragon is from the same yard sale, I think, but I've never seen a figure like this among the patchisaurs in the photos I've seen online, so it probably is not directly related. Meanwhile, the pink version of the green spinysaur was a prize won in elementary school for good behavior (similar to those cartoony guys from earlier) and thanks to it being rubbery instead of hard plastic I had no idea it was related to the patchisaurs until I found the green one.

The dimetrodon, white sauropod, and white mandible dragon (who has lost his mandibles) were all part of one of my first patchisaur bags in the early 90s. The brown sauropod is from a different bag, probably a Ja-Ru one.

The bizarre monster in the center is a Bulette. Like the Rust Monster, the Bulette is an original-series patchisaur and inspired the Dungeons and Dragons beast of the same name, and like the Rust Monster the inspiration becomes obvious when you look at the Bulette's original design. The Bulette joins Clubtail Finface and the dragon brothers in those box sets of "Realistic Dinosaurs", which are looking less and less realistic with every figure discussed. Sadly, the four older patchisaurs have not reappeared in modern sets to my knowledge. The Rust Monster has suffered the same fate.

The real indication that Ja-Ru's sets are the best is the presence of this thing. Uintatherium was a real animal, one of the first large mammals to appear after the dinosaurs died out, and this figure is pretty accurate. And it's sold in many of the sets, including the "Realistic Dinosaurs" box. It took five toys but we found one that was actually realistic, though we have yet to get a dinosaur (Most of the rest of the set is composed of pretty ordinary dinosaurs, actually).

So a handful of real dinosaurs, plus some other prehistoric animals, plus some completely made-up nonsense beasts, all packaged together and sold as "Realistic Dinosaurs". It's beautiful.

Yes, this is one of Ja-Ru's "Realistic Dinosaurs". Seriously you guys.

This is an ancient vending machine toy I found at a yard sale. I keep it with my dinosaur toys in the spirit of the Rust Monster and other such things.

One last group of patchisaurs and friends. The powder-blue ankylosaur is an MPC figure. The brown theropod came from a cool little set that consisted of a large hollow T Rex that could be opened to reveal it was a carrying case for two smaller figures. The styracosaurs are patchisaur originals, and the triceratops may be as well. Dimetrodon is inspired by Marx and MPC. The silver Triceratops and orange Styracosaurus are from that "radical colors" set. The finger puppet is another wonderful vintage vending machine toy. The mosasaurs are part of a set of small rubbery dinosaurs that I loved collecting in the late 90s.

DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS

And we finally come to an end with this, my Imperial Tyrannosaurus and one of the biggest and baddest in my old dinosaur wars (though it tended to lose to my Jurassic Park Tyrannosaurus). I got this big fella as a present for my fourth or fifth birthday. One of the very few electronic toys in my collection, this beast's eyes lit up and he made loud howling noises when you pushed the button on his stomach. While he continued to howl into the 2000s, unfortunately the insides have since become hopelessly corroded, and when I gave him fresh batteries he failed to activate.

There are others - hundreds more - but this post is enormous already. Maybe I'll do a sequel someday, but for now I'll stop the excavation of my collection here.

...Though now I have something of a hankering for more patchisaurs.

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POSTSCRIPT: After finishing this article but before posting it, I had to drop by the local corner store to grab a few groceries. Guess what I found for sale?

The patchisaurs are confirmed alive and well in 2015!

This is just a stock photo, but it's exactly what I saw offered. There were three bags available, though unfortunately when i examined them they were all essentially identical, and the asking price was $2.50. Considering I've seen photos of the original 70s and 80s sets that were priced at $1.99, this is actually a really good price. As usual, the wildly out-of-date and inaccurate sculpts are presented as educational toys. There were no "new" figures here, but there were some size and color variations, meaning that although I passed on buying them today, I don't think I'll be able to resist buying this bag eventually to add once again to my dinosaur horde. Patchisaurs are like army men - they work best when you have a ton of 'em. If I can hold out, I'll wait until the next time my family goes to Walmart to see if these are sold there.

Here's a closer look. No, the Parasaurolophus isn't "new" - I have a single one in my collection, it just wasn't included in the photos. Get a load of the fantastic tag art - tripod Tyrannosaurus, lake-dwelling sauropods, and featherless raptors abound!