In the oldest towns in Porphyrion, in the oldest houses, you can learn of The End.
Its existence is tucked away in long-forgotten books of fable, myths, and lore, the half-remembered accounts of spoken legends, written by people who were children when the tales were still widespread. People who turned to dust and vanished centuries ago.
The End is spoken of by many books, but none of them seem to agree. Some claim that it was a plague that wiped out 98 percent or more of life on Ardea. Some claim it was a meteor strike that had a similar effect. Some say it was a monster. Others insist The End was a war. Some claim The End was impossible to avoid, while others believe it could have been prevented. It's even said that The End was benevolent.
All agree that The End took a heavy toll. How justified this toll was is impossible to know.
Some of the books say one can summon The End, but others flat-out state it is impossible. Some claim The End was divine judgement, while others maintain it killed indiscriminately. One book says The End didn't kill anyone - only banished them to another place or time.
The End shares space in the books with other ancient legends. Some are mostly true. Some are nonsense. Some are truth after it has been forced through a sieve of ignorance, logic and fact subjected to the "Just-So Story" treatment. Some are close, but don't hit the mark.
What of The End? How true is it?
You won't know by asking the people. None of them remember the stories of The End. A few scattered researchers know, but thanks to the horribly cluttered accounts, they can't offer any straight theories.
Consulting the books yourself leaves you to sift through the muddle. How much is fiction? How much is fact? What was The End, and what was it capable of?
Did The End ever even happen?
Or has The End yet to occur?
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 126: SteelKomodo Joined the Chat
GoopaMania: I've set up Ariel to do Kooky Far-Away Library Shenanigans
GoopaMania: Watch in awe as Ariel sucks at being a librarian
RubyChao: "HOW DID YOU BURN DOWN MY LIBRARY D:" "Um... oops?" "D: D: D:"
Jumpropeman: *Ariel switches it all to digital* "Paper is wasteful and kills trees Gloria!" *Gloria's eye twitches*
GoopaMania: Ariel points to a box with twenty e-readers in it
GoopaMania: "The whole library, right there"
Harpy: gloria has a heart attack
GoopaMania: "Gloria put your trident away please"
GoopaMania: "...IT WAS PENNY'S IDEA"
RubyChao: Ariel puts the library in the e-readers, has the library building converted into an eco-movement headquarters
RubyChao: There's a tiny room off to the side labeled "library", it's full of dust
---
RubyChao: D:
The Kirby Kong Fandom: Does that book have a face
RubyChao: oh god it does
SteelKomodo: D:
The Kirby Kong Fandom: IT'S TALKING MAGGLE
---
RubyChao: "This is awful game design. It is the worst game design. NES games have better game design than that. Other M is the Citizen Kane of bad video games. The badness just has layers and layers to it, and every time you take another look at the game a new layer of s*** opens up. It's like a Metroidvania, exploring the complex mazes and tunnels of Other M to find different-colored pieces of s***, and then using those piles of s*** to open up a path you might've missed earlier that leads to even more s***. Even talking about how bad Other M is makes for a better Metroid game than Other M."
---
Gooper Blooper: wake up with the king
Saberwulf changed name to Scott President of Dominos
SteelKomodo: #Dinner
Scott President of Dominos: Pizza doesn't fit, damn you character limit
Tableter: Pizza power
---
Gooper Blooper: WWE confirmed still pissy about CM Punk quitting
Gooper Blooper: (look at the Royal Rumble poster on the wall)
Cornwind Evil: I'm not pissy
Cornwind Evil: His choice gave us Daniel Bryan, Shonen Anime Hero At WM 30
Cornwind Evil: Can you imagine what would have happened had Punk not quit and they'd decided to break the Streak?
Gooper Blooper: a never-before-seen flood of angry posts on the internet
GoopaMania: Watch in awe as Ariel sucks at being a librarian
RubyChao: "HOW DID YOU BURN DOWN MY LIBRARY D:" "Um... oops?" "D: D: D:"
Jumpropeman: *Ariel switches it all to digital* "Paper is wasteful and kills trees Gloria!" *Gloria's eye twitches*
GoopaMania: Ariel points to a box with twenty e-readers in it
GoopaMania: "The whole library, right there"
Harpy: gloria has a heart attack
GoopaMania: "Gloria put your trident away please"
GoopaMania: "...IT WAS PENNY'S IDEA"
RubyChao: Ariel puts the library in the e-readers, has the library building converted into an eco-movement headquarters
RubyChao: There's a tiny room off to the side labeled "library", it's full of dust
---
RubyChao: D:
The Kirby Kong Fandom: Does that book have a face
RubyChao: oh god it does
SteelKomodo: D:
The Kirby Kong Fandom: IT'S TALKING MAGGLE
---
RubyChao: "This is awful game design. It is the worst game design. NES games have better game design than that. Other M is the Citizen Kane of bad video games. The badness just has layers and layers to it, and every time you take another look at the game a new layer of s*** opens up. It's like a Metroidvania, exploring the complex mazes and tunnels of Other M to find different-colored pieces of s***, and then using those piles of s*** to open up a path you might've missed earlier that leads to even more s***. Even talking about how bad Other M is makes for a better Metroid game than Other M."
---
Gooper Blooper: wake up with the king
Saberwulf changed name to Scott President of Dominos
SteelKomodo: #Dinner
Scott President of Dominos: Pizza doesn't fit, damn you character limit
Tableter: Pizza power
---
Gooper Blooper: WWE confirmed still pissy about CM Punk quitting
Gooper Blooper: (look at the Royal Rumble poster on the wall)
Cornwind Evil: I'm not pissy
Cornwind Evil: His choice gave us Daniel Bryan, Shonen Anime Hero At WM 30
Cornwind Evil: Can you imagine what would have happened had Punk not quit and they'd decided to break the Streak?
Gooper Blooper: a never-before-seen flood of angry posts on the internet
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Shoot For The Moon
-LAS VEGAS-
"...I'm sorry this is so sudden. I wish there was something I could do, but..."
The tall, mustachioed, middle-aged man looked down at his desk, unable to look his employees in the eye any longer. "My associates and I are available to help anyone who asks if you need assistance looking for work. I... wish you all the very best in your future endeavors."
After 6 years in business, VEW - Vegas Extreme Wrestling - was closing its doors for good. The news had been a surprise to most of the people employed there, but Wayne, the owner, had known the writing was on the wall. Attendance had been down, and his stubborn refusal to cut the salaries of the hard-working men and women on his roster had placed the indie wrestling fed in a tight spot, but it was still doable... and then a World Creature Wars arena had opened two blocks down, and it was all over.
Slowly, Wayne's former employees filed out of his office. Only one stayed behind. Wayne didn't have to look up to know she was still there.
"Silence. I'm so sorry. You've been there since day one. You carried this company on your shoulders when we were trying to get off the ground." Wayne sighed. "I've let you down."
Silence remained motionless. Wayne slowly raised his head. She approached him. They stared into each others' eyes a moment before Silence nodded once, turned, and left.
"...She was never good with conversation... but I understand what she meant there." Wayne said quietly to himself. "She doesn't blame me. She'll be okay.
Hopefully."
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
World Progress Alliance Newsletter: April 22, 2014
You received this email because your email address is recorded on our database of subscribers. If you would like to unsubscribe from further messages, click here.
Today is a very special day. Today is Earth Day, a day in which we honor the planet for all it has done for us, and what we must do in return to ensure there are many more Earth Days to come. I hope you'll join me in making 2014's Earth Day a day to remember.
When my friend Penny and I decided to start this newsletter one year ago, we'd considered a userbase of about a thousand people to be a big success. But, amazingly, we are now at over 15,000 subscribers and counting! I'm touched by the number of people who decided to subscribe. Keep being awesome!
Our next wave of projects is brewing! Penny has brought my attention to the plight of the vanishingly rare Jungle Octopus. This unique species, discovered just recently, is the first-ever known cephalopod to have adapted to an aquatic lifestyle, living in the humid seaside rainforests of Madagascar and nowhere else. Predictably, logging activity is beginning to destroy this fascinating animal's habitat. I'm counting on you guys to help me and Penny save this one-of-a-kind animal and all the others that call Madagascar's rainforests home. As always, it fell to me to make a nice, snappy name for the campaign. This operation is called "Eight Arms for the Future"! And yes, our octopus costumes are being custom-made as I write this!
As for me, I've discovered possible evidence of slave labor and deeply underpaid workers in, of all places, the trading card industry. I want all you collectors out there to join me in taking a stand against any and all card printers that use unethical means to sell their merchandise! We're calling this campaign "Trading Away Morals"! I'm looking forward to hand-delivering Tipps Trading Cards a special 5'-by-7' custom card with all of your signatures!
Lobsters grow indefinitely as they age. It's possible for extremely old lobsters to reach lengths of 3 feet or more!
-HAPPY EARTH DAY!-
Today is a very special day. Today is Earth Day, a day in which we honor the planet for all it has done for us, and what we must do in return to ensure there are many more Earth Days to come. I hope you'll join me in making 2014's Earth Day a day to remember.
-Looking Back-
When my friend Penny and I decided to start this newsletter one year ago, we'd considered a userbase of about a thousand people to be a big success. But, amazingly, we are now at over 15,000 subscribers and counting! I'm touched by the number of people who decided to subscribe. Keep being awesome!
-Looking Ahead-
Our next wave of projects is brewing! Penny has brought my attention to the plight of the vanishingly rare Jungle Octopus. This unique species, discovered just recently, is the first-ever known cephalopod to have adapted to an aquatic lifestyle, living in the humid seaside rainforests of Madagascar and nowhere else. Predictably, logging activity is beginning to destroy this fascinating animal's habitat. I'm counting on you guys to help me and Penny save this one-of-a-kind animal and all the others that call Madagascar's rainforests home. As always, it fell to me to make a nice, snappy name for the campaign. This operation is called "Eight Arms for the Future"! And yes, our octopus costumes are being custom-made as I write this!
As for me, I've discovered possible evidence of slave labor and deeply underpaid workers in, of all places, the trading card industry. I want all you collectors out there to join me in taking a stand against any and all card printers that use unethical means to sell their merchandise! We're calling this campaign "Trading Away Morals"! I'm looking forward to hand-delivering Tipps Trading Cards a special 5'-by-7' custom card with all of your signatures!
-Your Animal Fun Fact of the Week-
Lobsters grow indefinitely as they age. It's possible for extremely old lobsters to reach lengths of 3 feet or more!
Sent from your friends, Ariel and Penny
World Progress Alliance: For A Brighter Future
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 125: Everyone's A Winner
RubyChao: "I think it would be really cool if Nintendo added Angry Birds to the roster of playable SSB characters"
RubyChao: why
---
Saberwulf: Oh no, I just got the cutest image of tiny, be-horned Zoe wearing a cape and riding around on David's back while they listen to terrible blaring music
Saberwulf: "I AM THE QUEEN OF THE NOISE KINGDOM"
Saberwulf: "Jesus christ turn that shit off you'll make her deaf David"
Tableter: Babby zoey gotta go fast
RubyChao: david is the best dad except for the ways in which he's the worst dad
Saberwulf: Honestly David's only a bad dad because he leaves all of his kids
Harpy: david at least smoke weed with your kids twice a week
Saberwulf: And even then, of his kids with Jasmine only Absalom considers him bad
Saberwulf: But fucky Abby he's a shite and won't put a shirt on
Harpy: "daddy why are you naked" "So i can feel the breeze between my thighs, lassie!"
Harpy: oh deear i just said that
Harpy: the purge begins with me
Saberwulf: LEWD
Harpy: 2lewd
Saberwulf: David is always conveniently censored by the environment
Saberwulf: When there is no environment, he manifests a fig leaf
Tableter: Not a kobber appropriate story >:I
Saberwulf: "The leaf was canon, funnily enough"
RubyChao: David stands out in the middle of space completely naked, a miniature asteroid belt forms to censor him
Saberwulf: ^
Harpy: i'd be scared if that happened in the house
Harpy: "honey, why are asteroids circling around our house?"
Saberwulf: "I just wanted to take a shower you assholes!"
Saberwulf: #Justdavidthings
Tableter: Now im imagining all the stories jonesy would tell to conrad to traumatise him
Tableter: "and thats how your dad died the third time" "D:"
RubyChao: "And there was the time your daddy stabbed his evil friend in the face and was sucked into Hell!"
Harpy: jonesy you're the worst mom
Saberwulf: "Don't be like your dad he got exploded, like, seventeen times" "ok mom" *becomes a cop*
Tableter: "And then there was the time we played Jumanji."
Harpy: then again sarah would feed her kids sugar all the time
Saberwulf: "This is eclair, that's crepe, and this little type is glucose injection!"
RubyChao: alex tries to think of a good bedtime story for his kids
Saberwulf: "Time to check your blood sugar, kids!"
RubyChao: "Why don't you tell them something from one of your adventures?"
Harpy: Stella would advise him not to tell any gory stories
RubyChao: *flashbacks to all of Alex's rather dark adventures*
RubyChao: "...Let's not."
Harpy: because Stella has a shred of decency
Harpy: I know Stella will raise her kid and let Raiden babysit on weekends
Cornwind Evil: Sine tells Conrad the story of the time she and Jonesy and Erebus played laser tag
Harpy: and as of right now i have no idea whether that means mgs raiden or mk raiden
Cornwind Evil: Sine: Unlike that other time when they played laser tag when the city was burning down.
Saberwulf: I like how we went over the years from "no character kids" to "okay how many kids do they have and how awful of a parent are they"
Harpy: Stella would have two
Harpy: and she would invite everybody to their birthday parties
RubyChao: Samus opens up an invitation
RubyChao: "...Who's Stella?"
Harpy: "Shao Kahn, you're invited! BUT IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY KIDS I WILL USE YOUR SKULL AS THEIR NEW SIPPY CUP."
Tableter: We have changed wulf, and not strictly for the better
RubyChao: but conrad
Harpy: i will never use RP kids
Harpy: if i use them it will be hard to tell they are from an RP couple
RubyChao: "Alec Troden"
RubyChao: original character do not steal
Tableter: Conrad is conRAD tho
Tableter: (Huge dork)
Saberwulf: I imagine Conrad does that thing Jaxx does where he does martial arts moves and one-liners in the mirror and it's awkward when people walk in
Tableter: He totally does
Harpy: welp
Saberwulf: *David slithers out of the air vent* "Haha what's poppin' ya big nerd"
RubyChao: David's bones were known for their remarkable lack of rigidness
RubyChao: "Check it out I can make my arm into a spiral"
Saberwulf: Oh, I can insert a David funfact here
RubyChao: "shit what am i supposed to name this one." *looks at sword* "...wait, i have an idea"
Saberwulf: David's bones are not only semi-flexible and lightweight, he also has many more bones than the average human, allowing him to do his famous bowl of spaghetti impression
Saberwulf: Though this also means its pretty easy to break his bones
Harpy: he probably has twice as many bones
Harpy: break him like a kit kat bar
Tableter: I am beginning to think david is a sentient, ambulatory idea
Tableter: That enables him to do the things he does
Harpy: that also makes him immortal
Saberwulf: It's scattered throughout my writing and I've talked about it in chatzy before, but somehow over the years David has kind of become a manifested concept
Saberwulf: This is mostly seen through his unexplainable immortality and that he's the Hub's Bodhisattva of wealth despite not deserving the title at all
Harpy: its explainable if you explain it as a manifested concept
Harpy: I BEAT UR LOGIC LEL
RubyChao: why
---
Saberwulf: Oh no, I just got the cutest image of tiny, be-horned Zoe wearing a cape and riding around on David's back while they listen to terrible blaring music
Saberwulf: "I AM THE QUEEN OF THE NOISE KINGDOM"
Saberwulf: "Jesus christ turn that shit off you'll make her deaf David"
Tableter: Babby zoey gotta go fast
RubyChao: david is the best dad except for the ways in which he's the worst dad
Saberwulf: Honestly David's only a bad dad because he leaves all of his kids
Harpy: david at least smoke weed with your kids twice a week
Saberwulf: And even then, of his kids with Jasmine only Absalom considers him bad
Saberwulf: But fucky Abby he's a shite and won't put a shirt on
Harpy: "daddy why are you naked" "So i can feel the breeze between my thighs, lassie!"
Harpy: oh deear i just said that
Harpy: the purge begins with me
Saberwulf: LEWD
Harpy: 2lewd
Saberwulf: David is always conveniently censored by the environment
Saberwulf: When there is no environment, he manifests a fig leaf
Tableter: Not a kobber appropriate story >:I
Saberwulf: "The leaf was canon, funnily enough"
RubyChao: David stands out in the middle of space completely naked, a miniature asteroid belt forms to censor him
Saberwulf: ^
Harpy: i'd be scared if that happened in the house
Harpy: "honey, why are asteroids circling around our house?"
Saberwulf: "I just wanted to take a shower you assholes!"
Saberwulf: #Justdavidthings
Tableter: Now im imagining all the stories jonesy would tell to conrad to traumatise him
Tableter: "and thats how your dad died the third time" "D:"
RubyChao: "And there was the time your daddy stabbed his evil friend in the face and was sucked into Hell!"
Harpy: jonesy you're the worst mom
Saberwulf: "Don't be like your dad he got exploded, like, seventeen times" "ok mom" *becomes a cop*
Tableter: "And then there was the time we played Jumanji."
Harpy: then again sarah would feed her kids sugar all the time
Saberwulf: "This is eclair, that's crepe, and this little type is glucose injection!"
RubyChao: alex tries to think of a good bedtime story for his kids
Saberwulf: "Time to check your blood sugar, kids!"
RubyChao: "Why don't you tell them something from one of your adventures?"
Harpy: Stella would advise him not to tell any gory stories
RubyChao: *flashbacks to all of Alex's rather dark adventures*
RubyChao: "...Let's not."
Harpy: because Stella has a shred of decency
Harpy: I know Stella will raise her kid and let Raiden babysit on weekends
Cornwind Evil: Sine tells Conrad the story of the time she and Jonesy and Erebus played laser tag
Harpy: and as of right now i have no idea whether that means mgs raiden or mk raiden
Cornwind Evil: Sine: Unlike that other time when they played laser tag when the city was burning down.
Saberwulf: I like how we went over the years from "no character kids" to "okay how many kids do they have and how awful of a parent are they"
Harpy: Stella would have two
Harpy: and she would invite everybody to their birthday parties
RubyChao: Samus opens up an invitation
RubyChao: "...Who's Stella?"
Harpy: "Shao Kahn, you're invited! BUT IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY KIDS I WILL USE YOUR SKULL AS THEIR NEW SIPPY CUP."
Tableter: We have changed wulf, and not strictly for the better
RubyChao: but conrad
Harpy: i will never use RP kids
Harpy: if i use them it will be hard to tell they are from an RP couple
RubyChao: "Alec Troden"
RubyChao: original character do not steal
Tableter: Conrad is conRAD tho
Tableter: (Huge dork)
Saberwulf: I imagine Conrad does that thing Jaxx does where he does martial arts moves and one-liners in the mirror and it's awkward when people walk in
Tableter: He totally does
Harpy: welp
Saberwulf: *David slithers out of the air vent* "Haha what's poppin' ya big nerd"
RubyChao: David's bones were known for their remarkable lack of rigidness
RubyChao: "Check it out I can make my arm into a spiral"
Saberwulf: Oh, I can insert a David funfact here
RubyChao: "shit what am i supposed to name this one." *looks at sword* "...wait, i have an idea"
Saberwulf: David's bones are not only semi-flexible and lightweight, he also has many more bones than the average human, allowing him to do his famous bowl of spaghetti impression
Saberwulf: Though this also means its pretty easy to break his bones
Harpy: he probably has twice as many bones
Harpy: break him like a kit kat bar
Tableter: I am beginning to think david is a sentient, ambulatory idea
Tableter: That enables him to do the things he does
Harpy: that also makes him immortal
Saberwulf: It's scattered throughout my writing and I've talked about it in chatzy before, but somehow over the years David has kind of become a manifested concept
Saberwulf: This is mostly seen through his unexplainable immortality and that he's the Hub's Bodhisattva of wealth despite not deserving the title at all
Harpy: its explainable if you explain it as a manifested concept
Harpy: I BEAT UR LOGIC LEL
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 124: I'm So Sorry, But I Lack A Dong
Jumpropeman: http://i.imgur.com/kVG60cH.jpg
---
Del: we've found a racist cave
Del: it won't let skeletons in
Del: or minotaurs
Saberwulf: Picket it
SteelKomodo: with picket signs
Saberwulf: Refuse to give up your seat on the river boat
Cornwind Evil: But it let in the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes
SteelKomodo: that is a ham-handed reference if ever I saw one, CW :U
Del: a racist lecherous cave
Cornwind Evil: It's actually because it was warded with time-based protection and the girl had time powers so the wards ignored her
Draco: It let in Sailor Moon? =D
---
RubyChao: ""I’m Gonna Be A Star" is the fan-derived title of the first song of the second episode of the second season of Donkey Kong Country. This musical number delves deep into many themes, such as how our culture perceives fame and fortune to be the definition of success. And yet, despite the fact that television exists in a world full of talking apes, the movie they star in is only ever screened to the actors themselves, which raises a good question: Just how would they become famous? On an island which only has less than 20 inhabitants DK, Cranky, and Diddy are already well known by everyone, including their mortal enemies. Perhaps this implies the existence of further worlds outside of Kongo Bongo in the Donkey Kong Country universe, but unfortunately the show failed to expand upon this lore before it was ultimately cancelled, leading to much speculation among the fans."
---
RubyChao: oh yes goops were you here when i mentioned what game the escape tourian/pirate mothership theme was remixed for
RubyChao: it was remixed into metroid prime 2 as the theme for when you're escaping dark aether after killing emperor ing (and fighting dark samus)
Gooper Blooper: gotta escape before it blows up brother
Gooper Blooper: the marks need that escape sequence
RubyChao: fun fact in that one samus actually sort-of causes it to blow up for a change
RubyChao: rather than just "well shit i didn't mean for zebes to go kaboom"
Gooper Blooper: things just happen to explode around samus
Gooper Blooper: In retrospect, maybe teaming her with Okuu wasn't such a great idea
SteelKomodo: Pfffft
RubyChao: there's a reason the space pirate ship in the Ridleyplot blew up
SteelKomodo: Okuu pls
RubyChao: spoiler alert: any pirate bases visited in 2014 have a ~99% chance of exploding post-plot
SteelKomodo: lel
Gooper Blooper: I'd be disappointed if they didn't!
RubyChao: an evil planet is located near ardea
RubyChao: the kobber solution is to send samus, reasoning that planets have a high chance of exploding when she visits them
Gooper Blooper: If Samus had been around in 2011 the Rafflesia fight may have gone very differently
---
Del: we've found a racist cave
Del: it won't let skeletons in
Del: or minotaurs
Saberwulf: Picket it
SteelKomodo: with picket signs
Saberwulf: Refuse to give up your seat on the river boat
Cornwind Evil: But it let in the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes
SteelKomodo: that is a ham-handed reference if ever I saw one, CW :U
Del: a racist lecherous cave
Cornwind Evil: It's actually because it was warded with time-based protection and the girl had time powers so the wards ignored her
Draco: It let in Sailor Moon? =D
---
RubyChao: ""I’m Gonna Be A Star" is the fan-derived title of the first song of the second episode of the second season of Donkey Kong Country. This musical number delves deep into many themes, such as how our culture perceives fame and fortune to be the definition of success. And yet, despite the fact that television exists in a world full of talking apes, the movie they star in is only ever screened to the actors themselves, which raises a good question: Just how would they become famous? On an island which only has less than 20 inhabitants DK, Cranky, and Diddy are already well known by everyone, including their mortal enemies. Perhaps this implies the existence of further worlds outside of Kongo Bongo in the Donkey Kong Country universe, but unfortunately the show failed to expand upon this lore before it was ultimately cancelled, leading to much speculation among the fans."
---
RubyChao: oh yes goops were you here when i mentioned what game the escape tourian/pirate mothership theme was remixed for
RubyChao: it was remixed into metroid prime 2 as the theme for when you're escaping dark aether after killing emperor ing (and fighting dark samus)
Gooper Blooper: gotta escape before it blows up brother
Gooper Blooper: the marks need that escape sequence
RubyChao: fun fact in that one samus actually sort-of causes it to blow up for a change
RubyChao: rather than just "well shit i didn't mean for zebes to go kaboom"
Gooper Blooper: things just happen to explode around samus
Gooper Blooper: In retrospect, maybe teaming her with Okuu wasn't such a great idea
SteelKomodo: Pfffft
RubyChao: there's a reason the space pirate ship in the Ridleyplot blew up
SteelKomodo: Okuu pls
RubyChao: spoiler alert: any pirate bases visited in 2014 have a ~99% chance of exploding post-plot
SteelKomodo: lel
Gooper Blooper: I'd be disappointed if they didn't!
RubyChao: an evil planet is located near ardea
RubyChao: the kobber solution is to send samus, reasoning that planets have a high chance of exploding when she visits them
Gooper Blooper: If Samus had been around in 2011 the Rafflesia fight may have gone very differently
Friday, April 18, 2014
Ariel's Pokemon Randomizer Adventure
Pokemon Randomizer is a Java-based application that scrambles around data in Pokemon rom files to create a new and unique experience - changing which Pokemon appears where, what their stats are, their abilities, their movesets, and more. It also features extra bonuses such as the ability to turn off trade evolutions and the ability to catch every Pokemon without trading - since, when playing an emulated version of Pokemon, trading is impossible. It works with every mainline Pokemon game from the first five generations. For this run, I'm using Emerald.
With her big sis Josephine occupied in Kalos, it fell to Ariel to become a Pokemon League Champion in the region of Hoenn. But, carrying over from her brutal 2013, Ariel might just be in over her head in the upside-down world of Pokemon Randomizer.
With her big sis Josephine occupied in Kalos, it fell to Ariel to become a Pokemon League Champion in the region of Hoenn. But, carrying over from her brutal 2013, Ariel might just be in over her head in the upside-down world of Pokemon Randomizer.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 123: Metroid Edition
RubyChao: "Bill got Sonic Adventure DX, and Alex got Super Smash Bros
Melee, they were lucky since most Gamestops don't sell them anymore.
After they got home they popped Sonic Adventure into the system but the
strange thing about it was that instead of saying "Sonic Adventure DX"
on the screen it read out "Bill Adventure".
Since it was about Bill, he got to play first."
Del, Marine in the City: darwinism in action
---
Seven Nation Del: i don't know why i put this wheel in my pants
Seven Nation Del: it's driving me nuts
Harpy: don't put wheels in your pants, you don't want your nuts driving off to a strip club
---
SteelKomodo: Greninja has the best name in French
SteelKomodo: Amphinobi
---
#FreeTheDee goes to march on Washington
#FreeTheDee gets in my sexy taxi
Harpy: why are you marching on DC spy
#FreeTheDee: To Free the Dee
#FreeTheDee: Obama's on the dev team, right?
Harpy: lol
Jumpropeman: based on how much people thank him, I'd say he has his hands in most things
Harpy: then half the base doesn't play because "HOW DARE THIS SOCIALIST SCUM TAINT MY GLORIOUS GAME FROM NIPPON?!?"
---
SteelKomodo: zzzzzzzzz
Jumpropeman: night SK *tucks SK in*
SteelKomodo snores away
Jumpropeman: *puts SK's hand in warm water*
SteelKomodo: AAAAAH D:
Jumpropeman: IT'S NOT HOT
Harpy: what the
Harpy: this took a turn for the weird
SteelKomodo: it did
Since it was about Bill, he got to play first."
Del, Marine in the City: darwinism in action
---
Seven Nation Del: i don't know why i put this wheel in my pants
Seven Nation Del: it's driving me nuts
Harpy: don't put wheels in your pants, you don't want your nuts driving off to a strip club
---
SteelKomodo: Greninja has the best name in French
SteelKomodo: Amphinobi
---
#FreeTheDee goes to march on Washington
#FreeTheDee gets in my sexy taxi
Harpy: why are you marching on DC spy
#FreeTheDee: To Free the Dee
#FreeTheDee: Obama's on the dev team, right?
Harpy: lol
Jumpropeman: based on how much people thank him, I'd say he has his hands in most things
Harpy: then half the base doesn't play because "HOW DARE THIS SOCIALIST SCUM TAINT MY GLORIOUS GAME FROM NIPPON?!?"
---
SteelKomodo: zzzzzzzzz
Jumpropeman: night SK *tucks SK in*
SteelKomodo snores away
Jumpropeman: *puts SK's hand in warm water*
SteelKomodo: AAAAAH D:
Jumpropeman: IT'S NOT HOT
Harpy: what the
Harpy: this took a turn for the weird
SteelKomodo: it did
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
What Happens In Vegas
-LAS VEGAS, NEVADA-
Life was good for Blade, at least by his standards.
It had been a year and a half since his escape from Manhattan. He had broken out of prison during a citywide crisis when dragons had attacked, led by a maniacal knight on a single-minded mission. Long story.
But the long and short of it was that here he was, clear across the country, ready to begin anew. It was here he had settled in among the nightlife. His history of petty crimes didn't follow him here, and he had a fresh start. Perhaps he was interested in turning over a new leaf, or perhaps he was just paranoid of running into a kobber, but whatever the reason, he'd kept clean since his arrival.
That didn't mean he didn't still skirt around the darker edges of urban life, though. Hell, he was in Las Vegas, a city notorious for dark dealings, nearly as much as Manhattan when it had been at its worst a few years back. Gambling, weapons dealers, black markets, bootlegs, drugs, and ladies who promised a fun time were par for the course here.
So it was that Blade was watching one of the oldest scams in the book play out before his eyes.
"Step right up, all who dare! Anyone is welcome to challenge my client!" a small man wearing a top hat waved his cane enthusiastically, addressing the crowd of onlookers Blade formed a small part of. "Just forty dollars to try your luck, and a prize of two hundred if you score a victory!" Two scruffy men in front of Blade looked at each other.
"I hear this Balrog guy is a total pushover."
"Yeah, a dude in his fifties knocked him out last weekend!"
"Didn't it used to be twenty dollars to enter?"
"He must be losing too much money, heh. What a joke. I'm going in."
Blade knew all about this little carnival trick. A tough guy would invite adventurous tourists an opportunity to test their mettle, and during his initial arrival, would take a fall and get a reputation for being a pushover. Then, after the word had spread, the price of entry would shoot up and the tough guy would quit playing around, fleecing would-be heroes before moving to another city to start all over again. He watched, rolling his eyes as the scruffy guy paid the barker and stepped into the ring.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 122: Wrestlemania Edition
RubyChao: "I was starring absentmindedly out a window while eating a snack late one night, when I noticed a praying mantis had crawled onto the outer surface of the glass. It had a moth in its claw. As I starred into its cold, black eyes, it seemed to cock its head to one side. Then, suddenly, it snapped the moth in half, and strolled right off the window."
RubyChao: wids why
SteelKomodo: damn it widow maker
---
Cornwind Evil: Last Night was the WWE Hall of Fame
Cornwind Evil: Mr T literally spent so long talking about his mother they sent in Kane to drag him off stage.
Cornwind Evil: And Ultimate Warrior, oh god....they promised him a live mic and gave it to him
Cornwind Evil: He literally went on for FORTY MINUTES
SteelKomodo: D:
Cornwind Evil: It was like five or six speeches jammed together, mixed with "The Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior was mean" over and over
---
RubyChao: if you asked zfrp samus about the baby, she'd probably be like "It was kinda cute, but I thought it'd be a lot safer to just give it to the science team. Of course that didn't work out... Anyhow, it was instrumental in me wiping out Mother Brain, and it's too bad about it dying. Still, no great loss - at least the Metroids are taken care of."
RubyChao: "...Huh? 'Feelings of loss and depression' about it? Who told you that crap?"
RubyChao: (why am i picturing her talking to myriam)
GoopaMania: because myriam would almost certainly ask her about the baby
GoopaMania: She's trying to sort out all these internet rumors
GoopaMania: So all manner of nonsense could pop up on the interwebs
RubyChao: myriam interviews samus about other m
RubyChao: samus spends the entire interview confused at how anyone could get everything this wrong
RubyChao: brb
GoopaMania: Myriam hands Samus a copy of the game and tells her to SEES FER HERSELF
RubyChao: Samus makes it through the opening cutscene
RubyChao: Calmly turns the game off, ejects the disc, throws it in the air
RubyChao: And blasts it with like five missile
GoopaMania: What does the opening cutscene do
GoopaMania: Establish her as inferior?
RubyChao: assuming we're talking all the opening stuff before actual gameplay, there's the redepiction of super's end scene, ass shots, and the BABY'S CRY
RubyChao: i think that would be enough to make samus blast it out of existence already
GoopaMania: "Ass shots? Those are supposed to be endgame! You don't just give it away to any schmoe who can't beat the game in three hours!"
RubyChao: samus believes in making people work for their fanservice
GoopaMania: You want that bikini, you gotta earn it
GoopaMania: or look it up online
T-MINUS 20 MINUTES joined the chat
RubyChao: hello spy
T-MINUS 20 MINUTES: Did I just walk in on Myriam: Other M
RubyChao: yes
T-MINUS 20 MINUTES: Excellent
RubyChao: the Samus Smear Campaign that myriam investigates
RubyChao: wids why
SteelKomodo: damn it widow maker
---
Cornwind Evil: Last Night was the WWE Hall of Fame
Cornwind Evil: Mr T literally spent so long talking about his mother they sent in Kane to drag him off stage.
Cornwind Evil: And Ultimate Warrior, oh god....they promised him a live mic and gave it to him
Cornwind Evil: He literally went on for FORTY MINUTES
SteelKomodo: D:
Cornwind Evil: It was like five or six speeches jammed together, mixed with "The Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior was mean" over and over
---
RubyChao: if you asked zfrp samus about the baby, she'd probably be like "It was kinda cute, but I thought it'd be a lot safer to just give it to the science team. Of course that didn't work out... Anyhow, it was instrumental in me wiping out Mother Brain, and it's too bad about it dying. Still, no great loss - at least the Metroids are taken care of."
RubyChao: "...Huh? 'Feelings of loss and depression' about it? Who told you that crap?"
RubyChao: (why am i picturing her talking to myriam)
GoopaMania: because myriam would almost certainly ask her about the baby
GoopaMania: She's trying to sort out all these internet rumors
GoopaMania: So all manner of nonsense could pop up on the interwebs
RubyChao: myriam interviews samus about other m
RubyChao: samus spends the entire interview confused at how anyone could get everything this wrong
RubyChao: brb
GoopaMania: Myriam hands Samus a copy of the game and tells her to SEES FER HERSELF
RubyChao: Samus makes it through the opening cutscene
RubyChao: Calmly turns the game off, ejects the disc, throws it in the air
RubyChao: And blasts it with like five missile
GoopaMania: What does the opening cutscene do
GoopaMania: Establish her as inferior?
RubyChao: assuming we're talking all the opening stuff before actual gameplay, there's the redepiction of super's end scene, ass shots, and the BABY'S CRY
RubyChao: i think that would be enough to make samus blast it out of existence already
GoopaMania: "Ass shots? Those are supposed to be endgame! You don't just give it away to any schmoe who can't beat the game in three hours!"
RubyChao: samus believes in making people work for their fanservice
GoopaMania: You want that bikini, you gotta earn it
GoopaMania: or look it up online
T-MINUS 20 MINUTES joined the chat
RubyChao: hello spy
T-MINUS 20 MINUTES: Did I just walk in on Myriam: Other M
RubyChao: yes
T-MINUS 20 MINUTES: Excellent
RubyChao: the Samus Smear Campaign that myriam investigates
Friday, April 11, 2014
Wrassle Reference: Silence's Moveset
Similar to how I once, long ago, made a glossary of information for Sarah and Celestia's magic spells, I decided to make this post about the wrestling moves Silence likes to perform, so as to fill in people who don't know what a move does by its name.Silence's repertoire consists almost entirely of heavy-duty power moves. She's not light on her feet and she doesn't do fancy jumping maneuvers. Instead, she focuses on hard-hitting, high-impact attacks that intimidate and brutalize her foes. What follows is a list of the special moves Silence is most likely to use in battle, although she can improvise if need be.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 121: I Have All the Booty I Need
Mewrio: I had a Pit, too
Mewrio: I was SO close
RubyChao: >pit flanked by utsuhos
RubyChao: *eyebrows*
---
Harpy: apparently i got a girl named sophia tryin to send me junk mail about talkin about sex
Harpy: sophia you're better than this, go lift some weights
---
Harpy: i have an important question
Harpy: can Pit use photostop well
SteelKomodo: hmmmm
SteelKomodo: maybe :U
Harpy: i ask because a gag involves pit threatening to show josephine dirk's baby photos
Harpy: "NOOO- wait I don't have any! I was split from you 2 years ago, you idiot!"
---
John_Freeman: ZOMBIE GOASTS LEAVE THIS PLACE
IT: But this is our house :(
SteelKomodo: :(
John_Freeman felt sorry for them.
John_Freeman blow up the house and kills the zombie goasts so they are at piece.
IT changed name to REST
REST changed name to IN
IN changed name to PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACEEEEEEEE
SteelKomodo: D:
Mewrio: I was SO close
RubyChao: >pit flanked by utsuhos
RubyChao: *eyebrows*
---
Harpy: apparently i got a girl named sophia tryin to send me junk mail about talkin about sex
Harpy: sophia you're better than this, go lift some weights
---
Harpy: i have an important question
Harpy: can Pit use photostop well
SteelKomodo: hmmmm
SteelKomodo: maybe :U
Harpy: i ask because a gag involves pit threatening to show josephine dirk's baby photos
Harpy: "NOOO- wait I don't have any! I was split from you 2 years ago, you idiot!"
---
John_Freeman: ZOMBIE GOASTS LEAVE THIS PLACE
IT: But this is our house :(
SteelKomodo: :(
John_Freeman felt sorry for them.
John_Freeman blow up the house and kills the zombie goasts so they are at piece.
IT changed name to REST
REST changed name to IN
IN changed name to PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACEEEEEEEE
SteelKomodo: D:
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Another New Customer
-MANHATTAN PUBLIC LIBRARY-
Another lovely spring day. Gloria opened a library window, leaned out a bit, and took a deep whiff of fresh air.
"Ahh. I've missed this weather. What a beautiful day..."
Gloria abruptly turned away from the window.
"...to catch up on my reading."
The summoner girl took a seat on one of the library's couches, cracking open a book on prehistoric animals and consuming its information like her sisters Sarah and Josephine consumed baked goods.
---
Upon finishing her book, Gloria looked away from printed pages for the first time in over 90 minutes to notice a cardboard box on the library's front steps for the first time. Gloria stood up and started walking over. This happened pretty often - people would drop by the library to dump off their unwanted old books. Based on their condition, Gloria would either add them to the library's collection, move them to the basement archives, or offer them up on the Free Books rack by the entrance. Just like the library's perpetual drought of customers, Gloria knew she shouldn't enjoy getting boxes of other people's books so much, but she couldn't help but be a little selfish about it.
She grabbed the box and began to drag it inside, only for something inside the box to pull back, giving her quite a scare.
"Hey! Hands off!"
"GAAGH?!" Gloria backpedaled, tripping over the threshold and landing on her rear. A moment of silence followed as she blinked owlishly at the talking box.
"Ssssss... Honestly, the nerve of some people. You can't just rip someone's clothes off like that!"
"...Clothes?"
"Well, not technically, but this box is like a second skin to me. I feel naked without it."
"...Who ARE you?"
The box stood up.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Chatzy Madness Volume 120: The Scariest Chatzy Madness Ever
RubyChao: "ENJOY MY GAME. YOU’RE SUFFERING WILL HAIL MY RETURN"
RubyChao: evil entities are not known for their spelling
Harp-e: plzz
Harp-e: ruby play the super metroid instead of creepypasta
Harp-e: :U
SteelKomodo: ben pls go home
SteelKomodo: you're drunk
RubyChao: ben attempts to harass the kobbers in 2014
RubyChao: is limited by the fact that he's a statue
Harp-e: Widow Maker crushes the hell out of his logic
Harp-e: widow maker for first lady
RubyChao: logic is so crushed that he just explodes entirely
SteelKomodo: lolz
---
RubyChao: "The more times I hit him, the more crumpled he looked, and after about seven hits, Koops spun around once and bursted into shreds of paper. Once the battle was over, Mario appeared to be back in Rougeport, standing on the gallows (the place where they hang people.), and Goombella was missing from my party. The town had a darker tone to it, the colors were darker, and when you try to talk to people, it doesn't work. In fact, you could walk through the people."
SteelKomodo: D:
RubyChao: TERRIFYING
RubyChao: "Not sure what to do, I walked up to Luigi and tried to interact with him. Upon clicking the A button... Mario fell down to the ground dead. Not gory, just the usual game over animation, with the game over music."
Gooper Blooper: Chao I'm scarred for life, I hope you're happy
Gooper Blooper: That was the illustrations of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark in text form
RubyChao: i am happy, as video game creepypastas give me POWEEEEER
RubyChao hulks up and turns into SuperChao
---
Gooper Blooper: One of my favorite things about this Godzilla playset I bought is the tagline on the back of the box. It says "Save the city!"
Gooper Blooper: this is funny because the "military" that comes with the set consists of two helicopters, two jets, and a boat
Gooper Blooper: against Godzilla
Gooper Blooper: um
SteelKomodo: so long
Gooper Blooper: And then there's Muto
Gooper Blooper: And I don't know much about Muto but from looking at him I don't think he's going to save anything either
SteelKomodo: probably not :U
RubyChao: RIP the city
RubyChao: died of godzilla
RubyChao: evil entities are not known for their spelling
Harp-e: plzz
Harp-e: ruby play the super metroid instead of creepypasta
Harp-e: :U
SteelKomodo: ben pls go home
SteelKomodo: you're drunk
RubyChao: ben attempts to harass the kobbers in 2014
RubyChao: is limited by the fact that he's a statue
Harp-e: Widow Maker crushes the hell out of his logic
Harp-e: widow maker for first lady
RubyChao: logic is so crushed that he just explodes entirely
SteelKomodo: lolz
---
RubyChao: "The more times I hit him, the more crumpled he looked, and after about seven hits, Koops spun around once and bursted into shreds of paper. Once the battle was over, Mario appeared to be back in Rougeport, standing on the gallows (the place where they hang people.), and Goombella was missing from my party. The town had a darker tone to it, the colors were darker, and when you try to talk to people, it doesn't work. In fact, you could walk through the people."
SteelKomodo: D:
RubyChao: TERRIFYING
RubyChao: "Not sure what to do, I walked up to Luigi and tried to interact with him. Upon clicking the A button... Mario fell down to the ground dead. Not gory, just the usual game over animation, with the game over music."
Gooper Blooper: Chao I'm scarred for life, I hope you're happy
Gooper Blooper: That was the illustrations of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark in text form
RubyChao: i am happy, as video game creepypastas give me POWEEEEER
RubyChao hulks up and turns into SuperChao
---
Gooper Blooper: One of my favorite things about this Godzilla playset I bought is the tagline on the back of the box. It says "Save the city!"
Gooper Blooper: this is funny because the "military" that comes with the set consists of two helicopters, two jets, and a boat
Gooper Blooper: against Godzilla
Gooper Blooper: um
SteelKomodo: so long
Gooper Blooper: And then there's Muto
Gooper Blooper: And I don't know much about Muto but from looking at him I don't think he's going to save anything either
SteelKomodo: probably not :U
RubyChao: RIP the city
RubyChao: died of godzilla
Thursday, April 3, 2014
A New Customer
-MANHATTAN PUBLIC LIBRARY-
Another quiet day at the library. Gloria knew she should hope for a more bustling workplace - it'd mean more people were reading - but she loved the quiet and solitude so much, she didn't mind.
She thought again of her plans for the summer. Ariel and her friend Penny were going to be signing on as summer help, leaving Gloria free to travel to the ZFS King of Beasts again. Just like last year, her presence there was to help watch over her family, but this time she'd be ensuring the safety of her parents, not her sisters... although she'd heard Dirk was planning on returning to the ZFS as well, and nowadays, wherever Dirk went, Josephine tended to follow.
It wasn't that Gloria didn't trust Ariel and her buddy to keep the library running smoothly, it was just... being a librarian here was a job for someone who was laid back, calm, and able to sit on their rear for extended periods. Ariel... was not that sort of person. She couldn't get the image out of her head of Ariel wandering off to do something or other, and Penny running around with books all over the floor. And her hair was on fire, somehow.
Gloria stopped her musings as she suddenly had the distinct feeling that she was no longer alone. She thought she'd heard the door, but couldn't be sure. She turned her head to look at the entrance. Sure enough, someone was there - but not anyone Gloria knew.
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