Widow Maker's Game Room 3: A Week of Garfield

"So, who's up for a video game? I sure am. With me today is a new special guest - my morality pet and close friend, the marshmallow with the most, Sarah Triden!"

"Hi, everyone! Widow Maker, what game are we playing?"

"We're going to be looking at A Week of Garfield for the NES."

"I love Garfield!"

"I know you do, that's why I invited you! I'll let you take the helm for our first play."

"Yayyyy!"

"Okay, so... it appears the game's name is actually A Week of Garfield: Garfield."

"Was this game made in an English-speaking country?"

"Nope, made in Japan. It was also only released in Japan - it never saw store shelves anywhere else. I believe it was copyright and licensing issues that prevented AWOG from spreading all over the world."

"Aw, that's a bummer."

"So how're the controls?"

"Not too bad! Garfield can jump pretty high... he can duck down and walk on four legs... and he's got a kick attack."

"Holy crap, that is the weakest-looking video game attack I've seen since Magikarp. Look, it didn't even kill that mouse enemy, it just sent him moving in the other direction."

"Hmm, yeah... Hey, it says 'Mon' on the HUD."

"Must be Monday, hence the 'week of Garfield' we were promised."

"Garfield hates Mondays!"

"And Mondays hate him. Looks like Game Over."

"I only get one life?!"

"Garfield gets only one chance, just like real life. ...Well, y'know, if you weren't there to resurrect his sorry ass afterward."

"Oh no, I can't get past the spider!"

"Elohim, you don't get any mercy invincibility at all! You could die in seconds just by walking against the spider. Give that eight-legged bastard a kick!"

"Kicks don't work!"

"Try jumping over him."

"But he moves up and down to meet me!"

"Well, there's gotta be some way to get past him. Can you crawl under the table?"

"No."

"Well, uh... just keep jumping, I guess."

"Ooh! I made it that time!"

"He nailed you a couple times but you're still alive. Quick, get to the exit!"

"There's another spider!"

"Welp, you're fucked."

"Widow Maker?"

"Yes, Sarah?"

"Can we play Mario Party now?"

"Sure thing, Sarah."

"Yay!"

"What we've just played is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever seen. At no point in this poorly programmed pile of garbage were we even close to a decent video game. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having played it. I award A Week of Garfield zero mantids, and may Elohim have mercy on its soul."

GAME ROOM SCORES:
Episode 1: Golden 20-in-1 (Sega Genesis): 1/5
Episode 2: Rolan's Curse (Game Boy): 3/5
Episode 3: A Week of Garfield (NES): 0/5