So Saberwulf got the idea to make hypothetical versions of our characters as they would be in a traditional 2D fighter. I've been making silly plans in my head for imaginary video games pretty much all my life, so I am down with this.
See his post here.
Widow Maker
Origin: Alternate Universe Zoofights
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Hair?
Fighting Style: Ambush
Weapons: Claws, spear, shield, flamethrower, nail gun
Special Moves: Cloaking device, extended jumps (flight)
Super Move: Elohim transformation. Widow Maker's angelic upgrade fires off a massive holy laser (Think Samus' Final Smash from SSBB).
Assist Character: New Marlinnium does a flyby or two.
Alternate Costumes: Scarf
Fatality: Widow Maker throws her opponent at the screen and they break the fourth wall and fall into reality.
Health: Medium-low
Speed: Moderate walking speed, but fast at blocking, jumping, and dodging
Attack Ideas:
-A downward swipe with both claws
-Grabbing onto the enemy and biting down with the mandibles
-Widow Maker shoots both claws forward, sticks into the enemy, and throws them over and behind her.
-Shield block
Widow Maker would be all about hitting and running, with some projectiles from her downright silly weapon collection tossed in. She could also cloak herself, sorta like Reptile.
Sarah
Origin: The unnamed world of Final Fantasy 1
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: An orangish blond
Fighting Style: Defensive
Weapons: Mythril Hammer, Thor's Hammer, Crystal of Water
Special Moves: Cure, Protect, Holy
Super Moves: Judgment Bolt, the Holy/Thundaga combo. Also Holy Bullet, the spinning self-projectile attack she used in the Dr. Triden fight at Tridenland.
Assist Character: Her sisters jump in with minor spells like Cure and Dia, or attack with wooden hammers and staffs.
Alternate Costumes: Devout costume (The cat-hooded ensemble Meat Boy gave her), Fancy dress
Fatality: ...Probably a Friendship would be more appropriate.
Health: Low, but she keeps on refilling it with magic
Speed: Medium-low
Attack Ideas:
-Mythril Hammer blows are fairly fast but weaker
-Thor's Hammer is devastating but slow
-Hammer block, hammer jab, she's pretty damn useless in melee without the hammer
-Water spray from the Crystal of Water
Sarah is an interesting idea. A slow character with slow, powerful moves but low HP would normally seem pretty worthless, but her magic would come out faster than hammer swings and could restore her HP.
Celestia
Origin: FF1
Eye Color: Yellow
Hair Color: Purple
Fighting Style: Glass Cannon
Weapons: Staff, various tools
Special Moves: Fire, Blizzard, Thunder
Super Moves: Quake, Flare
Assist Character: Skeiron in his ED-209 costume. He doesn't give 20 seconds to comply.
Alternate Costume: Fancy Dress
Fatality: Turns the enemy to stone with Break.
Health: Low
Speed: Medium-low
Attack Ideas:
-Swinging the staff
-Using the staff to shove an enemy away to make some distance
-When all else fails, clobber the foe with a wrench
Unlike Sarah, Celestia would have no way to heal herself. Instead, she'd focus on hitting fast and hard with SPELLS, SPELLS EVERYWHERE before her opponents strip away her meager HP.
Skeiron
Origin: Take a wild guess
Eye Color: Well uh...
Hair Color: Good question.
Fighting Style: Tank
Weapons: Self
Special Moves: Laser, toast shooter, regeneration
Super Moves: Nuclear
Assist Character: A Killbot from Tridenland's security force. "THANK YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY."
Alternate Costumes: Top hat and tie, 8-Bits
Fatality: Sets enemy on fire with superheated laser shot, makes "BECAUSE THE OPPONENT WAS A SLICE OF TOAST" joke
Health: Medium-high
Speed: Medium
Attack Ideas:
-Skeiron swings his body downward in a sort of headbutt
-Skeiron fires a few bullets from his machine gun port
-An awkward-looking kick
-A sliding tackle using his jet boosters
Finally a character that isn't frailer than Jigglypuff. Skeiron would be a beast at range but his melee game is mediocre and easily blocked.
Hella Jeff
Origin: A horrifying dimension of jpeg artifacts
Eye Color: Black
Hair Color: Usually brown
Fighting Style: Incomprehensible
Weapons: Unknowable
Special Moves: oh god look away
Super Moves: jesus christ what is he doing to them
Assist Character: Sweet Bro, of course. Probably on a skateboard.
Alternate Costumes: A costume that makes him look like Helluva Jeff, plus the ability to play as Sweet Bro with Hella Jeff assisting, but the attacks don't change
Fatality: The opponent becomes SBAHJ-ified.
Health: Hard to tell, it jerks around and seems to empty and fill at random
Speed: Variable
He would be a terrible but hilarious character, and possibly able to slaughter his opponent if he gets lucky. Lion Jeff may be involved.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Birthdays and Anniversaries in RP-Land
First off, let's give a big hand to Warhammer 40k. Erebus' lifeblood celebrated 25 years of GRIMDARK IN SPACE last Saturday. Hooray for the eighties!
White mages, mage knights, and Kirbies will be pleased to know that tomorrow is iHOP's Free Pancake Day. No word on Free Black Legend Day yet.
During ZF6 we celebrated the birthdays of a couple characters - Rain had a complete party and Widow Maker used hers to shed some light on her past (and get a nail gun!). I've contemplated character birthdays and this is what I came up with.
Widow Maker's birthday, October 17, is the same as mine because why not. It works, though - this gave her creators a solid six months to train and grow their Zoofights entrant, register with Zoofights before April, and participate in the tournament before she was taken away by Gamma Constrictor just before her first fight.
I recently decided to make Sarah's birthday July 12. This is the day Final Fantasy 1 was released in North America. Similarly, Celestia's birthday is December 18, the day FF1 came out in Japan. While Sarah has the benefit of her birthday being at the very beginning of the RP Explosion and thus justifiably skippable, Celestia's falls smack dab in the middle of the Christmas reunion.
...Oh god hold on *checks*
So close. It would have been perfect justification for Celestia's rage at Father Squid and Doomrider fighting if they had been ruining her birthday, but that conflict took place on the 19th.
I'm trying to work out ages as well. Widow Maker's easy - she's 2. Born in a vat six months before ZF5, ZF5 happens, ZF6 happens, hey presto she's two years old. I assigned Celestia the age of 41 in the post that partially revealed who she was (before the Warmech attack), which makes her 42 now. She had to be old enough to give birth to Sarah, but young enough that she was in decent physical shape. I wanted to play a doting and sometimes out-of-touch mother, but not an elderly person (that's Jumpropeman's job). Since she left her family when the white mages were in their early teens/preteen years, Sarah was the second youngest, and there was a decade between the departure and the reunion, that makes Sarah somewhere around 22 years old. Like Antoinette, she doesn't quite act like an adult despite technically being one. In Sarah's case I chalk it up to living in, quite literally, a fantasy world where she went on adventures with her sisters but got little "real-world" experience or socialization. Her lack of a name for much of her life adds to this.
As for Skeiron? He was a generic soldier in a fleet. Neither Tiamat nor Celestia would have cared when WarMech-3 was built. We can, however, guess from his low unit number that he was probably built a while ago. He can't be older than 10, and probably isn't younger than 7 or 8. I imagine the first WarMech took Celestia a long time, and later ones came faster as she learned how they work.
Well, that's my sperging over when pretend characters were pretend born, whooo. Anyone else have birthday ideas?
White mages, mage knights, and Kirbies will be pleased to know that tomorrow is iHOP's Free Pancake Day. No word on Free Black Legend Day yet.
During ZF6 we celebrated the birthdays of a couple characters - Rain had a complete party and Widow Maker used hers to shed some light on her past (and get a nail gun!). I've contemplated character birthdays and this is what I came up with.
Widow Maker's birthday, October 17, is the same as mine because why not. It works, though - this gave her creators a solid six months to train and grow their Zoofights entrant, register with Zoofights before April, and participate in the tournament before she was taken away by Gamma Constrictor just before her first fight.
I recently decided to make Sarah's birthday July 12. This is the day Final Fantasy 1 was released in North America. Similarly, Celestia's birthday is December 18, the day FF1 came out in Japan. While Sarah has the benefit of her birthday being at the very beginning of the RP Explosion and thus justifiably skippable, Celestia's falls smack dab in the middle of the Christmas reunion.
...Oh god hold on *checks*
So close. It would have been perfect justification for Celestia's rage at Father Squid and Doomrider fighting if they had been ruining her birthday, but that conflict took place on the 19th.
I'm trying to work out ages as well. Widow Maker's easy - she's 2. Born in a vat six months before ZF5, ZF5 happens, ZF6 happens, hey presto she's two years old. I assigned Celestia the age of 41 in the post that partially revealed who she was (before the Warmech attack), which makes her 42 now. She had to be old enough to give birth to Sarah, but young enough that she was in decent physical shape. I wanted to play a doting and sometimes out-of-touch mother, but not an elderly person (that's Jumpropeman's job). Since she left her family when the white mages were in their early teens/preteen years, Sarah was the second youngest, and there was a decade between the departure and the reunion, that makes Sarah somewhere around 22 years old. Like Antoinette, she doesn't quite act like an adult despite technically being one. In Sarah's case I chalk it up to living in, quite literally, a fantasy world where she went on adventures with her sisters but got little "real-world" experience or socialization. Her lack of a name for much of her life adds to this.
As for Skeiron? He was a generic soldier in a fleet. Neither Tiamat nor Celestia would have cared when WarMech-3 was built. We can, however, guess from his low unit number that he was probably built a while ago. He can't be older than 10, and probably isn't younger than 7 or 8. I imagine the first WarMech took Celestia a long time, and later ones came faster as she learned how they work.
Well, that's my sperging over when pretend characters were pretend born, whooo. Anyone else have birthday ideas?
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Mr. Evil Midnight VI: The Return of the Revenge Rides Again: Electric Boogaloo
This was Cornwind's idea.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Eternal Deadly Black Suicide Torture City of Gore and Despair
-Deathmurder Dance Club, 10:00 PM-
It's one hour into Friday's DJ set. A weeping woman with needles for eyes spins the turntables, adding a techno beat to the soundtrack of babies being ripped in twain. Dancing along are legions of shambling bodies, railroad spikes jutting through their limbs as they writhe to the music. The screaming of children is like sweet nectar to their ears - those which haven't been eaten away by maggots, anyway.
Suddenly, the DJ screeches louder than usual as her jugular vein bursts from a precision strike. The body collapses, and the dancers descend to feed upon her twitching corpse.
Assassin 1 leaves unseen.
-Back Alley, 10:12 PM-
He appears as a twisting shadow, his gaunt, bony form turning in unnatural ways as he slips from crevice to nook. Stealth Thin Guy raises his twisted limbs, preparing to jam them into a blind old man with a beartrap jammed up his ass, when something wrenches his mouth open and slips down his throat. Stealth Thin Guy screams as the unseen menace carves through him and rips into his lungs. Soon, Assassin 2 burrows out and heads for home.
-The Corner of Grim Street and Dark Avenue, 10:28 PM-
She had been spotted.
Assassin 3 weaves and dodges to avoid the strikes of the chainsaw hammer. Grunting in irritation, the massive suit of powered armor glares at the intruder with black eyes and hoists the hammer again.
Assassin 3 strafed from side to side, looking at the target she was supposed to murder but had failed to ambush properly. A towering eight-foot mass of metal colored a deep red - not from paint, as there wasn't a speck of paint on the armor - but of the caked and dried blood of countless people. Not innocents, though - nobody was innocent in this city. The suit's clawed hands gripped a massive chainhammer, at the tip of which was a skull wearing a ragged and torn straw hat.
The hammer came down hard, creating a small crater on the street, but Assassin 3 had already fled. She was out of her league with this one. The powered armor swung around, looking for trouble, but found nothing. Just herself, bathed in the sickly yellow glow of a dying streetlight.
With nothing to take her anger out on, Sarah the Chaos Lord screamed into the midnight air to try and release the rage.
It didn't work, same as always. Only murder ever stopped the throbbing.
-Junkyard, 10:45 PM-
In contrast to Assassin 3's failed mission, Assassin 4's job went smoothly. By equipping the special device that blocked off the killer from telepathy, it had been shockingly easy to creep up on the Nostronomitron and tear out its pages before gouging out its eye. Assassin 4 congratulated itself on a job well done and melted into the blackness of the night.
-River of Screams, 10: 52 PM-
In went another nail.
Dissecting Sakura Atari was the most fun thing Assassin 5 had done in weeks. It was less fun when her lungs had filled with blood and pus and kept her from screaming any more, though. Oh well.
Another nail.
Gently saw at that rib cage a bit more. Ooh, this rib's getting loose. Twist it around a bit. Take the salt shaker and sprinkle a little more deep into her.
Another nail.
-Abandoned Warehouse. 11:40 PM-
Once Assassin 5 had had her fill, she joined the others at HQ. The floor was a foot thick with the solidified guts and organs of puppies and kittens, and the walls were rotting and studded with bones. A severed leg hang from a nail on the ceiling. Sitting atop a throne of intestines was a crackling, shadowy form. Ever since their leader had tore out and eaten the heart of one Richard Lore, he had been like this. Black lightning popped from his body, and smoky tendrils extended, delicately curling around the throne.
The assassins approached and bowed to their master before giving their status report in a language only the six present could understand. The boss nodded, although he was disapproving of Assassin 3's failure. He barked out an order - Tomorrow, all six of them would strike at the Chaos Lord. She knew about their operation, so she was now a top priority.
If his mandibles had allowed him to, Stag Beetle would grin. No one had ever defeated the Five Mantis Band when they struck together, especially with him at the helm.
(With all of the City of Beasts around lately, it was time to start up the parody machine.)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
FFT - Meet The Team
Tomorrow it will have been one month since I started FFT. I'm pleased with this game's length - I've played it almost every day since I've gotten it but I'm still not finished (although it looks like the end is near). Here's a rundown of the 11 dudes that make up my squadron. The first job class is their primary one, the other is their secondary. (Character spoilers up to and including Chapter 4 below)
Alex (Ramza) the Monk/Squire lv45
Aw yeah, the little midget is a powerhouse. Got a problem? PUNCH IT IN THE FACE. Also making him one of my best guys is that I gave him the Auto Potion reaction ability, so he automatically heals 70 HP every time he's hit. Add onto that Punch Art, Scream, Cheer Up to boost the Brave of fellow units, and probably a hidden strength bonus from the idiot hair and you have an invaluable party member. Which is good considering he has to be present for every storyline battle.
Orlandu the Holy Swordsman/Archer lv43
While I appreciate the brokenness, it's too bad he kind of made Agrias and Meliadoul worthless. I think I'll mostly avoid using him unless I run into a hard battle, so I can have fun with my favorite units instead of just throwing Orlandu at everything and winning.
Meliadoul the Divine Knight/Chemist lv42
Woah. This chick (in addition to having a cool design) is a powerhouse against standard enemies, able to destroy their equipment 100 percent of the time AND deal heavy damage. It's too bad she's mostly powerless against monsters and guys with Maintenance. Still, I like her and I've been using her a lot since I got her. I've considered giving her Jump to make her similar to Izlude,but she'll need a lot of job leveling in random classes before I can do that.
Agrias the Knight/Holy Knight lv38
Man, why is poor Agrias' attack so low compared to the other guys? Ah well, she's still useful.
Leopold the Lancer/Time Mage lv38
LeoBRO here was recruited in the library and proved to be a very capable warrior. His Jump skill and tanking ability made him indispensable for the boss fights against Izlude and Wiegraf later in the library. Despite having less MP than Sarah after healing a Big Bar Brawl's worth of King of Beasts patrons, the two casts of Haste he gets are invaluable and go great with jumping since it works better the faster you are.
Sarah the White Mage/Summoner lv36
As you probably guessed, as soon as I could I recruited a generic named Sarah, made her a Chemist, leveled her until she could class change to "Priest", and left her like that forever after. Yayyyy *muppet arms*. Yesterday I decided to experiment with making her secondary job Summoner instead. The power of the summons seems a little lacking despite a Faith of 70. Hmm. She's also leveling in Punch Art nicely thanks to Alex, and I may try her out as a white mage that punches stuff because that's hilarious.
Elizabeth the Black Mage/White Mage lv33
Elizabeth gets the coveted "died the most times" award. Enemies just will not leave this black mage alone. She has been useful from that start, especially in Chapter 1 when most enemies had no answer to a long-range magic attack. Lately she's been less of a force, but is still a common pick for storyline stages.
Stella the Mediator/Chemist lv28
Of course Stel-Stel is present. She generally comes along for every non-story battle so she can boost stats. She's also kept around in case something worth recruiting shows up, which is rare.
Ariel the Thief/Squire lv26
Getting into a random battle one day, I saw a white mage on the enemy team. I decided to recruit her with Stella in hopes that she'd keep her nifty green robe (she didn't, darn). I made her an Archer for a while since I'd never raised one, then decided to try out the Thief class. She's going to be a ninja, and in fact already has the qualifications, but I wanted to get more JP in Thief so she can be a thieving ninja (She's a Squire so she can get JP from just sitting and Accumulating over and over). It bugs me that so much good stuff is only accessible if you steal it, since I focused on magic users for the majority of my playthrough up until I started getting some decent physical guys.
Gloria the Lancer/Squire lv23
Another low-level character I'm trying to make something out of - in this case, a Dancer, mostly for novelty I guess.
Mustadio the Chemist/Engineer lv16
I kinda stopped using him early on because I had Alex, Agrias, and a handful of generics. He was invaluable for the fight at the Golgorand Execution Site, though.
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - Josephine the Summoner/Chemist lv15
Extremely valuable in the first two chapters of the game, I eventually stopped using Josephine. When the time came to make room in the party for the onslaught of characters that join you in Chapter 4, Josephine was the hardest to let go, but she was sadly unlikely to ever be used again. I also ditched Boco for being laughably useless, the trio of generics you get from Agrias because I was more attached to my own guys, and Rafa and Malak because Cornwind said they sucked and I didn't see anything that would make me go for them over my current suite of monks, swordsmen, mages, and lancers.
PERMANENT DEATHS - None. Nobody dies on my watch.
AWESOME IDEA - There should be a battle where you get to use your entire party. 16 of your units versus a couple dozen enemy units. That would be awesome. Unfortunately I'm pretty certain the max number of dudes you ever get on your side in one fight is seven (five units and two guests, for the few times you have two guests at once)
Alex (Ramza) the Monk/Squire lv45
Aw yeah, the little midget is a powerhouse. Got a problem? PUNCH IT IN THE FACE. Also making him one of my best guys is that I gave him the Auto Potion reaction ability, so he automatically heals 70 HP every time he's hit. Add onto that Punch Art, Scream, Cheer Up to boost the Brave of fellow units, and probably a hidden strength bonus from the idiot hair and you have an invaluable party member. Which is good considering he has to be present for every storyline battle.
Orlandu the Holy Swordsman/Archer lv43
While I appreciate the brokenness, it's too bad he kind of made Agrias and Meliadoul worthless. I think I'll mostly avoid using him unless I run into a hard battle, so I can have fun with my favorite units instead of just throwing Orlandu at everything and winning.
Meliadoul the Divine Knight/Chemist lv42
Woah. This chick (in addition to having a cool design) is a powerhouse against standard enemies, able to destroy their equipment 100 percent of the time AND deal heavy damage. It's too bad she's mostly powerless against monsters and guys with Maintenance. Still, I like her and I've been using her a lot since I got her. I've considered giving her Jump to make her similar to Izlude,but she'll need a lot of job leveling in random classes before I can do that.
Agrias the Knight/Holy Knight lv38
Man, why is poor Agrias' attack so low compared to the other guys? Ah well, she's still useful.
Leopold the Lancer/Time Mage lv38
LeoBRO here was recruited in the library and proved to be a very capable warrior. His Jump skill and tanking ability made him indispensable for the boss fights against Izlude and Wiegraf later in the library. Despite having less MP than Sarah after healing a Big Bar Brawl's worth of King of Beasts patrons, the two casts of Haste he gets are invaluable and go great with jumping since it works better the faster you are.
Sarah the White Mage/Summoner lv36
As you probably guessed, as soon as I could I recruited a generic named Sarah, made her a Chemist, leveled her until she could class change to "Priest", and left her like that forever after. Yayyyy *muppet arms*. Yesterday I decided to experiment with making her secondary job Summoner instead. The power of the summons seems a little lacking despite a Faith of 70. Hmm. She's also leveling in Punch Art nicely thanks to Alex, and I may try her out as a white mage that punches stuff because that's hilarious.
Elizabeth the Black Mage/White Mage lv33
Elizabeth gets the coveted "died the most times" award. Enemies just will not leave this black mage alone. She has been useful from that start, especially in Chapter 1 when most enemies had no answer to a long-range magic attack. Lately she's been less of a force, but is still a common pick for storyline stages.
Stella the Mediator/Chemist lv28
Of course Stel-Stel is present. She generally comes along for every non-story battle so she can boost stats. She's also kept around in case something worth recruiting shows up, which is rare.
Ariel the Thief/Squire lv26
Getting into a random battle one day, I saw a white mage on the enemy team. I decided to recruit her with Stella in hopes that she'd keep her nifty green robe (she didn't, darn). I made her an Archer for a while since I'd never raised one, then decided to try out the Thief class. She's going to be a ninja, and in fact already has the qualifications, but I wanted to get more JP in Thief so she can be a thieving ninja (She's a Squire so she can get JP from just sitting and Accumulating over and over). It bugs me that so much good stuff is only accessible if you steal it, since I focused on magic users for the majority of my playthrough up until I started getting some decent physical guys.
Gloria the Lancer/Squire lv23
Another low-level character I'm trying to make something out of - in this case, a Dancer, mostly for novelty I guess.
Mustadio the Chemist/Engineer lv16
I kinda stopped using him early on because I had Alex, Agrias, and a handful of generics. He was invaluable for the fight at the Golgorand Execution Site, though.
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - Josephine the Summoner/Chemist lv15
Extremely valuable in the first two chapters of the game, I eventually stopped using Josephine. When the time came to make room in the party for the onslaught of characters that join you in Chapter 4, Josephine was the hardest to let go, but she was sadly unlikely to ever be used again. I also ditched Boco for being laughably useless, the trio of generics you get from Agrias because I was more attached to my own guys, and Rafa and Malak because Cornwind said they sucked and I didn't see anything that would make me go for them over my current suite of monks, swordsmen, mages, and lancers.
PERMANENT DEATHS - None. Nobody dies on my watch.
AWESOME IDEA - There should be a battle where you get to use your entire party. 16 of your units versus a couple dozen enemy units. That would be awesome. Unfortunately I'm pretty certain the max number of dudes you ever get on your side in one fight is seven (five units and two guests, for the few times you have two guests at once)
Friday, February 17, 2012
Secret Agent Mantis
There's a gal who leads a life of danger
And her life is always getting stranger
With every move she makes another chance she takes
But odds are she will live to see tomorrow
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Beware of friendly faces that you find
A happy face can hide an evil mind
Aw, be careful what you say. You'll give yourself away.
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Hunting in the Everglades swamp one day
And then stalking through Manhattan on the next day
You think you know the score, but she knows a little more.
The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Secret Agent Mantis!
And her life is always getting stranger
With every move she makes another chance she takes
But odds are she will live to see tomorrow
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Beware of friendly faces that you find
A happy face can hide an evil mind
Aw, be careful what you say. You'll give yourself away.
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Hunting in the Everglades swamp one day
And then stalking through Manhattan on the next day
You think you know the score, but she knows a little more.
The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Secret Agent Mantis!
Before you know she's playing,
She's figured out your game.
Secret Agent Mantis!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Hair is on the Other Head
AT LAST
This was far more difficult to make than it should have been.
Side-by-side poking:
Happy Diabetes Day.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Gameplay and Story Segregation
(Spoilers for the end of Chapter 3 of FFT below. No specific names given, though.)
Sometimes I'm able to overlook when a story treats an event as being a big deal when it could easily be stopped in-game, but this was stretching it a bit.
Event: Friendly NPC is shot by a gun.
What Happened: They died.
But the Problem Is: Guns do like 40 damage a hit.
Event: "Protect the NPC" mission begins (different NPC).
What Happened: Game Over the instant the NPC is out of HP.
But the Problem Is: Sarah is right there.
Event: Dead NPC from earlier is still dead.
What Happened: Second NPC mourns dead NPC.
But the Problem Is: SARAH IS RIGHT THERE.
I tell you, I would freaking love it if a dramatic death scene was interrupted by a character walking over, using a Phoenix Down, and saying "Quit your whining, sheesh." Sort of like what happened at Zoofights during the fourth Lord fragment fight.
Pech: *triess to do emotional death sscene*
Meat Boy: Nope.avi *potion*
Pech: Welp.
Sometimes I'm able to overlook when a story treats an event as being a big deal when it could easily be stopped in-game, but this was stretching it a bit.
Event: Friendly NPC is shot by a gun.
What Happened: They died.
But the Problem Is: Guns do like 40 damage a hit.
Event: "Protect the NPC" mission begins (different NPC).
What Happened: Game Over the instant the NPC is out of HP.
But the Problem Is: Sarah is right there.
Event: Dead NPC from earlier is still dead.
What Happened: Second NPC mourns dead NPC.
But the Problem Is: SARAH IS RIGHT THERE.
I tell you, I would freaking love it if a dramatic death scene was interrupted by a character walking over, using a Phoenix Down, and saying "Quit your whining, sheesh." Sort of like what happened at Zoofights during the fourth Lord fragment fight.
Pech: *triess to do emotional death sscene*
Meat Boy: Nope.avi *potion*
Pech: Welp.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
City of Beasts - Sarah
(Yeah, I wrote one. I was bored.)
How?
How was she caught?
She was usually so good at this. Sneak in, assassinate, sneak out. Simple as that. But she'd let her guard down, and that's when they'd gotten her.
The eight-foot mantis stood bound in a shimmering chain. One end of the chain snaked up into the arm of a fifteen-foot bipedal mech. The mech led the insect down the street, approaching a mansion that was pretty well taken care of compared to most of the city.
Standing at the door was a robot that looked fairly similar to the one that had captured the bug, except it was noticeably smaller - about the height of a human. It stared straight ahead, unmoving, unthinking. Unlike the larger mech, which was manned, this one was automated, and possessed nothing but a simple set of directions and protocols to follow.
The manned mech spoke. It was the voice of an adult woman. She would sound very pleasant if not for the metallic rasp underneath her voice. Having your dying body fused with machinery to keep you alive can do that to you.
Stiffly, the robot shuffled to one side, allowing the mech to lead the insect into the mansion. As the mantis walked forward through the halls, she glanced back and forth at the paintings and photographs lining the walls. There were many portraits, but the one thing they all had in common was that a certain girl was front and center in every single one - often the only subject. The mantid's eyes showed her disgust and contempt. The self-centered little witch.
As they drew closer to an ornate door, they could hear someone on the other side talking much louder than she needed to.
"-unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. You seriously think you can skimp out on us like that? Listen, it's the full 2000 dollars you owe us or else I release the details on that affair of yours."
The mech stopped short of the door, the pilot unwilling to interrupt. The insect captive listened keenly.
"Ms. Atari, please. Show some sense, all right? I don't wanna ruin your career. Whether you're exposed as the person you really are is up to you."
"Ms. Atari, I like you. So I'm gonna cut you a break. I'll give you an extra week. No more. Come back to my office a week from today, 5 PM. If you're late, I'm sending Mommy after you."
An audible gulp.
Light, cheery laughter in response. "Please, call me Sarah. Now get outta here and make some money. Don't disappoint me."
The other woman excused herself and hurriedly left, only stopping to glance in terror at the insect and mecha.
"Oh, you shouldn't have, Mommy! Bring her in!"
The mecha strode into the room, the bug in tow.
"Miss Widow Maker! It's been a long time!"
Sarah Triden, the pampered girlfriend of the mob boss Alexander, was sitting behind a desk beaming at her reluctant guest. She broke eye contact to take a big bite out of a donut from a box on her desk.
Widow Maker looked at the pampered girl with disgust. With her white robe and excess pounds, she looked something like an overstuffed pillow. At the same time, she got the feeling that if Sarah had smiled - genuinely smiled, not this sickly-sweet faux cheeriness - she would be quite pretty despite the weight. There were rumors that Sarah Triden sometimes did smile like that - but only to her boyfriend, when nobody else was around. She seemed to be offended by the presence of anybody else.
"Let's get this shit over with, Sarah." the mantis hissed.
"Oh, Widow Maker. Always business with you, isn't it? No time for small talk."
There went another donut.
"Don't you think you've had enough of those?"
The chains around Widow Maker tightened as an electric shock raced through them. The mantis screeched and sank to her knees.
"I don't think you're in a position to be making fun of people, Widow Maker!" said Sarah, her voice still sounding pleasant but with a very slight hint of barely-restrained rage behind it.
For a moment, nobody said anything.
"I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to Two."
"Pff. You should be glad I got to her before anyone else. I do my work efficiently and as quickly as possible. I'm quite certain she didn't even feel pain before she died."
Sarah's tone finally turned ice-cold. "You killed my sister. Stop trying to sugarcoat it."
"Oh, this is rich. Sarah Triden telling somebody to lay off the sugar."
"ZIP IT."
Widow Maker stayed quiet.
"Do you know how I felt when I was told about her death, Widow Maker? I was very upset."
"She was doomed to die anyway. If I hadn't gotten her, someone else would have. What, would you prefer it if Fang Four had gotten her?"
Mention of Four gave Sarah pause. The color drained from her face.
"W-well..."
"She was a marked woman. Too outspoken. Too straightforward. Talking of uniting the city again, like it used to be, instead of getting some sense and moving out. Someone had to shut her up before she did something dangerous. And compared to what could have happened to her, I did her a goddamn FAVOR."
Sarah remained quiet, her chair creaking as she rocked a little and ate another donut, puzzling things over. At last she sighed and shook her head.
"I guess you're right. So I'm going to make you a deal."
"A deal." Widow Maker repeated skeptically.
"That's right. I'd like an alliance. Can you talk with your friend the spy and focus your efforts elsewhere?"
"What do you mean 'elsewhere'?"
"Just leave me and Alex alone, all right? We won't bother you, you won't bother us, and you're free to focus your efforts on Optimus or Erebus or somebody."
"You know as damn well as I do that Spy couldn't keep an alliance if his life depended on it."
"Well, here's a better idea, then! Align yourself with us completely! Break away from his little gang. I wouldn't be surprised if he was planning on backstabbing you right now. Backstab him first, why don't you."
Widow Maker looked thoughtful.
"What's the catch?"
"No catch! You just work for me and Alex and do whatever we say. But stay with them, so they don't suspect anything."
The mantis took a moment to mull things over.
"Fine. You got a deal. I was planning to do something about that guy anyway. Don't trust him. I'd shake on it but I'm kinda still wrapped in chains here."
"Great! All right, Mom, you can lead her out and let her go."
The mech swung around and led Widow Maker away. Sarah watched them go, a smug smile on her face as she took a swig from a bottle of soda.
"Well! That worked out all right, I guess."
Sarah glanced over at the monitor on her desk, which showed a blip moving down the hall. After a moment, two blips were onscreen instead of one. A message appeared at the top of the screen.
"Good ol' Mom always knows how to keep track of everybody!"
How?
How was she caught?
She was usually so good at this. Sneak in, assassinate, sneak out. Simple as that. But she'd let her guard down, and that's when they'd gotten her.
The eight-foot mantis stood bound in a shimmering chain. One end of the chain snaked up into the arm of a fifteen-foot bipedal mech. The mech led the insect down the street, approaching a mansion that was pretty well taken care of compared to most of the city.
Standing at the door was a robot that looked fairly similar to the one that had captured the bug, except it was noticeably smaller - about the height of a human. It stared straight ahead, unmoving, unthinking. Unlike the larger mech, which was manned, this one was automated, and possessed nothing but a simple set of directions and protocols to follow.
The manned mech spoke. It was the voice of an adult woman. She would sound very pleasant if not for the metallic rasp underneath her voice. Having your dying body fused with machinery to keep you alive can do that to you.
"Let us through, Model 3."
Stiffly, the robot shuffled to one side, allowing the mech to lead the insect into the mansion. As the mantis walked forward through the halls, she glanced back and forth at the paintings and photographs lining the walls. There were many portraits, but the one thing they all had in common was that a certain girl was front and center in every single one - often the only subject. The mantid's eyes showed her disgust and contempt. The self-centered little witch.
As they drew closer to an ornate door, they could hear someone on the other side talking much louder than she needed to.
"-unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. You seriously think you can skimp out on us like that? Listen, it's the full 2000 dollars you owe us or else I release the details on that affair of yours."
"Y-you wouldn't."
The mech stopped short of the door, the pilot unwilling to interrupt. The insect captive listened keenly.
"Ms. Atari, please. Show some sense, all right? I don't wanna ruin your career. Whether you're exposed as the person you really are is up to you."
"I... I don't have it right now, but please-!"
"Ms. Atari, I like you. So I'm gonna cut you a break. I'll give you an extra week. No more. Come back to my office a week from today, 5 PM. If you're late, I'm sending Mommy after you."
An audible gulp.
"Y-yes. Of c-course. Th-thank you, Ms. Triden."
Light, cheery laughter in response. "Please, call me Sarah. Now get outta here and make some money. Don't disappoint me."
The other woman excused herself and hurriedly left, only stopping to glance in terror at the insect and mecha.
"Sarah, sweetie? I've gotten the one you wanted."
"Oh, you shouldn't have, Mommy! Bring her in!"
The mecha strode into the room, the bug in tow.
"Miss Widow Maker! It's been a long time!"
Sarah Triden, the pampered girlfriend of the mob boss Alexander, was sitting behind a desk beaming at her reluctant guest. She broke eye contact to take a big bite out of a donut from a box on her desk.
Widow Maker looked at the pampered girl with disgust. With her white robe and excess pounds, she looked something like an overstuffed pillow. At the same time, she got the feeling that if Sarah had smiled - genuinely smiled, not this sickly-sweet faux cheeriness - she would be quite pretty despite the weight. There were rumors that Sarah Triden sometimes did smile like that - but only to her boyfriend, when nobody else was around. She seemed to be offended by the presence of anybody else.
"Let's get this shit over with, Sarah." the mantis hissed.
"Oh, Widow Maker. Always business with you, isn't it? No time for small talk."
There went another donut.
"Don't you think you've had enough of those?"
The chains around Widow Maker tightened as an electric shock raced through them. The mantis screeched and sank to her knees.
"I don't think you're in a position to be making fun of people, Widow Maker!" said Sarah, her voice still sounding pleasant but with a very slight hint of barely-restrained rage behind it.
For a moment, nobody said anything.
"I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to Two."
"Pff. You should be glad I got to her before anyone else. I do my work efficiently and as quickly as possible. I'm quite certain she didn't even feel pain before she died."
Sarah's tone finally turned ice-cold. "You killed my sister. Stop trying to sugarcoat it."
"Oh, this is rich. Sarah Triden telling somebody to lay off the sugar."
"ZIP IT."
Widow Maker stayed quiet.
"Do you know how I felt when I was told about her death, Widow Maker? I was very upset."
"She was doomed to die anyway. If I hadn't gotten her, someone else would have. What, would you prefer it if Fang Four had gotten her?"
Mention of Four gave Sarah pause. The color drained from her face.
"W-well..."
"She was a marked woman. Too outspoken. Too straightforward. Talking of uniting the city again, like it used to be, instead of getting some sense and moving out. Someone had to shut her up before she did something dangerous. And compared to what could have happened to her, I did her a goddamn FAVOR."
Sarah remained quiet, her chair creaking as she rocked a little and ate another donut, puzzling things over. At last she sighed and shook her head.
"I guess you're right. So I'm going to make you a deal."
"A deal." Widow Maker repeated skeptically.
"That's right. I'd like an alliance. Can you talk with your friend the spy and focus your efforts elsewhere?"
"What do you mean 'elsewhere'?"
"Just leave me and Alex alone, all right? We won't bother you, you won't bother us, and you're free to focus your efforts on Optimus or Erebus or somebody."
"You know as damn well as I do that Spy couldn't keep an alliance if his life depended on it."
"Well, here's a better idea, then! Align yourself with us completely! Break away from his little gang. I wouldn't be surprised if he was planning on backstabbing you right now. Backstab him first, why don't you."
Widow Maker looked thoughtful.
"What's the catch?"
"No catch! You just work for me and Alex and do whatever we say. But stay with them, so they don't suspect anything."
The mantis took a moment to mull things over.
"Fine. You got a deal. I was planning to do something about that guy anyway. Don't trust him. I'd shake on it but I'm kinda still wrapped in chains here."
"Great! All right, Mom, you can lead her out and let her go."
The mech swung around and led Widow Maker away. Sarah watched them go, a smug smile on her face as she took a swig from a bottle of soda.
"Well! That worked out all right, I guess."
Sarah glanced over at the monitor on her desk, which showed a blip moving down the hall. After a moment, two blips were onscreen instead of one. A message appeared at the top of the screen.
"TAG PLANTED."
"Good ol' Mom always knows how to keep track of everybody!"
Thursday, February 9, 2012
FLAVORED. FLAVORED EVERYWHERE.
Oh sweet Elohim above.
I went to the Dollar Tree today and there was "chocolatey" and "chocolate flavored" as far as the eye could see. Those giant, oddly proportioned rabbit bars are back, as are the little boxes that are only heart-shaped from the front. There were yellow hollow duckies, which did a great job of looking intriguing until that terrible "flavored" reared its ugly head. Even the stuff I remember being real chocolate when I was a kid has been remade in flavored form, like those rectangular flat boxes with the six or so little wrapped things shaped like bunnies or snowmen or whatever is appropriate for the season. And in the ultimate insult, I saw chocolate-flavored double crisp. The two things I cannot accept in my chocolate mashed together in an unholy combination of misery and regret.
So many disappointed kids this Easter.
SO MANY.
I went to the Dollar Tree today and there was "chocolatey" and "chocolate flavored" as far as the eye could see. Those giant, oddly proportioned rabbit bars are back, as are the little boxes that are only heart-shaped from the front. There were yellow hollow duckies, which did a great job of looking intriguing until that terrible "flavored" reared its ugly head. Even the stuff I remember being real chocolate when I was a kid has been remade in flavored form, like those rectangular flat boxes with the six or so little wrapped things shaped like bunnies or snowmen or whatever is appropriate for the season. And in the ultimate insult, I saw chocolate-flavored double crisp. The two things I cannot accept in my chocolate mashed together in an unholy combination of misery and regret.
So many disappointed kids this Easter.
SO MANY.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
"I had a good feeling!"
Oh hey, finally found a use for the two knights and squire you get for free at the start of Chapter 2 - I sent them off on the Bar propositions. I'll probably command my other generics to try other propositions, too. I love it when generics get lines, so even if all I can get out of Sarah is "This is the way!" it's better than nothing.
In other FFT news, I fought an orator who took a REALLY LONG TIME to decide his strategy. The first few turns were fine. Then his third or fourth turn came up... and everything stopped. Music kept playing, dudes kept walking in place, but he wasn't doing anything. I actually thought the game had frozen. I was just about to reset when he abruptly moved and attacked with his knife. His next turn after that was much the same. I had to have been waiting for a solid minute for this derp to take his turn. He was probably trollfacing at everybody as they all walked in place.
Alex: GET ON WITH IT
Orator: Ehhhhhhhhhhhh... okay.
In other FFT news, I fought an orator who took a REALLY LONG TIME to decide his strategy. The first few turns were fine. Then his third or fourth turn came up... and everything stopped. Music kept playing, dudes kept walking in place, but he wasn't doing anything. I actually thought the game had frozen. I was just about to reset when he abruptly moved and attacked with his knife. His next turn after that was much the same. I had to have been waiting for a solid minute for this derp to take his turn. He was probably trollfacing at everybody as they all walked in place.
Alex: GET ON WITH IT
Orator: Ehhhhhhhhhhhh... okay.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sarah Saves The Day
Problem: Nasty boss on Final Fantasy Tactics who plans to off the entire party with the Death Sentence status. The clock is ticking and his HP is kept a secret so I can't tell if I can do enough damage!
Solution: HOLY HIS ASS, MOTHERFUCKER. After a punch from AlextheSquire (who knows kung fu) and Gloria and Josephine (black mage and summoner) firing off quick attacks, Holy dealt over 200 damage and ensured the boss was put down in time. Victory milkshakes ensued.
Also, happy belated birthday HarpyKuro. :D
Solution: HOLY HIS ASS, MOTHERFUCKER. After a punch from AlextheSquire (who knows kung fu) and Gloria and Josephine (black mage and summoner) firing off quick attacks, Holy dealt over 200 damage and ensured the boss was put down in time. Victory milkshakes ensued.
Also, happy belated birthday HarpyKuro. :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)