Chatzy Madness Volume 250: I Want To Kill Old Jumpropeman

(A deathtrap set by a Cornwind villain is destroyed before it can kill anyone)

Cornwind Evil: I dangled the chance for JRM and Sheep to massacre characters and then cruelly snatched it away
Jumpropeman: sadly, Melvin Underbelly would have just gummed up those threshers :(
Maid Sheep: Truly
Maid Sheep: I was going to break the nice Junkos and Eleven Thirtys
Maid Sheep: ...break out
Maid Sheep: clearly, I meant break out

---

iKomodo: I used to really like Harry Potter
iKomodo: but then the movies came along and you could tell the people making them just wanted to make money off of it
iKomodo: so I lost interest. I saw the corporate machine behind the silver screen and got away whilst I could
Jumpropeman: and JK Rowling's been none too kind to her series after the books ended with the same motivations
Jumpropeman: that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them movie could be interesting though
Jumpropeman: since it seems to be an original story at least
iKomodo: I was hype for it, then I found they were stretching it into another fucking trilogy when a standalone film would have done
Jumpropeman: ...no way
iKomodo: and my erection wilted like a Venus flytrap in the presence of a hungry brontosaurus

---

CloudyChao: fun fact of the day
CloudyChao: danbooru is so old, it predates touhou 9
CloudyChao: which came out in 2005
Gooper Blooper: There are a fair few super-old sites now, if by "super-old" you go by, say, 10 years or older
CloudyChao: yeah, it's kind of interesting
CloudyChao: you don't really realize how long the net's been around until you start looking at the age of a lot of popular sites
Gooper Blooper: Youtube is over 10
Gooper Blooper: Chatzy was created in 2001
CloudyChao: >​chatzy is THAT OLD
CloudyChao: holy shit
Bree: chatzy is 15! it's a teenager!
Bree: it can almost drive!
iKomodo: Yaaaaay
Gooper Blooper: well now that I look at it
Gooper Blooper: the site DOES look pretty simplistic/old-fashioned​, does it not
Tiz: kek

Chatzy Madness Volume 249: Outraged Goldfish

Cornwind Evil: I've figured out a Twisted Metal solution
Cornwind Evil: And at the end of Round 3 there will be a SURPRISE in terms of RL stuff
Samoa Dinosaurs: Raspberry is forcibly ejected from the tournament?
Jumpropeman: the surprise is that Cornwind will do the finale entirely on film through charades
DiamondChao: the SURPRISE is that we will get together and do it in real life
Shaman Obssessed Harpy: oh god its a LARP
Jumpropeman: imagine a bunch of people running around pretending to drive cars and blowing raspberries for engine noises
Samoa Dinosaurs: Twisted Metal spoilers:
Samoa Dinosaurs: ​Joshy steals the six human souls and becomes omega joshy
Samoa Dinosaurs: ​Nothing changes
Samoa Dinosaurs: ​He just keeps driving his kratt and competing

---

Jumpropeman: some people say they want to skydive before they die as sort of the "crazy stunt" they do so they don't feel unfulfilled
Jumpropeman: but I want to be
Jumpropeman: a human cannonball
Jumpropeman: and if I can do that
Jumpropeman: I'll die happy
Cornwind Evil: Thing is, anyone can skydive
Cornwind Evil: You need training to be a human cannonball methinks
ivel: that is true
Jumpropeman: i'd be willing
Jumpropeman: I'll put a pot on my head like Guybrush and I should be fine though, right?

---

Cornwind Evil: Hey GB, check it out
Cornwind Evil: It's the forgotten cousin of the Metal Slug series
Cornwind Evil: And what an AMAZING ending!
Gooper Blooper: An old arcade game? You bet your ass it'll have a fantastic ending
Gooper Blooper: they always made sure to make it worth your effort and quarters, and by that I mean CONFLATURATIONS YOU WINNER
Cornwind Evil rolled a die with 21 sides. The die showed: 14
Cornwind Evil: Parsee gives an adequate conflaturation.
Cornwind Evil: ...see, Draco? Now you've got ME doing it
ivel: that ending
ivel: really
Gooper Blooper: Draco has taken control of CW's chatzy handle
Draco: :I
Draco: I did no such thing. *hides the remote control*
Cornwind Evil: Cornwindplot 2016 is cancelled
Bree: hooray!
Draco: More time for Skype.
Bree: I mean uh
Bree: oh no :<
Cornwind Evil: Unfortunately, since I had no wholly set plot, that command inverts on itself
Cornwind Evil: Meaning THE RETURN OF THE SEASONLONG CORNWIND PLOT
Draco: Oh no! Cornwindplot consume all other plots!
Shaman Obssessed Harpy: two season long harplot
Shaman Obssessed Harpy: ye
Shaman Obssessed Harpy rolled a die with 21 sides. The die showed: 1
Shaman Obssessed Harpy: no
Shaman Obssessed Harpy: the dream never hadplen
DiamondChao: wait
DiamondChao: so does that ending
DiamondChao: do they literally just ​restart the game
Gooper Blooper: Oh my, that IS bad
Gooper Blooper: especially for 1994
Gooper Blooper: Pathetic, really

Chatzy Madness Volume 248: We've Shipped Godzilla

Bree: M Sheep: "You were RAD AS CANADA back there!"
-M Sheep: Meiling's a big fan of northern landmasses, apparently
-Gooper Blooper: *hides letty*
Bree: when the hell did meiling say that
Bree: why the hell did meiling say that
StarlightChao: thanking papyrus after meshugah
Bree: that doesn't answer my second question
StarlightChao: i don't know
StarlightChao: you were the one who wrote it
Bree: this is what meiling does
Bree: I write her and then months and months later I'm like "what the fuck, meiling"
Bree: if that doesn't happen then I haven't written her properly I guess

---

Bree: I read an article about The Rock's diet
Bree: he eats like a pound and a half of fish ​per day​
Harpy: sounds like the wicasa diet
Spy: IF YA SUHMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL​
Spy: WHAT THE ROCK
Spy: IS EATING
Bree: he eats other stuff too
Bree: his daily routine involved ​seven​ meals totaling 4,800 calories
StarlightChao: that diet
StarlightChao: it just sounds
StarlightChao: a little
StarlightChao: ...
Harpy: NO
StarlightChao: ...
Harpy: CHAO
StarlightChao: ​fishy
Bree: :IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII​IIIIIIIIIII
Gooper Blooper: JesterChao.txt
Harpy: i'm not inviting you to my christmas party
Spy: DANG
Spy: Its okay Chao
Spy: You can come to mine
Draco: Yeah, you can come to Spy's.
Draco: I'm not having one because I'll be too busy inventing things to feel terrible over.
StarlightChao: like the time you KILLED MY BROTHER
StarlightChao: the one who didn't exist
ivel: Chao
ivel: no
Draco: Why would I feel terrible about that? VB

---

StarlightChao: >​reading through old rp
StarlightChao: >​parsee extolling gluttony's virtues to edea all the way back at the end of may
StarlightChao: forty keks

Chatzy Madness Volume 247: Thành Viên Dóng Góp

M Sheep: "Sarah is short. We all know this".
M Sheep: Thank you for the reminder, narration

---

Jumpropeman: *tries to disable automatic updates on Raven's Cry*
Jumpropeman: the only options are "Always keep this game up to date", "only update when I launch this game" and "High priority- always auto-update this game before others"
Jumpropeman: they REALLY don't want you to have to suffer unpatched Raven's Cry
EclipseChao: but
EclipseChao: but be brave guy ;_;

---

EclipseChao: GB: Oh, JRM's gone for good I think
EclipseChao: a thousand keks
EclipseChao: (reminder that the end of 2012 was the deadliest bullet that we somehow dodged)
EclipseChao: okuu no
iKomodo: Pit: WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT LANGUAGE >:I
iKomodo: SteelKomodo: what a shallow, materialistic fucking jackass
iKomodo: You'll never guess whom I said this about
EclipseChao: yourself?
EclipseChao: dirk?
EclipseChao: JRM?
EclipseChao: the major?
iKomodo: Nope
iKomodo: Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh
EclipseChao: wow, whadda choice
iKomodo: I was watching the Winnie the Pooh thanksgiving special at the time
iKomodo: and it occurred to me just how much of a jackass this one character is when I saw how he condescends to everybody and never learns from his mistakes
iKomodo: like, fuck that guy

---

EclipseChao: "Although the No Limit Soldiers were packaged as a face stable, they failed to connect with the mostly Southern WCW audience. In Master P's first and only appearance on WCW Television, (against the suggestion of the bookers and other wrestlers) he bullied heel wrestler Curt Hennig by rejecting a present he gave to Silkk The Shocker (a custom made cowboy hat) and then assaulting him with a birthday cake. This was perceived as a heel action by the fans and produced a lack of reaction due to confusion because Hennig was a hated heel, but being bullied by a group of people promoted as faces."
Bree: "assaulting him with a birthday cake"
Bree: what even
Bree: how even
Bree: honestly that sounds awesome
iKomodo: I keep thinking of classic Sooty or Chuckle Brothers when I read that
iKomodo: y'know, the old custard pie in the face routine

(later)

A Bit Less Blind: I see Chao is examining WCW stupidity again
A Bit Less Blind: Yes, the No Limit Soldiers vs the West Texas Rednecks are one of the biggest tone deaf moments, though they have competition for like 40 other moments
EclipseChao: i still reread Why WCW Went Out Of Business when i'm on the train sometimes
EclipseChao: it makes for very entertaining reading material

---

Harpy: at this bookstore
Harpy: i got an old cookbook for 3.50
Gooper Blooper: neat
Harpy: 204 recipes to make in 30 minutes
Harpy: ...no, you don't make all of them at once
Harpy: unless you're celestia

Two Weeks

Did you know F-Zero racers can go at normal speeds? It's possible, with the right equipment. Thanks to the ever-handy skills of Josephine's mother Celestia, the Blue Falcon was now street legal. It could drive along on an added set of wheels at a reasonable pace, or - when needed - tuck in the wheels and go right back to its' ludicrously fast ways.

So it was now that Josephine was cruising towards the Las Vegas Strip, her eyes shining with wonder and desire at the neon lights.

In the back seat, Gloria rolled her eyes, her face buried in a book about Las Vegas' history. "You know, Josephine, you got lucky last year. They say the house always wins."

"House didn't beat me."

"It will. You realize that these places couldn't stay in business if the odds were 50/50, let alone in your favor? Keep playing, and you're bound to lose."

"Only if I'm unlucky. And I feel like pressing my luck."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"C'mon, Gloria, loosen up."

"Hey, I'm just looking out for you."

"Ugh, I know, but..." Josephine sighed. "You know something? Everyone in our family has changed except you."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Sarah found herself, and helped us change job classes. And since then, she's matured and grown a lot as a person. I've gained confidence in myself. Ariel's gotten stronger after being tempered by trials like The Society. Mom was freed from Tiamat and found her calling as a baker... and a mechanic, and a theme park owner... sheesh, she does a lot. And Dad... well, he was DEAD! But you're the same old stuffy boring Gloria."

"I resent that." Gloria huffed. "I opened my own library."

"You always wanted to do that. That's not a change."

"I became a summoner!"

"That hasn't changed who YOU are, sis."

"Well, so what? Maybe I like being boring." Gloria said, looking back at her book. "I mean, someone around here has to keep a cool head. You guys are rowdy enough, but this city is like a drug. Especially for you. This family needs a designated driver."

"That's Dad's job. C'mon - you're young, you're experienced, and you're frittering away the best years of your life doing nothing but reading!"

"Reading is fast becoming a lost art. Someone needs to preserve the traditions of the past."

"Okay, look. A couple years ago, Ariel took me to the ZFS King of Beasts to help me come out of my shell and stop caring so much about stupid shit like dress sizes and magazines. Now it's my turn to help someone."

They came to a stoplight. Josephine grimaced briefly at the line of traffic in front of her, but then took the opportunity to turn her head to look at Gloria, and jabbed a finger at her.

"You? You're gonna have fun in Las Vegas."

"I had fun last year."

"You didn't even scratch the surface of the Vegas experience. Well, no more. You're going to see the shows."

"Well, okay."

"And you're gonna gamble."

"Ugh... Must I?"

"And eat at the Heart Attack Grill."

"You wouldn't."

"I would. Gloria, you're getting the full Vegas treatment this year! And you can take that to the bank!"

"The only things I'll be taking to the bank after this are an IOU and raised cholesterol..."

Josephine shook her head, chuckling, and then heard someone honk their horn at her. She hurriedly looked back at the road and saw the cars moving, and the Blue Falcon lurched back into motion. With one hand on the wheel, the chemist flipped on the radio, looking for a station...

Chatzy Madness Volume 246: You Are About To Install Raven's Cry

Jumpropeman: im glad to see Hippaul made chatzy madness
ivel: it would have been madness not to include him
Pulsar Ven: ​. . . ​ ​Madness?​
THIS
*IS*
-trips and falls into pit before finishing-

---

Jumpropeman: any trust I once held for Cornwind has been utterly destroyed
ConstellationChao: is it because he stole your corn
ConstellationChao: your popped corn
Jumpropeman: I looked up the SNES Lion King game when he said it was better, and it turns out: the SNES and Genesis game are exactly the same
ConstellationChao: GASP
ConstellationChao: how ​could​ he
Harpy: i was about to ask "wait is that serious"
Harpy: and then
Gooper Blooper: I knew that already
Harpy: YES THIS IS VERY SERIOUS
Harpy: :U
Jumpropeman: why didn't you tell me Gooper ; o ;
Gooper Blooper: I assumed he was going into full 16-bit console war mode and was comparing minor technical aspects like the music
Pulsar Ven: Oh, the atrocity. Oh, the inhumanity. Oh, the unadulterated wickedness.
Gooper Blooper: "THIS GAME RUNS BETTER ON THE COLECOVISION THAN THE ATARI 2600"

---

Gooper Blooper: I noticed when I looked up Bravely Second on Amazon a minute ago they were offering 20 percent off all new releases
Gooper Blooper: which is pretty crazy if true
Jumpropeman: mhm, that's part of the prime savings
Jumpropeman: that i mentioned
Gooper Blooper: well damn son that's eight bucks off a brand new copy of BS
Gooper Blooper: what can I do with the 18 dollars I'll have left over, hmm...
Gooper Blooper: (I have 50 dollars in amazon gift cards from christmas)
Jumpropeman: I've considered preordering Bravely Second myself too
Harpy: nice
Gooper Blooper: I wasn't going to, I was going to buy on release day, but then I saw the little notification that promises Prime members who preorder will get it on release day
Gooper Blooper: Amazon isn't fucking around here
ConstellationChao: oh
ConstellationChao: oh my
Gooper Blooper: "20 PERCENT OFF STRAIGHT TO YOUR DOOR ON RELEASE DAY. PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, GAMESTOP"

---

Draco quits job to play Bravely Second.
Draco: "Boss, I don't have time to 5S. I need to BS."
Pulsar Ven: Draco no! You'll never afford Bravely Third that way!
Draco: "WAIT, LET ME REPHRASE THAT."

Title Reign

"Your winner, and still VEW Champion... SIIIIIIILENNNNNNNCE!"

Silence raised her arms in victory, standing over the fallen form of Regirock. It had been quite a match, but Silence had managed to come out on top once again. She soaked in the cheers and slowly made her way to the back, where Blade was waiting for her.

"Another fantastic title defense, Silence." Blade gave her a thumbs up, and she responded in kind.

---

Not much later, after Silence had gotten a chance to recover and take a shower, she and Blade were walking home under the neon glow of Vegas. Silence's apartment was nothing to write home about, but it suited them well enough and there was space for both of them.

"So, Silence... Have you been putting any thought into your successor?"

Silence nodded. She had been thinking about it for a while. At some point during the "kobber season", she was most likely going to drop the belt. She'd had a fantastic run so far, having defended successfully against most of the federation plus a few special guests. From December's "Christmas Carnage" PPV to February's "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" PPV, she'd come out on top again and again. But it couldn't last forever. The hard part was picking the right man - or woman - for the job. Silence's role as the face of VEW and her many intense victories (not to mention, of course, her status as the Big Bar Brawl champion) had given the belt an incredible amount of prestige for an indy fed. Whoever took the belt had to be good, real good.

As for that Brawl... she suspected that was another title she'd be losing in the summer, as well. No champion had ever successfully defended their trophy in the Brawl. ROB, Doomrider, General Cleft, and Mac Tonight had all returned the year after their victories for another crack, and all of them had fallen - Mac by Silence's own hand. She wondered if the next champion would take her out as well.

...It was funny. Silence had worked so hard to climb the mountain, and last year she'd done it. She'd won the Brawl, launched her federation, ruled over said federation, and even finally delivered justice to the scum that had mutilated her and sent her on this path in the first place. She'd conquered her fears and achieved her greatest life goals, all in one summer... but now, she would most likely spend this next summer falling back down to earth. Every title reign eventually ended in a loss, one way or another, after all.

But that was okay. Silence didn't mind too much. Nobody could ever take away what she accomplished in 2015, even if she jobbed in every match and Fite she participated in from now until she retired from wrestling. She was content. As for retirement... Silence had been doing rough physical brawling for eight years now. Six years in VEW, a year aboard the ZFS, and then a year here in Vegas participating as both a kobber and a VEW wrestler. Silence knew all too well what happens to a wrestler who stays in the business too long. There was a time when she wouldn't have cared that much, but now that she had her sister back... and a best friend to stick with... she didn't want to ever wind up in that position. No, she would get out of the business in a couple more years, probably. Maybe do something a bit less strenuous, like work as a trainer or a coach. And she could make a mean brownie!

But as nice as that all sounded... Silence wasn't ready to retire. Not yet. She had a fire inside her, a burning determination to succeed. It was the part of her she drew on for her biggest victories. Her showdown with Cauren, when the giantess towered over her and many other people would have crumpled to the ground in despair. Her bloody Extreme Rules match with Sasha Banks, a small but wily opponent who had made Silence a bleeding wreck by the end of their fight. The showdown with The Black Mage atop Luxor, with her friends sharing her rage at a horrible human being. Every time it seemed Silence was down and out, she'd rise up one more time with that fire powering her. And the fire was still burning, even now. It had been five months since she'd last seen most of the kobbers, and she was itching to return to the battlefield, having been consistently unable to show up whenever something DID happen, like the fights that OOO guy she'd heard about kept getting into.

Someday, maybe even soon, she would lose. Her reigns would come to an end, work or shoot. And someday she would stop fighting and settle down.

But Silence was not the sort of girl to go down without a good fight.