The horrors of "Flavored".

I said I was gonna make this post! I told you dog! Time to educate y'all about one of the worst traps in the world of food.

It's fairly well-agreed upon that chocolate is delicious. Few people would say they don't care for it. Many enjoy it as an occasional feel-good treat. Some people like to put it on their burritos and swim in it. Whatever. But there are companies who prey on this affection for chocolate, and they are sneaky indeed.

If you happen to see a chocolate bar that is particularly cheap for its size, be wary: Most likely, that ain't chocolate. Rather, it is an alien hunk of revulsion I cannot find adequate names for. This is "chocolate flavored", and it is chocolate in name only. The 1998 American Godzilla has more in common with the Japanese Godzilla than "chocolate flavored" has in common with chocolate. I WENT THERE.

It's possible to avoid this trap if you're vigilant, however. Read the package carefully. If it says "CHOCOLATE" in huge letters and "flavored" underneath that, steer clear. Also beware of anything that looks like a chocolate bar but advertises a "chocolatey" taste. Some packages will provide extra detail, such as "milk chocolate flavored". Avoid those, too. If it says "real milk chocolate" or simply "milk chocolate" or "chocolate" with no extra words, it's safe.

Now, I know people have different tastes, so I wouldn't be surprised if there were some "chocolate flavored" fans out there. Still, I think they're in the minority, considering how all the companies making these things try to hide the "flavored" as much as they can without getting sued for false advertising.

Happy holidays. May all your chocolate be genuine.